Regulus Black
Regulus Black was no one's first choice. Sirius only ever loved him when he needed him. Everyone only ever loved him when they needed him. Regulus still remembers how his parents used to say, ‘Take this as an example of what happens to a bad Black’ and then they’d hit Sirius in some type of terrible way. Walburga and Orion never really physically abused Regulus until he was 6 years old and started school. He was homeschooled by tutors just like Sirius, they learned all the regular subjects on a higher level as well as French, Latin, Calligraphy, Astronomy, Piano and some other instrument that they chose. By the age of 10 they were expected to be fluent in French, English and Latin as well as be able to play 2 instruments on a professional level. If they got something wrong or failed a test their parents would hit them and tell them they were worthless shits. Their parents cursed a lot when there were no gusts around, specifically when it was targeted at the Black brothers. Or at the time the black brother and sister. Regulus was trans. Sirius knew and supported him all the way, or so Regulus thought. Their parents knew and let’s just say they didn’t support Regulus as much as Sirius.
Regulus found out he was trans at the age of 9 and told no one until he was 12. It was late at night, they were both sitting on Regulus’s bed, under the covers. They couldn’t see anything but the soft shadows on each other’s faces. “Sirius, I need to tell you a secret, um, Sirius I’m transgender… I’m a boy, like you… or at least I want to be, I feel like one” he could see Sirius’s glistening tears in the dark but as Sirius hugged him, he knew the tears were not because of disgust or hate but they cried that night because they both knew that this wasn’t going to end well. Regulus’s parents found out one night when one of the resident tutors that lived in the mansion overheard Sirius and Regulus talking about hair and hormones and surgery and boobs and periods and puberty. The tutor immediately told Walburga and she hit and cursed both of them for what felt like hours. At the time Regulus's name was Nova. Walburga would say “Nova, none of my children will be filthy queers!” And then She took out the whip. That summer they sent regulus to a ‘queer camp’ to try and take out all the queerness from him. There they starved him. He stayed for 2 months. Around the end of the first month was when he started cutting. He used shards from a broken mirror. He cut his forearms and his thighs and along the sides of his legs, those were the best, the cuts that went from right over his ankle to just over his hip bone, they were long and straight. They hurt the most and the pain was addicting. The pain that was different from hunger and exhaustion. It was a sharp stinging sour pain and it felt so good. He felt alive when he cut, he felt exhilarated when he cut. When he cut he forgot his parents and the huger and Sirius. He loved forgetting. After he cut he would use the blood to paint on the cell room walls. He painted faces and animals and freedom. He painted his feelings and his emotions in the earliest lights of the morning and latest lights of the evening. He didn’t care about the scars; they were just signs that it was all real and he wasn’t dreaming.
At the end of the second month he was sent back home. When he arrived, he was sent straight up to his room to wait. The first thing he did was look in the mirror. He was paler than before, he had deep dark circles under his eyes and sunken cheeks, his jaw was sharper, his black hair was longer and matted and his boobs had grown. He took off all his clothes and saw all the scars, some were fresher than others, but they were all terrible in their own jagged way. He put on a fresh long sleeve shirt and trousers so his parents couldn’t see the scars. He realized then how skinny he had gotten, his trousers didn’t stay up on his waist so that he had to use the last hole in the belt, his shirt looked huge and hung loosely on his defined collar bones. He tied up his hair in a ‘tail and sat on his bed waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting for someone to come.
Finally, his mother came into his room. When she saw him, she scowled, what was she expecting? Regulus didn’t know. She said “Nova, I hope you’ve had a good summer, it’s back to school in 2 weeks and Orion and I decided to send you and Sirius to a boarding school in Scotland. Start packing, someone will bring your books and uniform up at some point.” Then she left, closing the door. Regulus just sat there staring at the wall. Boarding school. Boarding school. Boarding school. Scotland. Scotland. Scotland. Boarding school was good, right? Scotland was far away from London, that was good right? Regulus wouldn’t know. The only thought that regulus was truly focused on was where was Sirius?
Regulus got a bra. No. Yes. That wasn’t right though. Regulus was a boy. No, he wasn’t, he was just neglected and left to his thoughts for too long. Regulus was a girl named Nova Black. He had forgotten. The bra seemed too real. The skirt and the tights seemed too real. This wasn’t right. Sirius barely talked to him since he came back, Regulus didn’t know why. Regulus did love music though; he was good at it too. He played piano and violin and flute and acoustic guitar and saxophone. Music was the only thing his parents were proud of about him. Sirius played piano and lots of different guitars, their parents found rock improper though, so they banned it. Right now, he was in the music room, he knew that you can’t just forget stuff like how to play an instrument, but he still just wanted to make sure. He was playing the violin when Sirius came in,
“You ready for school?” He asked
“Yeah, I’m ready to get out of here”
“You literally just came back” Regulus noticed how preserved Sirius was standing with his hands behind his back, keeping his distance from Regulus.
“Yeah, well, being starved in a cell room for a whole summer isn’t much better than here.”
“Fare, anyway, are you taking your instruments with you?”
“Can I? Do you think?”
“What does it matter? It’s not like mother will get a sudden urge to play Nova’s Vio’ or flute”
“True, I might take them then”
“Ok”
“What about you? Are you taking your guitars?”
“Yeah, but just the red rock and black bass.” Sirius kept his rock guitar hidden under the floorboards and only played when their parents weren’t home.
“Ok”
“Ok” he stood there awkwardly for 3 whole minutes before he left. Regulus didn't know what happened over the summer, but Sirius wasn't the same anymore.