Chapter 5
Honestly, as soon as Sirius had heard that first bar and recognised it as his song, all plans to talk to Remus went out the window.
And when Remus made eye contact with him, his face immediately dropping, Sirius knew he had to get out of there.
He ignored the girls, and stormed straight out of the pub. He wandered through the town until he got to a bar he hadn’t seen before.
He didn’t get back to the hotel till coming on two the next morning, well and truly plastered.
Thankfully, he was so drunk that he had no trouble falling asleep, and stayed firmly passed out until gone noon.
When he finally comes to, it takes all of thirty seconds for the previous night’s events to catch up on him.
The hangover arrives almost immediately after, and he flops back down on the bed, hiding under the covers.
He can’t get back to sleep, so he does the only thing he can do: think about Remus.
He thinks through many possibilities, and he still can’t work out how or why last night had happened.
Eventually, his bladder forces him to get up and stagger to his bathroom, where he takes a shower. That helps a little, but not much. He still has a raging headache. He finds some painkillers and some water, and goes in search of his phone.
When he eventually finds it (in his shoe, why was it in his shoe?) it is dead, so he plugs it into the wall and curls back up in bed whilst he waits for it to reboot.
When it does switch on, he finds a plethora of notifications, both from James and the girls.
The girls were just asking him if he’s ok, which is fair: he had run off and not spoken to them since. He sends a quick text letting them know he’s alive, before turning to James’ messages.
James:Yes pls
James:Is it done now?
James:How was it?
James:Did you get him to speak to you?
James:Sirius?
James:You there?
James:If you don’t reply in 24 hours I’m gonna have to come down there and find you myself
James:And that’s a promise
Shit. Poor James, Sirius had completely forgotten about him. The messages are spread apart, the earlier ones from last night, and the most recent from an hour ago. Conveniently, Sirius’ head is beginning to throb, so he’s going to keep it brief. In the haze of the previous night’s memories, he vaguely remembers setting his phone to video. That’ll be why it was dead, then. He clicks on to his camera roll, and sure enough, the whole thing is on video. He can’t bring himself to watch it all the way through, so he slips to the end to see how long it went on for. It cuts out right as Sirius grabbed his phone and stormed out of the pub.
In way of greeting, Sirius merely sends the whole video across to James. That’ll give him a better view of what’s happening, anyway.
James responds twenty minutes later, obviously after he’s watched and processed the video.
James:oOo so he plays guitar aswell
James:why is it that he’s good at everything??
James:songwriting, too. They were great.
Sirius sighs. Only James could be so naïve and clueless.
Sirius:James.
James:Shit
James:Are they abt you
James:I take it you didn’t speak to him then
Well, he finally got it. Although, Sirius wouldn’t be surprised if he’d shown the video to his girlfriend, and she’d worked it out. She seemed like the smart kind, she is supposedly Remus’ friend after all. However, she is dating James, so maybe she’s not that smart. His head hurts too much to be thinking this much. Oh, Sirius really shouldn’t have drunk so much last night. He groans, as he tried to blink the phone screen back into focus.
Sirius:Yes, and no, absolutely not
Sirius:James I fucking wrote the music to that first song
Sirius:I gave it to him as a gift’
James:Fuck
James:That’s bad
Sirius:Yea no shit Sherlock
James:What’re u gonna do about it then
Sirius:Nothing
James:Sirius!
Sirius:If I were to do something, it wouldn’t be now, anyway
Sirius:May head hurts too much to think about stuff like this
Sirius:So, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to bed
James:What the fuck do u mean ur going back to bed?
James:It’s three in the fucking afternoon
Sirius:is it?
Sirius:oh so it is
Sirius:well, bye then. I might text you when I wake up
James:…are you hungover
Sirius:Yea, so please, let me go to bed
James:Sirius black, you complete and utter idiot.
Sirius rolls his eyes, knowing James will have plenty of questions, but decides they can wait until he can actually focus on anything for more than five minutes.
~
Remus seriously hates himself right now.
In what world would it ever have been a good idea to play those songs when he knows Sirius is back in town?
He should never have played them in the first place.
He should never have stayed here; he should have gone back home, to his parents.
He’s not heard anything from Sirius. He can’t decide what to make of that.
He’s been ignoring the girls, as well. He hasn’t read any of the many texts they’ve sent him in the past two days.
After the gig, he’d packed his things up as quickly as humanly possible. The girls had waited, they had plans to go and get very drunk. But Remus just brushed past them, telling them he had to go. He got a taxi back home, where he locked himself in his flat and drank all the alcohol he had.
He regretted that the next day, obviously, but not as much as he regretted the songs. Objectively, he knows he’d done well and they’d been a big hit, but he doesn’t think he’ll be able to play them or anything like it again. Not unless he sorts his shit with Sirius out, which is extremely unlikely to happen. So much for them being a gateway to more songwriting.
Now, his part at the exhibition is tomorrow, and he hasn’t done any more work on his piece. He’s already finished it, but he meant to go back and check it.
Since he’d run out of alcohol, he’s spent his days chain smoking, only leaving the flat to go to work. He’s resisted the urge to turn back to alcohol, if only because it would affect other things in his life. He can’t afford to lose any of his jobs, not now.
Remus himself is certainly not going to reach out to Sirius. In fact, he’s perfectly content to let Sirius spend his two weeks or whatever it was here, and go back to wherever the fuck he’s been living. Then, Remus won’t have to see him again, and he can go back to what it has been like these last few years.
Of course, fate has other plans.
Remus wakes up early, even for him, on the morning of the exhibition. Finally, he has something to distract him from everything that has been happening. Today, he will be presenting his photos, as part of the small amateur photography group he joined, in hopes of getting a bit more cash in. The second day of the exhibition, he will be doing his other job: a journalist. He’s going to walk around the art gallery, taking photos he can put in his article, and videos for the gallery website. As a result of that, he will then spend a few days writing his articles to be published as soon as possible.
On a spur of enthusiasm, Remus gets ready and heads straight down to his studio space. He already knows he won’t change his piece, but he won’t settle without checking over it so he can feel more prepared.
He spends the two hours before the event starts pottering around with his various hobbies and jobs, although anything to do with music stays firmly packed away.
Once he arrives at the art gallery, which is one of the main attractions in the small town, he immediately sets up his project with the rest of the group. He chats easily to Mary and Marlene, and their other friends. Remus is careful not to catch the girls alone, not eager to talk about Wednesday night, at the pub. They keep taking turns trying to catch his eye, but he pointedly ignores them.
Once everyone is completely set up, there’s still just over half an hour until the visitors will arrive, and one of the others suggests they go and look around at the other pieces. Everyone else has been doing it, there’s been a constant stream of other artists milling past.
So round they go, in a big, laughing group. Most of them really enjoy looking at the other impressive art, but it makes Remus feel extremely novice.
The last place they enter, the room next to where the group is set up, is the room that reminds Remus the most of Sirius.
So, he really shouldn’t be surprised to see Sirius sitting in the corner, next to some art that is definitely his, looking infinitely bored.
Beside him, Marlene gives a strangled gasp, and Remus assumes she’s seen him too. But then Sirius’ face lights up slightly as two people approach him. Remus realises with a jolt that all the times he’s thought he’s seen Sirius recently, it was him with these two girls. Then they turn, and Remus recognises one of them as Dorcas, and realises Marlene hadn’t seen Sirius. Well, she will have now.
Then Remus remembers their conversation with Dorcas, and pales. Mary had told her about him seeing Sirius, as well as his feelings towards him, past and present. Then Dorcas had said that her friend had a crush on Remus. It had to be the other girl, the dreamy looking blonde one.
Just then, Mary notices the predicament that her two friends are in, seems to contemplate her options, before coming to the conclusion that she should get them away from here. Fast.
Once they’re safely back by their projects, they turn to each other.
“Dorcas is Sirius’ friend. She had to know-I bet that’s why she came and spoke to us at-“ Remus cuts himself off, voice breaking with embarrassment.
“We know. We were trying to tell you, but you didn’t pick up your bloody phone,” Mary says.
“How the fuck did you know that?”
“After you left. Actually, they came over whilst you were packing away, I don’t think you noticed them though. You seemed rather distracted…” Marlene says, mind clearly still elsewhere.
“Fucking hell. And before you try anything, I am not speaking to him.”
“Oh, come on, Remus. He obviously still has feelings for you, and you’ll regret it if you don’t talk to him before he leaves,” Mary pouts.
Remus stares at her for a moment, before dropping his eyes and sighing. “I don’t want to speak to him like this. Another accidental encounter. I’d prefer it to be…I dunno, just different.”
“Okay Remus. As long as you promise me that you will sort this out?” Marlene says softly, and Remus merely nods in response.
~
Sirius thinks something has happened. Something to do with Remus, most likely. Everything seems to be to do with Remus at the moment.
Pandora and Dorcas keeps exchanging worried glances. Thankfully, so far, they haven’t brought up the pub, or Remus, and he’s grateful for that. Still, their conversations are awkward and stilted.
At the moment, there is a lull in guests, and Sirius is fed up of this room. The girls have seemed reluctant to walk around the rest of the gallery, but Sirius wants to. So, when they are deep in conversation with somebody else, he slips off.
He walks into the next room, and immediately spots Remus in the corner, chatting to the two girls from the pub. Fuck.
Sirius wants to get out of there as quickly as possible, but he’s too intrigued to see why Remus is here. As he walks through, he glances at the work. It appears to be an amateur photography group. Their work is actually quite good. Sirius wonders which is Remus’. As he leaves the section, he allows himself one more glance towards Remus and his friends. Remus is looking down at his phone, but the two girls are staring at him. He can tell from their expressions that they know exactly who he is, and they don’t like him. The blonde one - Marlene, Dorcas’ crush - looks positively murderous, whilst the other girl - Mary, was it? - gives him a look that very clearly tells him to leave.
Sirius enjoys the rest of the gallery, and returns to his section to find Pandora and Dorcas looking quite nervous.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was here?” Sirius demands as he approaches them, before they’ve even spotted him. Their eyes snap up guiltily.
“We didn’t think you wanted to talk about him…”
“We did try and stop you from finding out,” Dorcas protests.
“I don’t particularly want to talk about him, no. Especially not since he played the song I fucking wrote for him in front of a whole pub, except with his own words, talking about how much he loves me. And then, a song talking about how different his life is now, and essentially how much he misses me, but also how he feels he’s better off without me.”
Both of the girls’ mouths had dropped open.
“Well, I knew they were about you, but fuck, that’s even worse than I thought. I totally do not blame you for getting out of there.” Dorcas says simply.
“Actually, I think you should have stayed and spoken to him. You know he still has feelings for you, which makes it easier,” Pandora says in that dreamy, thoughtful way of hers that suggests she’s mainly thinking about something in her own head and not full involved with the conversation.
Sirius huffs and goes to a corner, where he pulls his phone out. He had a text this morning from James, wishing him good luck on the game exhibition. He replies with a quick thanks, before telling him the most recent development.
Sirius:so I’m at my art exhibition rn which was like the whole reason I’m staying here
Sirius:JAMES, REMUS IS HERE AS WELL.
Sirius:WHY US HE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE I GO
Sirius:HUS FRIENDS GAVE ME THE DIRTIEST LOOKS EVER
Sirius:HOW DARE THEY
Sirius:Shit I just remembered his friends are ur girlfriend’s friends
Sirius:I’m sure they’re great I’ve never spoken to them Sirius:I mean, Remus likes them, so that’s got to count for somethingSirius:Dorcas has though and she practically fell in love with her
Sirius:Marlene
James:Bloody hell sirius
James:I think you’re forgetting that you literally sought him out.
James:He lives here he’s probably had this routine for almost four years
James:So I’d say ur the one that’s everywhere he goes
James:Mary and Marlene?
James:I’ve only met them once but I thought they weee great tbh
James:I don’t care what u think but don’t you dare ever tell Lily you think that
James:Shell murder you
James:And tbh, good on ur friend
James:Hopefully someone can get something good out of this mess
James:Bloody hell
James:hey I’ve got an idea you could use this occasion as an opportunity to talk to him, and work through your issues, both from back then and also from Tuesday night.
Sirius:no.
~
Remus involuntarily tenses the second he sees the head of familiar dark curly hair in the room. His change in stature unfortunately alerts Mary and Marlene of Sirius’ presence, immediately switching them into protection mode. They conduct the image of a very expressive conversation with a lot of laughing, before ordering Remus to look away. He could feel Sirius’ gaze on him, and resisted the urge to look up, until the girls relaxed and he knew he was gone. He briefly wonders what the girls did, but pushes it out of his mind. He can’t afford to think about that.
Remus is considerably less talkative after that, and pulls out his phone in an attempt to avoid the girls. He clicks Lily’s contact. He hasn’t texted her in a while, and knows he should update her on the mess that’s his life. He realises, as he types out a message, that Lily has probably heard a lot of it from James.
Remus:Hi lily
Remus:I completely forgot to text u recently
Remus:I’m sure u know why
Remus:But if you don’t, Sirius is fucking here
Remus:you remember the one.
Remus:I had to serve him at work then he made me go out and speak to him
Remus:And then separately I needed something new to play at the leaky bc I was getting bored
Remus:And before I saw Sirius I remembered about the song he wrote for me and the words I wrote for him
Remus:So I decided to play that along with another song I just wrote which could kinda be interpreted as me saying I miss Sirius
Remus: Bc I’m an idiot like that
Remus:And Sirius was there. He heard me.
Remus:I accidentally made eye contact with him at the end then he just got up and left
Remus:He definitely recognised it
Remus:And rn I’m at my exhibition thing
Remus:And you’ll never guess whose in the next section along
Remus:So yeah kill me now please
Remus watches as the messages flick to read, and waits for Lily to reply.
Lily:Jeez Remus
Lily:I did know about all of it
Lily:James has been telling me things and so have the girls
Lily:I saw the video of your songs tho and for what it’s worth, we think they were great :)
Lily:I would have texted you but I was kinda giving u the chance to tell me yourself bc I wasn’t sure whether you wanted to talk abt it
Lily:Good luck with the exhibition and dw abt him I’ll get marls and Mary to look after u
Remus:Thanks lils
Remus:I would ask u what James told u bc obviously that’s his perspective but I have enough self control to not
Lily:Good on you
Lily:Also no offence but this situation is so shit for both of u that it’s funny
Remus:Fuck off
Lily:Aww sorry I completely sympathise with you dw
Remus:Hang on
Remus:How the fuck did u see a video of my songs and who tf is ‘we’
Remus:I asked the girls not to take any bc it was my first time yk
Remus:And there were none on the leaky’s facebook or website or anything bc I checked
Lily:Oh
Lily:…
Lily:Shit
Remus:No.
Remus:Fuck no
Remus:Tell me ur joking
Lily:Joking abt what i didn’t say anything haha
Remus:Fucks sake
Remus:Istg the universe hates me
Lily:Anyway I guess it’s kinda irrelevant now but ‘we’ is James and I and we both loved ur songs and think ur awesome Lily:Good luck with life I’m gonna leave u to it now
Remus:Great.
Remus:Abandoning me. Again. When I need you most
Lily:Aww sorry Remus.
Lily:I’m not abandoning you
Lily:Love you xxxx
Remus sighs fondly and closes his phone, the conversation giving him enough to get through the rest of the day.
He can almost relax that night, knowing he’s done his presentation, before he remembers he’s going to have to go back there tomorrow.
And when he arrives with the rest of the team the next day, he’s met with the wonderful news that he’s going to be focussing on three individuals from a prestigious art company. Pandora Rosier, Dorcas Meadowes and Sirius Black. Of course he is. At least, he thinks bitterly, he’s only the photographer. He shouldn’t have to talk to him.
As he walks through with his equipment, he tries to hide behind the muscular stature of the reporter he’s going to be working with, Benjy Fenwick. But his efforts are fruitless, and those piercing grey eyes are on him in seconds. Remus feels his cheeks begin to colour, and he looks down, pretending to fiddle with some settings. But when he looks back up, Sirius is moving closer to him, an odd expression on his face.
“Jeez Remus, how many fucking jobs do you have?”
“Uh…a few.”
“Yeah. I can tell.”
Sirius looks as though he wants to say more, but Remus is saved by the incoming noise that is Sirius’ friends. They catch on to the situation almost immediately, and whisk Sirius away to the other end of the room, where the three of them keep casting glances towards him.
They don’t speak for the rest of the day - a combined effort of Sirius’ friends obviously trying to distract him, and Remus avoiding them as much as he can.
He walks home feeling considerably more fed up with life than he was before, and pulls out a book in hopes of calming his mind and forgetting everything. It doesn’t work, obviously.
When he tires of staring at the same page willing the words to sink in, Remus pulls out his phone, deliberating what to do. He should probably just text Lily, keep her updated now he’s told her. That’s normally his go-to thing to do. Or he could text literally anyone else. But that’s not what he find himself doing. Because Remus is tired of having communication issues, and unresolved problems with people.
He spends way too long typing out a short message, but eventually settles on a simple ‘hey’, and hits send.