Chapter 6
As Colet sat there on the cold floor of her condo, the weight of her decision pressing down on her, she tried to remind herself why she did it—why she chose this path.
This was the opportunity.
She had been invited to perform as a guest act at the concert of KZ Tandingan, one of the most successful Bisaya singers of this generation. It wasn’t just any gig—it was KZ Tandingan’s concert. KZ, who had redefined OPM with her own artistry, who had paved the way and had proven that Bisaya artists belong in the mainstream.
To be invited meant something.
It meant people were starting to see Colet beyond just being a member of a P-Pop group. Now, she was finally being seen. Artists—established ones—were acknowledging her.
This meant more than just a performance; it was a validation of her individual artistry.
It was a sign that the industry believed in her, that she had the potential to carve her own path.
And she knew—God, she knew—that her father would be so proud.
A musician himself, her dad had spent his whole life chasing this dream, only to be met with closed doors. He had always believed Colet could go further than he ever did, and now, here she was—standing at the threshold of something bigger than she had ever imagined.
This was everything she had worked for. Everything she had sacrificed for. But at what cost?
Because as much as this opportunity meant to her, the pain of letting go of Jhoanna overshadowed it all. What was the point of reaching for the stars if, in doing so, she had to leave behind the person who made the journey worth it?
Her tears blurred her vision as she clutched her chest, the ache in her heart making it hard to breathe.
She wanted Jhoanna. She wanted them. She wanted to wake up next to her, to hold her hand, to love her without fear, without hesitation.
But reality didn’t work that way.
Because in this industry, love—at least the kind she wanted—was a risk. And not just for her. For Jhoanna. For the group. For the entire P-Pop industry that was still fighting to be taken seriously.
The world was changing, sure.
The Philippines had been slowly opening its mind to the LGBTQ+ community.
But showbiz? That was a whole different battlefield.
Two women in a rising girl group—the nation’s girl group—wouldn’t just be another love story.
It would be a controversy.
A scandal.
And even if only 30% of people retaliated, even if the backlash was small, it would still be enough to shake everything they had worked for.
And what if their careers suffered?
What if it affected their group's success?
What if it made it harder for other P-Pop groups to break through?
She couldn’t bear to be the reason why everything fell apart.
The risk was too big. The uncertainty was too much to handle. And she wasn’t strong enough to fight for both her love and her dream.
So, she chose the dream.
Or at least, that’s what she kept telling herself.
But if this was truly what she wanted, then why did it feel like she had just lost the most important part of herself?
Colet clutched her chest, the pain so deep it was suffocating.
"Jho…" she whispered brokenly, as if saying her name could somehow bring her back.
But there was nothing but silence. And the silence made it real. Letting go of Jhoanna would be the one thing she would never forgive herself for.
And yet, she had done it anyway.
She had made her choice.
But why did it feel like she had lost something she could never get back?
A soft knock echoed in the quiet room, followed by the sound of keys jingling as the door creaked open.
Colet didn’t need to look to know who it was.
She didn’t move, didn’t wipe the tears staining her cheeks—she just lay there on the couch, curled up, drowning in the weight of her emotions.
“Ate Col…”
She felt a pair of small arms wrap around her, a gentle hand rubbing slow circles on her back. That was all it took for her to break down again.
“Shee…” Colet sobbed, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Shh… iiyak mo lang,” Sheena murmured, holding her tighter.
She didn’t offer words of reassurance, no empty promises that things would get better—just quiet, unwavering presence.
Colet couldn’t put into words how much she appreciated it.
Sheena had always been special to her.
Out of all the girls, she had a different kind of closeness with the youngest. Maybe it was because they had lived together for a few months after moving out of the BINI house, or maybe it was because, despite Sheena being the bunso, Colet saw her as someone strong—someone she could lean on just as much as she protected her.
But she never expected this. Never imagined that Sheena would be here, comforting her over something she had never even spoken about.
Because she hadn't told anyone about her and Jhoanna.
But, then again, she never really needed to.
“Akala niyo kasi ang gagaling niyo magtago,” Sheena had told her weeks ago, when she found Colet crying alone outside the dance studio.
“Eh nakalimutan niyo ata kung gaano ako ka-observant.”
Colet had tried to play it off back then.
"Observant ka diyan, baka chismosa ka lang talaga," she had shot back, forcing a laugh through her tears.
“True naman,” Sheena had replied easily, a knowing smile on her lips.
“Pero Ate Col, kilalang-kilala ko kayo ni Ate Jho.”
Then, without warning, Sheena had hugged her.
It was a rare thing—Sheena wasn’t the clingy type, at least not to anyone except Gwen. Colet had been too surprised to react at first, but when she felt Sheena tighten her grip, she had let herself melt into the embrace, holding onto her like an anchor.
Now, as Sheena handed her a glass of water and settled beside her on the couch, she asked,
“Ano bang nangyari, Ate?”
Colet stared at the glass in her hands, watching the water ripple slightly as she exhaled.
“Nag-usap kami, Shee.”
Sheena didn’t say anything, just looked at her with patient eyes, silently telling her to take her time.
Colet let out a breathy chuckle, shaking her head.
“Ang hirap, tsaka ang awkward nung una, potek.”
Sheena gave a small smile, waiting.
“She said she was okay,” Colet continued, voice quieter now.
“Pero kilala ko siya, Shee. Kanina, sa malapitan, nakita ko yung mga nagbago sa kanya. Kung paano niya pilit na pinapakita na okay siya kahit hindi.”
She swallowed the lump in her throat, gripping the glass tighter.
“Pero alam mo kung ano pinaka—” Her voice broke, and she bit her lip, forcing herself to keep talking.
“Nag-congrats pa siya sa akin, Shee. Sabi niya naniniwala siya sa’kin. Sabi niya, deserve ko raw ma-invite.”
Colet let out a shaky breath, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Ang sakit, Shee. Ang sakit kasi kahit siya na yung nasaktan, siya pa rin yung unang bumati sa’kin. Siya pa rin yung laging nagbibigay.”
She wiped at her face, but the tears wouldn’t stop.
“Nag-sorry na naman ako,” she continued, voice trembling. “Pero sabi niya, kung kaya ko raw, bigyan ko siya ng space. Kasi nahihirapan daw siya.”
Colet’s chest tightened as she let the words settle between them.
“Araw-araw ba naman kasi ginawa ng Diyos, magkasama kami,” she whispered, voice breaking completely now. “Nahihirapan din ako, Shee.”
And Sheena, the one person who had been silently watching, silently knowing, did the only thing she could do—she pulled Colet back into her arms, holding her through the pain.
Sheena sighed, her own chest tightening at the sight of Colet breaking down in front of her. She had always looked up to Colet, admired her strength, her passion, the way she carried herself like nothing could break her. But now, seeing her like this—shattered, lost, hurting—Sheena realized that even the strongest people have limits.
She reached for Colet’s hand, squeezing it gently.
“Ate Col… alam ko mahirap.” Her voice was quiet but firm.
“Alam ko masakit.”
Colet let out a soft, bitter laugh, shaking her head.
“Hindi mo naiintindihan, Shee.”
Sheena didn’t argue. Instead, she just held on tighter.
“Hindi ko man maintindihan nang buo, pero nakikita ko.”
Colet swallowed hard, forcing herself to keep talking, because if she didn’t, she might drown in the silence.
“Shee… mahal ko siya.” Her voice cracked.
“At alam kong mahal pa rin niya ako.”
Sheena stayed quiet, letting Colet speak.
“Pero hindi puwedeng kami.” Colet wiped at her face, frustration and sorrow blending together.
“Hindi ko kaya ‘yung risk, hindi ko kaya ‘yung posibilidad na masaktan hindi lang ako, hindi lang si Jho, pero pati kayong lahat. Pati yung grupo.”
Sheena exhaled, processing her words before speaking.
“Ate Col… naiintindihan ko kung bakit ka natatakot. Naiintindihan ko kung bakit mo ‘to ginawa. Pero ang tanong… kaya mo bang mabuhay nang wala siya?”
Colet squeezed her eyes shut, letting out a shaky breath.
“Wala naman akong choice, diba?”
Sheena frowned, sadness clouding her eyes.
“Lagi kang may choice, Ate.”
“Hindi ito tungkol sa akin lang, Shee,” Colet said, frustration evident in her tone.
“Kung ako lang ‘to, kung si Jho lang ‘to, siguro lalaban ako. Pero hindi lang kami yung apektado.” She sniffled, rubbing at her tired eyes.
“Wala akong karapatang dalhin sa kanya ‘yung gulo na puwedeng mangyari. Mahal ko siya, kaya mas pipiliin ko na masaktan kesa mahila siya sa bagay na hindi pa siya handa.”
Sheena stared at her, eyes filled with something unreadable. Then, she shook her head.
“Ang labo niyo.”
Colet let out a small, humorless chuckle.
“Alam ko.”
Sheena sighed, leaning back against the couch.
“Alam mo, Ate Col… kahit anong sabihin ko, kahit anong advice ibigay ko, sa huli ikaw pa rin ang magde-desisyon para sa sarili mo. Hindi kita pipilitin.”
Sheena turned her head to look at her. “Pero sana, huwag mong ipagdamot sa sarili mo ‘yung kaligayahan mo.”
Colet blinked, staring at her.
“Kasi sa totoo lang, Ate…” Sheena’s voice softened.
“Nakikita ko, eh. Nakikita ko kung gaano mo siya kamahal. At nakikita ko rin kung paano mo pinipilit paniwalain ang sarili mong tama ‘yung ginagawa mo.”
Colet opened her mouth, but no words came out.
Sheena gave her a sad smile. “Ayoko lang na dumating ‘yung araw na pagsisihan mo ‘to.”
Silence stretched between them, heavy yet comforting in its own way.
Then, Sheena sighed and stood up, stretching her arms.
“Halika na, kumain ka na. Halos isang oras ka nang umiiyak diyan.”
Colet sniffled, blinking at her.
“Shee, ang bigat ng usapan tapos biglang pagkain?”
Sheena rolled her eyes, crossing her arms.
“Eh ano pang gagawin natin? Iiyak na lang tayo buong gabi? Hindi ko man kayang ayusin lahat ng problema mo, pero at least sisiguraduhin kung di tayo man lang tayo malipasan ng gutom.”
A small, tired smile tugged at Colet’s lips. “Grabe ka namang mag-comfort.”
Sheena smirked. “Ako na to eh.”
Colet shook her head, but for the first time that night, she let out a genuine laugh—weak, broken, but real.
And maybe, just maybe, that was enough for now.