Healing
“How incompetent are you? You had someone right in front of you that had the evidence you needed to know he is back, but no instead of questioning him you sentence him to the dementors kiss because you are to scared to face the truth. Look at him, does it look like he would come back and lie about fighting the dark lord, why would he want his parents murderer to still be alive? He is in a bloody coma you complete moron and he might not wake up, how else can you explain all this than the dark lord bring back?” He awoke to the sound of Severus shouting angrily at someone but he was struggling to follow why his guardian was so mad.
“Because he wants the attention solely on him, because his fame dwindled away this year so he needed a plan to get everyone to worship him again because he escaped the inescapable twice.” The other person in the conversation answered.
He then heard scuffling and grunting as if someone was being restrained in some way. “Severus, believe me I am as upset as you are but you need to calm down before you do something that lands you in prisons.” Remus said through gritted teeth.
“I think we are all tired and emotional due to the current circumstances so minister why don’t you just leave the winnings that you came here to give and then we can leave these two gentleman to care for Harry and we can talk about this once everyone is a bit calmer.” Dumbledore placated.
“I don’t want to see that sorry excuse for a man again unless he apologises and actually takes my son seriously.”
“Come on, let’s sit down, let them go.”
He heard two people sit down in the chairs next to his bed then the door of the hospital wing closing. He blinked his eyes open weakly, the bright lights blinding him and the constant thumping ache going through his body making him just want to curl up and go back to sleep but he knew if he didn’t completely wake up now, it would be nearly impossible for him to get this far again.
“Water.” He mumbled unintelligibly, his voice dry and raspy from disuse.
“Harry, thank merlin your awake. Turn towards me please, I need to know I’m not imagining this again.” Severus said desperately leaning forward and grasping his hand.
He turned his head slowly, a whine escaping him from the pain of the motion. “Water please.” He managed to say a bit more eloquently.
“I’ll go get water and Madam Pomphrey.” Remus smiled at him before standing up and walking out of his eye-line.
“Your awake, your finally awake.” Severus gasped laughing through tears.
Madam Pomphrey was next to him within what felt like seconds, potions in her arms and spells already being cast over him as Remus lifted his head gently to allow him to get a few sips of water.
“Is he alright? Surely now he is awake it shows that his body is healed.” Severus asked pleadingly.
“He has made a remarkable recovery but there are still some things that are concerning me. Harry, are you able to lift you arm up for me?” He slowly raised his arm, tremors going through it as he tried his best to hold it straight before it flopped back down when he didn’t have the energy to hold it up anymore. “The strength I’m not worried about because you have just woken up but the tremors concern me. The cruciatus curse was strong, even stronger than Severus after a punishment, and I have done all I can but the nerves are still damaged. The tremors may be improved by physical therapy but I think they may always be prevalent.”
He just stared blankly at the medi-witch, her mention of the cruciatus curse bringing back all the painful memories of last night: Cedric dying, Voldemort resurrecting, the torture, coming back to be tortured once more. It was all too much for him, he couldn’t even cry he was so overwhelmed. All he wanted to do was curl up in silence and be left alone.
“Harry, I know it’s scary but you won’t be going through this alone, you have so many people lining up to support you. We will all get you through this.” Severus tried to comfort him but he didn’t want help right now, he didn’t want comfort. He deserved the pain, and he deserved isolation because if it wasn’t for him Cedric would still be alive and Voldemort wouldn’t be back. So he just turned away from the man, missing the look of hurt in his guardians eyes.
“Cedric’s funeral will be tomorrow, they said they could hold off on it for a few days for you to recover so you can attend. The other champions agreed to stay as well, wanting to honour him.” Remus said softly. “Do you want me to go ask Dumbledore to reschedule to give you a few days?” He shook his head. “Are you sure you will be ok to attend tomorrow?” He nodded his head. “Ok, if you change your mind just say and we can work something out.”
“Should we get someone to inform your friends so they can come visit you?” He shook his head worrying his guardian even more. “Not even Draco? He has been beyond himself with worry all week” He shook his head again. “Ok, we can just sit quietly, you are obviously hurting and need some time.” Severus said softly sitting back in the chair, leaving him to lay in silence, replaying the events of last night over and over in his head.
***
He hadn’t slept all night, the images of last night tormenting him every-time he closed his eyes, so when Madam Pomphrey came to help him into the wheelchair he was just thankful for the chance to leave this place.
“Remember to take it slow, you went through a lot and if you try to do stuff too early you could end up right back here so please be patient with yourself.”
“Thank you Poppy, we will keep you updated if there is any changes or anything concerning comes up.” Severus said before rolling him out the hospital wing, Remus following them closely to help levitate him down the flights of stairs.
The funeral was being held in the great hall, the usual house banners were changed to the Hufflepuff ones to honour Cedric. The tables had been transformed into rows and rows of seating, the Hogwarts students at the front, people sitting next to friends and family wether they were in the same house or not, and the foreign schools were sitting at the back with the exception of Krum and Fleur who were at the very front. He was wheeled down to join the other champion who gave him small sad smiles and then the ceremony started.
“We are here today to remember the great person that Cedric Diggory was; he was a brilliant student, hard worker and a loyal friend with a kind heart. Wether you were in the same house or not, wether you were in his year or older or younger, no matter who you were Cedric wouldn’t think twice about helping you. His death will have affected you all in some way which is why I think you deserve to know how he died. Cedric Diggory was murdered by Lord Voldemort. Many do not believe this, it is up to you to come to your own decision of wether or not you think he has returned but no matter what you believe do not think Cedric’s death was that of an accident. That would be an insult to his memory, he went down fighting a fight that very few have taken on and less have come out off, so in honour of him join me in a two minute silence to remember who he once was.”
All that played through his mind during the two minutes was the moment were the green light connected with Cedric and then the blank eyes staring up into the night. His hands were trembling in his lap despite how hard he tried to control them and tears pricked at his eyes. Severus’s hand came and joined his but he flinched away, not deserving of the comfort.
“Thank you all for your respects, I know this may hit harder for some than others, over the holidays if you feel like you need help or you aren’t coping do not be scared to send a letter to one of the professors, all of them are happy to help you in anyway they can. Help will always be offered at Hogwarts to those who asked for it.” Dumbledore ended the ceremony there and everyone started getting up to head for the train home.
Severus started pushing him out the hall and headed for their private quarters where they would be floo-ing home when he was stopped by Fleur and Krum running up to them.
“We just wanted to say goodbye before we have to leave, and that if you ever need to talk about anything we are happy to listen. After everything we have been through together, I don’t think we can just end all contact here.” Fleur started.
“I don’t care wether I am on tour with the team or at Durmstrang, if one of you owls or needs help I would drop everything in a heartbeat. We know you are currently going through a lot and might want space so you don’t need to say anything right now, but once you are ready send us an owl, we will be waiting for you.” Krum shook his hand, thankfully not commenting on the violent tremors, then Fleur hugged him tightly and they were being called away to join their schools.
They didn’t make it far when they were stopped again, this time by the twins who were looking unnaturally somber.
“We just wanted to let you know Harry, that we believe you and ….”
“… so do mum and dad. Bill and Charlie also got in contact to say…”
“… they are in your side. We know you probably haven’t heard much…”
“… of what people are saying since you were in the hospital wing but…”
“…. before it all got out, we wanted to make sure you knew that you…”
“… had people supporting you. You shouldn’t have to feel alone because…”
“… of the incompetency and stupidity of others.”
“Thanks.” He said softly, it was the most he had said since he had first woken up, everything having been too fresh and painful in his mind for him but after the funeral and what Fleur and Viktor had said, he couldn’t shut everyone out. He could be sad and he could be angry and he was allowed to struggle right now, but if he shut everyone out then he would just be letting Cedric die in vain. Cedric didn’t deserve that, no he had to try and he had to be strong so he could defeat Voldemort. He motioned for Remus to give him his bag, reaching into it and passing over the money bag with his winnings in it over to the twins. He watched their faces change into shock as they realised what he had just given them.
“We can’t take this, this is far too much and…”
“… it is yours, you won them.”
“For your shop, go make a difference, that’s what he would want.” The twins had been so excited to win the bet back at the Quidditch World Cup but once they had realised that Ludo had conned them with Leprachaun money they had thought there dreams of owning a joke shop were gone. He knew Cedric loved the twins weird humour and the way they could bring a smile to peoples faces even in dark times. He didn’t need the money, he didn’t want it because he didn’t feel like he deserved it so he thought this would be the best way to honour the older boys memory.
“Thank you, you have no idea how much this will…”
“… help us. When we get it up and running you…”
“… will be our partner and you will never need to…”
“… pay for anything as a thanks for your help.”
The twins hugged him, before saying goodbye and letting them finish their journey down to the quarters.
“Do you want me to go and get any of your friends so you can say goodbye before we leave?” Sirius asked as Remus and Severus finished packing up everything and getting the elf’s to take it to Snape Manor.
“I don’t know.” He answered quietly staring at the ground.
“Why?” Remus asked kindly coming into the living room with a box to add to the growing stack.
“They shouldn’t be close to me, neither should any of you, I just get people killed.” He whispered. This had been the main worry on his mind, he may have realised he had to continue to fight so Cedric didn’t die in vain, but could he really let his friends be near him, could he really risk their lives because he was selfish.
“No, none of this was your fault, you are not to blame for anyone getting hurt, or for anyone being killed. You-Know-Who is to blame for all of it, but not you ok?” Remus dropped down in front of him to look him in the eye.
“But Voldemort wants me, not them. The only reason Cedric was put in danger was because of me; the only reason Ginny was attacked or that Hermione was attacked; the reason Draco was hurt in first year; the reason Voldemort keeps coming back again and again. The only one that I don’t know how it is connected is my parents death, but everything else has only occurred because I am here.”
“The dark lord would still be in power if it wasn’t for you Harry.” Severus had entered the room at some point during his rant and was now stroking his hair soothingly. “If it wasn’t for you he would have come back again in first year and second year and if it wasn’t for you he would have been able to port key into the school that night. If it wasn’t for you all these events could have ended in disaster. I hate seeing you in danger, or in pain or upset but all these encounters you have had have saved the wizarding world. Now it is time though for you not to do this alone, the ministry may not believe you but we do and I’m sure there is more people as well. We will help you Harry but for that to happen you can’t push people away. I know you think it will help them, that you are making them safer but all you are doing is hurting both yourself and them. I won’t make you talk to your friends today or ever but I strongly advise you to not isolate yourself at the start of dark times, the people you surround yourself can provide the necessary light to guide you to the end of the tunnel.”
“Sirius, could you get Draco and Hermione if she is with them?” He said after taking a moment to think through his guardians words, leaning further into Severus’s touch. “Thank you.”
“It’s my role as your guardian to give you the advice, it was all up to you to act upon it so part of that thanks belongs to yourself.”
He sat in a nervous silence twiddling his trembling fingers as Remus and Severus continued to sort through the rooms for anything else they might need. Although, apparently Sirius had ran to the common room because it really wasn’t long before his boyfriend was racing into the room.
“Merlin Harry, please don’t do that to me again, please.” Draco whispered into his ear after pretty much attacking him with a hug as Sirius and Hermione followed the blond into the quarters.
“How did he run so fast? I thought I was getting fitter.” Sirius wheezed dramatically.
“If it’s for Harry, he has no limit.” Hermione stated before coming over to join the two of them. He reached out a shaky hand to pull the girl into the hug despite the awkward angle with him being in the chair.
“Do you want help to get onto the couch so you can do this a bit easier. We will finish transporting the stuff while you talk. Remus asked smiling at the way they were bent at weird angles.
“Yes please.” Draco and Hermione backed off for a minute allowing Remus to pick him up easily and place him on the couch, Draco clinging to him like a koala instantly and Hermione slotting into the other side of him.
“You were in the coma for so long and I didn’t even know you were awake but then you were at the funeral but you didn’t look up at anyone and I wasn’t able to catch you as we were herded out the hall. I have been so worried and I wanted to comfort you so bad because you looked so lost at the funeral but I also wanted to respect the space you probably wanted and then Sirius said you asked for us and I couldn’t help myself.” Draco said quickly, not even stopping to breathe so every word pretty much ran together.
“I’m sorry, when I woke up I was struggling with blaming myself and I was also worried I would end up getting you guys hurt but Severus talked some sense into me. I am still not ready for big groups but I thought you two should would want to see me before we left…” He paused realising something. He had been under the impression that the tournament and the events after had occurred last night not two weeks ago like Draco had said. “I’m sorry but what do you mean by two weeks. The tournament was last night.”
“I’m sorry Harry but you were under for two weeks. We would have told you when you woke up but we thought you needed a minute to process everything first.” Severus said quietly from the doorway to his bedroom.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I hadn’t realised how long I scared you all for.”
“Remember, none of this is your fault.” Severus said firmly before looking at his friends pointedly and walking back into his bedroom.
“Of course it isn’t your fault Harry. And about your previous worries of course we want to see you, I mean for the past two weeks we have spent every free minute next to your bedside so to see you up is amazing. I don’t care what kind of danger you think you are putting is in, we will not be leaving you alone.” Hermione stated matter of factly.
“After what you put me through with your near death experience, you are not getting rid of me. I will be visiting you daily and I will not be letting you out if my sight during those visits.” Draco said.
“I’m guessing I don’t have an option?”
“Nope, get used to the sight of me because I’m going nowhere.”
“He has been a complete mess for the past two weeks, give him this.” Hermione whispered into his ear.
“I wasn’t planning on objecting, just teasing him.” He whispered back kissing away the blondes pout that has appeared during the whispered conversation.
“Sorry to interrupt guys but Hermione the train will be leaving soon, you best head up before you miss it.” Severus said retuning to the living room. “Draco, your parents have said that you are to floo to ours then you can floo home from there.”
“Can he stay with us? Just for the night, I don’t think he will last without me.” In all honesty, he needed the older boy, the inevitable nightmares could be calmed slightly with the blondes presence.
“If it’s alright with Draco and his parents then of course he is always welcome.”
“I best be off though, Ginny will be waiting for me to catch the train. Promise you will owl me, and that we can meet up sometime soon.” Hermione said getting up.
“I promise you, you will become sick off hearing from me.”
“Impossible.” She smiled before hugging him one last time and leaving the quarters.
“Alright, you ready for the floo?” Remus came over to lift him up and carrying him over to stand in the fireplace.
“As I’ll ever be.”
“Snape Manor.” Hogwarts disappeared from in front of him and within seconds they were stepping out into the living room of Snape Manor; of home.
He looked around the place, arriving here marked the end of another hard year. Home normally equalled happiness but right now he wasn’t sure if that would be the case. He couldn’t say he was happy, not with the events that had occurred a few weeks ago, not with the constant tremors in his hand, not with the knowledge that Voldemort was roaming the world freely again. No he couldn’t say he was happy but he wasn’t alone. Happiness can be lost, it can be challenged but if he wasn’t alone then surely it can be found once more.