Chapter 1
July 13th, 1979
Part I, Peter
Peter hates these meetings. The smell of it. The eyes lingering over him. His mask doesn’t help, pressing into his skin, pulling the air out of his lungs, leaving him light headed and feeling dizzy from his own breath.
He takes his seat, feeling the temperature dip as he does. Voldemort smiles at him in welcome.
The faces around the table stay the same every week. Lucius, his wife. The Lestranges, Mulciber, Dolohov. With all the things he knows…If he wanted to, he could call the order right now. He’d be a hero, look at Peter Pettigrew, infiltrating all on his own. He’s not always sure why he doesn’t; but nobody has ever looked at Peter Pettigrew and thought him powerful.
Here, fate bows to him; he puts a gun to her head.
“Do you think they suspect?” The voice cuts through him like ice.
Peter takes a shaky breath, “sorry?”
People laugh, Voldemort’s teeth glimmer in the green lighting.
“Your other friends? Do you think they suspect our visit to Diagon Alley next week?” Of course they don’t. Peter’s done such a good job hiding it. Lets James worry about him when he comes home. Lets Marlene pull him out to the pub for a night off. They care so much, like it’s nothing. It is nothing.
Don’t you see, he wants to scream sometimes. Don’t you get it yet?
“No, my lord. Nobody suspects.”
“Good.”
Voldemort leads the meeting onward. Just this week, Howard Mince got elected as head of The Daily Prophet. They’ve had their claws in him for years. He sees it now, the subtle ways that are different on their side. There’s power in this room. Real power. There are bodies in the ministry that are merely puppets.
The Order could never even begin to untangle all these strings.
Don’t you get it yet.
This is how the world works.
He gets asked little things. Weak spots in the Order’s armour, what supply chains they have–st. Mungos slipping them supplies, certain members of the Wizengamot. It’s all going fine until Rodolphous Lestrange makes it personal.
“There are some concerns we must go over regarding a man named James Potter.” His stomach shouldn’t lurch the way it does. It’s not like this is anything new. James has made quite the name for himself, despite how Peter begs him to keep his head down. “He’s becoming too much of a symbol of resistance against us. He’s escaped our best snatchers, and despite the target on his head…” Rodolphus pauses, considering his words. “He’s taken down too many of us. People are beginning to notice.”
A man to his left scoffs, and out of the corner of his eye Peter recognizes the man to be Severus Snape.
“Is there a problem Snape?” Rodolphus drawls, having heard it too.
“Potter doesn’t have the spine to kill anyone, it has to be one of his friends. Black, perhaps.” A general wave of discomfort settles over the room at the mention of the disowned heir.
Voldemort's gaze wanders back over to Peter. “Perhaps our honoured guest could help us with our dilemma,” Voldemort sits back in his chair, “do you think this James Potter will be a problem for us?” All eyes fall on him, including the sharp eyes of Regulus Black, who until now has maintained an air of disinterest. He sits at the end of the table, directly across from Voldemort. Though Peter assumes that has more to do with them being in his home rather than ranking.
“Pr–” he coughs, the words sticking uncomfortably in his throat. Rotting him from the inside out. “Potter is higher up in rank than people think. Dumbledore trusts him, and rightly so.” He holds his next sentence carefully, trying not to let his fear show, “regardless, Snape is right. He wouldn’t hurt anyone unless they gave him a reason to.”
“If Dumbledore trusts him, that means he’s useful,” Lucius Malfoy speaks up. “It might be worth looking into just how much.” The question is directed to Voldemort, but he turns to Peter. Another test.
“You won’t get information from him, he’s too loyal.”
“Unfortunately, that might be true,” Snape speaks up again. His cold gaze narrows on Peter briefly before continuing, “his loyalty is precisely what makes him a threat, and he’s well defended. His allies will retaliate.”
Voldemort's gaze finally leaves him, and surprisingly turns towards the younger Black.
“My brother won’t be a problem.” Regulus assures, says the word brother like it’s funny. Peter supposes it is. The idea of Sirius Black being related to anyone in this room is unimaginable.
“Good,” Voldemort places his hands flat on the table. “I trust you can take care of them both, then? I’ll have Severus handle any other potential allies.”
“Of course, my lord.” Regulus nods, but his gaze flickers briefly towards Peter. It could have been a trick of the light, and the room moves on to bigger conversations; but Peter can’t quite shake it off.
When they adjourn, Regulus is quick to approach Voldemort. “Would you mind if I borrow your guest for a moment? He may have some useful information for me.”
Voldemort tilts his head slightly in consideration, “don’t be long.”
A moment later Peter is alone with Regulus. “I don’t know if I’ll be much help,” Peter stutters out. Regulus’ eyes have a way of slicing back all his protections. If he didn’t know the mask given to him had protections from legitimacy, he’s certain his cover would be blown.
“You know enough, I’m sure. If Voldemort was willing to ask you about him.” Peter flinches, not many death eaters are brave enough to use his name out loud. “He works in the ministry, yes? Auror department.”
Peter nods.
“Where does he live?”
Oh. Right. His skin feels tight with how closely this conversation treads to his life outside this role. Nonetheless, “he has a flat, somewhere in muggle London.”
“Surely you can be a bit more specific. Is it linked up to the floo network?”
“It is.”
“What’s the password?” He doesn’t necessarily like the idea of giving Regulus their floo password, if only because of how vulnerable it leaves him. But he finds himself telling Regulus nonetheless.
He’s made his choice. The guilt barely stings anymore.
He’s tired when he gets home. The guys are in the living room playing a game of exploding snap. They ask him to join but he declines, opting to get ready for bed early. He feels James’ concerned gaze follow him up the stairs.
At one point, he wakes up to the subtle click of the front door closing.
It could have been a dream.
Part II, James
When James gets home from work Sirius’ laugh, loud and bold, drifts over from the living room. One of Remus’ records plays quietly, and James can see the two swaying slowly to the music. The familiarity of it all warms his heart after the exhausting day he’s had.
It doesn’t last long.
There's a blue envelope waiting for him on the kitchen table. His name on the front in handwriting he recognizes. Upon tearing it open, James expects the usual location—a farmhouse in the middle of nowhere, and a time to meet. Which is there, except alongside it is a note.
Bring my brother and Remus, it’s urgent.
-R
Something unpleasant settles in his stomach. James pushes it down once he notices that the clock on the wall only reads 6:00 pm, there’s too much time to think between now and midnight.
“Did you guys see this?” James makes his way over to the living room. Sirius takes it out of his hands as James flops down, pulling Remus down with him so he can lie with his head in his lap. Remus huffs, reluctantly settling further into the couch and running a hand through James’ hair. If anything James is doing him a favour, Remus needs a bit of time to just relax.
“No I hadn’t,” Sirius murmurs, eyes scanning the page. “What do you think it’s about?”
“Is that from Regulus?”
Sirius nods and hands the note over for Remus to read as well. “It’s risky, meeting all three of us at once. He must have found something important.”
“Him and his bloody paranoia,” Remus sighs, eyes scanning the page.
James hums, shutting his eyes and enjoying Remus’ hand running through his hair. He’s close to dozing off when Sirius shoves his feet off the couch to join them. “Oi! I was relaxing,” James grumbles, pulling himself up until he’s sitting between them.
“No, you were moping.” Sirius pokes at his face. “C’mon, lets go for a fly or something. It’ll pass the time.”
“Moony, he’s bullying me.”
“Maybe, but he’s right.” Remus gives him a pointed look before getting up stiffly, “I’ll put some tea on. Pick a board game, it’s not safe for either of you to be out flying.–but I’m not playing muggle cards. I don't care if Lily says she taught you, I will not be explaining the rules of poker again.” James laughs at the disappointed look on Sirius’ face and pokes him.
“Aww Padfoot, don’t sulk. Moony will play poker with you one day.”
“Fine,” Sirius sighs and reaches for his wand. “Exploding snap then?”
James hears Remus groan from the kitchen.
He can’t sleep.
It’s been years of this. Not knowing where Regulus is, or when he’s coming back. Since James’ fifth year of Hogwarts. He still remembers the cold look on Dumbledore’s face when he offered Regulus his deal. A one time offer. Protection for Remus after Snape found out about him in 5th year, and Regulus would come when Dumbledore called.
They’d fought for a long time about it. Regulus didn’t want to take it. To this day, James doesn’t really know what changed his mind.
He leaves at 11:30, writing a quick note for Remus and Sirius telling them he’ll meet them there.
When he gets to the safe house, a worn down blue thing in the countryside, Regulus is sitting on the stairs to the front porch. He looks up at the sound of footsteps, face pale and eyes unfocused.
“You’re early.”
James reaches out for his hand, and pulls him up. “I wanted to see you.” That earns him a small quirk of a smile, but it fades as quickly as it came. “You’ve found something, haven’t you?”
Regulus nods, opening the door without taking his eyes off the path James had walked down. “It'll be safer to talk inside.”
James nearly chuckles, “I apparated right out the front door Reg, I don’t think anyone followed me.”
“You can never be too careful.”
James is reminded of Remus’ comment about Regulus’ paranoia. Their footsteps echo on the wooden floor throughout the small farm house as they make their way into the kitchen.
Regulus puts the kettle on and looks up at him. “Tea?” James nods, but they fall back into a steady silence until the water boils.
“What did you find Regulus?” he tries to ask softly, but the slight shake in the other boy's hands as he pours the kettle has James getting up and taking it from him. Regulus looks down but James sees the slight quiver of his lip, and promptly tugs his hand a little closer. Regulus goes willingly, wrapping his arms tight around James. “Hey,” James hushes, “whatever it is it’ll be okay. We’ll figure it out.”
“It’s not okay,” his voice is muffled by James jumper, but the emotion bleeding through is enough for him to want to pull Regulus closer. Pull him away from all of this.
“Can you tell me?” He feels more than sees Regulus nodding his head. It takes awhile for him to start speaking.
“The meeting today, his spy was there. I–I questioned him. Fuck, James, he knew your address.”
A horrible feeling crawls up his throat. Rewires the world into something cruel. The list of people that know his address is short. Really short. Dumbledore's orders.
“Okay,” his voice fails to come out as frantic as he feels. “Okay, we’ll just…we’ll move, and–”
“No, James you don’t–he knew the code to your Floo.” James’ head short circuits a bit, because that’s not possible. Whoever it is, they must have made it up.
“He can’t. I haven’t even had a chance to tell you yet. We changed it like last week. Maybe–”
“Sirius gave me the new password, in case of anything,” Regulus admits, his voice a bit pained. James becomes aware that his arms are gripping Regulus tight enough to hurt and releases him. Regulus takes a deep shaky breath, still not meeting James’ eyes, but not letting himself move away yet. He slides his hands down James arms, still holding him like he’s waiting for him to fall apart. Which is ridiculous because they’ll figure this out. Someone must have overheard one of them, or used legitimacy. They’ll find an explanation.
“We have to consider that it’s someone close to you, love. Really close to you.” James just stares at him, because nobody in his life is capable of this. It’s simply not possible. “I need to ask you some questions, just answer them and we’ll see if we can piece it all together.” James nods, and lets Regulus settle him back into one of the kitchen table chairs.
He lets Regulus ask his questions.
Who knows his address. Who could have overheard his address. Every name is someone James trusts. Unquestionably. Wholeheartedly.
Who else did he tell the floo code to?
The people who make up his heart. There are only three.
“Why did you want Remus and Sirius to come tonight, Reg?” He still won’t look at James, just stares at his hands as he plays with one of his rings.
“Because I trust them,” he says quietly. For some reason that makes James angry.
“We should have brought Peter too, he should–he needs to know that someone knows our code. Maybe it’s time we tell him about you, too. That you’re still on our side.”
“James,” Regulus pleads softly. “I’m so sorry but–”
“No.” He won’t believe it. This isn’t happening. “Someone must have used legitimacy on one of us. That’s the only explanation.”
“James–”
“He would come to me, if anything was happening, he would come talk to me.” He can’t breathe. The world dips and swirls, this can’t be happening. Hands slide into his own, tug him closer. Words muffled by the panic seizing James’ heart. He would come talk to me, I would listen, tell him that we’re all scared. We’re all so scared.
“I’m sorry James, I’m so, so sorry,” Regulus repeats again, and again and again. None of it matters.
He lets Regulus explain it to Sirius and Remus. Stays quiet while they refuse it. Sirius gets angry and Regulus lets him shout until Remus gets between them. Pulls Regulus to the other room and tells Sirius to stay with James.
They’re quiet for a long time.
“He must be being framed,” James says to the air.
“What?” Sirius croaks.
“He must be being framed, right? Someone must be framing him.” He knows how desperate it sounds.
“Who?” Sirius sighs, the word feeling like it’s spoken by someone else. Someone teetering on the edge of defeat.
“I don’t know,” James persists. “That’s what we need to find out.”
Sirius shakes his head, tears threatening to spill out. “No, Prongs. I…I think this is real.”
James blinks at him. The ground pulled out from under his feet. Because that’s not what he expected. “What? Pads, it’s Peter. We aren’t giving up on him.” Sirius presses his lips together, but he doesn’t look away. “We aren’t. We don’t do that to each other.”
“James, think about it.”
“There’s nothing to think about.”
“He’s been staying out late, disappearing and not telling anyone where he’s going. He hasn’t talked to us–really talked. Not for a while.”
James shakes his head, “all of us disappear.”
“This is different. He comes back and–he looks at us like it hurts. I thought he just wanted space, but…” Sirius trails off. James feels something inside him break. The space between them becomes fragile. One move and it could all crack. Take them both down.
“We need to talk to him,” James admits. “But I’m not…I don’t believe this.”
It’s Peter, the voice claws through his head, bites down on what James knows. He’s mine. I know him.
Remus and Regulus come back. Remus looks shaken. James knows there’s things Regulus keeps from him. Things that he doesn’t keep from Remus. Right now he’s never been more glad for it. They lay out the plan they came up with, how they’d owled Moody about their suspicion. He hasn’t responded but Remus says they can’t wait. His gaze flickers over to James, and he doesn’t try to understand what it means.
All that matters is they’re confronting him in the morning.
Part III, Peter
Regulus is already waiting when Peter comes down the stairs.
“Wh-What are you doing here?” Eyes wide, alarm bells ringing. He doesn’t even have his wand.
“I figured the sooner I get this over with the better.” He does his best to put on a cold smile. “How is my dear brother doing?”
The recognition is there. He can see it in Peter's eyes. A confession will be too easy.
Regulus is too aware of Remus and Sirius sitting out of sight in the living room. James, probably creeping to the top of the stairs. All of them listening.
“I–” Peter looks around frantically.
“What’s wrong Pettigrew?” he mocks.
“Are you really going to kill them?” a hushed breath. It seems to be half an attempt to compose himself.
“You heard the order.”
Peter doesn’t respond, but his hands are shaking. Please, Regulus wants to snap. Fucking regret it. Stand in my way. Do something. Finally, a resignation. He steps to the side, unblocking the stairway. “You do it then.”
Regulus swallows thickly and covers it with a laugh. “Is that how you rationalize it to yourself? Their blood isn’t on your hands if I do it? Really Pettigrew, you’re responsible for so many of their side’s deaths what difference does it make?”
Something like rage crosses Peter's face. “I never thought it would be like this, I didn’t know we’d be–”
“Fighting a war?” Regulus scoffs, “You could have left. Why switch sides?” Out of the corner of his eye he sees Sirius slip into the kitchen, wand in hand. “What’s the plan?”
Peter hesitates, squeezing his eyes shut. He looks too much like someone Regulus used to think of as a friend. “They don’t say it, but no one trusts each other right now. Remus and Sirius have been fighting. Remus disappears, Sirius has been getting angry.”
Regulus knows about the fights. He’s been the subject of it many times. Remus trusts him, Sirius tries to.
Remus too, slips in. So quietly. But his hands twitch, and there’s something angry in the curve of his mouth. Sirius catches his eye and jerks his head telling him to wait.
Regulus grips the counter a little tighter, “you’re going to frame one of them?” It comes out a fraction of what he feels. Peter nods, and Regulus can’t tell if the look on his face is shame or pride. Can’t tell which one is the mask.
“It’ll work. They don’t suspect me, and–just a little time, you’ll see. One of them will crack.”
Regulus closes his eyes as Sirius casts a disarming spell.
Part IV James
An hour later James is at the ministry. Remus is wrapping his hand up with one of Lily’s special bandages. They’re sitting out of the way, a bench in the back hallway outside the interrogation rooms. Sirius is in there with Moody right now.
Peter won’t talk, which James didn’t see coming.
“Sorry,” Remus apologises as he ties it off tight.
“Don’t be,” James grits out, “I’m the one that hit him.”
It had gotten ugly once Sirius had disarmed Peter. Accusations flying. Somewhere in there, James snapped. His fist connecting with Peter’s face. He can’t even remember what Peter said that set him off. He can barely remember any of it.
The ministry is in chaos. Everyone was called in to try and patch together all the damage Peter’s caused. It’s frantic work, routes being changed, vital members being moved to safe houses. Emmeline Vance comes in wearing her pyjamas. Nobody mentions it.
An hour later, Marlene arrives. Within moments her wand is out, threatening Kingsley to let her by. Let her talk to him. It’s only then James remembers Peter knows where her family lives. James steps forward, but Alice is faster; pushing past him with one hand squeezing his shoulder.
“We should be interrogating him using veritaserum,” she says evenly, silencing both of them. “It can’t be used as evidence but Kingsley, we need to know who’s at risk.”
Kingsley considers it for a moment before sighing, “Moody won’t hear about it from me.”
James wonders when they started having to break rules in order to save peoples lives.
Thanks to Regulus, they had already known about the attack on Diagon Alley planned for next week. What they hadn’t known was it’s only a cover to target individual order members' houses. When James goes to their safe house and explains this, he watches the gears turning in Regulus’ head as they sit facing one another on the couch.
“Marlene’s family.”
“Kingsley’s sister too. Remus’ mum, and…” James trails off. Presses a hand to his chest like it bleeds. “They were planning to poison my parents. Apparently I was a target, so they wanted…I don’t know.”
“Other allies,” Regulus murmurs, a note of fear in his voice. “Fuck, James…I’m so–I missed it. I–Snape, he spoke up at the meeting,” Regulus moves to stand, hopefully not go after Snape himself. James waves him off, pulling him back down.
“It doesn’t matter, they’re safe. Moody is making sure they’re hidden. Everyone’s either being moved or put into hiding, which brings me to my next point,” James takes a deep breath, “Sirius, Remus and I are being moved here, to the safehouse, because there’s still a chance he–our apartment location might be leaked.”
“I’ll have to live with my brother?” Regulus’ eyes go wide.
James laughs wetly, the next sentence getting stuck in his throat. “Unfortunately there’s more. Kingsley said he thinks your cover is at risk. There’s a plan, he said, that’ll take you on the run—“
“He didn’t tell you what our plan is, right? No specifics, no–”
“He didn’t. I promise,” he slips his hand into Regulus' own, brushes his thumb over his pulse point. “Whatever it is you’re doing just…come home.” he hates how his voice breaks. How everyone has seemed to take all of this in with ease while his heart has been irreparably torn. A lot of lives were saved, people he loves. But the world still ended today.
This time it’s Regulus who pulls him in close. Kisses the side of his head as James tries to breathe again. “I’m coming home, mon coeur.”
At some point James falls asleep, there on the couch with Regulus curled around him. There’s been many nights here, and James knows he’s using this one to hide from everything that’s happened. Maybe he even deserves to, but that doesn’t stop Sirius’ patronus from waking him up at five o’clock in the morning with a start, rousting Regulus who’s already grabbing for his wand on the coffee table before realising what’s going on.
“Peter’s in Azkaban,” Sirius’ message says. “It’s all over now I guess.” The patronus dissolves.
Regulus rubs his eyes, elbow knocking into James shoulder. “Not nearly, but..” he trails off, stifling a yawn. He looks too much like a kitten in the mornings, all scrunched noses and narrow eyes. One wrong move and James will end up getting scratched, one right move–like knocking his forehead against Regulus’ shoulder, and he might just get Regulus to lie back down with him.
While Regulus falls back asleep, James watches as the sun rises, filling the farm house with beautiful morning light. He can’t quite feel it yet, but he knows he will. One day.