But He's A Fire, And He'll Keep My Brittle Heart Warm
By the the last month of school, things had returned to some sense of normalcy. Sirius and Remus talked, joked even. Pranks were back in full force, the marauders were united once again. There was still heaviness to Remus and Sirius’ relationship, still an unspoken tentativeness that left their movements careful and soft around each other. It felt like a weight had been lifted.
The final month of 5th year was carefully planned out, each prank outlined in perfect detail, all ramping up in intensity until the final show on the last day, a mess of fireworks, dancing suits of armor, flooded dungeons, and singing books.
One afternoon, a few days before break, Sirius and Remus were down in the dungeons, setting some dung bombs around the corridors, to lure the Slytherins out to the staircases, where more troubles awaited them. The tell-tale clomp of filch’s steps could be heard rounding the corner, so Remus quickly grabbed Sirius and threw them both past the nearest door, and into another broom cupboard.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” joked Sirius.
Remus laughed, pressing up against the wall when he heard Filch pass right by the door. Sirius flicked his wand once, murmuring incantation to remotely set off the dung bombs.
“Sirius!” Remus hissed, “We’re going to be stuck here for ages!”
“Oops” was his only response.
Outside, the angered grumblings of Filch could be heard, as the caretaker began cleaning up the foul-smelling things. Remus sat down against the wall of the broom cupboard, as Filch began to quiet down. Sirius sat down next to him, pressing up against him, though the small room allowed for a little more distance between the boys.
“Why did you do that?” Remus asked, casting a silencing spell over the room, so they could at least talk.
“I don’t know, good things happen to me in broom cupboards, Remus”
There again, the way Sirius said his name.
“So you got us stuck in one for merlin knows how long?”
“Seems so,” he answered lightly.
Sirius’ joking tone was beginning to annoy him. Remus had things to do, homework to finish, exams to study for, and he said as much to Sirius.
“Oh calm down! You’ve already studied twice as much as Prongs, Wormtail, and me combined, you’ll be fine” Sirius assured him.
“That’s not the point!” Remus turned to face Sirius head-on now, more than a little irked.
“It is so the point!” Sirius insisted, turning to look Remus in the eyes as well.
“No, it's not! That isn't the point at all! I haven’t studied nearly enough and you're still better than me at transfiguration and I'm going to fail potions because Slughorn is the worst professor to ever live and I need to study more—”
Suddenly, Sirius's lips were on his own, cutting off whatever Remus was going to say next. Quickly recovering from the shock, Remus tangled his hands into Sirius' hair. The kiss was messy, teeth on teeth. A moment later, Remus was kissing down Sirius' face, settling on a spot where Sirius’ jaw met his neck, working to build a bruise there. Sirius threw back his head to give Remus access, a moan escaping his lips.
Sirius ripped his head away, to rejoin their mouths with a heated press. Sirius scrambled to straddle Remus, taking his head in his hands, worrying Remus’ lower lip with his teeth.
Remus groaned, and something shifted in him. He realized this was what they had both been waiting for, what each strangely tense moment was leading up to. Remus lost himself in the scrabble of hand and mouth and tongue. He focused on the trail of heat Sirius was making down his neck and collarbone.
Remus could smell Sirius’ expensive cologne, and taste the breath mints he was always sucking on. Sirius’ attention was so thoroughly on one spot, it was sure to leave a mark.
Remus’ head fell back, and his hands slid into Sirius’s hair, holding him in place. Sirius’ hands were around his waist, just under the hem of his shirt.
“Fuck,” exclaimed Remus, extricating his hands from Sirius' hair. Their friendship was so recently recovered, he didn’t want to go and ruin it again.
“Sirius—Sirius stop,” he said even as he loathed the removal of Sirius' hands from his waist. Sirius moved away then, his lips red as his cheeks, his eyes dark, face fallen.
“I don’t want to go ruin our friendship again, I don’t want us to complicate this”
Strangely, Sirius only chuckled at this, moving again towards Remus.
“Moony, for the love of Merlin, shut up.”
With that, he pushed forward and kissed Remus again, more gently but also more meaningfully. Remus’ eyes fluttered shut, beginning to think that things with Sirius would always be complicated, but maybe he didn’t mind that.
…
The next morning, Remus had to wear his collar up at breakfast to hide the half dozen love bites scattered along his neck and jaw. Differently, Sirius wore his hair up, collar down, to expose the mirror image of half a dozen more bruised marks. At the Gryffindor table, whispers broke out. It was a well-known fact that Sirius Black was currently single, a state he never stayed in for very long, so the excitement was practically tangible and students tried to guess who had made them.
“Pads!” James exclaimed loudly.
“What?”
“Your neck!”
“Oh that,” he snorted “just an incident in a broom cupboard”
Remus turned bright red, he could feel the heat rise in his cheeks, but luckily Gryffindor's attention was pointed at Sirius.
It wasn’t until the last lesson of the day, transfiguration, that Remus encountered any problems.
“Mr. Lupin, please turn your collar down, all students must look presentable in my lessons”
Remus froze. Reluctantly, he flipped his starched collar down, only to reveal the myriad of hickeys all over his neck. McGonagall paled for a moment but ignored the sight. Oppositely, James glanced over, seemed to not register it, then in realization, whipped his head back around. His eyes widened, mouth agape, but then grinned. Under his desk, he gave Remus two thumbs up. Across the room, Lily gave Remus a small smile.
Sirius, sitting next to him, kicked him under the table.
“You okay?” He murmured.
“Yeah, I think so,” Remus said, sounding more assured than he felt.
When class was dismissed James ran straight at them, barreling into Sirius and Remus.
“You lads have anything you want to tell me?” He inquired, a glinting laugh in his words and a knowing look in his eyes.
“Is this okay?” Sirius asked, a slight but present worry in his voice.
“Yeah ‘course it is! I’m happy for you. Did you see McGonagall's face? You properly shocked her, didn’t know she could get surprised!” At that, James skipped away to rejoin Peter.
…
Back in the dorm, Remus and Sirius were left alone, James with quidditch practice, and Peter going along to watch.
As Remus read, he was interrupted by Sirius.
“What are we?” He asked.
Remus thought for a moment. What could they be? There had been progress, but it was still the 70s, he didn’t know how they could exist as anything other than friends. Friends who kissed in broom cupboards, away from people. People didn’t want to see that, Remus thought sadly.
“What do you want us to be?” was his only response.
“I don't know, I don't know what good can come of something public, but I know this is good. That was good.” He began to laugh “So good moony, so good,” he said with a slight groan.
Remus laughed, “Alright.” He thought back to the first closet incident, and said “Let’s just try.” With you, I’ll always try , he thought.
In the end, they did try, him and Sirius. They fought for the little bit of publicity the hostile environment allowed. They touched hands under desks, Sirius slung his arm across Remus’ shoulders, in a motion disguised as brotherly, they slept curled together in the same small dorm bed and ignored the teases from James.
They fought, more than a usual couple, and sometimes that fact made the sapling of doubt grow an inch or two, but they bounced back. More than once, they rendezvoused in broom closets, or other publicly private places, and made-up with one another using touches instead of words.
The people in Mcgonagall's classroom on that fateful day either didn’t put two and two together or didn’t care, because their secret never got out. Remus thought, maybe in a better world, he wouldn’t have minded it if it got out. Instead, he allowed Lily to pry gossipy details from him and embarrassed Sirius with murmured words in front of James and Peter.
In that domestic bliss they spent their final years at Hogwarts, and not once did Remus regret forgiving Sirius.