Chapter 1
"Mr. Potter, you will be working with Mr. Black." Professor McGonagall announced. James and Sirius high-fived each other, immediately starting to talk about how they'd complete the project. "Not... that Mr. Black, Mr. Potter." Regulus looked desperately at Barty, who had been helping him plan for this project all week. Now he had to work with the loudest person in the class, his brother's best friend. "Regulus, I hope you understand why I've placed Mr. Potter with you." Regulus nodded in defeat. Regulus Black never spoke in classes, only whispered to Barty and Evan, and very occasionally answered questions. James was a constant disruption.
It'd taken Regulus until the middle of his first year to actually participate during classes. He preferred to listen, and to observe. He'd observe other people's body language, he'd figured out who most people liked, he observed their strengths and weaknesses, and he used it all to his advantage. But with James Potter, he observed something different. He observed his bright hazel eyes, and his perfectly tanned skin. He observed the way his glasses slid down his nose when he looked down for too long, and the bruises on his forearms after Quidditch matches. Bruises which were occasionally Regulus' own doing.
"And that leaves Mr. Lupin and the other Mr. Black. Alright everyone, please move to work with your partner." Sirius moved over on the bench as soon as James stood, clearly excited to work with the guy he'd had a crush on for years now. James, on the other hand, looked less excited. He was being put with the quiet, dark Slytherin, someone who was basically the complete opposite of him.
Regulus scratched at the corner of his parchment with his quill, trying to avoid any conversation for as long as possible. James was much easier to observe up close. His eyebrows drew together when his stared long enough, his nostrils flared a bit when Regulus only glanced at him directly quickly, but among Regulus' favorite discoveries was that there were small flecks of gold scattered amongst the greens and browns of James' eyes.
"If we're going to be partners for a huge project, you at least have to talk to me." James stated. His tone was blunt, unforgiving, so much colder than the tone he used with Sirius. Good. Regulus wasn't his brother, he didn't want to be treated like his brother, it was better James was cold with him. Maybe then his observations would remain as just that. The last thing he needed was some sort of attachment to someone he didn't know well.
Regulus dropped his quill onto his parchment and sighed harshly. "I will, eventually. If you would simply give me a second to adjust to your presence, I promise it will go much quicker than if you don't. I'm aware the concept of patience may be foreign to you, however, for the sake of my sanity, it's required." James blinked a couple times, processing Regulus' words. He spoke much more formally than Sirius. Even while being a total prick.
James decided to wait until Regulus spoke up again. "Alright, Potter. Listen. I need a good grade in this class. I intend to take the N.E.W.T level Transfiguration course, and the only way I can do that is if I keep good grades until I take my N.E.W.Ts. I would suggest I do this project by myself and you take some credit, but as we both have to demonstrate our proficiency, I can't do that." James didn't try to hide his smile at that statement. Regulus knew James was fairly skilled in Transfiguration, top in his class actually. At least for Gryffindor. Regulus was the top in his class for almost everything.
"I get it, Regulus. I won't make you fail or anything. This is possibly the only class I'm better at than Remus." Regulus sighed as he rubbed his hands over his eyes. Fine, yeah, there were a lot of reasons he was placed with James, but that didn't help the situation.
Regulus silently pulled a rolled up piece of paper from his bag and carefully unrolled it for James. "I've already been planning this, I was hoping it was pick your own partner so I could work with someone I already knew, but I guess it'll work with you as well." James didn't blame Regulus for being hesitant, Regulus had no reason to believe his intentions were helpful, though it would have been nice for a bit more understanding. Regulus was about start explaining his idea to James when McGonagall dismissed them for the day. "Shit." Regulus whispered as he rolled the paper back up and put it in his bag.
James stood to collect his materials, but he still lingered at the table, seemingly waiting for Regulus. When Regulus looked back up, he gave James a confused look. He should have left, Sirius was waiting by the door and he was beginning to look impatient. Regulus didn't usually take long to pack up, but his shaky hands weren't helping any. Finally he closed the clasp on his bag and stood. "I guess I know where to find you." James smiled and went to walk away before noticing he had picked up Regulus' quill. He turned back to the Slytherin and handed him his quill. Regulus could have sworn that James made their fingers brush against each other's on purpose, but he couldn't prove it. Not when, by the time he'd gotten his breathing back to normal, James was already out the door.
Regulus had barely made it into the common room before he was stopped. All he wanted after dealing with James Potter was to go recharge, but of course Dorcas had other plans. "Reggie, I heard you made a new friend." Dorcas put her arm on Regulus' shoulder. He hated being touched. The only person Regulus ever allowed to touch him was Sirius, not even Barty was allowed to hug him most of the time. It wasn't anything against them, Regulus was just protective of his personal space. Regulus shrugged Pandora's arm off and then shook his head.
"James Potter is not my friend. He's a pain in the ass and has been since Sirius' first year. I didn't get a choice in working with him, McGonagall didn't want him with any of his friends. Thank Merlin she did. I couldn't stand the noise from them." Barty and Regulus constantly gave each other looks when the Gryffindors would get too loud. It wasn't that Slytherins couldn't be loud, they were just more careful about when they did. Slytherins valued their house points and refused to lose them over something as stupid as being too loud. Gryffindors sometimes forgot that, and yet they continued to win the house cup year after year. Stupid competition.
Dorcas couldn't help but roll her eyes at Regulus' comment. "That's not what I heard. Barty told me that you and Potter were actually working together. I can't believe you'd willingly work with a Gryffindor. Especially the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team." Dorcas paused, though not long enough for Regulus to get a word in. "To be fair he is rather attractive. The glasses aren't my favorite, but those can easily be changed." Regulus walked away, leaving Dorcas standing where she was, shocked. Normally Regulus would put up with her teasing rants, but this time he'd just left. She couldn't possibly know that he could feel the beginning bubbles of anger forming in the pit of his stomach, or that he was trying so hard not to clench his jaw. He didn't want to get mad at his friends.
Regulus wandered around the castle, finally deciding to risk it in Gryffindor tower. Yes, Sirius was loud and his roommates, James, Peter, and occasionally Remus, were also loud, but Sirius was still his brother. He'd probably understand that Regulus didn't want to be around a ton of people, he wasn't sure he could stand more than one right now, and Sirius could be nice when he wanted to be. Regulus was about to go up to the painting and explain the situation until he saw someone sitting next to it. Maybe he could just ask them for the password. Regulus got a bit closer, only hesitating for a second, but he was sure he recognized the person.
"Hey." Remus' tone was quiet, almost tired. "Regulus, right? Sirius' brother?" Regulus nodded slowly, still hesitating to get closer. Remus sighed heavily as he rubbed his eyes. "He talks about you a lot, says you're quiet. You wouldn't want to go in there, then. They're really loud." Remus must have noticed Regulus' frown, because he scooted over a little. "You can sit out here with me if you want to. Sirius normally comes out here after a while because he's really clingy. He says I'm more comfortable than James is, and Peter doesn't let any of us cuddle him. Calls it gay." Remus looked up at the ceiling and then back down. He was probably oversharing, Regulus was just here for his brother, not to talk to some guy who-though he wouldn't admit it–was emotionally dependent on his brother.
Regulus moved gracefully, Remus noted, but he was also slow and silent. The complete opposite of Sirius. He sat next to Remus wordlessly, then made the connection. "He likes to lay on you, doesn't he? Sirius, I mean? Like if you're laying down he tries to cover your entire body with his?" Remus looked surprised and then confirmed what Regulus had suspected. "He does that with me too. I get overwhelmed easily, and weight helps. So he lays on me. It's kind of nice, actually. Guess it helps him too, if he's still doing it." Regulus sat next to Remus silently after that, both boys enjoying the peaceful silence they so desperately searched for. No words were needed, they had a connection now. They had Sirius. And they both very clearly cared for him. That was enough.
Sirius did eventually come looking for Remus, and was shocked to find his brother there as well. "Hey, Re... I brought you a pack, I thought it might help." Sirius handed Remus the cigarettes before fishing the lighter out of his pocket. "There." Sirius said with a small smile. He turned to his brother almost immediately after Remus took the lighter, the worried look clear on his face. "What's wrong, Reg?" He crouched down, his hand finding Regulus' forehead to check his temperature, but Regulus leaned into the touch. It was grounding and gentle, and made him feel so much better. Sirius carefully sat down so he could keep his hand on his brother's head. The other hand found Remus' in an attempt to bring himself back to reality too.
"Feeling alright?" Remus whispered, Sirius nodded as Regulus moved his hand. As much as he appreciated his brother's dedication, he was mostly seeking the touch. Placing his head on Sirius' shoulder worked just as well. The three boys sat like that for a while until the Gryffindor head boy came past, immediately asking what they were doing outside the common room. "Sorry, Eric. It was just too loud, so we came out here. And we didn't want to take someone who wasn't in our house into our dorm. McGonagall seemed upset last time." Eric chuckled and shook his head, noticing Regulus had fallen asleep on Sirius' shoulder.
"I'll send a message down to Kenny that one of his kids passed out up here, he'll probably come get him or something." Sirius gave Remus a pleading look, one that pulled on Remus' heart and forced him to give in.
"Eric, come on. It's his little brother, they're in rival houses, how often do you think they get to see each other? It's a far walk when you're tired. Let him stay." Eric thought for a second, and as much as he wanted to say no, he couldn't. If it was his sibling he'd probably do the same. Besides, Regulus looked so peaceful on Sirius' shoulder. He couldn't just get the Slytherin head boy to come up to drag one boy back to his dorm. Okay, he'd let Regulus stay. It was just once, right? It wouldn't hurt too much.
Eric agreed, leaving the two boys to figure out how to drag the passed out Slytherin into the common room. Remus chuckled at Eric's reaction. What he did know was that Remus could pick Sirius up and carry him by himself. Regulus was much lighter, he may have been taller, but he wasn't best friends and training partners with the head of the Gryffindor quidditch team. James took that role seriously, and he trained like it too. Remus let go of Sirius' hand, but gave him a smile, a promise that he would give Sirius any physical affection he needed. Regulus was lighter than Remus expected, and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, Remus had seen, and worked to fix, Sirius' food problems. Maybe he'd have to do the same with Regulus.
It took longer than expected, but Remus got Regulus up to their dorm, putting the sleeping boy on his brother's bed. "You can sleep in my bed tonight, Pads, I don't mind." Sirius' heart skipped at that offer. Shit. Did Remus know? Had he finally figured out why he'd started spending more time with him than James or Peter? Had he been that obvious? He didn't seem too mad... Sirius knew Remus wouldn't be as mad as his parents would be, Sirius didn't think he'd ever come out to them, but he'd still be a little upset. Right? The only person who knew so far was James. James knew everything. But James was different, James was his best friend, of course he would know. "Pads. Are you alright? That's your freaking out look." Sirius nodded, shaking the panic away before burying himself in Remus' hug.
"Remus." Sirius whispered, his voice cracking just enough to let Remus know he was probably seconds from crying. Remus hummed as he rubbed Sirius' back in an attempt to calm him down. They stood like that for a while, and while the tears never fell, Sirius still felt more numb once he wasn't going to cry. He couldn't lose Remus, but he also couldn't let Remus regret sharing a bed with him. "Moony, you don't have to share your bed with me. I can go sleep on the common room couch, or as Padfoot on James' bed. Or mine. I'll be awake before Reg."
Remus seemed a little hurt as he looked down at the other boy. He didn't seem uncomfortable with the idea of sharing a bed with Remus, just... scared. "Sirius, if you don't want to, you don't have to. I just thought, since you already like to lay on me, you'd be fine with it." Oh. Okay. So Remus was offering to cuddle. That made this so much harder. Sirius thought for a second, trying to find any other way to make sure Remus was okay with it. He had already offered to sleep somewhere else, and Remus had looked more upset than Sirius wanted to ever see him. He was going to have to just do it.
"Re, it's not that I don't want to, I'm just not sure you will want to." Sirius wanted to stay in Remus' arms for as long as possible. If he stalled he could enjoy this one last hug. After a second, Sirius took a deep breath and then admitted the secret he hid from everyone but James. "I'm gay, Remus." Remus sighed in relief, but rubbed Sirius' back and kissed his forehead. He could deal with that. They could both deal with that. Remus had been expecting something so much worse than Sirius liking boys, and while he knew he should be telling Sirius he was glad he had the courage to tell him something so personal, he took a minute to absorb the information. Yeah, he could deal with that.
"I know, Sirius. I've known for like a month. Last time Gryffindor won, at the party, yeah, that was me you kissed. I kind of guessed from there. Glad you confirmed it though. That's not an easy thing to share." Sirius looked up at Remus, shocked by the information he'd just presented. He'd done what? And didn't remember it? Merlin, he was going to scream. "And before you ask, Sirius, it was terrible. I almost reminded you of it in the morning just to show you how to do it correctly." Both boys froze, shocked by Remus' words. Remus was the first to break the silence, clearing his throat in surprise. "So, maybe I'm not straight either." Remus stared at Sirius for a second, weighing out the consequences if he went through with it. "Fuck it, come on."
Remus pulled Sirius to his bed, immediately yanking the curtains closed. "Sirius..." Remus looked like he was fighting himself for enough self control to not kiss Sirius. Sirius shook his head, running a hand through Remus' hair. Remus melted under the touch, and while his breathing got heavier, he seemed a bit calmer. "Thank you." Remus was slightly hurt that Sirius hadn't wanted to kiss him, but he also understood. Sometimes, being a werewolf and all, his instincts and impulses were nearly impossible to ignore. Sirius seemed to understand that well enough to pull him back from at least some of them.
Sirius moved a little closer to Remus, resting his head on his shoulder. "Better now?" Remus nodded, though he didn't feel much better. He still wanted to kiss Sirius until his mattress had a hole burned in it the shape of their bodies. The full moon wasn't for another week, but for some reason, maybe just regular teenage hormones, he desperately wanted to kiss him. It didn't have to mean anything, though, it wasn't like Sirius had a crush on him or the other way around. They were friends, friends could kiss without it meaning anything.
Remus sighed softly, biting the inside of his lip while he tried to figure out how to suggest this idea to Sirius. "Actually, not really. I mean it's not so consuming now, I thought I was actually going to catch on fire, but it's still there." Sirius talked Remus through his feelings, trying to help him understand them, until finally Remus said exactly what he wanted to. "I want to make out with you, but it doesn't have to mean anything." The last part hurt to hear, but Sirius always ended up giving in to Remus. Sirius whispered his agreement, his eyes closed as soon as Remus' hand met his face, but the harshness never arrived. Instead, Remus tipped Sirius' chin up so they were on the same level. "Sirius..." Sirius opened his eyes to Remus looking at him like he was going to break. Shit. "Sirius, we don't have to do this if you don't want to."
Sirius shook his head, though he quickly corrected it. "It's fine, Re. It's not like it's inherently gay to kiss your friends. You offered to help me get better at it, that's all." Remus nodded in response and then moved to his back was again his headboard. Oh, Merlin, Sirius was going to die. Even just the thought of sitting on Remus' lap while kissing him was too much, but Remus held his hand out in offering, and Sirius had to take it. He always gave in to what Remus wanted, and if he was being completely honest, it didn't sound that bad. It was a good idea, it'd be more comfortable for them both, and Sirius already laid on Remus, sitting on him wouldn't be that big of a change. Sirius carefully sat on Remus' lap, gasping quietly when Remus pulled him down all the way.
Remus had just initiated the kiss when the door opened, a loud voice drawing Sirius out of his thoughts. He immediately moved from Remus' lap and sat next to him, putting his head on Remus' shoulder. "I can't believe we got detention for something that small. At this rate we're going to lose the house cup." James complained to Peter. The pair had received detention for a very minor prank, and while Sirius should have also gotten detention for setting it up, he was with Remus while it was being performed. James grabbed the curtain of Remus' bed, a smirk on his face as if he expected to find the two boys doing something much less innocent than what he actually found. Sirius was leaning on Remus, his head on the taller boy's shoulder, with Remus' arm around him. "You alright Pads?"
Sirius shrugged. "Headache. Remus had the curtains closed for a reason, asshole." It was a lighthearted joke, but James still felt bad about it. He didn't mean to hurt his friends at all, and while he hadn't exactly, it felt like he had. Sirius looked up at Remus in an attempt to figure out if he should explain why his younger brother was asleep in his bed. "Regulus fell asleep when he came to visit earlier, so I let him have my bed. Remus refuses to let me sleep on the couch in the common room." James chuckled and said goodnight to the two as he pulled the curtain shut again. So, Regulus was in their dorm tonight. Was he aware that James shared a dorm with Sirius? He must have been, Sirius had admitted to talking about Hogwarts to Regulus all the time. Maybe Regulus didn't despise him as much as he claimed. Maybe.