Regulus
Regulus Black had exactly 7 regrets in his life. Not following his brother out of wembley when he was 16, not fighting harder to write his own music, yelling at Pandora at their 3rd rehearsal as a band, his hair cut from his 8th grade album cover, not standing up to his mother sooner, drunk kissing Evan Rosier at a halloween party last year, and not marrying James Potter when he asked.
“Barty! If you don’t get your ass in this damn van in the next 30 seconds I’m gonna kill you” The blonde woman to Regulus’s left screamed.
The blonde was none other than Pandora Lestrange, soon to be Pandora Lovegood, Panda was the lead guitarist of their band and affectionately referred to ‘Karma’ by the rest of the band, She will give you the shirt off her own back and is the kindest person you’ll ever meet, that is until you piss her off, which is exactly what their drummer Barty Crouch had just done.
In an attempt to mend the broken relationship with his older brother Regulus Black had agreed to tandem tour with his brother and his band ‘The Marauders’ on their 6 month U.S leg of their tour. Regulus had been really skeptical of this idea but eventually decided to go, Regulus had always felt in some way responsible for the now strained relationship between the brothers, Sirius told him before the arena show he was done, begged his little brother to run away with him as soon as the show was over but Regulus said no, it was him saying no that sent Sirius over the edge and lead him to leave not even 30 minutes into the performance. Sirius had called constantly after that begging him to let him pick him up but Regulus always said no, by the time Regulus did choose to leave Sirius was well under the impression his baby brother hated his guts.
Regulus’s apprehension was not due to the idea of spending six months with his brother, it was almost 100% due to the fact he would be seeing James Potter again. It had been 4 ½ years since he last saw James, 4 years 6 months and 11 days. He had completely avoided James, even staying away from pictures with James in them. Regulus wondered what he looked like, if his glasses were still the same, maybe he got contacts, if his voice had changed, if he grew his hair out, or cut it short, maybe he dyed it. If he still had that freckle on the side of his ring finger on his left hand; most of all Regulus wondered if his eyes still held the same about of pain as the last time he saw them, the eyes he frantically tried to memorize for one last piece of James, no matter how broken that piece was. He wonders if he ever sold the ring or if he kept it- No.
But despite James Potter, Regulus agreed to tour with his brother, which is how he ended up in a parking lot at 7 am trying to somehow load all 4 of his band mates and their gear into a tour van to hopefully fulfill their goal of being in Nevada by nightfall; and it was going just about as well as expected.
Barty was now in the van and was, thankfully, being held down by their rhythm guitarist Evan Rosier who was distracting him with strange one off flirting to keep him entertained. Dorcas Medows their basest was off in the quiet corner of the van available and was reading, while Pandora was off by the door on a call saying roughly her 7th set of final goodbyes to Xeno; it is worth mentioning Xeno would in fact be joining the band on tour just not for another 6 shows. And Regulus was in his bunk bed doing what he does best, trying not to have a breakdown.
“Okay so we’re driving to Nevada tonight, but our first show isn’t until tomorrow?” Pandora asked after hanging up the phone.
“Yes. Sirius’s band is playing tonight at House of Blues. And we’re playing tomorrow at The Space”
“I for one still think it’s weird we’re tandem touring with your brother” Dorcas said from beneath her book.
“Cas we’ve been over this” Regulus sighed, rubbing a hand against his face.
“I know, doesn’t change the fact I think it’s weird”
“Oh shut up, you’re just bitter because McKinon didn’t ask for your hand in marriage after y’all hooked up at Lupin’s Christmas party” Evan offered up from Barty’s lap.
“Not yet” Dorcas Mumbled.
The rest of the drive was peaceful except for a small 30 minute time period in a gas station just outside of Modesto, which ended up with all parties involved getting cheese in their hair. Nonetheless their almost 9 hour drive came to a close around 4 pm in a holiday Inn parking lot which was the agreed upon meeting place of the bands. The first to step out of the van was Sirius, his hair was down and disheveled in a way only Sirius could wear it, his tattoos were on display, and his ray bands were clipped to the collar of his shirt, he looked happier more in his element than he ever did when they were kids, seeing his brother like this Regulus is proud Sirius left, but it also makes him wish he had left sooner, Regulus wondered if he would be like this if he had just left at 16, regardless his brother runs to greet him.
“Bonjour, petite étoile!” Sirius wasted no time in giving Regulus a side hug.
“Bonjour, grand l'étoile"
and without noticing it Regulus was laughing. The next person out of their van was Remus, and Regulus just about tackled him. When James and Regulus were dating the only person in James’s life that knew was Remus which led to Remus sort of becoming one of his best friends, which is what made their break up all the more painful. Remus however seemed to not hold any resentment and quickly greeted the youngest Black brother enthusiastically. The next was Marlene and Regulus pretended not to see Dorcas out of the corner of his eye drop her jaw, Regulus didn’t exactly understand the hype of people like Marlene and Dorcas, but even he could admit Marlene was a total smoke show. Peter popped out of the van next saying quick and quiet hello’s to everyone before standing off to the side, Peter always did this, he has never been good with new people, or old people for that matter. Peter had Sirius, Remus, Marlene, and James, and that was quite frankly enough for him.
And then he saw him, and Regulus couldn’t breathe; It wasn’t like he was gasping for air, but it was like all of his air was sucked out of his lungs and every part of him was replaced with James, Regulus knew that from that moment on he was always going to hold a spot within his lungs. His hair had stayed the same, his smile had stayed the same, his glasses had stayed the same, but his eyes hadn’t. Regulus couldn’t put his finger on it, but something wasn’t right with James Potter's eyes, maybe it was the lack of love that used to be there when James looked at him, or maybe these are simply what his eyes looked like now, Regulus decided he doesn’t want to find out. The two didn’t speak, they just sort of stared at each other as if two boys were precious paintings in an art gallery, afraid to get too close in fear of breaking the other, or themselves. Part of Regulus wanted James to speak, to scream at him, tell him he hates him, to tell him he missed him, the other part was too afraid his voice might sound different.
“Right Reggie?” Sirius nudged him.
“Huh? Sorry”
“He said you guys are coming to the show tonight” Remus whispered.
“Oh. uh Yeah, we all have tickets”
“Can’t wait for you to see us up there Reg. it's my favorite place in the world now!”
Regulus almost wanted to say “it wasn’t always” but he bit his tongue. Soon they parted and headed into each of their respective rooms, Regulus flung himself onto his bed and stared at the ceiling, questioning several things.
They arrived at the house of blues, it was cold and fairly crowded. Regulus as well as the rest of his band were on The Marauders “entourage list” which allowed them come and go as they please from every venue on the tour, this perk also allowed them to get into the building before doors, so all 5 of them were sat contently at the barricade. The Opener had finished roughly 20 minutes ago and now the crowd stood around shouting and holding their phones to play a group effort “Smash or Pass” while they waited for the main event to start. Suddenly loud guitar played through the speakers and the band appeared on stage. Regulus watched as his brother popped onto the stage jumping around and singing. Watching Sirius on stage Regulus realized how much Sirius loved being on stage, just on his own terms. Before every Dog & Lion show the boys were meticulously groomed, hair curled and slicked back, extremely intentional outfits, their music heavily censored; it was the exact opposite of what his brother looked like right now. His curls were free and unkempt, his clothes were leather and torn, his tattoos were peeking out of every corner of his exposed body. He made sure he was enunciating every time he said the word “he”, Regulus watched as he danced around, pressing his forehead against his bassets and singing into Remus’s headset Mic, Sirius looked at peace up there, and Regulus for one couldn’t be prouder. About a dozen songs later and one unnecessarily hyper cover of David Bowie's “Rebel, Rebel”, Sirius took to the Mic to talk.
“Good evening Las Vegas! If you have been following us for a while you would know that our beautiful lead guitarist and back up vocalist James Potter usually doesn’t write songs. However, around 4 years ago he sat down and wrote the entirety of our 5th Studio Album “Leo”. We have never sang anything off of this album live before but we finally convinced James to get up and sing for us! Without any further introduction, this is ‘High’!”
Regulus watched James walk up to the mic and he felt his heart sink into his stomach. Regulus knew about Leo, he saw the announcement on twitter, he saw the comments of people getting excited about James having a solo album, Regulus never was able to stomach giving it a listen though.
“I hope you think of me highly when you’re with someone else, I know your friends all lie, I know your friends don’t like me"
Regulus wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry at this. His friends did hate James, completely and utterly. They always thought their relationship was bad news, Regulus was too in love to care.
“I’ve been waking up in different spaces, but I think that my heart was built to last more than a night”
His voice was beautiful, it always had been, it's strange for Regulus to hear the voice that used to sing sweet love songs in his ear while dancing in the kitchen singing about melancholy hookups after they broke up, it felt… wrong.
”i know I’ll never meet your expectations, but the picture that you paint of me looks better in your mind”
Regulus wants to throw up. James never missed his expectations ever. Regulus never wanted to break up with James but he didn’t have a choice in the matter. she was forcing-
And suddenly the song was over, the room went black, the show was over, the band left the stage, and Regulus stood in a mostly empty concert hall; trying to remember how to breathe again.