ch. 17 - plots
Sirius
The Spring holiday started on a Tuesday that year, which was odd considering they usually got sent home on a Friday or the occasional Thursday. Though Sirius wasn’t complaining, he was glad to have a couple of extra days to spend with his friends.
Everyone had decided to spend the week and a half at James’ house, and Mia and Monty had even arranged for Remus to spend the moon there. It’d taken quite a bit of convincing from Sirius, James, and Peter but Remus had reluctantly agreed to go - he’d much rather spend the moon with his friends than locked away in his parent’s cellar.
It was the first time that all four of the marauders would be spending the entire break together since they’d formed their group when they were eleven. Sirius was trapped at home for holidays up until the previous summer - and despite sharing a dorm for six years they were all bouncing off the walls with excitement the entire ride back to London.
As soon as the train pulled into the station they’d scrambled for the things and out the door. It was never hard to find the Potters in a crowd, Monty was tall enough that he stuck out in any crowd, not to mention both of James’ parents radiated with the same energy that James did. They felt safe, and Sirius assumed that’s what parental figures should feel like.
Mia had adored Sirius from the moment she’d laid eyes on him back in their first year, James had dragged him over to meet his family and he knew then that she was the kindest human he’d ever met. Even years later Sirius always felt safe around Effumia Potter, and she still adored him.
“There’s my boys,” Monty called to them as James led the way toward his family.
“Hi dad,” James beamed, wrapping an arm around his father and pulling Peter in. James and Peter had known each other since they were children and Monty continued to adore that the boys were still so close.
“It’s good to see you, honey,” Mia hugged Remus and pulled Sirius in as well.
“It’s good to see you too Mia,” he smiled up at Remus who seemed just as comfortable in the woman’s arms as he did.
“Remus we’ve made your favorite for dinner and I’m so pleased you decided to come for the whole break really,” she squeezed his arm softly.
“Thank you,” Remus blushed at the ground. “You really didn’t have to go to all the trouble.”
“Oh hush,” Mia scoffed, “It’s our pleasure to have you at the house anytime Remus honey. Not to mention that you keep our boys in check for the most part,” she raised a brow at James and Sirius - now standing side by side.
“I do my best,” Remus laughed.
Our boys. Sirius swore that hearing those words was the best feeling in the world. There were no expectations attached to the phrase, they were just words. Words that made his heart feel lighter. Words that made him feel wanted.
“Sirius,” James touched his arm gently and nodded to where Monty was waiting to apparate them back to the manor. He just smiled and held onto James’ hand and Monty’s as the world collapsed in around them and rebuilt itself around them as they arrived at the manor.
There was always a moment where Sirius was gripped by fear as the world materialized again, a moment where he thought he would be back at Grimmauld Place, but when his eyes adjusted he was standing in the gravel drive of James’ house.
The manor was much homier than anything Sirius had experienced as a child; vines grew up the front of the old brick house and large trees lined the property, there was a half-built tree fort in one of the larger willows that he and James had tried to build themselves over the summer. And Remus had made fun of them for only completing the flooring and one wall before giving up entirely.
“Welcome home,” James whispered in his ear as they walked inside. Home. Sirius had lived there for less than a year and it’d already become more of a home to him than Grimmauld Place had ever been.
“Feels good,” Sirius smiled as they walked inside, Mia told them to go and settle in and that dinner would be ready in a few minutes. James dashed upstairs suggesting that they should all have a massive slumber party in his room for the whole week. Peter laughed but shut him down quickly - saying that they shared all year long and it might be nice to have just a little bit of space.
Sirius kicked open his door and threw his bag onto the floor next to his bed and went to crack open his windows.
“Y’know I don’t think I’ve ever been up here,” Remus said quietly from the doorway. “You were so sick over Christmas I think you stayed downstairs the whole time.”
“Like it?” Sirius raised a brow and watched Remus’ face as he looked around. It was a much simpler room than what he’d had at his parents’ house, though it felt much more like his. He had pictures of his friends pinned on the walls, his leather jacket on the hook, and his posters of motorbikes plastered next to his mirror.
“Is this us?” Remus touched a framed photo that hung next to Sirius’ nightstand. It was one of the few that didn’t have the whole gang in it, he and Remus’ foreheads were touching as they laughed.
“Who else would it be Lunaire?” Sirius smiled gently, wrapping his arms around Remus’ waist.
“What if James sees? Or Mia or Monty?”
Sirius just shrugged, “they’re not the ones I’d be concerned about if someone knew,” he kissed Remus’ neck gently. “Besides there’s the wonderful thing called privacy in this house, no one comes snooping around my things it’s great.”
“Even I have privacy Sirius,” Remus rolled his eyes and wiggled out of Sirius’ arms.
“Lucky duck,” Sirius teased, “I don’t think I even understood the concept until I was nine or ten, invasion of personal space was such a normal thing growing up.”
“Hey remember what we said?” Remus poked his chest softly. “No Walburga talk, and no Lyall talk right?”
“Anything for you moony,” Sirius whispered, leaning in to close the space between their lips.
“Boys dinner!” Mia called up the stairwell and Remus smirked down at Sirius.
“Next time Pads,” he promised as they walked from his room.
“What were you doing?” Peter asked innocently as he waited for them at the stairwell.
“Sirius was just showing me his room,” Remus smiled. “I haven’t seen it since he moved in.”
“Ooo can I see it later?” Peter asked with a smile.
“Yeah of course Pete,” Sirius chuckled.
“Wait up!” James whined as he flew out of his room and jumped down the first few steps so they were all in stride.
“What do you thinks for dinner?” Peter asked.
“I’m gonna say Mia’s pasta and meat sauce,” Sirius grinned as Remus closed his mouth, he knew Remus’ favorite things like the back of his hand. He loved Mia’s pasta, and right before the moon, it would be like heaven for him.
“Smells like it,” James laughed as they all popped down in their seats at the dining table.
James and Peter sat next to each other, James across from Sirius and Peter across from Remus.
“Here we are,” Mia smiled and set a large bowl of pasta in the center of the table.
“Thank you, Mia!” Remus, Sirius, and Peter chorused.
“Thanks, mum,” James smiled as she pulled out the end chair next to him.
“I’ve got biscuits and ice cream for dessert once everyone’s done too.”
“You’re the best Mia,” Sirius beamed as everyone filled their plates up with pasta.
Homecooked meals had become Sirius’ favorite ever since he’d moved in. They all took turns cooking and on Fridays, they would eat takeaway from a pub down in the village. He and James were rubbish at cooking but they’d nearly perfected their chicken parmesan.
After everyone had finished Monty went and got the dessert platter - which was destroyed within minutes. The Potters all had a huge sweet tooth, and so did Remus when he was in the right mood, Peter loved sweets but only in stride, and Sirius didn’t really like much besides chocolate. He’d always gotten a headache from too much sugar so he’d gotten used to having small quantities or splitting with Remus.
“James, how about do the dishes with Peter and Sirius and head to bed alright? Remus, can Mia and I speak with you for a minute?”
“Yeah of course,” Sirius could hear the tenseness in Remus’ voice and placed his hand on Remus’ thigh under the table, giving him a loving smile as they all got up from the dinner table.
“Come on boys!” James laughed as he started to collect the dishes from everyone’s places, Sirius took a deep breath and watched Remus leave the room before collecting his and Remus’ plates and silverware and taking them into the adjoining kitchen.
James washed the dishes, Peter dried them and Sirius put them all in their respective places around the room. Somehow though they all ended up wet and soapy, each of them laughing and throwing handfuls of bubbles around by the time the last plate had actually been cleaned.
“I see there was a flood in my kitchen,” Monty laughed from the doorway, Sirius almost flinched at the scolding but forced himself to remember where he was.
“Yup!” James smirked, popping his ‘p’ and flicking his fingers at Sirius again - spraying him with more water.
“Prongs,” Sirius whined as Peter bent over laughing.
“How about you boys go and get ready for bed okay?” The man smiled down at the boys and they all nodded, moving from their positions and leaving the room. Monty’s hand brushed against Sirius’ arm and he turned around quickly.
“Yeah?”
“I just wanted to make sure you were holding up alright,” he said gently, keeping his tone as neutral as possible. “After Christmas, we were a bit concerned about how you would handle-”
“I’m alright Monty,” Sirius insisted. He really was alright, his family had proved to him that they didn’t want him far before the Christmas Holidays. That was just a temporary reminder of their hatred. “I promise. And if you’re worried about them reaching out to me I can assure you they haven’t. I think Walburga and Orion would rather die than have their name associated with me any more than it is.”
“Alright if you say so,” the man sighed. “You’re always welcome to talk to us, Sirius. You’ve been our son far longer than you’ve lived here, James was always adamant about you being his long-lost brother, and seeing you two now it’s hard to believe that you aren’t brothers.”
“Thank you Monty,” Sirius smiled, “It means a lot it really does.”
“Have a good night Sirius,” Monty gave him a quick hug before heading into the kitchen, likely to clean up the mess they’d made.
“Goodnight,” Sirius called back as he made his way upstairs.
It felt good to be home.
…
The March moon went relatively well, the Potters had turned their basement into a bit of a saferoom and Remus had gone down after dinner. They’d decided that it was best for only one of them to stay with him, and when they’d asked Remus what he wanted he’d chosen Sirius without a second thought.
They’d played for most of the night but when it came down to the last hour or so Moony had begun to get restless. He paced the wall facing the back of the house and Padfoot had to try and stop him from throwing himself against the wall to escape.
When Remus woke up Sirius helped him change into his jumper and some sweatpants.
“Anything hurt?” Sirius asked as he helped Remus curl up on the couch.
“Just my shoulder,” Remus mumbled, “Sirius something was weird about last night. Something didn’t feel right I don’t…”
There was a click from the stairwell and Sirius swore under his breath before hiding under James’ cloak.
“Remus darling?” Mia’s voice called down.
“I’m here,” Remus’ voice cracked.
“Oh just give me a minute,” she snapped to someone before descending into the basement. “Oh darling how are you feeling?” Mia tutted, kneeling beside the couch.
“Tired,” Remus pursed his lips. “Mia, why’s Dumbledore here?” The woman turned quickly to see if the man was behind her, “No I just… I can tell y’know?”
“I told him to stay away until you were properly taken care of,” she grumbled, then there was the thundering of feet on the stairs and Sirius got up with the cloak to wait for his friends at the base of the stairs. As soon as James and Peter jumped from the last step Sirius pulled the cloak off seamlessly.
“Mum,” James looked worried. “What’s going on?”
Mia sighed, as Sirius tried to catch Remus’ eye. “I suppose you’ll know soon enough as it is,” she hesitated, looking at Remus for a moment before continuing. “James, do you know the young woman who lived in the village above the bake shop? The one with the young daughter?”
“Uh yeah, the one who didn’t want to send her kid to Hogwarts?”
Mia nodded, “she was murdered last night…”
No one moved. Tears welled in Remus’ eyes and Sirius wanted desperately to spring to his side.
“Mum what about the girl…?” James asked, though no one in the room thought they wanted to know the answer.
“They can’t find her,” Mia managed, and Sirius noticed the pain that came across her face as she did.
“Werewolves?” he croaked, though no one needed to answer. The answer was evident by Dumbledore being upstairs.
“You have nothing to worry about though love,” Mia stroked his face gently. “So long as we can confirm you were down here the entire night then you have absolutely nothing to worry about.”
“He was,” Sirius blurted out. “He was here all night.”
James elbowed him in the side and Remus gave him a horrified look.
“I’m sorry honey but until we test the spells there’s no way to know,” Mia gave him a sad look and the boys seemed to breathe again.
“I-” Sirius started to protest but James cut him off.
“Okay mum,” he sighed. “Moony let's get some breakfast okay? Then we can just lounge around all day.”
“Can I just sit down here for a minute?” Remus whispered, his voice dangerously close to breaking.
“I’m sure I can fend off the adults for a while longer,” Mia squeezed his hand gently. “Do you want the boys to stay?”
“Sirius,” Remus mumbled. “Just Sirius.”
“But-” James protested, but Mia gave him a look and Peter whispered something in his ear.
Sirius moved over to Remus’ side and after the door at the top of the stairs shut he pulled Remus into his lap and let him lay across his chest.
“Moony…”
“Can I tell you a story?” Remus asked quickly.
“Of course,” Sirius wrapped an arm around the other boy’s torso and let the other massage his head gently.
“I was five,” his voice was shaky but with a deep breath it seemed to calm down enough for him to continue. “I was five, and my mom was reading me a book - probably Dr. Suess, she loves Dr. Suess… but when she was done I begged and begged for another, I wanted to stay up and see my dad when he got home from work… She almost gave in but then he got back. I really think this is the last pleasant memory I’ve got of us, to be honest… he tucked me in and they read me another book together. He opened my window and said it was ‘too nice not to get fresh air’. I mean I doubt an open window would’ve stopped anything but sometimes I wonder what would’ve happened if he’d just left them shut. Anyways they left, and I just laid there for a while, the breeze was nice, and I had these glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling, well I still do but… never mind I heard something outside. I don’t remember exactly, maybe like a growl or something - that would make the most sense. I called mum because I was scared and I didn’t want to get up and close the window. She must not have heard me because no one came, and I hid under my covers. That’s when the floor started creaking, and I knew it wasn’t mum or dad because the floor was only creaky next to the window and the door was on the other side of the room. I called out for mum again and there was another noise, only this time it was right in my ear. This time they must’ve heard me because I heard footsteps in the next room, but it was too late by then. I don’t really remember the first bite, or the second, I just remember the blood. I remember screaming and sobbing and bleeding through my blankets. My mum was the one who held me, and dad tried to kill him. He tried but it’s not so simple to kill a wolf on a full moon. But he was gone. He did what he wanted to do and he left. I remember waking up in St. Mungo’s and I remember my dad being so angry, he was mad at me. And mum tried to get him to calm down but he wouldn’t, my dad hated me at that point. And I didn’t get it then, I cried and cried because he wouldn’t even speak to me. Then I found out what had happened and I was so scared. Mum tried to be there, she really did but I think dad drove her crazy. And now… I mean I know there are other werewolves but… that girl. The daughter. He took her, he took her away and I don’t… I knew something was wrong last night and I couldn’t… Sirius, I couldn’t help her.”
“Remus,” Sirius whispered. Tears had started falling from Remus’ eyes about halfway through the story, and now he was curled up in his boyfriends’ arms crying. “Oh Remus…” he held his shaking body and rubbed his back gently.
“I couldn’t help her,” he repeated through his sobs.
“You couldn’t have,” Sirius assured him. “What happened was awful, but Remus none of it was remotely your fault.”
“Someone died…”
“Yeah…” Sirius sighed, pulling his arms tighter around Remus. “Yeah but it’s not you. And it’s not me, or James, or Pete, or Mia, or Monty. And I think that’s what really matters.”
“She was just a kid,” Remus muttered.
“Then we’ll find her, and you can be the knight in shining armor and save her okay? I promise you.”
“I love you, Sirius.”
“I love you too Remus,” Sirius kissed the top his head gently. “And I promise I’m not going to leave you alone. Ever.”
“I’m not a scared little kid anymore,” Remus mumbled into Sirius’ arms.
“Yeah well I am, and I think I need you in my life to feel safe,” Sirius leaned his head on Remus’.
“I think I need you in mine too,” Remus replied.
“Then it’s settled,” he smiled slightly, taking a breath. “We’re forever okay?”
“Forever.”
“I promise.”
…
Regulus
The Astronomy tower was where they spent the majority of their time. Evan and Regulus had been hiding away for nearly a week, only leaving at night and for meals. There was something about the breeze and the sky that made them feel at home.
The first week was strange, the boys didn’t really know how to communicate without Barty as a buffer. It was funny how so much of their lives had been the same, how both of them had always lived in the shadows. It took Regulus longer to open up than it took Evan, but by the seventh day sitting up in their tower, most of their deepest secrets were laid out for the other to poke and prod at. Regulus told him about Sirius and his family while Evan talked about Andrew and Beatrice, turns out they were both the invisible child up until earlier that year. Being the second-born son left one in a world of shadows that’s for sure.
Evan was always compared to Andrew, he was expected to be a copy of him. Perfect grades, a master at Potions, get engaged at seventeen, and join the dark lord. His parents hated that he was so close to Bea, especially his father.
“He doesn’t think that she’s his honestly,” Evan admitted one afternoon. “I mean he and my mother both have blonde hair, and she’s got my mother’s eyes but that’s it to be honest. He treats her like it too… If she wasn’t so valuable I think he’d have killed her when we were children, to be honest.”
“I used to wish I had a little sister,” Regulus sighed, “when I was younger. I just thought it would be like having a best friend. I mean I had Sirius of course but I don’t think we ever really had a healthy relationship.”
“Still don’t,” Evan snorted.
“No,” Regulus laughed at how true it was. Even though he was talking to his brother they were far from being healthy, the only experiences they shared were trauma and he doubted you could build anything off of trauma.
“Having Bea is good,” Evan continued. “I mean she’s definitely my best friend, well I think she is. She’s been a bit different lately. I love her to death but I’m pretty sure she’s trying to get herself killed sometimes you know?”
“Oh I know,” Regulus thought back to all the times he thought Sirius had a death wish as a kid.
“Do you ever think about what will happen after Hogwarts?”
“Sometimes,” he lied.
All the time.
“Do you want to get married?”
“Do you?”
“No,” he bit his lower lip. “I want to just run away from everything.”
“With Barty?”
“Yeah maybe,” he blushed across his nose and ears.
“I wish I could run away too,” Regulus laughed sadly and grabbed a sweet from their pile.
“Why don’t we?” Evan shrugged, “After we graduate. Why don’t we just run the fuck away from everything? They can’t mark us if they can’t find us. They can’t force us to get married and it could be us three. Or four I suppose if you fall in love.”
“I’m not going to make it until we graduate,” Regulus let the words slip before he realizes what he was saying.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Evan scrunched his brows and locked eyes with Regulus.
“Nothing,” Regulus mumbled, “just forget about it.”
“No, no, absolutely not,” Evan grabbed his wrist firmly. “What the hell did you mean?”
Regulus cursed himself for being so reckless with his words but decided it would be easier to just tell the truth rather than orchestrate a lie. Besides if anyone would understand why he did what he did it would be Evan.
“They’re giving it to me this summer,” he admitted quietly.
“But you’re underage,” Evan argued.
“Yeah I know,” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Bella gave me the choice over the holidays.”
“What choice?” Evan asked cautiously, still gripping Regulus’ arm.
“It was either I got it then or I’d get it over the summer, my brain was kind of fucked up and I don’t know I thought I could find some kind of loophole or something so I didn’t have to.”
“Please tell me you don’t already have it,” Evan’s voice softened.
Regulus shook his head and rolled his left sleeve up. “I couldn’t… I wanted to save someone from the pain, but that was as stupid of an idea as me discovering a loophole was.”
“Who’d you want to save?”
“I can’t…” Regulus sighed. “I can’t tell you, Evan. I can’t tell anyone.”
“I-” he scrunched his face up but dropped it, “okay…”
“Evan you can’t take the mark,” Regulus said after a minute. “Neither can Barty, not until I know what exactly it entails. If I can protect you I will.”
“Regulus you don’t have to protect us. We’ll protect one another, the weight of the world isn’t just on your shoulders. Barty and I will stand with you, but we’re not going to just sit there and leave you behind.”
“I don’t want a war.”
“I don’t think anyone does,” they both sighed and sat in silence for a moment.
Talking to Evan was easier than he thought it would be. Ever since their fight earlier in the year things had been awkward between them, he’d used Barty and Dorcas and Pandora and Bea as a buffer for far too long. It was good to be alone for a while, and Regulus had to admit fighting about whether or not he should still love his brother seemed silly now.
“Evan? Would you really betray Bea if it meant living up to your family duties?”
“I,” he paused, chewing his lip as he considered his word choice. Regulus knew the answer really, he just needed to hear it from Evan to truly believe him. He would do anything for his family, even if he dreamt of running away with Barty and Regulus, he’d always do what his family required of him before he thought of himself. Truthfully Regulus would do the same. “I don’t think I’d have any other choice, to be honest.”
“But what if you did? What if it were Bea or your family name?”
“What would you do if it were Sirius?” Evan countered, his blue eyes piercing through Regulus’ nonchalant act and striking a sensitive chord inside his brain.
“I’m quite sure I already betrayed him haven’t I?” I’ve nearly fucked his best friend for Merlin’s sake. Not to mention I was the one who practically threw him from the house. Though he doesn’t know about either of those things so I suppose to him I’m still a fucking saint.
“No. Don’t do that Regulus,” Evan scolded, gripping his wrists again. “You saved his life. Just because he doesn’t know that and can’t get it through his thick head that you’re not some doomed prick then that’s his problem. But you don’t get to blame yourself. You don’t get to make yourself into a villain when you’re clearly not.”
“I’m not exactly a hero now am I?”
“Who wants to be a hero?” Evan rolled his eyes as a smile wormed its way onto his lips. “Being the hero is overrated Regulus, they’re lonely and predictable.”
“Heros get the happy ending Evan,” Regulus pointed out softly.
“Heros aren’t typically fucking their guy best friends either,” Evan laughed. “None of us were made for greatness, we were made to be shadows. I mean let's be real, you’re still living in your brother’s shadow like I am, and Barty’s always compared to his father. Bea lives in me and Andrew’s shadows, Pandora’s got her freaky cousins, and I’m pretty sure even Dorcas is sidelined by someone or another half the time.”
“Maybe it’s time to use that to our advantage,” Regulus joked dryly. “I mean what’s the point of the shadows if you’re not going to manipulate them?”
Evan’s eyes widened in slow motion and Regulus cocked his head slightly as he watched his friend’s brain start working at a million miles an hour.
“What if we did?”
“Huh?” Regulus squinted.
“What if we did use the fucking shadows? Not literally obviously - though that would be really fucking cool… but no I mean what if we make up our own side?”
“Side to what?”
“The war,” Evan nearly yelled and Regulus slapped a palm over his mouth and glanced over his shoulder - half expecting McGonagall to be rushing up the stairs and question them about the statement. Evan ripped Regulus’ hand away and rolled his eyes, “I mean we don’t want to join Dumbledore if, at all possible, he’s just sending kids off to their deaths anyway. And clearly, I don’t want to be a part of any world where Bellatrix could be a person of power; because let's face it that would be fucking scary.”
Regulus made a mental note to sketch that later, Bella with a crown and scepter, that terrifying smirk across her face.
“So what? What exactly would be the goal of our little organization?” Regulus questioned, not entirely sure if Evan was joking about the whole thing or if the pair had just come up with some monumental idea to change the world.
“We do exactly what DUmbledore’s too scared to do,” Evan shrugged.
“Fight?” Regulus guessed, everyone knew that Dumbledore would rather send kids out to die for him than face any conflict himself.
“No,” Evan laughed, “Kill the Dark Lord.”
“Us?” Regulus gestured between their bodies.
“Yeah, and Barty, maybe Pandora and Doe and Bea. Though I don’t think Dorcas would exactly agree with some of the stuff we’d have to pull off though.”
“Evan, are you serious about this?”
“Yeah…” Evan breathed, a sad smile moving across his face. “I don’t want a war Regulus, and if he wins this one… You know the fighting won’t ever stop.”
“It’s not going to be so easy you know,” Regulus chewed his lip.
“I never said it would be.”
“What if no one else wants in on this?”
“Then fuck them,” Evan waved his hand. “They’ll see eventually…”
“That Dumbledore’s no better than Voldemort?” The name felt like poison on his tongue. He’d never actually spoken it aloud, he’d only heard his mother or father speak it in hushed voices when they thought he wasn’t listening.
“Exactly,” Evan’s face hardened as the boys stared at one another.
“There’s a fairly good chance this will get us killed,” Regulus mused to himself as he stared at the grounds below them.
“There’s a fairly good chance we’ll die no matter what we do,” Evan replied.
There was a difference though, between dying loyal to Voldemort and being killed as a traitor. One involved more pain, but Regulus knew that, and so did Evan.
‘Youth tends to do funny things to one’s thought process, it makes one believe that they can do incredibly foolish things and get away without a scratch.’
Those were the words that Regulus heard when he was eight and he and Sirius had nearly gotten themselves killed flying at their grandfather’s manor. Those were the words that were uttered into his ear before he felt the effects of the Cruciatus Curse for the first time.
Their plan would get them much more than a few scratches and a beating. No, they would face much harsher consequences for treason than two children would for embarrassing their family.
A moment passed where Regulus thought about James, of what he would say about his constant need to protect people and how he never allowed anyone to protect him. The dark mark would change everything though. There was no reality where Regulus would be able to hide the mark from James all through next year, and even if he did by some miracle there was no chance he would be able to stay in a relationship with him after he left Hogwarts. He would go and fight for Dumbledore, and the mark on his arm would force them apart even if James didn’t know. They were doomed, and even though it would be easier for him to break things off now and dedicate his life to whatever he and Evan had just concocted. But something about James made Regulus fill with hope for the world - hope for them, and if that hope was what kept him going for the next few months then fine. That’s what he would do, he would love James even when James hated him. Then he thought of what else he had to fight for. Sirius cross his mind for a brief second before he faded away - blood was the only thing that held them together. He thought of his friends and what they were likely to lose in the fight. Dorcas would leave them - she wouldn’t be able to get past the killing, and the mark that Regulus would be forced to bare. Pandora might help but she wouldn’t get involved beyond the occasional assist, she would know the risks better than any of them, and sometimes knowing only made the decision more difficult. Bea would likely stand by her brother, but the probability of her not getting married off to someone already loyal to Voldemort was slim. Barty would do just about anything for Evan even if it included putting his neck on the line. He was the only one Regulus knew would stand by them no matter what, and if the only people he cared for would either be at his side or would leave his side whether or not he took a stand he could only see one obvious answer.
“I’m in,” Regulus said eventually. Because after James what did he have to lose really?
…
James
Everything changed after the moon, Sirius hardly left Remus’ side and Peter and James had fallen into the habit of going down to the village every day or flying around the backyard to stay out of their way.
He’d been aware of the war far before the holiday, but having an incident so close to home really put things into perspective. Remus was shaken far more than anyone else, but James was a close second.
Death eaters and war had always seemed so far away, he was only sixteen after all… sixteen year old boys shouldn’t have to worry about fighting and violence. But Sirius had been surrounded by fighting and violence his whole life, Regulus was still surrounded by that violence. Perhaps James just wasn’t equipped to fight in a war, maybe he’d run away with Regulus after school and they could travel the world just like he wanted. Then again Regulus was stubborn when it came to his family - even after all they’d done to him.
“James?” a knock came from the threshold of his bedroom.
“Yeah, mum?” because his mum was the only one who knocked in the house beside Remus.
“The boys are downstairs playing exploding snaps,” she took a few steps into the room. “Remus and Sirius seem a bit less nervous.”
James sighed. “Thank you,” he pushed himself off his bed and took a few steps towards the door.
His mother ‘tsked’ and grabbed his hand as James tried to shove past, “What’s wrong darling?”
“Nothing mum,” he faked a smile. “I’m just worried about Remus is all.”
“You can’t lie to your mother,” she scolded, walking him back over to his bed and sitting them both down. “Tell me what’s wrong now.”
James shrugged, fighting the feeling of his throat tightening. “It’s just… I mean I knew there was a war. I knew there was fighting and people were dying, but I just didn’t… I mean we bought bread from them every week. I saw that woman and her daughter everyweek and I didn’t even know their names… Now they're dead and I don’t-” his voice broke slightly and he wiped his eyes with the back of his wrist. “It’s stupid because I haven’t even lost anything. I shouldn’t feel like this when Sirius and Remus have had to deal with shit their whole lives. I mean Sirius was almost…”
He’d almost been handed over to the darkness as a punishment, he was almost thrown into the deep end without knowing how to swim.
“Sirius grew up in an unfortunate situation,” his mother squeezed his hand. “Just because he’s experienced more suffering than you have does not mean you are not allowed to feel scared James. It’s natural to feel scared. What happened with the Esra family was tragic, and your friends? Remus and Sirius may have had more piled onto their plates at a young age but it certainly doesn’t mean that they don’t feel scared too. Why do you think they’ve been hiding away for the last week?”
“I just thought-” James trailed off. He hadn’t thought of his friends being scared necessarily. He’d known that they were probably worried - he knew that Remus felt guilty because the girl had been taken by greyback. But he never thought of his two best friends being scared. They seemed far too strong to be scared of something they’d spent their entire lives fighting. “Pete and I aren’t even adults yet, and Sirius and Remus barely are. It’s not fair that we have to be thrown into the deep end…”
“No, it’s not,” his mother offered a sad smile. “But you should be grateful that you’ve grown up on this side of the spectrum. The ministry isn’t sending children off to war, and I know it’s not fair that the fight is being shoved in your faces but at least you’re not being forced onto the battlefield.”
“They’re making children fight?” James’ eyes widened.
“Dumbledore believes so yes,” James watched as his mother’s hazel eyes became glossy and her lips formed a thin line. “He’s attempting to shield and protect as many children as he can who are in Hogwarts right now.”
He couldn’t be one of those kids. Regulus would have told him if the mark was being held over his head. “Do you know any names?”
Mia shook her head, “Dumbledore’s keeping it under wraps for their own protection.”
“I need to know…” James scrubbed his face and blew out a shaky breath.
“Are you worried about anyone in particular?”
“No, well yes but…” James hesitated, it would be hard to explain without revealing too much. “I’m seeing someone and I just… I’m worried about them getting mixed up in the wrong crowd.”
“James darling I promise you that Lily Evans won’t get mixed up in that crowd of people,” Mia chuckled under her breath.
Oh. James had almost forgotten about Lily - the girl he’d been in love with for years, the girl he’d given up on when a boy with curly black hair and stormy gray eyes sat next to him that day on the train. Those eyes that he could stare at all day and never get sick of. Those are what replaced the mossy green colors that used to float around him his head all day.
“Not Lily,” James whispered. “They’re…” he took a deep breath and steadied his breathing. “He’s not… I just don’t want him to be forced into something like that.”
His mother’s eyes only widened slightly as the words fell from his mouth, then they returned to their relaxed squint. “Well if he’s at a risk then I’m sure Dumbledore will be on the case. And anyone with you in their corner isn’t going to be so easily pulled to the wrong side.”
“I’d fight for him,” James stared at his hands, trying his best to imagine Regulus’ small fingers intertwined in his own.
“I know you would,” she smiled. “Perhaps you could invite him for the Christmas holidays next year? Or over the summer if you don’t think that would cause any issues.”
“I…” he thought of Sirius. “Maybe, I’d have to pull a few strings I think.”
“Well make sure he knows that he will always have a home here if he finds the need.”
“You just love taking in strays huh mum?” James teased.
“You have the habit of bringing them to my doorstep,” his mother laughed. “Now go and have fun with your friends yeah? There's all the time in the world to be worried James, try to appreciate the little moments.”
“I will,” James pulled the corners of his mouth into a smile. His mum beamed back as she watched her son stride from the room and take the stairs two at a time.
“There he is!” Sirius laughed from his spot on the floor. He was sitting next to Remus and across from Peter at the coffee table where a deck of cards was thrown about.
“Here I am,” James chuckled, settling down next to Pete. “Everyone okay?” His eyes fell over to Remus.
“Yeah,” the sandy-haired boy smiled gently. “You?”
“I think so,” James sighed, trying to push unpleasant thoughts of war and pain to the back of his head.
“Aww is Prongs worried about his friends,” Sirius teased, reaching over the table to pinch his cheek.
“Yeah maybe I am,” James’ laugh hitched in his throat.
“Oh James… come here,” Peter cooed and threw his arms around his friend - tackling him to the ground.
“Pete,” James whined as the other two boys piled on top of him.
“I thought we said this was an anti-sadness holiday,” Sirius smirked, poking James in the ribs playfully.
“Says you,” James grumbled as he tried to push his friends off his body.
“Momentary setback,” Remus snorted. “Now we can do whatever fun activities you had all planned out for us Prongs.”
“Meaning we can go to the village for breakfast tomorrow?” James laughed, knowing that Sriisu usually didn’t ride from his bed until early afternoon most of the time.
“Sure James, whatever you want,” Sirius laughed. “You’re such a mum friend.”
“Yeah well someone has got to step up to the plate,” Peter rolled his eyes playfully and wiggled out of the pile of limbs. The boys all rolled apart and lay on the carpet side-by-side.
“Walburga certainly didn’t do it,” James added as they laughed.
“No shit!” Sirius snorted. “I think even Pete’s more motherly than that troll.”
“I think everyone’s more motherly than her,” Remus snickered.
“Hey hey no more talking about that bitch,” Peter smacked James’ arm lightly.
“Oh fine,” James laughed. “What are we going to do for our big end-of-year show?”
“Oh it’s got to be big,” Sirius rubbed his palms together.
“Maybe something a bit more light-hearted?” Remus suggested. “I feel like there’s enough tension in the castle already, we don’t need anything to set people off.”
“We could do something with hair dye again,” Peter suggested. “The last time we did it it didn’t work very well.”
“The marauders will not settle for unoriginal ideas!” James rolled his eyes. “Maybe we could do like a singing prank.”
“Singing?” Remus questioned, pulling himself into a sitting position.
“Yeah like what if we put some kind of potion into everyone’s drinks at breakfast and made everyone sing all day? Like a huge musical?”
“Merlin’s tits Prongs,” Sirius laughed. “That would be fucking awesome. Think we could pull it off?”
“I’m sure we can,” Remus smiled. “James your dad’s got some advanced potions books in the study right?”
“Yeah and mum’s got some on-altering spells and such,” James smirked.
“The marauders are back in action baby!” Peter pumped his fist in the air.
“Our best idea yet if I do say so myself,” Sirius exclaimed.
“Besides the map,” James listed.
“And y’know becoming illegal animagus’ at thirteen,” Peter continued.
“Yeah, that one was the best,” Moony blushed.
“Well then it’s the third best idea we’ve had,” Sirius rolled his eyes. “Now let's get planning ladies. The marauders have some marauding to get up to.”