The days are getting shorter, and the cold winter air feels as though its seeping into Remus’ already achy bones as he exits the campus park, music blasting in his ears and puffs of steam escaping his mouth. He craves his bed, and the warmth he knows it'll give him, but he also knows that if he goes home now, he'll shut himself in his room for the weekend, and do nothing, far, far away from everyone. Especially his flatmates, who, if he's being honest, scare the absolute shit out of him. That way, he'll definitely end up having to eat some kind of shit too, that's if he even has anything in his cupboards, he remembers, wondering when the last time he even went shopping was. There might be some pot noodles somewhere he thinks, or maybe even a bag of crisps, plain crackers at a push-. But no, he needs to get out. And by that he means he needs to do something that isn't university centred before he loses his fucking mind.
He's already halfway up the hill towards his accommodation before he can convince himself to actually not go home, but it doesn't take long for his brain to create some kind of contingency plan. The coffee shop he'd frequented in the first few months being in the new city. Lyall had taken him there first. They'd grabbed lunch together when Remus had refused to let his dad help him unpack, not that he'd ever really ended up doing it himself anyway, but it'd been nice to spend some time with him, and the coffee from that place had been good.
That thought alone is enough to have Remus completely in on the idea, and his stomach grumbles at the thought of those fresh pastries Lyall had grabbed too, he only hoped they would have them so late in the day.
Only getting a little bit lost on his way to the coffee shop, Remus just manages to get inside the building before it gets too dark outside, and as soon as he's opening the door, it’s like the place is pulling Remus in. Soft yellow lights replace the deep blue the sky had been turning, and the smell of fresh coffee fills his nose, all of it blanketing him in this kind of familiar warmth. Even just the heat radiating around the place pulls a sigh of content from his lips and he finds himself calling out to the person behind the counter, “you aren’t closing anytime soon, are you?” before he can choose a table. He wonders if he’ll have enough time to order a cup to sit in with, give himself a chance to rest his tired legs, not that he really knows what he wants to order. And at that thought, he finds himself squinting at the huge board behind the counter, unable to choose which of the many different drinks the place offers would be best.
"Yeah," The barista laughs, sounding exhausted, and Remus chuckles too, feeling just as worn down himself, "You've got a couple hours yet." The voice feels somewhat familiar, but Remus is too focused on the board to really take notice, still trying to pick from the hundreds of teas they seem to have advertised. "Anything taking your fancy?"
Finally, Remus find himself looking down, and almost immediately he's hit with this sudden deja-vu. The face looking back at him is far too familiar for his liking, and he quickly looks down at the barista's apron. "Regulus?" Remus reads the name on the badge, and it's only then that he's realising exactly who the barista is. Gods he should've known that kind of face only belongs to the Blacks. The sharp cheekbones, chiselled from that darkness, the same darkness that his hair held, and well, any other descriptors were all trademarked by the Blacks too. They all held that kind of beauty that even with all of Remus' literature knowledge, he wouldn't be able to properly capture through words alone.
"Remus?" Regulus seems just as confused, tilting his head at the taller boy before him. "What're you doing here?"
"What're you?" Remus questions back, raising an eyebrow right back at Regulus, looking over the other, trying to remember what he'd looked like the last time Remus had seen him. Though that had been years ago now, the two had changed immensely since then.
"Left home, came here for University, you know how it is." Regulus shrugs as if it's simple, and Remus almost laughs at his nonchalance, watching the now much longer curls bounce around his face as he does the action.
"Never would have expected you to come here of all places is all." Long hair suits him, Remus decides quickly, not like it had on his brother, softening Sirius' face and feminising it in a way that he had revelled in. But with Regulus, the curls seemed to frame his delicate features in a different way, making them bolder in the shadow of it.
Regulus just shrugs again, "Sirius went to Southampton for fashion, so obviously I had to one up him and come to Oxford." But Remus really does laugh this time.
"Obviously." He snorts, glad to learn the brothers still hadn't given up their rivalry thing. "What're you taking?"
"Human, social and political sciences. You?" Remus should've guessed that.
"English." But then again, Regulus also should've guessed that.
"You always were a bit Literature obsessed." Ah, maybe he had.
"Yeah? And you were a political twat so I guess we both found the right field didn't we." Remus can't help not poking Regulus back, a little annoyed.
"Har har. You're still hilarious Lupin."
"Oh come on, I thought you'd finally realised how to say my first name." He pouts jokingly, and Regulus rolls his eyes.
Its honestly a wonder they haven't fallen out of his head yet, Remus thinks to himself, watching them flick back to the till between the two. "What can I get for you, Lupin."
"Right," Remus clears his throat, finally remembering where it is they are, and finds himself searching the board again. "What's the best tea in here?"
"Well, they're all teapig, so I'd say they're all pretty good. My favourite is the lemongrass and ginger-."
Remus snorts again, "Of course that's your favourite!"
"Hey-." But Regulus doesn't even bother trying to defend himself, immediately switching to offensive mode. "I bet you're some kind of chamomile freak, you can't talk!" He gags as he says it, but Remus perks up immediately.
"Ooohh, you know I will take a chamomile actually, thanks Reg!" Remus laughs at the other's mumbling, and slides a ten pound note across the counter, "I appreciate your input."
"Oh shut it," Regulus dumps the change into Remus' hand, for once not taking care to have everything in the correct order before pointing to the far end of the seating area. "Go find a table and I'll bring it over to you."
Remus does as he's asked, quickly finding himself a spot nestled behind a bunch of plants, with an arm chair that looked insanely comfortable, filled with as many mismatched pillows as possible. The place was cozy, and it was clearly well loved, but it still looked brand new in a way, taken care of insanely well. He sits down quickly, and doesn't take long to pull out his book, a slightly beaten copy of the bell jar.
It only feels like seconds after Remus flips the book open that Regulus is sliding into the chair opposite him, pushing an empty tea cup over to Remus as he nods towards the book. "Is that for an assignment or just for you?" A teapot is sitting between the two, and Remus closes the book after dog earing his new page to pour himself a cup.
"For me. I'm trying to make the most out of enjoying a good book before I begin hating them."
Regulus nods in understanding, "I've heard about that, what's on your list?"
"What makes you think I have a list?" Remus raises an eyebrow at the insinuation, but it only takes a single look from Regulus to have him cracking. "Fine. I was thinking about finally trying to read that secret history, but I recently got a new copy of Dorian Gray and I feel like it's only right to annotate that properly again."
"Sounds like fun, maybe you can find an old annotation you've done and see if anything's changed since your first read?" Regulus offers, and Remus looks up in shock, not having thought about doing something like that, and realising just how good of an idea that sounds. "Honey?" But Regulus isn't paying attention, too busy messing around with a pot of honey on the table. "You still have it don't you?" He seemed almost worried to ask, but Remus just looks back at him blankly, because why, and how, did he even remember that?
"I haven't in a while-." Looking put out by the answer, Regulus goes to pick the pot up, but Remus' hands are already wrapped around it, "I'll take it though. It'll be nice and nostalgic. How did you remember that anyway?"
"It was a weird request when I first heard it, but it works. I haven't had a better cup of tea since." Regulus smiles softly, taking a sip of his own tea.
"See." Remus mirrors his smile as he scoops a spoonful of the honey out the pot, possibly taking a little too much, but who is he to deny himself the luxury of a good honey sweet tea. He can't afford these kinds of luxury back home.
There's an awkward lull in the conversation as Remus takes his first sip of the drink, and he almost expects Regulus to stand up and walk away now that he's done so, but he doesn't, instead, he switches the topic. "So, Oxford?"
"Yeah, didn't want to go anywhere else." Remus lies through his teeth, and if Regulus catches it, he doesn't say anything.
"You all split up properly then?" Or, maybe he does. Remus thinks, already knowing where the question is headed.
"Hm?" Remus pretends like he doesn't understand, but Regulus doesn't seem to want to allow it.
"The Marauders. I know James didn't go to Southampton, and Peter wasn't interested in Universities at all. You never were the same after that prank in year thirteen." Ah, of course Regulus knows about that.
"Sirius took it too far." Remus states simply, not wanting to get into that at all, and Regulus seems to understand, however he can't seem to help himself from prompting Remus to continue. "And, well, Lily went to Brighton, so James followed her obviously, and then Peter got a job opportunity out there. It's not too far from Southampton, I see them all meeting up on my feed sometimes. I guess it was less of a split, and more me just going my own way."
"That's shit." Regulus states plainly, and Remus wonders if all his questions were even worth it.
But he just settles on shrugging awkwardly, just as stuck with how to respond. "I guess. Maybe it was needed. I just don't think I expected to be so lonely. When I was with them all the time, well, I don't know, I guess I just got used to that," another helpless shrug. "It's weird not being able to turn to James for something. And sometimes I catch myself pointing at something and going to get Pete's attention. I think that's when I feel most lonely."
"What about Sirius?" Regulus cocks his head sideways.
"What about him?"
Regulus shrugs this time, acting as though his question was obvious. "Well, you mentioned the other two, what about him?"
"It was different with him I suppose. Not at first. But things changed when I-," Remus shakes his head, suddenly remembering he was talking to Sirius' younger brother. "This is too weird. I'm sorry. I just-."
"You liked Sirius right?"
"I liked the others too-!" Remus goes to protest, but he knows what Regulus really means, and-.
"You did. I know, you don't have to like, hide it?"
"Obviously not, but-." Another look from Regulus silences Remus, and finally, he cracks. "Fine. What do you want me to say? That I was in love with your brother? We were kids, and he was a twat, I have no idea what I was thinking. Gods. You Blacks really know how to get under my skin."
Regulus smiles as if it's a compliment, "We're Blacks, it's what we're made for." But a glare from Remus silences him. "Sorry."
"No, it's just-. Weird."
"You said that already."
"Well I mean it differently this time. It's weird that we're both here. I've been so lonely, so out of it, and there's been a Black right around the corner this whole time."
"Campus is huge."
"I guess it is."
They don't talk again after that, but this time, the silence isn't as awkward as it is daunting. Remus feels as though he's just had some weird fucked up therapy session, and his mind wanders to exactly what Regulus had gotten out the conversation. If anything.
Eventually though, Remus finishes his tea, and he can't quite bring himself to pick up the book as Regulus sits opposite him. Shouldn't he be working or something? He wonders to himself, not that there is much for Regulus to do. No customers, no tables to clean, maybe Remus was his only form of entertainment. Maybe that's where all the questions had come from.
Tired of all the thinking, Remus decides it late enough for him to take his leave, and he quickly finds himself packing away all his stuff. "I uh, I should go, but it was nice to see you Regulus, and I'd like to talk again soon?" He feels like he's ending some kind of date with the way he's talking, and he cringes internally at the thought.
"Oh, yeah, it was?"
"Yeah?" Remus laughs at Regulus' uncertainty, finally standing up and stretching out his sore limbs, achy and tired from disuse. "Goodbye Regulus." He waits for a response with his back turned, but when he doesn't get one, he takes his leave.
But he barely manages a few steps before-.
"Remus!" The mentioned is stopped by a hand reaching out to grab his sleeve, tugging him back into his corner, and what would be away from customers if there had been any in the shop.
"Regulus?" He's unsteady on his feet, but Regulus somehow catches him, sliding the hand from Remus' wrist up to his shoulder, steadying him before he can speak.
"I'm glad." Regulus finally gets out, and when Remus' face just scrunches up, he sighs, "that you and Sirius didn't work. I'm glad."
But Remus didn't understand what that meant, had Regulus not been listening at all? He just bared his whole fucking heart and soul to him, had he not heard how messed up he felt, how out of place he was without the marauders. "You-. what?"
"N-not like that, just, my brother never did see you. Not properly, and you have no idea how much I wished you'd have seen me back then. He was so stupid, and-."
"Regulus what are you talking about?"
"I, Gods I bet you think I'm insane, I promise I'm not, just-." Regulus shakes his head again, wringing his hands together, "I used to have the biggest crush on you. Like, huge, and honestly, I don't know how you never realised it, but-."
"You're glad Sirius and I didn't work because you used to have a crush on me?" Remus is confused. What does that have to do with this moment at all, what-?
"No, Remus, I just, I shut down that part of myself when I realised how much you liked Sirius. And I kind of assumed it'd gone. That it died down when you left. But now I'm realising, I don't think it ever went away. Not completely."
“You’re not fucking with me right now?” Remus has to ask, his stomach doing all kinds of weird things as he actually thinks about it.
Regulus is, well, he’s not Sirius. But Remus has been over him for years. Maybe he never got over the betrayal, that prank had been horrific, but he had realised just how immature their ‘love’ had been. Not that Sirius had ever even let it get that far, shying away from any real feelings.
“Why would I?” Regulus is honest though. Remus can hear it in his voice, see it in his eyes as he looks right at Remus. “I-.” He has to look away again to even find the words leaving his mouth however, clearly embarrassed to be the one bearing his ‘heart and soul’. “I really fucking like you Remus.” He looks back again, but Remus quickly finds him refusing eye contact. “I swear on, on everything, I-.”
"You know you're pretty cute when you get all flustered." Remus smiles an almost taunting smile down at the boy, fixing his glasses as they slip down his nose in the position, but not moving, enjoying just watching Regulus as he reacted.
Flushed and stammering, the other clearly doesn't enjoy the position, but it doesn't last long. "Please shut up, I-."
"Do something about it, and maybe I will." Remus cuts him off from his mindless protests, and suddenly, there's two hands on either side of his face, pulling it down just enough for Regulus to actually do something. And oh. Oh. Remus hadn't been expecting this at all-.
Regulus, it seems, had also realised Remus hadn't been expecting Regulus to do anything, and smiles into the kiss, pulling away for a split second to whisper something before Remus is using the hand cradling the back of Regulus' head to pull him right back into the kiss.
“Let me drive you home?” Remus isn't quite expecting that to come from Regulus' kissed lips when he pulls away again.
“Hmm?” Remus doesn’t quite process Regulus’ words for a couple seconds, but when he does, he's quickly refusing, fully stepping away from the other, swiping a hand across his own mouth. “Oh! Oh no! I couldn’t-.”
"Please? Just, you'll have to wait for me to close up, but I should have done that a while ago anyway-."
Remus looks around quickly, as though someone will pop out at any moment and scold the two of them. "What!? Why didn't you say something?"
"I was waiting for you to leave, I couldn't kick you out."
"You absolutely could have, what if you get fired?"
"Mother pays them a hefty amount of money to keep me employed here," Regulus rolls his eyes at the idea, detesting the thought of his mother not believing he could keep a job. Not that he could really complain, it had given him the chance to keep Remus around.
"Oh."
“Is that a yes?”
“I mean, it would help. Are you sure it’s okay though? It’s only like a fifteen minute walk, and that’s like a huge waste of petrol, especially in this climate.”
Regulus snorts at that before returning to his head shaking. “Honestly Remus. It’s no problem. The halls are on my way anyway, and-.”
“Okay.” Remus finally nods, and Regulus looks about ready to jump in joy.
Its isolating, lonely, dismal even, Remus could describe his university experience so far with so many different depressing adjectives, he barely knows where to start. But as he sits in the car beside Regulus, the smile that he can feel tugging at his own lips is enough to make his previous melancholy worth it. Because it allowed him to find this crazy person again, and he couldn’t be more grateful to whatever Gods were watching over him for showing him exactly what he'd missed out on.