Cold Hearted

“Born of cold and winter air, and mountain rain combining.” The ice harvesters sang, their axes hitting the ice to split it. “This icy force, both foul and fair, has a frozen harbour of mining.”

It was a song they always sang, almost like inspiration for them to continue mining in the cold air. It kept them going, providing them with the energy to get the job done for the day.

“So, cut through the heart, cold and clear. Strike for love and strike for fear. See the beauty, sharp and clear. Split the ice apart!” They continued, slicing through the ice with ease.

“And break the frozen heart!”

James slid on the ice, struggling to match the pace of the miners who were working hard with Prongs nudging him to stay on his feet. He was always the slowest of all the miners, especially with his small feet and big gloves that made the task slightly difficult- not that he would admit it.

“Hyup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go!” They chanted in rhythm with their work of splitting, picking up, and breaking the ice. “Hyup! Ho! Watch your step! Let it go!” They continued, working harder.

“Beautiful! Powerful! Dangerous! Cold!” They called out, one at a time, James muttering along while he bobbed his head happily with their tune.

“Ice has a magic, can’t be controlled!” They sang out, almost threateningly, their tones harsh.

“Stronger than one! Stronger than ten! Stronger than a hundred men! Hyup!” They shouted, the sun setting over the mountains of snow, an orange haze setting on the surroundings, yet they continued to work as hard as they had worked when the sun rose against the mountains.

As everyone was carrying on, moving on further than James, he continued to struggle with the ice that would not leave the lake that they were taking from. The strength wasn’t fully there but the dedication was and that’s all that counted.

“Born of cold and winter air and mountain rain combining! This icy force, both foul and fair, has a frozen heart worth mining!” They sang faster, working at the same pace they were singing. 

“Cut through the heart, cold and clear!” They sang, carrying the sliced ice to their sled to fill it. “Strike for love and strike for fear!” They continued, packing away their equipment.

“There’s beauty and there’s danger here,” They continued as one approached James as he finally pulled the ice from the lake and stumbled from the weight of it. “Split the ice apart!” The harvester continued with the rest of the harvesters, pushing the block of ice onto James’ sled, making him smile and mutter a soft ‘thank you’.

“Beware the frozen heart.” He sang, handing a lantern to James along with his day’s work wage, watching as he hung the lantern on the sled before he walked to his own.

“Come on, Prongs, we have to catch up with them.” James said, grabbing the lead and urging his companion, his stag, to follow the ice harvesters who began to head back to the village. Although he wasn’t heading to the village exactly, they helped guide him to the cave he stayed in.

He had to travel through the forest with them, but where they took a left to the village where they would put the ice away before returning home, James turned right where the cave lay hidden.

Heading down towards the cave, he saw a trail of ice cover the grass, making him stop and watching it, feeling his brows press together behind his glasses in confusion.

“Ice?” He questioned, watching the horses gallop by.

◊◊◊

“Sirius,” Regulus said, nudging at the sleeping boy with urgency. “Wake up, wake up.” He said, causing the older boy to jolt and look at him with worry.

“Reggie? Are you alright?” Sirius grumbled with sleep, his voice struggling to come through. Regulus smiled, making Sirius relax before looking at him annoyed.

It was the early hours of the morning, possible between the hours of one and three by the placement of the moon that hung brightly in the sparkling sky. The room had a light breeze from the late time of year that Sirius didn’t much care about, he was used to the cold, but Regulus had his thick pyjamas on his wool robe and fluffy socks that were a little too big on his small feet.

Regulus pushed himself up onto Sirius’ bed, huffing at the height up of it before finally crawling to sit by Sirius. “There’s still no snow.” He pouted, staring out the window.

It was mid-November, closer to the end of the month than the beginning. Snow would usually fall at the earliest of the beginning of December but typically in the second week of said month. Regulus was impatient, hating the slow pace of November that was provided to begin the cold winds and downpours of rain, making the leaves drop from the tired trees. Regulus adored the snow.

“Get your shoes on.” Sirius smiled at him, making Regulus squeal happily before pushing himself off the bed and grunting as he dropped to the floor.

Sirius pulled on his boots and silently trotted down the corridor to Regulus’ room that was located on the side opposite to his, but the door wasn’t directly opposite his own, it was a few steps away. When he pushed the door open, he watched Regulus struggling to button his coat due to his excitement, physically bouncing on his feet which caused more struggle. He helped him button it up, making sure his brother was warm before taking his arm and heading out to the Great Hall.

Sirius poked his head out of Regulus’ room, looking down the hall for their parents before he closed the door and shushed Regulus as they headed to the stairs. He kept an eye out for their parents as well as checking for servants who may be passing through the halls for the late-night checks.

He opened the door to the Great Hall quietly, knowing how to avoid the creaks of the hinges due to their constant sneaking around. He pulled Regulus inside before closing the door as quietly he had opened it and pulling the lock over.

“You ready?” Sirius shouted over to Regulus who was running to the middle of the hall, bouncing around.

“I’m ready!” He called back, spinning around as he looked up at the ceiling which had Greek Gods painted across it all.

Sirius rubbed his hands together, feeling the tingles that spreaded down from his wrists and made the tip of his fingers feel like ice that burnt. His hands lifted up to the sky, snowflakes decorating the air before falling down to sprinkle in Regulus’ hair. He danced around the flakes as Sirius continued to create a downfall.

Sirius spread snow against the floor, making Regulus slip lightly before laughing. He slid over to Sirius, crashing into his older brother who almost toppled over. They laughed together, hanging onto each other before Regulus was dragging Sirius out to dance in the snow that still descended down.

“Come on, come on!” Regulus smiled, grabbing a handful of snow. “Let’s play.” He said, rushing away from Sirius before turning round and throwing the snowball at him, making him scoff and brush the snow off his jumper while glaring at his younger brother.

“Oh,” Sirius laughed, creating a snowball to sit in his hand. “So, you want to play this game?” He asked, making the snowball a little bigger before Regulus began to run while giggling as Sirius aimed it at his back.

Regulus stumbled when the snowball hit his back laughing heavily before grabbing some more snow to throw it back at Sirius. They continued back and forth with the game- more snow, more laughter, more sliding. The snow on the ground thickened, making small piles in odd places.

Sirius watched as Regulus kicked about in the snow before beginning to create a snowman which caught Regulus’ attention and made him rush towards Sirius with excitement. 

“Bigger! Bigger!” Regulus chanted, jumping around Sirius with joy.

“What should we call him?” Sirius asked, adding the finishing touches, smiling at his younger brother who continued to dance around him and the snowman.

“Boreas.” Regulus said, staring up at the ceiling. “Like the bringer of winter.” He said, dropping down to sit with Sirius.

“How about a basic name? Wouldn’t that be funny? Naming a snowman a name like David or Henry?” Sirius asked, nudging at his brother teasingly.

“Peter.” Regulus suggested, making Sirius laugh before jumping up and stepping behind the snowman and taking his arms into his hands to take control of their movements.

“Hi, I’m Peter,” Sirius said, changing his voice to imitate how the snowman would sound. “I’m soft and sweet and I love to cuddle.” He said, wiggling the arms.

“Peter!” Regulus smiled happily, jumping up and wrapping his arms tightly around the snowman. He couldn’t help but giggle, making Sirius do the same. “Make it snow, Sirius! More snow!” He shouted out, spinning round the snowman.

“Ok, ok.” Sirius laughed, creating more of a downfall of snow.

Sirius loved making his brother happy, watching him smile and laugh, especially since he’s the reason. He remembers Regulus saying to him that the reason he loved the snow was because Sirius could create it, it meant more to him because Sirius could create it. The innocence and beauty of it, how something so beautiful could also be so powerful and pure.

Sirius created a small hill with a slide-like side, pulling Regulus over to climb up it. He sat Regulus in front of him, wrapping his arms around him before sliding down with him. Regulus’ arms went up in the air as he cheered, Sirius laughing along with him.

“Woohoo! That was so fun!” Regulus laughed, turning to face Sirius. “Come on!” He shouted, running up a ramp of snow to jump into a pile of snow with laughter, throwing the snow into the air.

He stood up at the top, steadying himself as Sirius created another pill for Regulus to come on while cheering. “More!” He shouted, making Sirius create them, higher and higher.

“Catch me!” He laughed, gaining a rhythm.

“Got you!” Sirius laughed back, watching as Regulus jumped higher with each hill of snow.

“Again!” Regulus shouted, getting faster, causing Sirius to struggle with his pace.

“Reggie, slow down.” Sirius panicked, finding that the hills were beginning to become less stable than before. “Reg!” He shouted, stumbling against the ice.

Losing his footing, he watched Regulus jump again and felt his heart drop harsher than his body had fallen. He shouted Regulus’ name again, but it was too late. Regulus was soaring, arms in the air as his legs kicked out to land on the next pile but there wasn’t a pile for him to land on. Everything happening in slow motion in front of Sirius’ eyes.

He shot his hand out, praying his magic would help me and form a pile or something delicate for Regulus to land on without harm. Except, as his hand shot out and the magic made its way to Regulus, it shot him in the eye and made him tumble to the ground onto a small pile of snow to provide a soft landing, rolling down to the base of ice that laid across the ground.

“Reggie!” Sirius shouted, fighting against the slide of ice to run towards where Regulus’ unconscious body laid.

His skin was cold and a strand of white replaced the black hair on Regulus’ head, starting from the root to the ends. The tips of his fingers grew blue from the cold, making Sirius’ heartbeat painfully within his chest. He felt as though he couldn’t breathe, knowing he had caused this pain on his young brother. His young naive brother. He’s only five.

“Reg! Reggie, please wake up! Please!” He cried, not caring for how loud he may sound in the cold early hours of the morning, not caring for the echo that broke through the hall. “Reg!” He shouted, feeling the tears drop down his pale cheeks. The floor began to freeze over, spreading up the walls with thick ice. “I’ve got you, I promise. I won’t let go.” He said, continuing to cry as he held Regulus tightly in hopes to keep him warm, praying to keep him safe from the cold of the room.

“Sirius!” Orion snapped once the doors had been forced open. “What have you done?!” He scolded, stepping closer with Walburga at his side. “You could kill him!”

“I wouldn’t! I’d never!” Sirius said, voice weakening as he refused to let go of Regulus. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, I was trying to protect him. I promise!” He said as Orion dropped to his knees.

“He’s cold as ice.” Walburga said, her hand pulling away from Regulus’ purple fingers before snatching Regulus from Sirius’ hold.

“No! No!” Sirius shouted, trying to take his brother back from Walburga’s harsh hold.

“You’ll kill him, Sirius! We have to take him away!” Orion said, pushing Sirius aside before pulling his hand away as if in fear.

“Don’t hurt him! He did nothing wrong, it was me. I dragged him here, forced him to play with me. It’s my fault!” Sirius pleaded, following after his parents.

Orion turned round and harshly slapped Sirius’ across his cheek with such force that Sirius fell to the ground still feeling the sting that red his cheek. Sirius' breath came out harsh as he tried to breath, sniffling in hopes his tears wouldn’t be free again. Orion lifted him up by his arm, dragging him along with him towards the entrance hall and out the door where two palace horses waited.

Walburga was helped onto one before being handed Regulus who was now wrapped in a palace blanket that appeared thick enough to wear the ice magic out from Regulus’ system. Orion forced Sirius onto the other horse, his grip tight on Sirius’ arms.

“You’re only coming to ice the path, so we don’t get lost. Understand?” He says, voice harsh like the voice he used against his servants when they don’t follow his instructions immediately or for enemies.

“Yes, father.” Sirius nodded before they were trotting out into the forest at a fast speed.

Sirius had his hand out, watching how the grass froze over before turning to look at Regulus until his father forced him to look away. He had never seen this path before, but then again, he had never explored this far out in the forest, making it all new to him.

They walked into the centre of rocks and moss, untamed grass growing from the rocks with gaps in between filled with small puddles of water. It was a strange place and Sirius could feel the odd magic tingle through his blood.

“Help! It’s my son!” Orion shouted, walking to the middle with the rest of them following.

A rustle could be heard, like a disturbance had occurred before flashes of lights happened and elves appeared slowly, one by one. Sirius stepped closer to his parents, feeling afraid of the creatures that suddenly appeared.

“King Orion.” One gasped, causing them all to mutter ‘the King’/’your Majesty’ before bowing.

“Your Majesty.” The eldest one greeted before approaching Sirius and taking his hand into his own while closing his eyes. “The magic of ice and snow, I can feel it through your bones. Born or cursed?”

“Born, but it’s starting to feel like a curse. He’s getting stronger, out of control.” Orion snapped, staring down at Sirius.

“Please, let me see the boy.” The elf asked, approaching Walburga who lowered down and held Regulus out a little for the elf to press his palm to his forehead. “Ah, you are lucky it wasn’t his heart. A strike to the heart causes a worse fate, a fatal one.” He said, making Sirius gasp and clutch harshly at his coat where his heart pounded heavily. “To save Regulus, we must erase the magic from his memories and thoughts. This way, he’ll remain protected and won’t suffer more than he already has. But don’t worry, the fun remains.” The elf said, showing the changes he made to Regulus’ memories for the three to see.

Every memory they had in the Great Hall of messing around changed to outside. How they built a snowman on the field that over sought Regulus’ window. How they sled down hills with real sleds, the same hill they rolled down during spring. How they glided against the ice of a lake that had frozen over.

“He’ll be ok.” The elf said, pressing his palm to Regulus’ head again for the memories to be replaced.

“He won’t remember I have powers?” Sirius asked with worry, approaching the grandfather elf.

“He mustn’t suffer the consequences of your inability to control your magic.” Orion said harshly, his hand gripping onto Sirius’ shoulder.

“Sirius, although you have great powers that can provide your people with beauty and joy, how they’ll awe at your ability,” The elf began, showing blue silhouettes and flakes of snow, everyone around the blue silhouette of Sirius cheering. “There is also danger. Great danger.” He said, the snow turning red along with the villagers. ”If you are unable to control it, fear will become your enemy.” He said before the red dove down onto Sirius’ silhouette and made him fall to ash.

Sirius stepped back, shaking his head and trying to catch his breath. “I’ll learn, I’ll learn.” Sirius pleaded, looking between the elf and his parents. “I’ll control it.” 

Orion stepped forwards and grasped Sirius’ shoulder. “We’ll lock the gates, reduce the staff, limit his contact with people, and hide his powers from everyone. Including Regulus.” He said, speaking harshly down at Sirius. “Do you understand?” 

“Yes, father.” Sirius nodded, trying not to tremble at the harsh grip of Orion’s hand against his father to control him.

◊◊◊

Sirius can still remember the expression that stained Regulus’ face when he had moved from the room that was only across from him to a few corridors away. He remembers the way Regulus had breathed in when he saw Sirius carry the final box, leaving his old room bare and cold, to the new room he was isolated into. He remembers the way Regulus had rushed towards him before slamming the door shut and locking it. He remembers the way Regulus had banged on the door, crying and pleading desperately for him to open up. 

It’s been weeks now, since it had happened, and every day, Regulus had knocked on the door, asking for him to come out and play or to open up and let him in.

Sirius was watching the snowfall, decorating the grounds and trees and creating a chill in the air. It was the way Regulus loved, how it felt gracefully and beautifully, and not a storm.

And like every day, Regulus was back at the door.

“Sirius?” He questioned after knocking five times in the same rhythm. “It’s snowing. It’s finally snowing! You want to go outside and play, get the sleds and build a snowman? We can rebuild Peter.” He asked, leaning against the door, Sirius could feel his warmth radiate through to where he was leaning against the door.

“I can’t.” Sirius replied, letting out a sigh. He squeezed his eyes shut, placing his palm against the door. “I can’t.” He repeated again, feeling Regulus’ own palm press against the door on the other side.

“Please, Sirius, I haven’t seen you in so long.” Regulus said, voice weak like he was crying. “Sirius?” He asked after a long time of silence, being met with more. “Please, Sirius, open the door.”

“I can’t.” Sirius replied, watching the door begin to freeze where his palm laid. He didn’t move it away.

“Please, can’t you open the door for me? I thought we were best friends, and now you’re shutting me out. What have I done?” Regulus asked, his warmth taking up the door, meaning he was leaning against it.

After longer silence, he knocked five times again before Sirius heard him sigh and begin walking away.

Orion had seen him that day, looking over where Sirius had frozen fractions of his room by placing his palms down. He had made the seamstress sew thick materials into gloves for Sirius to wear, preventing him from letting his magic continue to burden his family, forcing Sirius to find some sort of control.

A few days later, when more snow had fallen, Regulus was knocking on the door again. The same five knocks.

“Sirius?” He asked, making Sirius push himself off his bed in a hurry and rush to the door. “Would you like to build a snowman?” He asked, palm against the door again, Sirius took a glove off to place his own over it where he could feel his warmth. “It doesn’t have to be a snowman.”

“Go away, Regulus.” Sirius whispered, his forehead pressing against the door that began to freeze over again.

“Ok.” Regulus said before walking away, making Sirius back away from the door.

Every day, different time, same knock. 

They grew older, Sirius wished he could watch Regulus grow up, be there for his birthdays (rather than wishing him a happy birthday through the door), and truly feel the warmth of Regulus’ body. He wondered if Regulus looked like how he looked at nine, he was having to go based on how he looked to know how Regulus would look. But he wanted to know truly how Regulus looked.

Five knocks on the door.

“Sirius?” Regulus said, voice still changing. “We could build a snowman? Maybe even get our bikes and ride around? I’d do anything to see you, truly. I’m so lonely.” He confessed, a hitch catching in his voice.

I’m lonely too.

“Please, I miss you.” Regulus said, his back against the door.

I miss you more.

“Just open the door.”

Sirius wished he could open the door, wished he could do anything Regulus asked of him, to play and see each other. He couldn’t. He was afraid. His powers still came through the gloves, things continued to freeze, snow sprinkled through the air and the cold was thick. He didn’t want to hurt Regulus again.

“Sirius.” It was Orion this time, opening the door and entering into the room before stopping and looking around. “What have you done?” He asked, voice thick and heartless.

“I didn’t mean to. I don’t know how it happened.” Sirius said, curled up in the corner.

“Come here.” Orion ordered but Sirius shook his head heavily.

“Father, no. I’ll hurt you.” He said, voice weak with fear.

“Don’t be silly.” His father snapped, stepping towards Sirius.

“No, no.” Sirius said, trying to get further away. “Look what I’ve done to my room, and I didn’t mean to do this. If you touch me, while I’m panicking, who knows what’ll happen. Please. Please.” Sirius pleads, making Orion stop and nod.

“I’ll order thicker gloves, more concealing.” Orion said before he left Sirius’ room.

The room always felt cold, and although the cold never bothered Sirius, he wished he had a choice to choose against it, to let the warmth in. To let Regulus in. He wished things were easier, that he didn’t have to suffer. That he could just open the door.

The knocking began to decrease slowly, instead of everyday it was every other day. Then it decreased to twice a week, to a few times a month, to once a month before stopping as a whole. It took a year till the knocking stopped.

Sirius wondered if Regulus even stopped at the door and considered knocking, or if he just passed it without giving it a second glance. He always wondered if Regulus would ever knock again. He prayed for him to knock again.

Once again, they grew older and further apart. Sirius was sure Regulus never passed his door.

Sitting at his window seal with his knees pulled to his chest, he stared out at the scenery, staring at the hill he and Regulus would secretly run to and play. Notice that the path they created was still there. He saw someone catch his eye, making him lean forwards and hit his head against the glass of the window.

The boy with curly caramel hair, tall and lean, dressed the same as those in the village stopped and looked up, spotting Sirius at the window. Sirius stared at his hazel eyes for a moment before realising fully that the boy was staring at him, waving, causing him to throw himself backwards and step far away from the window.

Instead of expecting his daily knocks from Regulus, he began to expect his daily encounter of the village boy who would look up at his window and wait for him to appear before smiling and waving. Every day at five.

He still waited for the knocks. The last time Regulus had knocked on the door was a few months after Sirius had turned fifteen, and now he was soon turning eighteen. He was still waiting for the knocks. Sometimes he felt as though he could sense Regulus on the other side of the door, rushing over and trying to find the warm spot on the door before finding it cold and backing away from it.

But as time went on, he accepted the absence of Regulus’ knocks and warmth, moving on to waving at the village boy.

The harsh knock at the door sold Sirius it was his father, making him sit up straight before rising to greet his father who entered in with a maid who carried a tray and laid it on the table before leaving after bowing to them both. 

“Sirius.” Orion greeted as Sirius bowed his head.

“Father.” Sirius greeted back, glaring at the tray in the corner of his eye, knowing his father was to say something that would cause his appetite to go.

“Your mother and I will be going away for two weeks.” Orion told him, making Sirius’ head snap on before shaking. 

“Do you have to?” Sirius asked, fidgeting with his gloves. “What if something happens?”

“We are going to find out answers for your ability, I’ve been told of this island that has all the answers.” He told him, but Sirius still shook his head.

“No, I’ll go.” He said, stepping forwards before Orion stopped him.

“No, you must stay. You are the heir, you’ve been raised to take over this kingdom, not Regulus. If something were to happen, you will take over once you are twenty-one. You must stay, understand?” Orion said harshly, making Sirius’ head drop while he nodded slowly.

“Yes, father.” Sirius mumbled, still fidgeting with his gloves.

“We will return within two weeks.” Orion said before he left Sirius alone within his room, glaring at the tray that had a sandwich and some fruit for lunch.

Sirius ate slightly at the fruit, staring out the window waiting for five o’clock to come by.

He took advantage of the absence of his parents, especially on the first day when five came by and the village boy was approaching the window. As his hand shot up to wave, Sirius pulled the window open and leaned forwards as he watched the boy’s expression change to shock.

“Hi.” Sirius smiled, getting comfortable on his seat as he leaned out the window.

“Hi.” The boy smiled, stepping closer to the castle. “This is a first.” He laughed as Sirius nodded.

“My parents are away; means I don’t have to worry about them finding out.” He laughed, shaking his head lightly. “I've wanted to talk to you since that first day I saw you.” He confessed, chewing his lip awkwardly.

“I’m glad the feeling’s mutual.” The boy smiled, making Sirius blush.

“I’m Sirius.” He said before stopping and sighing. “You probably knew that.” He said embarrassed.

“Well, you could have been Regulus.” The boy laughed, shaking his head. “I’m Remus.” He said as Sirius nodded.

“So, do you live in the village?” Sirius asked, fiddling with his gloves nervously.

“Yeah, I’m just coming from the harvest.” Remus says, glancing in the direction he came from.

“The harvest? But you work every day, even in the winter.” Sirius said, showing his confusion.

“Every day except Sundays.” Remus laughed, smiling some more. “Well, we have a greenhouse so we’re able to harvest during the winter.” He explains, causing Sirius to nod with understanding.

“Oh,” Sirius says, nodding his head. “You probably think I’m stupid for not having thought of that. The rich boy knows nothing about harvesting.” He grumbled, laughing lightly.

“Oh, that’s fine. You know shit about harvesting and I know shit about etiquettes.” Remus said, making Sirius scoff lightly.

“Your inconsiderate use of profanities make it blatantly clear you know nothing about etiquettes or how to formally speak to your crowned prince.” Sirius said, smirking lightly while biting his lip.

“Oh, I’m sorry, should I have bowed for Prince Sirius?” Remus teased, making Sirius laugh while pushing his hair from his face. “Don’t tell me you haven't used profanities.” He teased some more.

“Not in front of royalty.” Sirius answered, looking away while smirking, listening to Remus laugh.

“But you’ve used them?” Remus questioned, making Sirius stare at him and leave the question unanswered despite the fact his expression answered the question. Remus laughed and shook his head, looking around before looking back up at Sirius. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” He asks, making Sirius smile.

“Same time?”

“Same time.” Remus answered, nodding.

“See you tomorrow.” Sirius smiled, leaning forwards against the window, biting his lip.

“We will meet again, Crowned Prince Sirius.” Remus said, jokingly bowing, making Sirius laugh and shake his head.

He watched Remus walk away, how he constantly kept looking behind him and smiling at Sirius. When he finally was out of sight, Sirius sighed and closed the window, leaning against the wall and sinking down it, feeling as it freezes over.

Although it wasn’t obvious when meeting him, Sirius easily got anxiety. Even with his parents home, he would have opened the window to speak to Remus if his anxiety hadn't interfered. He almost didn’t open the window at all. It only got worse due to how isolated he became from being locked in his room for nine years.

The end of the two weeks was coming closer, meaning Sirius had begun to grow nervous for the return of his parents that was expected three days from now. As he was pacing, feeling the need to let out nervous energy, the knocking at the door made him freeze, feeling his bones and muscles unable to move.

“Crown Prince Sirius?” Kreacher questioned, making Sirius take in a breath before opening the door enough for Kreacher to walk in without Sirius being seen by anyone on the other side of the door. “There’s some news on your parents.” He said, closing the door and leading Sirius over to sit down at his desk. 

“M-my parents?” Sirius stuttered, sitting straight enough for his back to twinge at the force of it.

“Yes. Well, as you may know, they went out to seek answers for your magic, and this meant they had to travel the seas. And, you see, there was a storm, one they couldn’t beat.” He was explaining, Sirius shaking his head and finding it hard to breathe. 

“No, no,” Sirius said, denying it. “No.”

“The tides were too strong and there was lightning, there was no possible way of them being able to make it out alive.” He said, placing a hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “A coast boat recognised the royal crest on the boat which had washed out in a different direction than they were heading. No one was onboard.”

“So-so they’re dead?” Sirius asked, feeling his voice breaking harshly, still shaking his head.

“I am very sorry, Sire.” Kreacher said, pulling his hand away first when he noticed Sirius’ desk freeze from where his hand laid on it- gloveless. “A funeral will be held on Friday.” He said, stepping back.

“Go.” Sirius said, harshly, standing up. “Get out!” He yelled, making Kreacher bow before hurrying away.

He wished he had more control, wished he was able to not fall apart, wished he had worn those stupid gloves. But he was sure that even if he had the control, the gloves and the ability to keep himself together, his room would have still filled with ice, freezing up the walls and over the windows, locking him in the cold and dark room. He had sunk to the ground, watching how it began to freeze outwards in snowflake details. Snow descended down onto his hair as he broke down into harsh sobs, clutching at his chest to the point no sound left his lips.

What was he supposed to do? He can’t control his magic, how was he supposed to control it now? What if the gloves weren’t enough? His father wasn’t there to provide him with new ones or help him control his magic. He was lost and far too powerful to control.

When Friday came, Sirius went to the window that over sought the Royal Graveyard- where his parents' stone will stand- and watched from afar as the funeral took place. He noticed how servants and family- who rarely visited- stood in the crowd, and at the front was a priest who casted a prayer over their stones, as well as Regulus who stood between the stones. He wore black. Black shirt, black pants, black jacket, black shoes, black cape. Not an ounce of colour decorated his pale skin. 

Sirius wished to reach out and hold him, whisper unbreakable promises in his ear. I promise I won’t let go. But he was cursed to remain far from Regulus, to protect him. The white strand still remained, not growing out or vanishing, still being as white as snow as the day it had grown through his strands. That was Sirius’ reminder to stay away.

So, he shut himself back into his room, telling himself that he’ll only leave three years from now. Three years when he turns twenty-one and the summer after, he becomes King. He can take three more, he lasted nine already. And now he had more of a reason to lock himself away.

Sirius would recognise the knocks anywhere, even if it wasn’t the regular five that tapped a rhythm. They were solemn three knocks that happened slowly, almost hesitantly. Sirius knew it was him, he could tell by how the knocks were tapped to the door, how the warmth radiated through and the way he could hear Regulus’ nervous breath through the wood.

“Sirius?” He questioned, voice weak from crying but thick with age and adolescence. Sirius moved quickly to the door, pressing his hands over each inch of the wood in search of where Regulus’ hand was pressed to the door. He found it. “I know you’re in there, I know you can hear me.” He said, struggling to say the words.

I’m here, I am right here.

“It’s just, people keep asking for you. You weren’t present at the funeral.” He continues, swallowing down the lump. “They keep saying how everything will be fine, that we’ll be alright. But it’s hard, Sirius, it’s so hard.”

I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.

Sirius could feel him sliding down the door, making him follow, feeling the warmth of Regulus through the door. He tucked his knees close to his chest, holding it close to his body in fear of letting go. Feeling Regulus’ warmth through the door was the first time he felt warm since the last time he was at the door.

“Sirius,” Regulus said, his voice weaker than Sirius had ever heard it, making him blame himself so much because he was causing it. “Please, let me in. Please.” He sniffled, voice cracking and struggling to let out the words.

Sirius wanted to open the door more than anything, grab hold of Regulus and hold him till he calmed down. He didn’t want to listen to Regulus cry, listen to his voice breaking and cracking, listen to the pain that destroyed his voice. He blamed himself for this. If he had just opened the door.

“There’s no one else, only each other. You and me. Please open the door.” He croaked out, making Sirius drop forwards into his knees with his magic losing control, freezing his room for not the first and never the last time. “What are we going to do?” He asked, letting the silence wash over them.

Sirius silently cried into his knees and locked Regulus out by freezing the door to the point it was unopenable, that Sirius would have to try his best to unfreeze it so it would open. He couldn’t control his magic; he couldn’t control it when his emotions played against him and caused him to suffer. 

If only he opened the door. If only he took a risk and believed in himself enough that he wouldn’t hurt Regulus. If only he let love win and opened the door.

Regulus sniffled, coughing lightly to try and get his voice back before his head was dropping against the door. Sirius pressed himself closer to the door, seeking for where Regulus was sitting against it, wanting to feel each inch of the brother he’s missed more than he’s ever missed anything before. He misses his brother more than his parents and Regulus was just on the other side of the door.

“Do you want to build a snowman?” Regulus asked, choking out a weak laugh before the sob broke through.

Sirius said nothing.