December 1980
James leaves the coffee shop with a warm sandwich in one hand and a latte in the other. He breathes out as the cold air hits him, cursing himself for not wearing the scarf Remus had lain down on his bed.
Remus will have a blast when, james thinks. He walks down the street with a scowl, an unusual sight, for James Potter. Known for having a smile on his face all the damn time. When he was younger, before war. The cold nipping at him, making fun of him for not thinking straight. He takes a bite from his sandwich and hums in delight, at least it’s warm.
A stranger rushes past him, bumping into him along the way. His sandwich falls to the ground and his latte slightly spills over him. Great.
“Watch out where you’re going!” James yells at the stranger, who’s barely visible as the crowd swallows them up. He quickly observes his surroundings for extra measure, his breath quickening. He has to remind himself war has been done for ages now. Deep breaths in and out.
His hand hovering over the sandwich, he’s about to pick it up when he notices a thin black cat quietly nibbling at his sandwich. The cat cowers away, noticing James’ stare. James curses lowly under his breath, he grabs his sandwich and dashes after the cat, which takes his mind off of his worries for a second. Several people shout at him, the same way he had done earlier, but he frankly doesn’t give a fuck.
It’s quiet hard to get through the crowd, but he manages either way. Despite it being cold in early December, a lot of people are busy shopping for Christmas, including James. His backpack is filled with gifts for his friends. Other than christmas shopping, war ended a few months ago, means there’s a lot to be celebrated. He catches a glimpse of the cat and follows it into a dark alleyway.
He crouches down, laying the sandwich in front it before he can get away. James nudges the food towards the cat when it tries to sneak away.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. Have some food,” James murmurs, lifting a hand to stroke the cat. The cat trembles, making itself smaller. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
The cat tries to run away and again but James carefully picks it up and moves it back to the spot it was in before.
James smiles sadly, making sure the cat sees his approaching hand. He softly strokes the cat, the cat hisses as it stares him up and down. James notes that it has a familiar greyish-blueish colour, too familiar for his liking.
He quickly dismisses the thoughts and watches as the cat starts nibbling at the sandwich again. The cat, james notices is a boy, has multiple scars on his body, as if hands had been grabbing at him, sinking their hands into his fur. His right leg is injured and James can easily see his rib cage.
James guesses that he hasn’t eaten in days, possible weeks. His heart clenches at the thought of having to leave him all by himself in the cold. He reaches for his phone, dialling remus. He picks up a few beats later.
“James?” Remus asks, his voice muffled, slightly panicked. He hear shuffling at the other side, he probably woke him up. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes. Remus, what do you think of cats?” James asks, his fingers trailing over the cats scars. He hisses, James stops and changes to rubbing his belly instead.
“Did you seriously wake me up just to ask what I think of cats? You know I love them,” Remus sighs annoyed.
“Well yes, but what about owning one?”
“What?”
“I stopped by the cafe right, latte and a ham sandwich. I’m on my way minding my own business when I get bumped into. My sandwich falls and as I’m about to pick it up a cat is eating at it. It fled and I followed it. Remus, he looks terrified. He has scars all over his body, he’s thin, too thin and trembling at all the noises,”James hurries out, slightly out of breath at the end.
“You want to bring it home, don’t you,” Remus sounds both amused and stunned. James had sworn off pets after Padfoot. Yet now, looking at the cat, starved and beaten, a feeling is tugging at him. Screaming and begging for him to take the cat in.
“Bring him to the vet, we’ll put on a missing poster and if nobody responds we’ll figure something out, alright? Bring it home until then,” Remus instructs, James hums in agreement despite a sombre feeling washing over him. The thought of him having a home to go home to, having to part… “Don’t get too attached, James.”
Too late, James thinks to himself.
James wouldn’t be able to articulate the feeling, the familiar feeling the cat radiates, as if they’d met before. As if they were destined to bump into each other.
“I’m bringing you home,” James carefully puts the sandwich in his backpack and scoops the cat into his arms. He grabs his latte and hands it to the first homeless person he passes. “You’ll need a name won’t you.”
The cat purrs and James bites the side of his cheek as he runs through a list of names. He settles on Leo. It seems fitting. “Ready to go home soon, Leo?”
Leo rests his head on James’ shoulder and promptly falls asleep. James smiles as he ignores the judging looks he receives. He types in the vets address and to his luck, they were able to fit in a treatment for lice in twenty minutes. They treat Leo and let James know everything he needs to know.
An hour later he walks out with a new appointment in two weeks, he hopes Leo will still be around. James made a trip to the store, grabbing cat food and other necessary items and leaving for home. It’s almost dark by the time he gets back. He fumbles for his keys and Leo jumps out of his arms, almost hesitant to come in.
“Come on, Leo,” James reassures and Leo walks in, sniffing everything. James follows him, waving hi to Remus as they pass him. “Hi Remus.”
“James, I see you already named the cat,” Remus rolls his eyes but stands up and approaches Leo. Leo hisses at Remus, however doesn’t move. Remus chuckles.
“I don’t think Leo has an owner,” James mumbles, flinging himself on a chair next to the couch dramatically. “They’d be very shitty and come on, even if he does have an owner he deserves better.”
Leo stares up at him, James recognises a hint of sadness but dismisses it. He’s had a long day, he’s seeing things.
“I’m going to sleep,” Remus announces, casting a long glance at James. “You should to.”
“Yes, mum,” James sticks his tongue out and takes the bowl out, opening the cat food and pouring it up to the amount the vet recommended.
He adds a bit more, glancing at Leo’s sticking out ribcage.
“Here’s some food, Leo,” James shuffles the bowl and Leo sniffs at the food and makes a gagging noise. He starts eating after a minute but he’s slow to eat it.
“I’m sorry your previous owners were so shit,” James whispers to Leo. Leo finishes his food and doesn’t make a move to follow James upstairs.
James bundles him up in his arms and takes him to his room, he lays Leo on the left side of his bed. He kicks his shoes on but doesn’t bother changing into pyjamas as he lays under the cover.
“Good night, Leo.”
Nearing christmas, 1980
The next two weeks are the same, James stays in bed With Leo as Leo curls up onto his chest. They don’t do much, other than be in each others company.
Leo doesn’t seem to mind, he sleeps most of the time or stares out of the window. They haven’t seen much of Remus, who busies himself with work all the time.
After those two weeks, Mary and Lily start dragging him out of bed, Leo naturally follows them.
The first time Mary and Lily were at the door, Remus was at the graveyard. James had to force himself out of bed, still in the clothes he wore the last few days.
“James! We haven’t seen you in ages!” Mary exclaims, hugging James. Lily gives him a sad, knowing smile.
“Hi, James. Hope you’re doing alright.”
“Fine, what about you?” He lets them inside and Lily gasps, staring down at Leo, who’s watching her intently. “You didn’t tell us you had a cat!”
“His name is Leo. Found him on the streets,” James explains, petting Leo on the head.
“You have a knack of taking in people, or animals now, in need of a home,” Mary jokes and James chuckles lowly. He looks away, blinking away his tears at the reminder of Sirius. Leo rubs his head against James’ legs.
After that, the girls came by almost daily. They visited the graveyard a few times, although Leo stayed behind.
Leo had warmed up to the girls, welcoming them with a purr before going off outside, playing with a toy mouse.
Other times he would be curled up next to the bookshelf in Remus’ study.
Lily, Mary, James and Remus would talk quietly among themselves.
“Leo reminds me of someone,” Mary says, intently looking at Leo. The others hum in agreement. They all saw those grey eyes and the weirdly human characteristics.
“Yeah,” James says, his throat closing up. Leo stirs and James taps his fingers against his knees. desperate for a different topic to talk about.
Lily and Remus seem to notice, as they change the topic to Christmas, which in James’ opinion is an even worse topic to talk about but he doesn't voice this, instead he listens as his friends talk excitedly.
“We’re still up for tomorrow, right?” Remus asks, jerking his head towards downstairs where they decorated the christmas tree. There are a couple of presents under there, James presents easy to spot as the wrapping is messy and slightly torn while Remus ones are wrapped neatly.
“Yes, of course! We’re bringing our presents with us tomorrow,” Lily nods her head enthusiastically with Mary in tow.
“It’s going to be good, after everything. To take our minds off of everything,” Mary says brightly. James knows she means it well, but James has the complete opposite. Nearing christmas has been tough and made him even messier.
First christmas without Sirius, Monty and Effie, James thinks to himself. He excuses himself from the group, mumbling about having to go to the toilet as his heartbeat pounds loudly in his ears. His eye sight fuzzy as he rushes into Sirius’ old room, the one he slept in before Remus and Sirius were officially a couple.
James gasps for air trying to breathe in and out, rubbing his hand on his chest. He falls to the ground, his eyes brimming with tears.
He hears soft tapping on the floor and he lifts his head to meet Leo at the door. He carefully walks towards James, as if he expects to get sent out. James picks Leo up and hugs him. Leo rubs his head against his chest.
It takes a couple of minutes of gasping before his breathing has slightly gone back to normal. He hides his face in Leo’s fur and rocks them both from side to side. They stay there as James’ heartbeat slows down and he wipes his tears away, rooted in the spot.
Leo miaows at him, wiggling out of James’ arms and running out of the room. James sighs at the loss of contact and comfort. He stays even then, until he sees Leo coming back with a chocolate bar in his mouth.
Leo drops the bar into his lap and James lets out a raspy laugh. He opens it up and takes a bite, whispering a ‘thank you’ to Leo. He purrs in response, as if he understands everything James says.
James scrubs his face before joining his friends again with Leo, who hug him. They pour themselves some wine before Mary and Lily say their goodbye’s promising to be there at noon for christmas.
Remus, James and Leo fell asleep in Remus’ bed, both refusing to leave James alone.
25 December, christmas day.
James wakes up early, he checks the time on his watch, 07:55. He glances at Remus and Leo with a smile, carefully getting up to not disturb them. He sneaks downstairs and start preparing to bake cookies. He starts from scratch and quietly plays some music while he dances around the kitchen. It takes him two failed attempts before he gets everything the way he wants. He leaves the cookies in the oven, not the best idea, while he visits Sirius’ grave. He lets the tears fall over his face as he murmurs to the headstone.
It takes five minutes before he’s able to part, knowing he might burn the house down if he stays any longer, he hurries home and checks on the cookies.He flips the cookies around in the oven, as Remus walks downstairs. He yawns, slumping into the kitchen chairs.
His eyebags are more noticeable than usual and James understands, despite having his friends around, Christmas will be tough. Without Sirius to give out prank gifts before the actual ones, his mothers cooking and thoughtful gifts and his father’s laughter as they chase each other around while Effie bans them from the kitchen.
“Morning Moony,” James hopes his smile gives him some sort of comfort. “Merry christmas.”
“Merry christmas prongs,” Remus says quietly, his eyes flitting over the room. They stay in each others company, reading and playing with Leo, who joined them not long after, to keep their minds occupied.
Lily and Mary arrive around five o’clock, with two bags full of presents. James serves them the cookies he made earlier, which they take with pleasure. They sit around the fireplace as they exchange stories about their hogwarts days. They laugh and drink wine until they eventually roll dice for the presents, number four means you pick a present for someone else and two means your turn has been skipped. Six means you can choose two presents for two different people. Mary made the rules up and a few hours later they’re surrounded by their presents and wrapping paper, which Leo has taken a liking to.
James himself got a cookbook, a new Nimbus, since his old one broke, a bracelet with stars and multiple photobooks of their hogwarts years.
Remus got multiple books, grandpa sweaters, accessories, christmas mugs (which he plans on hanging onto the wall), new vinyls and annotated copies of his favourite book by all his friends.
Lily received a type write, new ear warmers, a book written by her favourite Quidditch player, an invitation for a dinner and necklaces with her name written on it.
Mary got an envelope with money in it for her upcoming flower shop she has been dreaming of for years, glasses with small cute messages written on each, new dresses and heels.
Leo gets a cute knitted blanket with stars on it, a scratching post and an automatic lifting ball.
At midnight, James notices Leo disappear into upstairs, he excuses himself from the group, following Leo.
Leo drags a small box out from under the bed and drops it into James’ hand. James furrows his eyebrows and carefully opens it up. Inside there’s a bracelet with star charms on it. He takes it out of the box and puts it around his wrist which takes a couple of tries. It reminds him of the Black brothers.
Then Leo runs downstairs, James followers confused as he gets led outdoors. He keeps Leo in sight since Leo has never been an outdoor cat. He’s only been outside once since James took him in.
Leo disappears around the corner of their backyard. James searches for his cat and when he does, he hurries after him again. He watches in shock as Leo, turns into a human. His Leo.
“What the fuck,” James whispers, stunned. The person turns their face towards them, Regulus Black.
“Reg? Am I dreaming?” James asks, his eyes wide and heart beating fast. He must be seeing things, Regulus Black was assumed missing more than a year ago. His eyes must be deceiving him, a trick.
“No, Potter, I’m quite real,” Regulus teases slightly and thats what it takes for James to run into his arms. Regulus stumbles back but catches himself as he tightens his arms around James.
They stay like that for what feels like hours, even as the cold wind rushes past them, they don’t budge. James leans back, staring into the familiar eyes of Leo, or Regulus Black now.
“Reg, what the fuck,” James’ head spins and he drags them both down onto the ground. He then repeats it another time, quieter.
“James,” Regulus breathes out, his eyes shining. James lays his hand on Regulus confesses something he’s wanted to say for the last couple of years. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” James pinches himself to make sure if this is really happening. It all makes sense to James, how he felt connected to Leo from the beginning, as if they met each other before. Because they had, it's been his bloody boyfriend who went missing all along. “Why didn’t you reveal yourself earlier? And you’re a bloody animagus.”
“Since second year Hogwarts,” Regulus admits, his eyes downcast. “I wanted to, you know. It’s just, I didn’t want to scare you off in the beginning and then I started to worry that you wouldn’t want me to stay. That- that you’d hate me. I just needed you to know now, because otherwise I’d never do it.”
“Regulus,” James says, staring at the man before him, so breathtakingly beautiful. As if the stars fell down onto earth. “I could never hate you.”
“Never?”
“Never,” James reassures. He plays with regulus’ hair. “Why did you turn into animagus?”
“In the second year or now?” Regulus asks and James shrugs.
“Both, if you’re willing to tell.”
“Okay then, can we go inside? My clothes aren’t quite suitable for winter,” Regulus shivers and James gasps as he sees Regulus’ torn clothes. He drags Regulus inside, forgetting his friends are there.
“Is that Regulus?” Remus turns around with his mouth wide open, staring at Regulus, the same way James had.
“Yes, he’s leo, our cat. Now if you’ll excuse us, he’s going to explain everything,” James rushes out, leaving his friends dazed and confused as James and Regulus close the door of James’ room.
James looks at Regulus closely, noting how he’s avoiding eye contact with him. His clothes, have indeed been torn up, there are thick, long scars covering his neck, arms and stomach. They’re in sets of five, as if people were attempting to tear him apart. He’s thin too, as thin as in his cat form.
Regulus tries covering himself, overwhelmed and unsettled by James’ gaze on his scars. James grabs a hoodie from his closet and hands it to Regulus, who thankfully takes it and puts it on as quickly as possible. They both sit on the bed, Regulus on the edge and as far away as possible from James.
“You were there for my first year, Sirius abandoned me as soon as I got sorted into Slytherin. It really hurt, you know. I felt lonely all the time, despite constantly having people around me. I stumbled across a book about Animagus as I was researching for a paper. I kept notes on it and a year later, I decided to do it, after Christmas break. With Sirius and everything back home-” Regulus trails off, his shoulders hunched. “It was hard. I often found comfort in being a cat and hiding away from the world. I would- I would sometimes visit the Astronomy tower, waiting until Sirius was there. It was the only time I could be around my brother without him looking at me with such disappointment. I’d comfort him, at times.”
James moves closer to Regulus, letting Regulus lay down on his lap as he fiddles with James’ hoodie, grounding himself.
“I was never brave enough to leave, as Sirius had. I’d wanted to, oh James, how I wish I had. I was too terrified, of what they’d do to me, or to Sirius. I endured their curses and attempts to break me. I got the dark mark at sixteen, I did everything in my power to keep you safe. I sent patronus, anonymous letters containing everything. Between the spy from your side and learning that Voldemort was making horcruxes, it was rough. Very rough. Thought about giving up. I pushed myself through and managed to destroy the horcruxes. Nearly drowned but I managed it, I let your side kill Voldemort. Everyone thought I was dead at that point, or still missing, using being animagus as an advantage. Tracking down everyone was impossible and living on the streets without having to worry was too.”
Regulus shudders, he closes his eyes and his lips turn downwards. As if he’s reliving all of those memories all over again. James wants to hunt down everyone who hurt him, even if it was something Regulus would find insignificant. James wants to burn the world and everyone inside, if that’s what it took for Regulus to be safe and happy.
“Finding food was hard, even as a cat. I often went days without food, although I was used to it from my days in Grimmauld. It was pure luck that you found me really, wanted to keep me,” Regulus opens his eyes and chuckles. “I thought you wouldn’t want me in your house after disappearing, especially after getting the dark mark.”
“Regulus, I was angry, I was upset but I never, ever blamed you. I would have gone on that horcrux trip if you told me about it,” James whispers, his fingertips caressing Regulus’ forehead as Regulus connects their hands together.
“I wouldn’t have let you come with me, I knew the risk, the chance I wouldn’t make it out alive. I wanted to keep you safe, that's why I left without a trace. I'm sorry,” Regulus admits, his grey eyes glazing over. “Almost drowning, it was horrible.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I had to order Kreature to make me drink the potion even if I told him to stop. I saw hallucinations of you and Sirius. Calling me names and telling me how much you hated me. I grabbed the locket, the horcrux, when these monsters crawled out. They took me by my feet and dragged me in. They were ripping their claws into my skin and dragging me under and under until I couldn’t breath. The water was freezing and I just wished for it to be over. Somehow Kreature got me out, he died in the process,” Regulus’ voice breaks as he thinks back to Kreature. “I wish he saved himself.”
“I’m really sorry, love but I’m glad you’re alive,” James says, then covers his mouth as he stares at Regulus. Regulus doesn’t say anything for awhile and James is about to apologise when Regulus snorts. “And I want you to know, your scars don’t make you ugly. You shouldn’t be ashamed of them, mon étoile.”
“I’m glad at least someone is glad I’m alive,” Regulus snorts and James frowns at him.
“Everyone is glad you’re alive. He would be too, you know.”
Regulus doesn’t believe him, James’ heartbreaks. They will never be able to mend their relationship again. James carefully rolls Regulus’ head off of his lap and leaves the room to rummage through Sirius’ old room. He comes back with a big box full of letters he shoved under his bed.
“Sirius wrote letters to you, even at hogwarts. Especially after he left, I found these when I was going through his room a month ago. He wrote one before-” James can’t finish his sentences, handing Regulus the box. “He also spoke to the stars every night, without fail.”
Regulus opens the box with shaking hands, his eyes welling with tears but making no move to open any. He stares at Sirius’ handwriting and when James is about to leave him for privacy, he tugs James onto the couch, not saying anything.
They stay like that for quite awhile until Regulus falls asleep. James puts the box on the ground and gently lifts Regulus to the bed, tucking him in and kissing him on the forehead. James makes his way downstairs to explain everything in minimum detail to his friends. They’re surprised but glad to have Regulus back, even Mary, who’s had one conversation with him. Mary and Lily leave soon after, thanking James and Remus for a wonderful evening.
Remus and James walk upstairs and as they’re about to part, James hugs Remus tightly. Remus pats James on the head, which makes him giggle and roll his eyes playfully.
“Sirius would be proud of you, Prongs,” Remus says, a smile on his face. It warms James’ heart. “He’s watching over you.”
“”You too, Moony. You too.”
James slips into his bedroom and makes himself comfortable on the couch, staring at Regulus’ sleeping form.
The next morning, Regulus wakes up to James rummaging through his closet. He glances at the other side of the bed, unused.
“James, where did you sleep?”
“The couch,” James replies, adjusting his glasses and changing into a different shirt. Regulus frowns and stands up, crossing his arms.
“Why? That’s so uncomfortable, you could have just slept next to me,” Regulus says and James shrugs, mumbling something about Regulus falling asleep and not wanting to make him uncomfortable.
“You could never make me uncomfortable,” Regulus pulls James in for a hug and then kisses his temple, leaving James slightly flustered.
Regulus and James walk downstairs, Regulus stops in his tracks, his eyes set on Remus and a woman sitting at the table with her back towards him. It doesn’t matter, he would always be able to recognize Pandora.
“Pandora!” Regulus exclaims, half sobbing and smiling. Pandora whips her head around and jumps out of the seat, the chair falls over but neither care about that. They hug each other and Pandora whispers his name over and over, not quite believe Regulus is alive.
Remus and James give them their privacy, as they catch up on everything that happened. Both are crying, Pandora sitting on the floor with Regulus, or rather Leo, when Remus checks up on them. Regulus stays as Leo for the day, as Pandora drifts off, stroking Leo.
In the afternoon they all watch a movie, Regulus’ hands intertwined with James as he rests his feet on Pandora’s lap and Remus with his over James’ lap.
The months go by and Regulus thinks he could get used to this, the four of them hanging out, the six of them when Lily and Mary are over. With them by his side, he’s sure he can recover from everything, they all do. Although he wishes he could speak with Sirius, mend their relationship and tell him he loves Sirius, he’s happy. He reads Sirius’ letters every once in awhile at his grave. He talks to Sirius’ star every night he’s visible.
James and Regulus have gone on a few dates since, spending as much time together to make up for the time they lost. They’re watching the sunset together, James nestles his head into the crook of Regulus neck. “I love you, Reg.”
“I love you Jamie,” Regulus whispers as he falls asleep with a smile on his face.