--
"Moony, I need a break." Sirius had stopped writing his essay in favor of rocking back and forth on his feet next to Remus. "We can come back later, I just can't keep working right now."
Remus looked up from his own essay. It was nearly finished. Sirius continued rocking next to him, tapping on his leg. It was clear he really did need a break, and the essay would be easy enough to finish later. "Alright Pads, help me pack up?"
Remus started putting the parchment in his bag while Sirius grabbed their books, snapping them shut with too much excitement.
"Do you want to go on a walk after we put these up?" Remus asked.
"Yes, please." Sirius shifted the books to one hand so they could hold hands. Remus couldn't help the smile that spread across his face as Sirius swung their arms and hummed to himself.
James and Peter were both in detention for a prank they had pulled, (technically, all four of them had done it, but Sirius and Remus had run faster) so their room was empty.
Sirius dropped everything in a pile on his bed. "I'll put it away when we get back."
Remus shook his head as he put his own things away, knowing Sirius likely wouldn't and would just use it as an excuse to sleep in Remus' bed. They usually slept in the same bed anyway as neither of the other boy's cared, but sometimes Sirius liked to have an excuse to make up unnecessary stories and explanations for things. Remus didn't mind. Things that made Sirius happy generally made Remus happy.
Remus turned from his trunk to see Sirius repeatedly jumping up and trying to touch the snitch that fluttered around their ceiling. Sirius caught his eye mid jump with a grin. He immediately bounded over, grabbing a hold on Remus' hand. "All good?"
"Yeah," Remus rubbed his thumb over Sirius' knuckles. "I assume we're just wandering?"
"Unless you want to go somewhere, I have no destination in mind, Moony dear." Sirius said, pulling up their hands to smack a kiss on the back of Remus' hand.
Remus rolled his eyes before leaning down to press a kiss to Sirius' forehead. "Do you want to go walk by the lake?"
Sirius nodded quickly before pulling Remus after him in the general direction of a door.
They both enjoyed walking by the lake, each for various reasons. To start with, the side of the lake by the forest rarely had visitors other than the Marauders, so it was peaceful (with the exception of when all of the Marauders were there). Here they could smoke and laugh too loud without getting in trouble. Here they could hold hands and kiss without comments from their peers. It felt safe.
There were, of course, personal reasons the boys liked the area. It was cooler from the shade and cold water. While Sirius greatly preferred warm weather, the sight of Remus in a beanie and an oversized jacket, that at that point was mostly patches, was enough to keep Sirius from complaining. Not to mention the lower temperatures meant Sirius would be in a leather jacket and clinging to Remus because, to be fair, the taller boy was a walking heater despite constantly being cold. Really they both just liked looking at one another and casually touching one another without societal expectation.
The area in itself being soothing was another contributing factor to the area being frequented by overwhelmed Marauders and, generally, an accompanying presence. The shadows were of a gentle sort. They didn't swallow you whole; they left room to breathe. The lake was a quiet and drifting spirit that was something to look at when holding eye contact was too much. The trees knew these boys and didn't mind being climbed every once in a while.
"I know you were almost done with your essay." Sirius spoke after a while. The breaking of the silence was less of a break and more of a drifting towards sound. "I'm sorry I keep doing this. I know it's annoying and I wish my body and mind would just function correctly."
"You don't need to apologize, love." Remus grabbed Sirius' hand, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, "I don't mind. You need what you need. You don't need to feel bad."
"I just- I feel guilty always having to interrupt you because I can't function as expected. I know I've been worse recently." Even as he was saying it, Sirius could feel the knots in his chest loosening slightly. It was open here and he was moving. Remus was an anchoring point and that meant he could breathe without drifting off completely. It gave his mind a chance to clear so he'd be able to at least function later, rather than feeling burnt out and easily annoyed.
"This helps. I like to do things to help you. Your happiness and health are more important than school work. It doesn't matter how you're expected to function. This is how you are and that's not your fault. It's just something that you'll have to look at and figure out how to handle. I'll be here for you the whole time." Remus was trying to figure out a way to help of course. It had been occupying his mind for a while, but, for the time being, all he could do was reassure.
"Yeah, but it would be easier if I could just function like everyone else. Then you wouldn't have to deal with me all the time." Sirius tapped his fingers on the back of Remus' hand.
"I like dealing with you." Remus tapped their shoulders together. "And wanting to be like everyone else? That's not very punk rock of you, Sirius."
Sirius chuckled at that, his shoulders loosening some. "I suppose you're right. I'm just saying it would be easier."
"And so is lighting cigarettes with a fucking lighter, but you just had to learn how to to a wandless, nonverbal spell for the aesthetic." Remus teased.
"I suppose you're right." Sirius grinned at his boyfriend. "What would I do without you, Moony?"
"I dunno, probably sleep in your own bed and still think you're straight."
Sirius clutched his chest with his free hand. "The audacity. Attacked. By my own boyfriend nonetheless." He paused to look up at Remus. "Also I would totally just sleep with James. There would just be a lot more sleeping involved."
"Nah, you'd probably get less sleep." Remus countered. "He'd either talk about Lily all night or you'd be plotting."
Sirius sighed, "You're right of course."
"I know."
"You're mean."
"I know."
Sirius swung their arms between them, stomping a bit as he did so. After that he shut his eyes and took a deep breath. "Okay, okay, okay." Another breath. "I think I'm good now if you want to finish your essay."
"I don't believe you, and it's too late for the essay. It'll get done tomorrow." Remus pulled Sirius along until they were standing next to a stream just inside the forest.
The water was clear enough to make out colorful rocks along the bottom. There were two large rocks jutting out on the other side covered in moss and an evergreen tree tall enough to stand under on their side. Remus leaned against said tree and watched as Sirius released his hand to crouch by the water, sticking his hands in to just feel it and occasionally grabbing pretty rocks. After a few moments he called Remus over.
"Why? So you can shove me in the water?" Remus stepped closer despite the statement.
"No I'd feel bad, especially if you got sick." Sirius grinned. "These are for you."
Remus held out his hand to accept the rocks, "Thank you Pads. They're very pretty." He shifted his hand to look at the rocks from different angles. They were all shiny and smooth in a variety of colors.
"You can put them in the bag you made!" Sirius popped up from his crouch and stood so that the two boys' shoulders were touching.
Remus was unperturbed by this and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small, black, drawstring pouch with the Canis Major constellation embroidered on one side and the moon embroidered on the other. He had made it specifically with Sirius' habit of giving him rocks and other small trinkets in mind. The bag helped Sirius curb his anxiety that Remus got annoyed with being given these things. It was a love language and Remus recognized it.
He held the bag out to Sirius who held it open for Remus to put the rocks in before putting it back in his pocket.
"I love you, Pads," Remus pressed a kiss to the top of Sirius' head with an adoring smile.
"I love you too." Sirius pressed his face to Remus' shoulder before pointing to where the two large rocks were across the stream and dropping back into his crouch. "Also, look. There are mushrooms over there."
"Those are cool. I'm guessing you know what they are," Remus sat down next to the other boy, knowing this was going to lead to a long conversation.
Sirius beamed, launching into a spiel about mushrooms and the different types and uses. He started with the specific mushroom, but quickly got to things that Remus had never heard of. It was his current fixation that had developed after Mr. Potter had taken him and James mushroom hunting. Remus really didn't understand much of it, but it made Sirius happy. Remus smiled as he watched his rapidly speaking boyfriend, content to listen.
Sirius went on for a good while before he was interrupted by James' voice coming out of his pocket. Sirius smiled sheepishly at Remus before pulling his shared mirror with James out. "Hi, Prongs."
"Hey, Padfoot," James greeted him enthusiastically, face much too close to the mirror. "Also Moony because I'm assuming he's with you."
"Yeah," Sirius reached over blindly, latching onto Remus' sweater to pull him into view. "Is Wormtail with you?"
"Yep," came the slightly muffled squeak from Peter as James launched himself backwards so that Peter was within view, but James was also in the smaller boy's lap.
"How was detention?" Remus asked.
"Oh, you know how Minnie adores us." James said, earning a snort from Remus. "We just helped her sort papers."
"Where are you guys?" Peter asked, his voice back to normal now that he had adapted to having James sprawled across his lap.
"Just by the lake." Remus responded with a glance at Sirius.
"We can head back if you guys want." Sirius added, sensing what Remus was trying to check.
"If you need a bit more time out there it's alright." James added. "We can come down, or if you need a break Pete and I can play exploding snap for a bit."
Sirius smiled at that, leaning into Remus, "No, I'm alright to head up I think. I wanna show you the rocks I gave Moony."
James smiled. "Alright, do you just want us to wait up here?"
"Yeah," Sirius nodded, deciding he was ready for the comfort of the room he shared with the other three boys.
"In that case, please run James is exhausting to entertain independently for this long." Peter said, only half joking.
"I will absolutely not be running." Remus stated, "My garbage body will not tolerate that."
"I will not hear this negative self-talk!" James shouted at the same time Sirius asked, "Is your knee acting up again?"
"Guys, calm the fuck down. I'm fine." Remus swatted at his boyfriend's arm while giving James a look in the mirror.
"Just to be clear, I was joking. Please don't hurt yourself, Moony." Peter added.
"I know, Wormy. I'm not going to." Remus shook his head with a small smile. "Honestly, I'm not as fragile as you guys like to think I am."
"We don't think you're fragile, Moons." Sirius pressed his fingers to Remus' back. "We just think you're important."
Remus shoved his boyfriend lightly, ignoring the blush blooming on his cheeks, before looking at the two boys in the mirror, "Anyway, we're almost back to the castle."
"Okay, I'll give you peace for the rest of your walk, but please no closet stops on the way up." James batted his eyes ridiculously, "I need attention and you guys have been with each other all day."
Sirius shoved the mirror back in his pocket, "Hear that, Moony?"
Remus hummed, leaning down for a slightly too passionate kiss. "I'm tempted just to drag you into a closet out of spite."
"What- I-" Sirius turned red, unable to form a coherent thought. "Actually?"
"Yes, actually, but I'm not going to." Remus laughed. "How did that fluster you? We didn't even do anything."
"Shush," Sirius pouted, "It's not my fault."
"Oh?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "Whose is it then?"
"Yours."
Remus hummed, nodding his head, "Whatever you need to tell yourself, Pads."
"Don't be mean." Sirius stuck out his tongue.
Remus shook his head as he held open the door to the castle, "Don't be ridiculous."
"You can't stop me."
"You'll sleep in your own bed tonight." Remus said, smiling so that it would be clear he was joking.
Sirius gasped dramatically, "You wouldn't dare."
"I've done it before."
"Yeah, but that was right after a moon." Sirius huffed. "You were grumpy and I was fidgety. Besides, I slept with James, not in my own bed."
"What are you going to do when James and Lily finally get it together?"
"Sleep with Wormtail." Sirius said, nodding sagely.
Remus laughed, "You're ridiculous."
"But you love it." Sirius batted his eyelashes.
"I do." Remus sighed. "I love you, Pads."
Sirius threw his arms up and did a little dance. "I win."
"Win what?" Remus asked as Sirius grabbed his arms so he would join the dance.
"Everything," Sirius said, eyes closed. Remus made sure not to let go so that the other boy wouldn't fall. "I got you, didn't I?"
Remus shook his head, face heating as it did every time he was complemented. "I don't know if I'd consider having me the same as winning everything."
"It is though," Sirius spun around in Remus' arms, opening his eyes when they got to the stairs. "Ask anyone. You're simply the best."
Remus opened his mouth to argue, but Sirius covered it with his hand. "You don't get to argue."
Remus licked Sirius' palm to get him to move his hand.
Sirius jumped, "Moony, that's my thing."
"And covering your mouth is my thing, yet here we are." Remus raised an eyebrow.
Sirius turned bright red, "Are we sure a quick stop is entirely out of the picture?"
Remus laughed, "Yes, love, we have to go protect Pete from James."
Sirius groaned, but followed.
They got through the portrait just in time to see James and Peter having an overly dramatic sword fight with transfigured wooden swords. James was winning, but Peter was putting up a good fight.
"Oi, Prongs!" Sirius shouted, distracting James long enough for Peter to get the wooden sword to the other boy's neck.
James groaned, "Padfoot, that's not fair. Wormy, I want a rematch."
Peter dropped the sword, "No thanks. Fight one of them."
"Moony, you never fight me." James batted his eyelashes and pouted at the taller boy.
"Prongs, I can't control my limbs half the time, I'm not going to be a very formidable opponent." Remus stated.
"Yeah, but he likes to win." Sirius pointed out.
"Padfoot, my love, the betrayal." James cried, dropping the sword and falling to his knees in front of Sirius, clutching his shirt.
Sirius let out a mock gasp, "I would never betray you, oh light of my life. You are the very breath of the world, the feeling of spring mornings." He also fell to his knees, clutching James.
Remus looked over at Peter. "Has he been like this the whole time we've been gone?"
Peter nodded at the same time James jumped up, repeating his screeching about betrayal in front of Remus.
Remus shoved him with his foot, "Sorry, but I prefer Pads on his knees, and you told us not right now. Maybe one day."
Peter wrinkled his nose as James stood up, "Bit much, Moony."
"Like we didn't know." James said, looking pointedly at Sirius.
Sirius draped himself into Remus' arms, "The slander. The audacity. I did not come here to be attacked."
Remus pushed Sirius back up into standing position, "You'll be alright."
"Oh," Sirius held up a finger like he'd had a brilliant idea. "I need you guys to explain to Moony that I do, in fact, win everything because I have him."
"More like he has you," Peter muttered.
"Wormy, be nice! My position in the relationship is not relevant. Moony was being mean to himself again."
James forced his expression into one of seriousness, though he was stifling a snicker, and put a hand on Remus' shoulder. "Moony, I would also think I won everything if I was your bitch boy."
Remus smiled, shaking his head, "Thanks Prongs, means a lot."
Peter nodded, "I don't swing that way, but I would for you Moony, have no doubt."
"Guys, this was not meant for you guys to try to steal my boyfriend. You can be nice to him without flirting with him." Sirius tried to look upset, but couldn't fight his smile.
"We just can't help it," James said, leaning into Remus.
"I believe in you," Remus rolled his eyes.
"Actually," Sirius stopped pretending to pout. "Remus deserves this, so I'm not even mad."
"This is ridiculous." Remus shook his head, as he did every time his friends got into one of their lectures about how wonderful they thought he was.
Peter clutched his heart, "I'm getting the sense you don't believe us Moons."
"Probably because I have no reason to." Remus said.
"No, I'm going to prove we are right." Sirius glanced around the room. "Oi, McKinnon!"
"What?!" The blonde girl responded, looking up from the chess game she was playing (and losing) against Lily.
"Does you being a lesbian make your opinion neutral ground on grounds involving men?" Sirius asked.
Marlene snorted, running her hand through her shaggy blonde hair, "I mean, I guess."
"What's this about now, Sirius?" Dorcas laughed from her spot next to her girlfriend.
"It's an important study," James chipped in overenthusiastically, having caught on to where Sirius was going with this.
"Concerning," Dorcas said, "Carry on then."
"Why thank you, Dorcas dear," Sirius blew her a kiss, which she merely rolled her eyes at. "Anyway, since you have a neutral opinion, Marly: if you were still at that stage in your life where you thought you were straight and you were trying to force yourself into a relationship with a man in which you would be somewhat comfortable with, who would you gaslight yourself into believing you had romantic feelings for?"
"Sounds personally based," Lily quipped.
"Lilliana, now is not the time for an analysis of my sexuality crisis! This is an important study!" Sirius was shouting and some of the younger kids in the common room were watching them with interest.
Marlene shook her head, "If you're expecting me to say you, you're going to be disappointed."
"First of all: rude. Second of all: please just give us the valuable data of your lesbian opinion." Sirius gave her puppy eyes.
She rolled her eyes, "I dunno, probably Remus. He's cool and not an asshole."
"Aha!" Sirius brandished his finger in front of Remus' face, "Told you so. I win."
"That's hardly the standard," Remus scoffed. "Either way, I'm not having this conversation; it goes nowhere."
"Admit you are a trophy husband and the conversation will end." Sirius declared.
"You're the useless one. Besides, we aren't married," Remus countered.
"Yet," James loudly announced. "I call dibs on being someone's best man, I'm indifferent to whose."
"I want Peter." Remus said, immediately.
"Rude!"
"You can be Padfoot's."
"Good, I didn't want to be your best man anyway," James stuck his tongue out at Remus.
"Oi! That's my future husband right there." Sirius jumped on James, knocking him to the floor and starting a wrestling match.
Lily shook her head, trying to suppress her laughter, "Once you lot are done, would you like to play gobstones?"
--
"Hey, Remus?" Sirius prodded Remus' side.
They had been in bed for a while. Neither of them could sleep, but that was more of a consistent inability to fall asleep than any mental weight. They were holding one another, Sirius' head on Remus' chest.
"Yeah, Sirius?"
"Did I annoy you earlier?" Sirius did not look up as he asked, instead opting to repeatedly adjust his grip on Remus' hand.
"Of course not, love." Remus kissed the top of his boyfriend's head.
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Sirius let out a relieved sigh. "I just worry sometimes."
"I know you do. I do the same thing. It's alright. I'll be here to remind you." Remus combed his hands through Sirius' inky black hair.
Sirius tucked his face into the taller boy's chest. "I'm glad. I don't know what I'd do without you."
"It's good we don't have to worry about that right now then." Remus said, voice soft. While he was aware being a werewolf meant he would likely die before the boy in his arms, he was doing his best not to worry about that yet.
Sirius just pressed closer.
Neither of them said anything the rest of the night, but the feeling was clearly felt. It was a soft moment, hidden behind the curtains on Remus' bed. There was no letting go, only regulating the other's breathing as they held each other close. It was warm and held within it feelings much like a home and a hope for the future.