VII
Regulus didn't feel anything. He just fought his brother. He fought his sun. He silently watched their best friend suffer. Yet he didn't feel anything. No pain, no guilt, nothing. When the Dark Lord told them they would attack the Order, he asked Evan to imperio him. He didn't want to hurt Sirius nor James, but he couldn't permit the Dark Lord to find out about this. He had to keep his cover. It pained him, but it was his duty as the Black heir.
He heard a knock on the door. "You alright, Reg?" Evan came in with a cup of black tea. Regulus just nodded. Evan sat next to him on the bed. "I shouldn't have imperioed you."
"I wanted it, Evan. It's not your fault," he disrupted his thoughts.
They sat there for a moment in silence, before Evan let out a deep sigh and stood up.
"Alright, we shouldn't really dwell on it. Drink your tea before it gets cold," he said and left the room.
Regulus took a sip from the tea. It was so warm in his palms. The same palms he held his wand with and hurt his brother's boyfriend just yesterday. His brother must hate him now, even more than before. James must hate him. Evan must hate him. There's nobody who doesn't hate him. He's hurt everyone so much. How could he do this to them?
His hands began to shake. Half the tea had spilled all over him, but Regulus didn't care. He didn't mind the hot liquid on his skin, he deserved to hurt. He deserved to feel pain for everything he's done.
His train of thought was stopped by a knock on his window. His head snapped in the direction of the noise, only to see James' head behind the glass. He was wearing a warm smile, his brown eyes carried stars in them. He put the cup down and stood up on his shaky legs. He opened the window for him and let him in.
"What the-" Regulus started, but was interrupted by James' lips pressed against his. James' hands on his hips steadied him, his legs stopped shaking and he put his hands on his shoulders.
James pulled away from the kiss and walked him to the bed. "Are you okay?" He asked.
Regulus was taken aback by his question. "You're not mad at me?"
"I mean, I was a little upset. You did cut off my best friend's arm. But I know you didn't mean that."
"Wait, I what?" His eyes shot wide open. "I didn't mean to do that," Regulus started panicking. "I made Evan imperio me. I had to keep my cover. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, I swear."
James took his hands in his. "Reggie, I know. I know. It's okay, I'm not mad." He took a deep breath in, looking deep in thought. "Let's get out of here. My grandparents have a cottage far enough from here. They died a couple years ago, we'd have it all to ourselves. We can get away from it all, from the war."
"Jamie, you know I can't. I'd love to, I really would, but I can't. They'll find me and god knows what they'd do to me."
"We'll leave all magic behind. We'll take my car. We can stay there for however long we want." James squeezed his hands.
Regulus bit his lip, thinking. He knew they'd find him and he didn't want them to hurt James too. He was afraid. He felt like a coward.
"I'll go with you."
He quickly packed his things, hiding his wand in the back of his bag. He'll take it with him, just in case. He scribbled a letter to Evan, writing not to worry about him and that he'd be back soon. He left the piece of paper on the bed and left with James through the window.
They got in James' car and drove off. After a couple of minutes, Regulus fell asleep in the passenger's seat, holding James' hand.
When he woke up, it was already morning. They were driving through a forest, the only source of light was where the path of trees was coming to an end.
"Oh, good morning," James chimed when he noticed Regulus was awake. "We're nearly there."
Regulus noticed James had only one of his hands on the wheel. The other was in Regulus' lap, tangled with his own.
Regulus wondered how someone like James, a literal sunshine, could love someone like him, a snow storm in the middle of summer. He was always so full of life, always so cheerful. He comes from a happy and healthy family which has loved him his entire life. Regulus is the exact opposite of him. The rain to his sun. Which is why we make rainbows, James had once told him.
They drove out of the forest and Regulus could see a beautiful cottage. It was quite small, the roof was dark brown and the walls were painted green. A wooden bench was seated next to the entry. It was the type of house Regulus could spend the rest of his life in, with the man next to him.
James parked on the side of the road and helped his lover get out of the car. He showed him around the house, brought some luggage in and helped him settle in.
"Hey, do you mind if I take a little nap now?" James asked once they were laying side by side in the king sized bed.
"Of course, love. You drove all night, get some rest." He kissed his forehead and watched him sleep. He laid there and watched him sleep for what felt like hours. He roamed his features with his eyes. His lips, his silky hair, his golden sun-kissed skin. He's beautiful. He couldn't believe he was loved by someone as perfect as James.
Eventually, he got up from bed and looked around the house. He found some overdue groceries, so he decided he'd go look for a shop to get some food. He grabbed his wand, some money, a pack of cigarettes and a lighter and headed out. He didn't even know where he was going. He casted a tracking spell and followed the tip of his wand into the nearby village.
In no time, he found himself standing in front of a small grocery store, which was to his luck open. He bought some eggs, milk and sweets and headed back.
He lit a cigarette as he was walking through the meadow. He couldn't remember why he smoked this brand, he didn't like the taste nor how it made his knees weak. For some unknown reason, he pulled out two cigarettes instead of just one. It was just a small thing, but it made him think. Evan always rolls his own cigarettes, so they never share a pack. Dorcas stopped smoking years ago and Pandora never liked this habit of theirs. It couldn't be on reflex, so what made him do it?
He's found himself doing many strange things in the past couple of weeks that have no explanation to him, but seem to have a big impact on Evan. Every time he sets the table for dinner and accidentally lays out three plates instead of just two, he can feel Evan's gaze burning holes into his back. At night, he often finds Evan sitting alone in the dark kitchen, staring at the empty seat in front of him. Often, when he gets high, he talks to the marijuana plant they own. He tells it he misses it, he constantly apologizes to it. It breaks his heart, not knowing what bothers his best friend. He sometimes feels like Evan is going crazy.
He reached the house and stubbed out his cigarette. He stepped into the kitchen and looked around. It was a mess. He cleaned a little and threw out the rotten food. It was nearly one in the evening and he realized he hadn't eaten the whole day. He made some pancakes, set fire to the rag and set the meal onto the plates. He decorated it with fresh fruits and chocolate and brought it to the bedroom.
He put the plate on the bedside table and sat on the edge of the bed. "Hey, love, you've slept for half of the day," he gently brushed his fingers through James' curls. James opened one eye to look at him and burrowed his face back into the blankets. "I made you food," he countered.
" 'M not hungry," James mumbled.
Regulus sighed. "C'mon, you haven't eaten all day." James just groaned and made no effort whatsoever to get up. "Jamiee, the pancakes aren't gonna eat themselves," he added.
"Pancakes?" James peaked from under the covers.
"Mhm, don't they just look delicious?" Regulus waved the plate in front of his face, leading him in.
"I guess I could eat a little," James muttered as he slowly sat up.
"There you go," Regulus smiled contently as he handed him the plate. James often struggles with eating when he experiences feelings of guilt. Regulus guessed it's because of the war, so he vowed to help his lover as much as it's in his powers.
Later in the evening, James found some broomsticks, so they decided to go on a flying date. They flew around the house and played around. They did something they both enjoyed and it made Regulus forget all his worries for a moment.
They made love that night. It was different from anything Regulus had ever experienced before. For a split second, Regulus thought he had already done this before. But that's impossible, right? He had never slept with anyone before, he would remember if he had.
James was being so gentle. He kissed him all over, he caressed his skin as if he was made of glass. He painted his neck deep purple and red, drew love bites into his skin. When James reached his climax, he tugged at his hair. Not roughly to show off dominance, but desperate to feel closer to him. He wanted to feel every inch of his skin, and so did Regulus.
They spent two weeks in the cottage. They cooked, they went for walks, they made love, they danced. They were together and forgot about the world around them. But it was time to go home. They had responsibilities they couldn't avoid anymore.
When James stepped into his home, he could hear voices from the living room. He walked slowly, cautiously. He peeked his head into the living room, only to be met with a shriek. He shrieked back startled.
"James!!" Lily yelled out.
"What are you doing in my house?!" James cried out.
"Where the hell have you been?!"
"What?" James panted.
"Where the fuck were you?" She hit him to stress her each word.
"I was, well- I was just-"
"It doesn't matter. I need to tell you something," she grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him to sit down on the couch. Just now he roamed the room with his eyes, noticing that Mary and his mum were there too. His mum looked worried, like she hadn't slept for a few nights. Mary seemed impatient, which was probably the case. They had been likely waiting for him for days now.
"So, remember how we got drunk and slept together that one night?" Lily started. His eyes opened wide, quickly looking at Mary and back at Lily. "It's okay, I told her," she explained, to which Mary nodded along. Lily took a deep breath in, then spoke with an exhale, "I'm pregnant."