2003
“Alright it is set then,” Audrey said eagerly and was met with a sea of heads nodding at her.
“So, just to be clear,” Charlie started, “nothing is off limits?”
“No, but you should probably remember your parents will be there,” she responded.
“Wicked!”
Audrey, Percy’s fiancée and muggle wanted to introduce part of her family's tradition to the Weasleys this year. The family was sceptical at first, but she won them over as soon as she mentioned the word ‘competition’. A Christmas jumper competition, the only rule being to be as creative as possible. It can be ugly, funny or wholesome, as long as it fits your character.
The winner would get bragging rights for one year. The kids would be participating as well but were not going to be part of the competition.
“And we vote for the winner?” Hermione asked.
“Yes,” Audrey nodded, “but you cannot vote for yourself or your significant other.”
—
Two weeks later, on Christmas eve, Hermione was standing in the bedroom of the flat she shared with Ron. She was wearing a coat over her jumper to hide it from Ron since she had insisted on keeping it a secret until they were at the Burrow. Ron had tried finding it but Hermione had put a protection charm on the box which would trigger a shrill alarm. It was safe to say that he had tried to open it only once.
“Hermione, please let me see it!” Ron begged again, standing in the entrance of the room.
She chuckled and looked over at him, “No, but you're gonna love it.”
“But you can already see mine,” he whined pointing at his jumper.
“I can,” she nodded, “and your mom is not gonna be happy about it.”
He was wearing an emerald wool jumper that had the words ‘Ronald Weasley, how dare you steal my sleigh’ written on it in all capital letters. Ron’s whiney face turned into a lopsided grin, “I know. That’s the point.”
“It’s funny, I’ll give you that,” Hermione walked over to him and pecked him on the cheek, “let’s get going.”
When they flooed to the Burrow they were greeted by Charlie, who was already sitting on the sofa reading a Quidditch magazine. Ron snorted when he saw his jumper and asked, “Mum, kill you yet?”
“I don’t even know what her problem is,” he complained, “she always complains how I never bring someone home and now she knows why and that’s still wrong?”
“Mate, I don’t think saying that you got ‘ho’s in all area codes’ is exactly what she wanted for an answer.”
Charlie just shook his head, “yours isn’t that mum-friendly either.”
“Yeah, but he already knows that,” Hermione chimed in, “I think they’re both not that bad.”
“Granger, you okay? I think being married to my brother has been a bad influence on you.”
“Oi, it’s Granger-Weasley now,” Ron argued, “we also haven’t seen hers yet.”
Hermione chuckled, “you’re just too impatient, love. You’ll see soon enough.”
The couple made their way further into the room and Ron sat down next to Charlie when Molly and Arthur walked in, in matching elf jumpers.
“Those are so cute, you two,” Hermione complimented and greeted them.
“Thank you, dear,” Molly smiled, “Arthur found them in muggle London.”
“Boring,” Ron coughed.
“Oh Ronald, don’t be rude. Let me see yours,” Molly responded.
“Yeah Ronald, show her yours,” Charlie elbowed him.
Ron stood up and Molly eyed his jumper carefully, before gasping out loud. Charlie snorted and Hermione tried to hide her laugh behind her hand.
“Ron, that was a serious incident,” Molly scolded.
“I know.”
“You’re father almost got -”
“- suspended. I know,” Ron muttered.
“You could have been -”
“- seen. I know.”
“Can you believe this, Arthur? Making fun of such a serious situation.”
“You are absolutely disgusted?” Her husband asked and the remaining three broke out into laughter. Molly shook her head and took a deep breath, “I’ll be in the kitchen.”
Arthur followed closely behind her, a hand on her shoulder.
“Thank you for saving my ass, little brother,” Charlie said, still laughing.
“You’re welcome,” Ron muttered sitting back down.
Hermione walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Ron leaning in to whisper, “you look cute when you’re embarrassed.”
Ron’s ears turned red, and he hid his face in his jumper making Hermione giggle.
“Merlin, you two are disgusting,” Charlie rolled his eyes.
“Agreed,” George exclaimed from the entrance of the sitting room, “they get worse every time I see them.”
“It’s concerning,” Angelina agreed, following closely behind him, little Fred in her arms.
“Merry Christmas to you too,” Ron groaned.
“He’s just in a bad mood because mum just scolded him for his jumper.”
The pair took a moment to read the words on Ron’s jumper and grinned, “You should have seen that one coming, mate.”
“Yes, but it’s literally a joke.”
“I remember that moment,” Angelina added, “the entirety of Hogwarts was quoting that howler for at least a week straight.”
“Believe it or not, I remember. Now, what did you guys come up with?”
George took off his coat first and threw it over the armchair in the corner. When he turned around he revealed his Christmas patterned jumper that read ‘Deez Nuts’.
“Charming,” Charlie muttered, “you’re definitely not winning.”
“True, but I also won’t be disowned.”
He grabbed Fred from Angelina's arms so she could take off her coat as well, while he took off his son's snowsuit. Little Freddie, barely six months old, was wearing a one-piece that read ‘McGonagall’s worst Christmas present’ and had a red bow on his head.
“Did you guys talk to Ginny?” Hermione asked and Angelina nodded, “yeah we figured it would work for both James and Freddie.”
“And since they are gonna start Hogwarts together, it’s even more fitting,” George added.
“You guys should get them those exact shirts for when they start school,” Charlie suggested, “now for you Angie, I am glad your son cannot read yet.”
Angelina grinned and responded, “Auds said we could go out of pocket, and I did.”
“You also went with too much information,” Ron added. Angelina's jumper was in her Quidditch uniform style but read ‘Not chasin’ Santa on a broom tonight’ instead of her name and number.
“Suddenly I don’t feel too bad about mine anymore,” Hermione said laughing.
“Oi Granger, why are you still wearing your coat?”
“It’s Granger-Weasley now, George,” Charlie mocked his younger brother’s earlier comment.
“I was waiting for a grand reveal, but I suppose I could take it off now.”
“Yes,” Ron said a little too loudly.
“Relax Ron, this isn’t your bedroom.”
Angelina took Fred back into her arms and sat down on the armchair while George went to hang up their coats. When he got back Hermione had finally taken off her coat revealing her ‘S.P.E.W., forever and always’ maroon jumper.
“You were waiting this long for that?”
“Just you wait, Weasley.”
George raised his hands in defence and sat down on one of the arms of the chair Angelina was sitting in. The five of them fell into a conversation ranging from the current Quidditch season and how the Cannons were still not gonna move up in ranks to the new product George had just introduced in the shop. The group was interrupted by a knock on the front door.
“Who would be knocking?” George asked, perplexed.
“People with manners,” Molly shouted from the kitchen, “could someone go open it?”
“I got it,” Hermione volunteered and rose up from her place on the sofa to walk to the door. As she walked away from the group, they could all now read what was on the back of her jumper. In cursive, there was written Support Punishing Eager Weasleys and in small letters right below it: especially if their name starts with an R.
George almost choked on his own spit, while Angelina seemed more shocked than anything else. Charlie lowered his tabloid, smirking and eyed Ron, who had once again turtled himself into his own jumper.
“You gotta give it to Granger,” George laughed, “I did not expect that.”
“It’s still Granger-Weasley,” Ron mumbled, his face resembling one of the red baubles on the tree.
“George, leave it be! Little Ronnie is embarrassed,” Charlie joined in laughing.
“Fuck off.”
The two men just start laughing louder, Angelina and little Freddie joining in.
“What is this all about?” Ginny interrupted pointing a finger in between the group.
“Have you seen Hermione’s jumper?” Charlie asked.
“Yes,” Ginny nodded, “in fact, it was my idea.”
“Of course, it was,” Ron muffled.
Ginny grinned and left the entranceway again to take off her coat when Harry and Hermione entered behind her with James in his father's arms and Teddy trotting behind him. He was wearing a dark blue jumper that said ‘At least I tried to be nice’ and his annoyed face told everyone that he was forced to wear it.
Hermione walked back to her spot on the sofa, not acknowledging the laughter still coming from people.
“Harry won’t show us his jumper,” she stated.
“Correct,” Harry nodded and sat down next to her on the sofa, “it’s embarrassing.”
“Oh, you’re being dramatic,” Ginny had entered the sitting room now wearing a bright green jumper that read ‘gonna go lay under the tree to remind my family I’m the gift’ with a smiley face behind it.
“Playing the favourite child card again, Gin?” Charlie asked, chuckling.
“Well, you clearly didn’t even try. How much shit did you get?”
“Not as much as Ron,” Charlie shrugged and motioned for her to sit down. She went over and sat down on the floor resting her back against the sofa. Just as she was about to speak again, the rustling of the fireplace, followed by a loud scream interrupted her.
“It’s okay, Dom,” Bill said, “you did it you’re okay.”
The screaming immediately turned into a giggle as the girl opened her eyes and saw her favourite uncle in close proximity.
“Charwiiiieeeeee,” she squealed and wiggled in her father's arm. Bill sat her down and she waddled over to Charlie who picked her up and sat her on his lap.
A moment later, Fleur and Victoire stepped out of the fireplace, “Bonjour everyone.”
Scanning the room, Bill made sure to read everyone’s jumpers carefully, “so far my favourite’s Rons. How much trouble did you get?”
Ron just rolled his eyes, tired of the question at this point, “Show us yours.”
“Oh mine is boring, but fitting,” Bill took off his coat and threw it over Ginny’s head who shot him a glare in response. He stood up straight revealing the red fabric of his jumper and the words ‘deck the fuckin halls yourself, I’m tired’. The words were adorned with Christmas lights. Next to him, Fleur sat down Victoire, who immediately ran to Ron, and took off her coat as well. Her jumper was a light pink colour with the words ‘no more silent nights’ written on them.
“Now that’s the most parent thing yall could have done,” Angelina muttered.
“As I said,” Bill shrugged, “boring but fitting.”
He took Fleur’s coat and picked up his own, “I’m gonna hang these up.”
Meanwhile, Charlie and Ron struggled to get the girls out of their snowsuits. When they finally managed the task it revealed matching jumpers that read ‘Dear Santa, it was my sister’s fault.’ on Victoires and ‘Dear Santa, I was framed.’ on Dominiques.
“That’s adorable,” Hermione smiled, “now who’s the actual culprit?” She tickled Victoire lightly, and the girl giggled before leaning over and whispering, “Uncle Ron, of course, but shhh,” she put her finger on her lips, “we can’t tell anyone.”
“Your secret's safe with me,” Hermione motioned to seal her lips and threw away the imaginary key.
“Hey guys,” Bill shouted from the hallway, “Rons is not my favourite anymore!”
“Hey,” Ron shouted back.
“Wait till you see Percys and you’ll understand.”
Just as he finished that sentence, Percy walked into the room with Audrey following behind him. His face was red and tried to avoid eye contact with every member of his family. He cursed himself for arriving this late. As he looked up he was met with the shocked and amused faces of his siblings and in-laws. His jumper was black and had a big Santa printed on it. However, it wasn’t your usual Santa, but one with the face of Cornelius Fudge with a beautiful cursive font below, that read ‘Santa’s Satan’s little helper’.
“I swear I can explain,” Percy started.
“Explain what? That getting shagged has gotten you some sense of humour?”
He glared at George and swallowed hard, “to be honest this was an impulsive decision.”
“It’s hilarious,” Bill had come up behind him and clapped him on the shoulder, “I’m proud.”
“We support the self-awareness, Perce,” Ginny said laughing.
“Thanks,” he muttered in response.
In contrast to Percy, Audrey went rather wholesome and wore a dark green jumper that had a glitter font and the words ‘when they said Christmas was magical, I did not expect this’.
The couple found a place to sit in the living room and the group started discussing their favourite jumpers. Bill, George and Ginny agreed on Percy. Fleur, Angelina, Charlie and Audrey on Ron’s. Harry and Hermione went with Angelina.
“Now Potter,” Charlie started, “for this to be absolutely fair, you have to reveal your jumper as well.”
“Not a chance,” Harry retorted.
“Come on, mate.”
“Absolutely not. Tell them, Ginny.”
Ginny smirked, “it’s not that bad, just show them.”
Harry stabbed himself in his chest with an imaginary knife, “I can’t believe it,” he turned the knife, “the betrayal.”
She giggled, “Don’t be dramatic. Just take it off.”
“I don’t know how much I like this conversation,” Bill muttered.
“Come on Harry, it can’t be that bad,” Hermione insisted.
“If I do,” he started, “I want you all to know that it was Ginny’s idea.”
Ginny took her own imaginary knife, mimicking his earlier actions. “The betrayal,” she sighed, “just show them.”
Harry groaned, “Ugh fine.”
He removed the jacket he was wearing revealing a jumper with a Christmas pattern of snowflakes and firs. On the front, however, it featured two deers doing the naughty. Beneath it were the words ‘my parents circa 1979’.
The room went silent for a moment before George spoke, “Potter wins.”