Of Magic, Monsters, and Mild Misfortune [ON HIATUS]

Remus, in general, is not a happy person. He has two parents, one who would give him the world, and one that would prefer to see the world burn than to have to look him in the eye, it’s a wonderful dichotomy that he has to live with.

It would be easy to leave, honestly. One day, if Remus were to just pack his bag and get on with it, it would be all too easy. Where he would go, he isn’t sure but still he feels, most days, that it would be worth it, to leave his father and mother alone, without a lycanthropic child to deal with.

So, all in all, no, he is not a very happy child, though he always tries to put on his best act for his mum, she deserves that, at least. His mum is lovely, truly. But after being bitten by a werewolf when he was four and having his father fuck off to spend day and night at the Ministry of Magic, Remus unfortunately pities his mum more than anything. It’s rare to see her smile a true and genuine smile, or to have a day where there aren’t dark circles beneath her eyes. She didn’t ask for this life, and yet Remus has the unfortunate task of being a burden, it’s not a hard role to fulfil, he only wishes it wasn’t his to have.

Which all culminates to it being a rather pleasant surprise when, one Friday in the middle of summer, his Hogwarts letter arrived via owl. It swooped into the kitchen, where the window was open for the light breeze, and dropped the letter on the table before leaving just as swiftly.

At first, Remus didn’t recognize the curly, looping handwriting that adorned the letter, but when he saw the Hogwarts seal the solution to most of these problems seemed all too clear. His mum wouldn’t have to deal with a child werewolf, his dad could come home and spend time with parts of his family he actually loved, and Remus would have the added bonus of getting to learn magic and become a proper wizard.

Of course, there were a multitude of other factors he would have to contend with, werewolf being number one, but receiving the letter had seen half the battle solved already. Remus remembers, years ago, being extremely nervous to even get a letter, he wasn’t sure how the lycanthropy would affect his chances of even being considered for the school. That, however, would be a non-issue, as the letter currently sitting in front of him would prove.

“Was’ that, love?” His mom calls as she enters the room, looking at the letter Remus held in his hands. He stands, letter in hand, and walks over to her.

Hope Lupin is a slight woman, though her personality would suggest anything but. In truth, though, she only stands to around Remus's nose at this point, even though he was only eleven by a few months and certainly not done growing.

He assumed he had his father to thank for his height, as he towered over most other adults whenever he was in a room. The height difference between his parents was not insignificant and very apparent whenever they stood next to each other. His father’s height lended him to seeming extremely powerful, despite his height, it was well suited to him.

Remus, while not overly tall, was still taller than at least half of the other people his age. It was not aided by his wolfish metabolism that left his long and gangly limbs very prominent. He’d yet to grow into the body that had been bestowed upon him.

Nevertheless, he hands the letter over and lets her read it for herself. His mum’s eyes quickly scan down the page. Oddly enough, though, her mouth begins to tug into the tiniest of frowns at the corners. Not the reaction he was expecting.

“But whatever will they do about your…” His mum trails off, never one to overtly confront his multitude of problems, especially when it comes to those of the magical variety. She flips through the other pages, looking for some answer to her question though he’d already done that himself, and there was none.

Remus, undeterred by this, states, “I doubt they would have sent me a letter if they didn’t have measures in place to allow it.” And as he says it aloud, it makes sense, why would they send him a letter if they had no intentions of following through on it? “But I’m if you think it would be an issue you can always write to them?”

Upon this realisation, she almost immediately sits down to pen a letter to the headmaster, Dumbledore. He tries to follow along as she pulls out a pen and piece of paper. However, his mum’s handwriting has never been the easiest to follow, quickly scribbled and all loopy long letters that Remus can’t quite comprehend. He still does his best to decipher as she writes though, it's something to the effect of:

Headmaster Dumbledore,

While I am thrilled at the acceptance of Remus into Hogwarts, I and my husband have a few concerns we would like answered before we feel fully justified in sending our son to your school. First, how would you deal with his lycanthropy? Though we understand you most likely have measures in place, what would they be, in specific terms? While that is the most pressing issue, there are a few other things we would like answered…

The letter goes on, but Remus stops trying to read the words, as it’s begun to give him a headache. He found it particularly annoying the way his mum continually used “we” as if his father gave a toss about what happened to him. He’d probably be jumping for joy at the thought that Remus would be around anymore.

Instead of focusing on that, he lets himself get lost in the warm summer day, hearing the pen as it scratches against the paper, the warm breeze still coming in through the window. While Remus has never been a particularly happy person, he finds himself feeling quite content at the moment.

***

A letter had arrived the next day, also from Hogwarts, by the looks of it, answering his mum’s questions that she’d penned the day before. it was extensive in its detail, which seemed to satiate most of his mum’s worries. Remus didn’t try to read the pages, rather he figured he’d learn of his fate once he reached the school.

A number of weeks later, Remus made his first trip to Diagon Alley, both his parents in tow. It would be the first of many magical encounters for Remus, from taking the floo from Wales to London, to being surrounded by so much magic once they were in magical London. It was overwhelming, to say the least.

Remus supposes his father probably involved more magic in his life before he was bitten, but that was years ago now and he was much too young to remember it properly, if at all. So essentially, this is his first proper introduction to the wizarding world, despite being a half blood.

Every other family there seemed to have had the same idea, stopping by Gringotts to take out money, then going from shop to shop to get the various necessities for school: wand, robes, schoolbooks, parchment and paper.

Remus was mostly oblivious to the details of each purchase. Only really paying attention when his parents asked him a question directly, “What size of robes fit best, darling?” or “Do you care if we buy books second hand?” (The medium extra-long youth robes, with fittings. And no, he didn’t care about secondhand books)

The thing that fascinated Remus the most, actually, was after they had stopped at the ice cream shop for a treat, the crowdedness of the alley and the summer day combined for an all-around warm trip. Ice cream was the perfect solution to this problem.

Still, as Remus was sitting and eating his ice cream with a spoon, he was observing all the people passing through the alley, his parents were talking but he wasn’t listening, words blurring out as he looked out on everything. He noticed, tucked away between another potion ingredients shop and what looked like a surplus supply store, was a music shop.

Naturally, it looked a bit different from the non-magical kind that he was so used to frequenting, but it was music, nevertheless. He didn’t even know that wizards properly had music, assuming that wasn’t really their cup of tea.

Music was one of the few comforts he had at home, his mum having introduced him to all sorts of the classics. He loved sneaking up into the office when his dad was out and getting to put a record on the turntable. He would let the His mum had a whole collection stashed in a hallway closet. His dad, not being particularly fond of music, preferred silence when he was around.

Hence, Remus and his mum got to enjoy this all on their own, something for just them. He liked the simultaneous thought that went into almost all music, but also the ease with which he could get lost in it. Allowing the different voices to wash over him, the bass being felt throughout his body, and the way it all strong together.

He was up and out of his seat in an instant, quickly grasping the coin back that was sitting in the middle of the table, his bowl of ice cream immediately forgotten. Vaguely, he could hear his mum calling out to him but just as quickly he’d exited the patio they were sitting on and was making his way toward the shop.

The crowd jostled him as he went, cutting directly through the flow of pedestrians. Rather abruptly, he found himself standing in front of the shop’s entrance. He read “Wizarding World Network” in a bold font on the front of the store.

As he pushed into the store, there was a musical ding notifying of his entrance. The sounds from outside immediately died away as he stepped inside, the much more muted sound thanks to the plush carpeting beneath his feet.

He stood, in awe, for a number of minutes just taking everything in, from the various radios that were playing at low volume, to the different books that lined shelves around the store. The light was low and warm, a combination of the natural light from the windows, and various lamps set around the store.

“How can I help ya, laddy?” Said a voice, drawing Remus from his observations of the store. Remus turned his head and saw an older man standing behind the counter towards the back and to the side of the shop.

Remus, still at a loss for words, tried to speak, “Just– sorry, I’m, ah, just, just looking around.” He mumbled this rather incoherently and it was lost to the insulated store before it could reach the man.

This, however, did not seem to deter the man as he seemed to have heard Remus perfectly well. Responding with, “Of course, lad, take yer time.” The conversations seemed to be at an end because the man turned back to his work behind the counter. Remus was relieved at this, not one for small talk.

Remus did indeed take his time going from display to display and looking at all the different items. There were all different sizes of radios on display, though they didn’t quite look the way Remus was used to. They had many different knobs, switches, and buttons, but also other things, different directional arrows or areas that looked like live wiring. Remus could only assume this was probably the magical element of the radio that he didn’t understand, for wand movements or something of the like.

Remus didn’t really understand magic, he hadn’t grown up around it the way other half-bloods undoubtedly had. Sure he at least knew of it, which is more than most muggleborns could say, but it wasn’t something he was exposed to frequently.

All this to say, Remus was thoroughly enchanted by the magical music store. He was awed by the thought of getting to listen to wizard music, of getting to try out the various devices, and curate his own collection. Of course, he didn’t exactly have the funds to act on those dreams right now, but in the future, oh the future, he would give everything for it.

For now, though, he settled on looking at the small collection of records that were on display towards the back of the store. He saw all degrees of magical artists, from goblin choirs, to witchy rockstars, Remus had no clue that there was such an extensive array of musical talent in the wizarding world.

After taking probably too long looking at all the different options, he settled on a group apparently called Wizards of Wanton Desires, though the scripted font on the front of the cover made it difficult to puzzle out what it actually said. He didn’t really know what their band name meant, but it sounded cool. The album art too, had caught his eye, four glitz up wizards in sparkling body suits of varying metallic hues. They were on stage, by the looks of it, rocking out. It was different from the sort of music he normally listened to with his mum, he was intrigued though, so the Wizard of Wanton Desires it was.

He took his purchase to the cash register, where the man from earlier was still filing things. Remus, not wanting to interrupt, waited until the man looked to be at a pause before speaking, “Uh...” he started, “I’m ready to check out.”

At the disturbance, the man looked up, then stood and brushed his hands on his knees, moving toward the register to ring Remus up. “Just this today then?” the man said as he took the vinyl from Remus to write up a receipt. He had, however, apparently charmed a quill to do this, because once he set the record down, a quill off to the side immediately began scratching out the details of his purchase.

Remus then realised that he hadn’t answered the man's question, too focused on the back and forth of the pen. “Yes, that’s all” Remus responded finally.

Abstractly, Remus is aware of the fact that his parents are probably wondering where he is, as he has been gone for a considerable amount of time. But frankly, Remus doesn’t give a toss. He feels more alive right now, in the quiet muted ambiance of the music store, than he has in a long time. It’s a welcome change from his ordinarily boring and drab lifestyle.

However, all good things must come to an end eventually, and sooner rather than later the man is finished with his order and Remus is passing over the coins to pay for his purchase. He is out of the shop within minutes and is then aware of just how long he’d spent inside.

The sun has begun to descend from its high perch in the sky and Diagon Alley is far less populated than when he had entered. More pressing, though, is the fact that he can’t spot his parents in a quick glance, they aren;t at the ice cream shop where he abandoned them, nor are they among the stray witches and wizards that are still frequenting the streets.

Remus retraces his steps back to the wall where they had entered and walks back through the open archway into the Leaky Cauldron. He spots them sitting at the bar, his mum looking quite worried, hunched over herself and nursing a drink in her hands. His father, by comparison, seemed quite at ease considering his son had been absent for over an hour at least.

However, upon Remus returning from Diagon, he nudges his wife and begins talking to her. He can overhear them, though only barely over the din of the other patrons. “There he is, told you he would reappear soon enough…”

His mum, upon hearing this, looks up quickly and rushes toward Remus, pulling him into a crushing hug and pull his head down toward her shoulder, rubbing his back and squeezing him tightly.

“Wherever did you run off to? I was so worried, but your father… he said you’d come back but I, well you were gone in an instant and we lost you in the crowd.” His mother prattles on, worries coming off her tongue in droves.

Remus, at this instant, feels quite guilty for having run off, if only for how worried he sees his mum now. He’s not even sure how to begin reassuring her, so instead he pulls the bag from between them, where it was trapped and goes to show her his purchase.

“I’ve bought something. Did you know wizards have music too, I didn’t even think…” He pulls the vinyl from the bag and passes it over to his mum, letting her inspect his purchases.

Usually, he finds it easier to avoid trying to directly diffuse any tension he was with his mum and just divert that energy to somewhere else. It works perfectly well again in this situation. And while she’s distracted by looking at the record, his father pulls him off to the side.

“You cannot run off like that again, it’s too much stress on your mother,” He begins as soon as they are out of earshot of his mum.

“I didn’t mean to. I just saw the shop and I stopped thinking.” Remus tries to explain, as that really is what had happened.

Lyall looks quizzically at his son for only a moment before dismissing him, mild distaste set in his brow, “Do try your best to think in the future, it’ll save you much trouble up at that school, you hear me?”

“Yes, father.” Remus responds robotically. The last time his father had shown any interest in his life was years ago, so he isn’t sure why now seems like the opportune time to get involved.

His father looks like he wants to say more, but Remus doesn’t give him the chance, moving back over to his mum and trying to distract himself in conversation with her.

And that was how the day came to a close, with his mum and him talking about music, him excited to play his new record and his mum excited for her son. His father trailed along behind them, not trying to get involved, per usual. Remus would call the day a success, all in all. They’d gotten what they’d come for and Remus had discovered a new fascination of his.

***

The rest of the summer is quite dull by comparison, they’d gone to Diagon Alley in mid-August, leaving only a few weeks before he was due to take the train to Hogwarts where he would begin his training as a wizard, a daunting thought.

But that time had gone very quickly, and he was now making his way towards Platform 9 and ¾, which he had scoffed at when he’d first seen the ticket and made out the numbers on it.

His father, naturally, was busy with work, so it was just his mum accompanying him to the platform and off to school. They’d run together, pushing the cart with all his belongings, straight through a brick wall that separated platforms nine and ten.

In the station, it was madness. Families were crowded all along the platform. Remus was instantly overstimulated from all the various noises and scents he was picking up. Owls hooting, people chattering, children yelling. And of course, the train in the background, engine chugging monotonously.

He looked up at the clock by the platform sign and saw that there was only ten minutes or so before the train was due to leave. Hastily, he pushed the cart towards one end of the train where there seemed to be a large assortment of other people’s belongings. He didn’t really know what to do with everything, so he just left it there, grabbing his personal suitcase from the top of the pile.

It was an old, tattered thing his mum had pulled from the depths of the storage closet, but it had enough room to hold his wand, robes, and a snack for the journey; everything he’d want to have easily accessible. He thought about putting a book in as well, but he didn’t particularly want to struggle through reading and left the books to be packed in his trunk with the rest of his things.

He made his way back over to his mum, who was waiting near the back of the platform by the wall they had entered through. This would probably be the hardest part, saying goodbye, but after she’d be free to enjoy her time without a bothersome son to be taking care of.

“Almost time to go then?” His mum questioned as he came back to stand by her side.

“Yeah just a few minutes I think, I should probably, ah, get on soon and find somewhere to sit.” Remus didn’t know why he felt so nervous to speak at the moment, but all too soon, he figured, he’d be off, and they wouldn’t see each other for months.

“Right, well in that case, I've a gift for you. It’s something new, apparently wizarding folk are ahead of the curve when it comes to music.” She began to hand him a bag, Remus hadn’t even realised she’d been holding anything.

As he opened the gift, he found a pair of headphones, a few cassette tapes, and what looked like a portable player for them. “It’s a portable cassette player. Your father and I went back to the shops and stopped in at that music store you were telling me about. Lots of fun gadgets but I figured you’d like this best.” She took the player out of his hands and plugged the headphones in. “I had to ask the clerk to modify it slightly so that you’d be able to use headphones to listen. I assume there are spells and things you can learn but that’s in the future.”

Once she’d finished, she placed the headphones on his head and put a cassette in to play. He recognized at once the haunting chords on the guitar from the Wizards of Wanton Desires. He’d played the record more times than he could count in the weeks since he’d gotten it.

He looked through the other cassettes she’d gotten for him. Mostly muggle bands and artists he’d grown fond of over the years. But a few new things as well; David Bowie, a band called T.Rex, and a few wizarding ones as well.

“There was a catalogue at the store too, I flipped through it and figured you might enjoy some new things too. There was a bin of non-wizarding music that I looked through. The clerk had lots of knowledge of magical and non-magical music alike. He suggested these based on the band you bought last time.”

Remus was at a genuine loss for words, he rarely received thoughtful gifts like this. He got things for his birthday and Christmas, but never much beyond that. And they were never this thoughtful, usually jus things he needed like new clothes or shoes. So really, this was in an entirely different category of gifts.

Since he couldn’t even think of words to describe how he was feeling, he settled on pulling his mum into a hug, “Thank you,” he said though it didn’t even begin to feel like enough.

“Of course, love,” Hi mum said, stepping away. Remus pulled the headphones down to his neck, to listen as she spoke, “You best get going, curl up in a compartment with some good music. But do try and make a couple of friends”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek and that was that. ‘Goodbye’ felt too formal, and ‘I miss you’ too sappy. So, he gave a wave as he began to walk toward the train, cassette player in one hand, gift bag and suitcase in the other.