Harry felt miserable.
No, not physically (though the chilly weather had given almost everyone a cough or a case of sniffles), but mentally.
He had managed to convince Ron and Neville to go to breakfast without him as he lay in his bed, wanting his bed to swallow him up.
Harry blinked away tears more than once with the all-encompassing feeling of utter despair settling into his body. He didn’t ask for any of this. He didn’t ask for the trauma. He didn’t ask for mental illnesses. He didn’t ask to be a pawn in the biggest Wizarding war.
Harry pulled the covers closer to his chest and sighed, unconsciously trying to protect himself from the world.
It was only 10 minutes after that when Harry heard footsteps coming up the stairs. Harry had hoped it was a different year who forgot a book or something, but the footsteps became louder and stopped outside the door. There was a sharp knock and then the door opened.
Harry pulled the covers up, hoping to hide himself from whoever it was as he didn’t want to interact with anyone.
“Up you get, Harry. Come on,” the voice said.
Harry poked his head up. “Draco?”
“That’s what they call me,” the blonde said as he made his way over to the side of Harry’s bed near his face.
“What are you doing in here?” Harry asked, confused.
“Getting you,” Draco said as if it was obvious.
“I mean, how’d you even get in the Gryffindor Common Room?”
“I had some help. Now, I am going to help you and get you to class. C’mon.”
Harry put his head back down now and pulled up the comforter even further, shaking his head.
“Sorry, Draco. I’m not going to classes today. I can’t. I’m sick.” Harry faked a cough, but both knew it was clearly not real.
“Good thing I’m training to be a healer!” Draco said enthusiastically.
Harry just glared at him before turning his head.
Draco allowed silence for a moment before sighing and bending down to be at eye level with Harry. “Harry, listen. I know you don’t want to leave your bed. I can see that it’s a rough day for you. I’m not going to leave you alone today. You’re my mate and I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
“I’m not hur- er, doing that,” Harry protested weakly, not even able to get the words out.
Draco nodded sympathetically. “I know you’re not. But I don’t want you to come to that. We’ve got potions and then history this morning and we both know that if you don’t go to either, Uncle Sirius is sending up a search party.”
Harry sighed, knowing Draco had a point.
“You’re not alone. You don’t even have to do anything in the classes today. I’ll help you. I just want to make sure you stay safe. I’m here for you.”
Harry sighed and gave a small smile to Draco. “I appreciate that- I do. It’s just really hard, y’know?” Harry felt tears come to his eyes and he turned and quickly blinked them away, not wanting Draco to see.
“I know. I also know that you don’t want to go to your parents about this or you already would’ve.” Draco pointed out as gently as the Slytherin could.
Harry knew that Draco was absolutely right. “Yeah.”
“Why don’t you let me help you today? Okay?”
“Yeah. Okay.” Harry reluctantly agreed.
Draco helped Harry out from underneath the covers and got him up. Harry took off his clothes and changed as Draco fumbled through his chest before throwing him a mint,
“Take it. You don’t have much time for anything else.”
Harry caught it (he’s not a seeker for no reason) and tossed it in his mouth before haphazardly putting on his tie.
Draco stepped back and studied him saying, “Not bad for a traumatized teenager.”
“Prat,” Harry teased him, throwing a pillow at him.
Draco chuckled and put the pillow back on Harry’s bed. “C’mon, we can floo to Uncle Sev’s quarters.”
“Are you sure?” Harry asked, following Draco down them.
“Yeah. He’s given me permission and this falls under one of the reasons I’m allowed to. We’ve talked about it.”
“You’ve talked about me?” Harry asked, not sure if he was angry or flattered.
“Course. We both care about you,” Draco pointed out, turning to Harry before they entered the common room.
Harry decided on flattered and pushed away any anger as he was too tired to deal with it.
Harry went to the fireplace behind Draco as he grabbed floo powder and went in with him, thankful the common room was empty.
Harry and Draco were swirled away to Snape’s quarters and Harry was more than surprised to see Snape sitting at his kitchen table, sipping coffee.
“Uh, er-” Harry stuttered, frozen in front of the fireplace.
Severus sighed and set down his coffee and folded the paper he was holding and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at Draco.
“Are you both okay?”
Harry was surprised at the sour potion master’s first question, even if it did sound a bit pained.
“Yes. He was having a rough morning, Uncle Sev. This is how we could get to class on time and I could ask you to please go easy on him.”
“Draco, I don’t need that,” Harry butted in, finding his voice.
“Harry, I saw you this morning. Yes, you do,” Draco said.
Harry huffed angrily, but once again didn’t have the energy to argue back.
Severus nodded. “Thank you, Draco. Now both of you get to class before I do.”
The boys nodded and Harry followed Draco out.
“And Harry,” Severus said as the boys approached the door.
“Yes?” Harry said, looking up.
“Take care of yourself today,” Severus said.
Harry nodded and ducked his head as he continued to follow Draco out.
When the door was shut Severus sighed and downed the rest of his coffee.
Being a teacher was a lot of work.
Severus followed Draco’s request and didn’t pick on Harry during class. Severus lectured during class and didn’t call on Harry once. Draco made sure he sat next to Harry during class and took notes for both of them as Harry took bites of an apple Draco took from breakfast for him and doodled on a spare bit of parchment. He drew lines with swirls and drew magical places. He may not have the mental energy for class, but he needed something to occupy his mind that wasn’t the terrible thoughts he had earlier in the morning.
Everything was going well in potions until the last ten minutes of class when two fifth year Ravenclaws came into the lab.
“Professor Snape, so sorry to interrupt, but there was a spill in the lab, and Jefferies is hurt, along with Koch.”
“Are they still in the lab?” Snape asked.
The boys nodded.
“Class dismissed. Mr. Malfoy, come with me. You will be needed.”
Malfoy nodded and then turned to Harry. “Go straight to History. I’ll be there when I can.” Draco turned to Neville. “Go with him. Don’t let him out of your sight.”
Again, Harry wanted to argue with Draco, but he knew the Slytherin had a point.
Neville nodded. “I got it. Go, help the fifth years.”
Draco nodded and scooped up his stuff, hurrying to the lab.
“Come on, Harry. Let’s get to history early,” Neville said, picking up his own books.
“It’s okay, Nev. I can handle being by myself.”
“Harry, listen. I may not be a Slytherin, but I can see past your bullshit.”
Harry was shocked: Neville never swore.
“Let me help you,” Neville said gently.
Harry gave a small nod and followed Neville out of the potions lab and walked with him through the hallways.
“I’m guessing you’re the one who told Draco to get me, then?” Harry asked.
“We needed someone cunning,” Neville pointed out.
“Fair enough,” Harry agreed.
When they got to history, Neville started to go in, but Harry lingered in the hallway.
“What is it?” Neville asked, walking back over to his friend.
“Dadfoot is going to know something is wrong- he always does. And I don’t want to talk about it.”
Neville sighed and thought for a moment before saying, “Why don’t I see if he’s even in the classroom first? He might be in his office. He didn’t have a class this morning, right?”
Harry nodded. The first hour was his godfather’s prep period today.
Neville poked his head in and then gestured for Harry to follow. “He’s not in here.”
Harry could’ve danced with that relief. He and Neville made their way into the classroom and set their stuff down.
“Wanna play a game while we wait?” Neville asked.
“Noughts and crosses?” Harry asked in response.
“You’re on,” Neville said, pulling out a piece of paper.
Harry and Neville were on their fifth game, the tiebreaker, with the whole class around them by the time Sirius finally did enter class.
Sirius didn’t say anything but smiled as he saw the whole class gathered around Neville and Harry.
Sirius set down his bag and joined the crowd, silently watching them.
“And Longbottom goes and places a nought. How will Potter respond?” Ron loudly said in an exaggerated announcer voice.
“Ooh and a cross is placed, blocking Longbottom. Is there another solution for him?”
Neville paused before placing a nought and circling his three in a row. “Gotcha, Harry.”
Harry sighed and shook his head, before smiling at Neville and shaking his hand. “Good game, Mate.”
“5 points for the win, Mr. Longbottom,” Sirius said from the crowd, smiling.
“Thanks, Professor,” Neville replied, blushing, stuffing the paper away.
“I should know, it’s not every day you beat Mr. Potter in noughts and crosses.”
Now it was Harry’s turn to blush.
“Please tell me this is an embarrassing story,” Ron said, finding his seat along with everyone else.
Sirius chuckled. “Mr. Potter has been beating Professor Lupin in noughts and crosses since he was seven years old.”
“Seven is a magical number,” Hermione pointed out.
Sirius’ eyes twinkled.
“And what about you, Professor?” Neville asked.
“We go back and forth, don’t we, Mr. Potter?” Sirius asked, smiling.
Harry finally looked up from his desk and gave a nod before putting his head back down. He didn’t want Sirius to see his face.
Sirius knew his son well enough that even that half second was enough for Sirius to see the pain Harry was in.
Sirius kept his smile on and said, “Well, that was fun. Let’s all open our textbooks and talk about the chapter we read, hm?”
A few groans were heard, but Professor Black’s class was rarely boring.
Sirius looked around his desk and said, “Oh, I must’ve misplaced my notes again. Let me go to my office and look for them. Mr. Potter, can you please help me?”
A few students chuckled, knowing Harry has helped Sirius find things before.
Harry, on the other hand, wasn’t laughing. He knew that Sirius could tell something was up and he did not want to talk about it.
Harry didn’t say anything as he slowly stood up and followed Sirius into his office. Sirius held the door open for Harry before shutting it and putting a locking and silencing charm on it.
“Harry, what’s going on?” Sirius asked gently.
Harry sighed. “Nothing. It’s fine.”
Sirius walked to Harry and bent down to look into Harry’s downcast eyes. “I can tell that something’s up and you’re not okay. How are you feeling?”
Harry shrugged, turning away.
Sirius knew that look on Harry’s face and could smell the hopelessness coming off of him. “Pup, please. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t want to talk about it right now, Dadfoot,” Harry said.
“Did you hurt yourself?” Sirius asked after a long moment of silence.
“No,” Harry replied honestly.
“Do you want to hurt yourself?”
Harry didn’t respond.
Sirius bit his cheek and walked close to his son. “Harry, I love you. I want to keep you safe. Why don’t you see Moony Da?”
“I told you!” Harry cried. “I don’t want to talk about it!”
“Harry,” Sirius began.
“NO!” Harry yelled, kicking the wall.
“Harry,” Sirius began again, this time sternly. “You are clearly not okay right now. You need some help. You are going to floo to Moony Da’s office.”
Harry shook his head as he kicked the wall again.
“Harry, stop hurting yourself,” Sirius said, softening his voice and walking over to his son.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Harry said, wanting to sound firm but instead his voice wavered as he held back tears.
Sirius wrapped his arms around Harry. “And that’s okay. But you do need to go see him so he can help you.”
Harry shook his head.
“Harry, if you don’t go to Moony Da, I will bring him here. I’m worried about you,” Sirius admitted.
Harry didn’t want that. He was quiet and pulled away from Sirius. “Fine. I’ll go.”
Sirius breathed a sigh of relief. “Good. And you’re going to floo to his waiting room from my office.”
“No, Dadfoot!” Harry whined.
“I don’t need you wandering anywhere else,” Sirius pointed out.
“Fine,” Harry conceded.
He followed Sirius to his fireplace and grabbed a handful of floo powder. Before he could throw it in, Sirius kissed his head and said, “I love you, Harry. Be safe.”
Harry gave Sirius a small, weary smile and then flooed to Remus’ office.
Harry stepped out and brushed himself off. He looked up to see Remus’ door shut.
Harry could’ve smiled. Remus was busy.
Harry sat down on a chair in a waiting room, thankful he didn’t have to say anything at the moment. Harry waited there for about 10 minutes, but over that time the thoughts became louder and louder in his head. He felt his hands travel to his wrists and begin to scratch. He was still exhausted and just wanted to disappear.
You shouldn’t be here.
You’re a waste of space.
You can’t do anything right.
You are a burden.
The world would be better off without you.
Harry squeezed his eyes shut and scratched harder, trying to ignore the voices. Eventually, they became so loud that Harry couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up and hurried out of the waiting room. Harry felt tears pool in his eyes and he stumbled through the corridors and found an empty broom closet to sit in when he couldn’t take it anymore.
Harry put up a locking and silencing charm and started to sob, putting his head on his knees.
The pain was so real and he didn’t know how he could handle it. He needed a break. He needed something to focus on that wasn’t his inner agony.
Harry wiped his face and saw his wand laying on the floor. He eyed it for a moment longer before picking it up and rolling up his sleeve.
Harry was about to cast a cutting charm but paused.
He didn’t need the world to see his new scars, even if he wanted them.
Harry lowered his wand and whispered, “Diffindo.”
A straight cut appeared on Harry’s pants and revealed his thigh.
Harry held his wand there again and repeated the charm. This time, his thigh was cut instead of his pants.
Harry hissed and then smiled at the pain, finally feeling something that was matching his internal turmoil.
Meanwhile, Sirius had gone back to his class but was very worried about his son.
Remus had finished the session he was in about 5 minutes after Harry left. His light that went on when someone was in the waiting room had turned on, and was on for a while, but turned off as Harry left.
Remus was a bit concerned when it did, but didn’t think much of it until he went out into the waiting room and saw a spare bit of parchment on the ground.
Remus said goodbye to the student and walked them out before going over and picking the parchment up. He saw Harry’s name and a few lines of notes from Potions and then various doodles.
‘ Was Harry here ?’ Remus thought. He furrowed his brows in concern and went to his office to check his schedule. Remus was relieved to see that he didn’t have another appointment for an hour and 15 minutes. He waved his wand to lock up his office and took a walk to Sirius’ classroom, which is where Harry should be.
When Remus got to Sirius’ door, he knocked before stepping in. Sirius stopped talking and saw Remus at the door.
“I apologize for the interruption, Professor Black. Do you mind if I speak with you for a moment?” Remus asked calmly.
“Of course,” Sirius quickly agreed, worried because Remus was in front of him and not with Harry.
Sirius slipped out and shut the door and put up a silencing charm around them.
“Moony, did you see Harry?”
“I didn’t. I didn’t know he was there. I was with a student. Someone was in my waiting room for about 10 minutes before the light went off. When I dismissed my student, I found a piece of Harry’s notes in the waiting room. Is he back in your class?”
“No! I thought he was with you!” Sirius cried, worried.
“Take a deep breath, Siri. I’ll get the map and find him.”
“I can come!” Sirius insisted.
Remus smiled and shook his head. “Finish your class. I’ve got to talk to Harry first. Trust me, I will contact you.”
Sirius knew that Remus was right. “Okay,” he agreed. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do, yeah?”
“Of course,” Remus reassured him, kissing his husband.
Just as Remus and Sirius broke away and Sirius was about to go into the classroom, Draco hurried up to them.
“Professors!” Draco called.
Remus and Sirius both turned to the blonde-haired boy.
“Mr. Malfoy, are you okay?” Remus asked.
Draco nodded. “I am. I’m sorry I’m late, Professor,” Draco said, turning to Sirius. “There was an accident in the potions lab and Professor Snape and Madame Pomfrey asked for my help.”
“That’s no problem at all, Mr. Malfoy. I’m glad you are okay and so is everyone else. Is there something you need before we go to class?” Sirius asked.
“Where’s Harry?” Draco asked, getting right to the point.
Sirius and Remus exchanged looks.
“Why do you ask?” Remus asked after a beat of silence.
“Because if he was in class or with you, neither of you would’ve left him alone today.”
“Draco, what do you know?” Remus asked pointedly.
Draco sighed. “Harry had a rough morning. Neville asked me to get him out of bed. He’s really struggling. I told Neville to stay with him because I didn’t think he should be alone. I thought he was doing better, but still.”
“Neville did stay with him. I sent him to Professor Lupin’s office,” Sirius explained.
“So he’s okay?” Draco asked.
“He didn’t knock on my door and I was with a patient. I’m about to get him right now,” Remus told him.
“How do you know where he is?!”
“Draco, trust me, I know. Take a deep breath,” Remus advised.
Draco had no reason not to trust the therapist. He took a deep breath and nodded.
“Let’s get into class and let Professor Lupin find Harry, yeah?” Sirius said gently, putting a hand on Draco’s shoulder.
Draco nodded and Sirius led him into the classroom as Remus hurried to his office to check the map.
Remus found Harry relatively quickly. He felt his heart drop into his stomach when he saw Harry in a broom closet.
While some teenagers at Hogwarts find a broom closet to snog or, ahem, do other things in, Remus knows that Harry wasn’t doing that.
Remus went to the broom closet and knocked on the door.
“Harry? I know you’re in there. It’s me, Moony Da. Can I come in?”
Harry’s breath hitched. He had cut his thigh up and wasn’t expecting his father to find him so quickly. He didn’t know what to say and instead cast another diffindo on his thigh. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want to stop.
“Harry, if you don’t reply I have to come in to make sure you’re safe,” Remus explained calmly, thankful there was no one in the hallway to hear him (for Harry’s sake).
Harry didn’t reply again, but silent tears fell down his face.
Remus lingered a moment before he tried the door and it was locked.
“Harry, the door is locked. You need to unlock it or I will,” Remus told him.
For a third time, Harry didn’t reply.
Remus was worried about his son and unlocked the door and slipped into the broom closet.
Remus saw Harry sitting on the ground with one knee up and the other leg out. He saw the slashes in his pants and the cuts on Harry’s thighs.
“Cub,” Remus breathed, walking toward the crying teenager.
Harry shook his head and put out a hand.
“I won’t touch you, okay,” Remus agreed calmly. “We don’t have to talk, either.”
Harry hiccuped and grasped his wand tightly. He moved to cast another cutting charm but Remus held his hand out.
“I will let you keep your wand. If you hurt yourself right now I will have no choice but to take it away.”
“I need to,” Harry said, finally speaking as tears ran down his cheeks.
“I know, I know,” Remus said empathetically, nodding. “I know. If you still feel like you need to in 10 minutes we can go to my office and I’ll supervise a sterile cut there, alright?”
Harry nodded, surprised at Remus for even offering it.
“Minerva offered me that in the hospital wing a few times,” Remus explained. “I even took her up on it once. I know what it’s like to feel the need.
Harry nodded and slowly set down his wand next to him.
It was silent for a minute before Remus broke the silence. “Do you want to talk, do you want me to talk, or do you want it to be quiet?”
Harry shrugged.
“Can I say something?” Remus asked.
Harry gave a small nod.
“I went to check on you in Dadfoot’s class. I saw that the light was on indicating someone was in my waiting room and then I saw it go out. I wouldn’t have been sure it was you, but I found a piece of parchment you wrote and drew on. I went to Dadfoot’s class and he said that he sent you to me. Mr. Malfoy saw us talking and said he was worried about you. I got the map and came here.”
Harry mentally cursed himself and reached for his wand again, holding it tight.
“You know what all this tells me?” Remus asked, watching his son.
Harry shrugged.
“It shows me how hard today has been for you and how hard you tried to get help. You worked quite hard.”
Harry sniffed and nodded.
“I am proud of you for trying so hard today. I know that must’ve been difficult.”
Harry nodded again as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“You are not in any kind of trouble, Harry. I just want you to know that you’re not alone and that I love you. I want you safe because I care about you. You are so loved.”
Harry shook his head and his wand fell out of his hand as he wrapped his arms around himself and squeezed tight, wanting to disappear.
Remus nodded slowly, knowing exactly how Harry is feeling. “I know none of this is easy, Cub. I’m here for you.”
Harry continued to squeeze tightly onto himself until it was clear that he wasn’t going to disappear.
“I can’t do this, Moony Da,” Harry whispered. “I need something.”
“Let me help you, Love,” Remus offered.
Harry finally agreed, albeit reluctantly, and turned toward Remus.
“Do you trust me?” Remus asked.
Harry nodded.
“Give me your hands, please,” Remus requested.
Harry did as he said and Remus looked him in the eyes. “This will be cold,” Remus warned.
Harry nodded but barely had time to process that statement before cold water poured over Harry’s hands and wrists.
Harry gasped and then eventually relaxed with the sting of the water.
Remus stopped and conjured a towel and dried Harry’s hands and wrists off.
He then conjured a glass of water for Harry. “Please drink this. It’s just water,” Remus explained.
Harry nodded and slowly drank the water in silence. By the time he finished the water, Remus’ cardigan was looking more and more appealing to lay on.
“What happened, Harry?” Remus asked gently. He didn’t want to push him into something he wasn’t ready for but could tell that this was a good moment to ask.
Harry took a deep breath. “It was a rough morning. And my friends knew. And Dadfoot. I waited for you, I really did. But the thoughts were yelling in my head and I couldn’t take it anymore.” Tears started to fall from Harry’s eyes. “I couldn’t think of what to do and I stumbled in here and then, well, yeah.”
Remus nodded. “I understand. Thank you so much for being brave and sharing that with me.”
“I don’t feel brave,” Harry whispered before he could stop himself.
“Oh, Love,” Remus breathed.
Harry finally launched himself into Remus and the werewolf wrapped his arms around his hurt son. “I’ve got you. You’re not alone. You’re safe.”
“I’m so sorry!” Harry cried, feeling the sting of the cuts on his legs.
“Shush. I’ve got you. You have no reason to apologize. You are safe with me.”
Harry felt a weight being lifted now that he wasn’t dealing with this alone.
No matter how many times Harry goes through this, he always convinces himself that he wants (or needs) to be alone. When he finally lets someone in, he begins to feel better.
Ah, the lies of mental illnesses.
Eventually, Harry pulled away and Remus said, “Harry, I don’t want to push you if you’re not ready, but I want to make sure that you’re physically alright, yeah?”
Harry sniffed and nodded.
“I can’t take care of it here, but I can take care of it in my office.”
“I-I don’t want anyone to see me,” Harry whimpered.
“I’ll cast a notice-me-not charm on you and we’ll be in my office faster than a snitch.”
Harry gave him a watery smile. “Okay.”
“Splendid. Let me help you up,” Remus said.
Remus helped Harry up and cast the charm on him before helping him back to his office.
They didn’t pass anyone on the way there which was something Harry was very thankful for. Once they got there, Remus set up everything he needed to be in an emergency session and pulled out his first aid kit.
“Let’s take a look, shall we?” Remus asked.
Harry bit his lip, nervous.
Remus looked up and softened his face. “I’m not upset or angry or disappointed. I just want to help you,” he reminded his son.
Harry nodded, but still seemed uneasy.
Remus gave Harry a weighted blanket and then knelt by him. “Harry, do I have permission to vanish part of your pants to examine your cuts?”
Harry nodded.
Remus gave him an encouraging smile before summoning a teddy bear and giving it to Harry to hold.
“Squeeze this,” Remus whispered encouragingly, receiving a smile from Harry.
Harry did in fact squeeze the bear as he felt Remus begin.
Remus wasn’t too surprised by the cuts. A few were deep, but most were shallow.
Remus talked Harry through each step he was doing. When Harry winced, Remus would pause his ministrations and whisper words of comfort and affirmations before Harry would nod and Remus would continue. When Remus finished, he made sure Harry’s pants were back on his leg and looked at his son.
“How’re you feeling, Cub?”
Harry shrugged. “Better than before but still not great.”
Remus nodded. “I understand that. Is there something you want to do to help right now or do you want me to pick?”
“Can you pick? Please?” Harry asked.
“Of course,” Remus assured him. “Can I sit next to you first?”
Harry nodded.
Remus moved so he was next to Harry and Harry immediately leaned into Remus and laid his head on his chest and Remus wrapped a protective arm around him. “I’ve got you, Cub. You’re safe,” Remus whispered warmly. “We’re going to stay here for a bit and ground ourselves and then we’re going to do something else.”
“Okay,” Harry whispered back, curling up and closing his eyes shut. “I trust you.”
“Sweet boy,” Remus murmured, stroking his head.
Remus comforted Harry for about half an hour as he continued to hold him close and whisper validations and reassurances to him.
Remus could tell by Harry’s body language and breathing that he was more grounded and was able to handle something else.
“Cub?”
“Hmm?” Harry said, lifting his head slightly.
“I want to take you somewhere for a walk and a game. Do you think you’re up for that?”
“I think so,” Harry said.
“Lovely. No hurry. When you’re ready to sit up and move, we will.”
Harry nodded. He put his head back down on Remus and stayed there for a few minutes to soak up more comfort from Remus. Eventually, Harry sat up and said, “Okay, I’m ready.”
Remus helped Harry off the couch and took him to the fireplace where they flooed somewhere.
Harry didn’t really pay attention to what Remus was saying. He had all the trust in the world in his father right now and he couldn’t think about anything else.
Simply existing took all of his energy and he trusted his da to keep him safe.
Remus had flooed them to a place Harry had never seen, but Remus quickly ushered Harry out of the small pub and lead Harry to a trail.
“This is beautiful, Moony Da,” Harry said, finally speaking after walking for about 7 minutes.
“It’s near one of Dadfoot’s properties. I found this trail and since then we’ve been on it many times. The pub was closer and I thought it’d be a nice walk. Besides, I don’t think there was a fire in that property anyway,” Remus said, winking.
“Yeah, probably not,” Harry agreed, weakly chuckling.
Remus and Harry continued to walk along the trail until they came to a clearing and Remus sat down and gestured Harry to do the same.
“I like to sit up here. It’s nice to look at clouds or people watch,” Remus admitted.
Harry nodded.
“Or rest. Or talk,” Remus added.
Harry turned and glared at Remus before shaking his head. “You’re sneaky.”
“I’m not a marauder for nothing,” Remus smirked.
Harry gave him a small smile and looked out at the view. It was quiet for about 10 minutes before Harry began to talk.
“It all started this morning,” Harry said. “It was my brain. It was telling me all sorts of things.”
Harry took a breath and Remus waited, listening patiently.
“It was telling me that I was a waste of space and a mistake and all that type of stuff. I had to quiet it down. I tried to wait, but I couldn’t.”
“I’m not mad at you Harry. I’m here for you,” Remus reminded him.
Harry nodded. “I mean, now I guess I should’ve just knocked or something, but I dunno why I didn’t.”
Remus had a few ideas, but wasn’t going to bring it up now. “It’s hard to ignore that voice.”
Harry nodded. “It just feels like the truth. And I might logically know it’s not, but I feel like it is.”
“It’s especially difficult in those emotionally charged situations to separate feelings from reality. People are helpful with that and so are grounding techniques.”
“But I don’t know what to do in the moment,” Harry admitted.
Remus hummed and nodded, thinking.
“Harry, you still wear that necklace that Dadfoot and I gave you, yes?”
Harry nodded and pulled it out of his shirt.
“We can make some adjustments to that. When you hold it for a long period of time, say 10 seconds, we can have a matching piece that heats up and lets us know you need us.”
“That’s a really good idea,” Harry said.
“We will do anything for you, Harry. We want to help you remember that none of those lies are true.”
“I wish you could use magic to take them away.”
Remus nodded. “Me too. I would in a heartbeat if I could. For now, just remember that you are a special, extraordinary boy who Dadfoot and I love deeply.”
“I’ll try.”
“If it’s ahrd to remember,” Remus began softly, “then trust me. Put your trust in me. I won’t steer you wrong.”
Harry smiled at Remus and laid his head on his chest. “Okay, Moony Da. I’ll trust you.”
Remus smiled and stroked Harry’s head.
The two stayed there and talked for several hours before Remus and Harry went back to Hogwarts.
Remus talked to Sirius privately before bringing Harry in and the three had dinner together in their quarters and slept in one bed.
Mental illness can’t change overnight and not even magic can cure a chemical imbalance. However, love, support, and trust can help get a person through it until they’re able to get on their own two feet again.
Love others. Love yourself.