Chapter 1
"Jho, itigil na natin 'to."
Jhoanna froze, her hand gripping the wooden spoon mid-stir, the aroma of simmering adobo filling the small kitchen.
It felt like everything around her dulled, like someone had pressed mute on the world. The sizzle of the pan faded, the weight of the moment pressing on her chest.
And yet, as if grasping for clarity, she let out a faint—
"Ha?"
She heard it. She knew she did. But some foolish part of her wished she hadn’t.
"Itigil na natin, Jho," Colet said again, more firmly this time.
There was a sharp ringing in Jhoanna’s ears, a deafening silence that swallowed everything else.
Ito na nga ba 'yon?
Her heartbeat pounded, heavy and erratic, like it was desperately trying to hold itself together even as it cracked apart.
"Bakit?"
One word. One plea. It was all she could manage.
Colet’s voice wavered, thick with unshed tears.
"Jho, hindi ko na kaya. The risk is too big. We have upcoming contracts, brand endorsements, collaborations with big names… Hindi ko kayang itaya ‘to, Jho. Alam mo ‘yon. Alam mo kung gaano kahalaga ‘to sa'kin. Ang mga kapatid ko, si Papa—hindi ko pa kaya."
Tears traced down her cheeks, her lips trembling as she forced herself to keep going.
"Jho, sorry. Patawarin mo ako. Hindi talaga eh. Hindi ko pa kaya. Duwag pa ako, Jho."
The words gutted Jhoanna. Duwag? That wasn’t fair.
She clenched her fists, nails digging into her palms, willing herself to stay calm—to be the rational one. But her voice cracked, betraying the war inside her.
"Ga, nakakaya naman nating itago, diba? Pitong buwan na tayong ganito. Dalawang taon tayong nagpaikot-ikot sa nararamdaman natin. We made it work. Bakit kailangan mo akong bitiwan? Bakit mo ako iniiwan?"
Colet turned away, wiping at her eyes.
"Yun na nga, Jho. Ang dami na nating pinagdaanan. Ang dami na rin pinagdaanan ng BINI. Ngayon na mas maraming mata ang nakatingin sa atin… It's just a matter of time bago nila malaman. At kapag nalaman nila, are we really willing to let the girls suffer because of our choices?"
Jhoanna let out a bitter laugh, a desperate attempt to mask the pain sinking its claws into her chest.
"Bakit mo ba pinapangunahan ang lahat? Paano kung hindi naman gano’n kasama ang magiging reaksyon ng mga tao, ng fans? Paano kung tanggapin nila tayo?"
Colet winced at the hope in Jhoanna’s voice. Hope she couldn’t afford to have.
"Jho, it’s a 50-50 chance. Oo, may posibilidad na tanggapin nila tayo. Na suportahan nila tayo. Pero paano kung hindi? Paano kung mawala sa atin ang lahat? Alam mo ang cancel culture sa bansa natin, Jho. Alam mo kung gaano kabilis magbago ang ihip ng hangin. Hindi lang tayo ang tatamaan. Pamilya ko… sila ang unang maaapektuhan.
Her voice broke, her body shaking from the weight of it all.
"Dalawa sa kapatid ko gusto mag-aral abroad. Ito lang ang paraan para maibigay ko ‘yon sa kanila. Si Papa… hindi na siya bumabata, Jho. Hindi na rin siya kasing lakas noon. Hindi ko pwedeng ipagsapalaran ‘to."
Jhoanna could barely breathe past the lump in her throat.
"Ga, tutulungan naman kita. Kahati tayo sa lahat ng ‘to. Hindi mo kailangang dalhin ‘to mag-isa. Let take some of it, I can take it Ga, I will help you. Just take a chance on us. Take a chance on me, please."
Colet shook her head, voice barely above a whisper.
"That's ridiculous, Jho. Hindi ko kayang ibigay sayo ang mga problema ko. Hindi ko kayang gawin sa’yo ‘yan."
"So ano ang kaya mong gawin para sa'kin, Col?" Jhoanna’s voice wavered, eyes searching Colet’s, desperate for something—anything—to hold onto.
Both of them were breaking.
The kind of pain that didn’t just settle in the heart, but spread—crawling under the skin, twisting in the gut, pressing into the bones until it became unbearable.
Then, softer this time, almost a whisper—
"Masyado bang makasarili kung sabihin na ako ang piliin mo?"
Colet lowered her head, silent.
Jhoanna let out a shaky breath.
"Alam mo, ang dami rin pwedeng mawala sa'kin, pero pipiliin kong ipaglaban ‘to. Kasi tayo ‘to, Col. Tayo ‘to, eh. Bakit hindi mo ako kayang ipaglaban?"
Colet sobbed, her entire body trembling.
"I'm sorry, Jho. I'm so sorry. Mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita."
Jhoanna let out a breathless laugh, one filled with so much pain it barely sounded human.
"At hindi ‘yan pagmamahal na yan ay di pa rin sapat para ipaglaban mo tayo."
Colet squeezed her eyes shut. If only love was enough. If only life was as simple as holding on to the person you loved most.
"Kung kaya ko lang bitiwan lahat, Jho…" Her voice cracked, barely making it past her lips.
"Pero hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang makita ang pamilya kong bumalik sa dati. If only I can choose myself, I would. Because choosing myself would mean choosing us. Pero hindi ko pa kaya ngayon."
Silence.
Jhoanna swallowed the sob threatening to break free, blinking up at the ceiling as if it could stop the tears from falling.
"Naiintindihan kita, Colet. Naiintindihan ko… Ang sakit lang. Ang sakit-sakit."
Her knees felt weak, her body heavy as she walked towards the couch where Colet sat, her shoulders shaking.
Slowly, hesitantly, Jhoanna pulled her into an embrace. And for a moment, they just held each other, crying into each other’s arms.
Nothing filled the room but their sobs—the quiet, gut-wrenching sound of two people loving each other but unable to stay together.
Colet cupped Jhoanna’s face, her thumbs tracing the shape of her lips, the curve of her jaw, the arch of her nose.
As if memorizing her.
As if this was the last time.
Jhoanna closed her eyes, letting herself drown in the warmth of Colet’s touch, carving it into her memory.
When she opened them, they stared at each other—mahal na mahal kita—but pain was written all over their faces.
Colet leaned in. Jhoanna let her.
The kiss was slow, soft, and full of everything they could no longer say.
It tasted of love and heartbreak, of promises unfulfilled and futures they could never have.
Jhoanna let out a broken sob, and the tears wouldn’t stop, not even as their lips remained connected.
When it ended, Jhoanna turned away and walked into her bedroom, shutting the door behind her.
Colet stayed on the couch, burying her face in her hands as she cried.
And in the quiet of Jhoanna’s small condo, love shattered into a thousand pieces.