A Wound
Hari wasn’t sure what they talked about. Her mind was buzzing from hugging Sarek.
They sat down and mostly stared awkwardly at each other.
Hari learned that Sarek was an ambassador. Amanda was a teacher.
They asked her questions, but Hari was at a loss of what to say. Besides touch telepathy, she’d learned nothing about other magical abilities. From Spock, she knew that Vulcans highly praised logic. What would they do if she talked about magic?
Several nightmare scenarios leaped to mind. She’d just have to wait and see.
Something made a chiming sound.
Sarek reached for a pad and said, “The healer has rearranged her schedule. She will see us in a quarter of an hour.”
“A healer?” asked Hari.
“Indeed.”
“I just saw a doctor. I’m fine,” insisted Hari.
“You saw a human doctor. You have not had an exam from a Vulcan healer since you were one year of age. Vulcan healers perform examinations that are tailored to Vulcan anatomy,” said Sarek.
Hari was not happy. This was going to be terrible.
________________________________________
It was much worse than she imagined.
________________________________________
The door whooshed shut behind them after entering their suite.
“How do you split your soul?” Hari asked. She was so deep into Occlumency that she knew her voice was oddly flat.
“The process of implanting part of my katra in yours to patch the wound is completed through deep meditation,” said Sarek, hands folded behind his back.
“You have a – she has a katra wound? How does that even happen?” Amanda sounded panicked.
Hari held up a hand to stop Amanda.
The Vulcan healer informed them that Hari’s katra – her soul – was wounded and essentially bleeding out. Apparently, dying, going to the In-Between, carving out part of Riddle’s soul from hers, and then returning to life had caused damage. Who would have guessed?
Hari was going to die. Unless Sarek put part of his soul in her. She was not going to be someone else’s fucking Horcrux again. Sarek seemed so nice and kind – how in Merlin’s name did he casually consider creating a Horcrux. Was someone going to have to be murdered for her to live? No way. No way. She had murmured something to the healer about needing to discuss options with Sarek and then pulled him back to their suite to get answers.
“You don’t have to do anything besides meditation?” asked Hari.
Sarek raised an eyebrow. “It is different than a normal meditation session. One must reach deeper, fully evaluate the katra, meld with the other party, analyze their katra, determine the attachment point, join the katras, and reassess the situation. It is all completed while in deep meditation.”
Hari focused on her breathing for a few seconds. “How would it affect your…longevity?”
Sarek tilted his head. “It will have no effect on my lifespan.”
Hari blinked a few times. Her mind was feeling staticky. She focused on her Occlumency more rigidly. “To be clear, it will neither shorten nor lengthen your lifespan?”
“That is correct,” said Sarek.
“Will it affect anyone else’s longevity?” asked Hari.
“Only yours,” said Sarek.
Hari turned to Spock. “Do you agree?”
Spock said, “I have not carried out the procedure, but from my theoretical knowledge our father’s information is accurate.”
Hari sat down and covered her eyes with one hand. She breathed. She breathed again. It didn’t seem to really help. And the reality set in.
If the Vulcan healer was correct, then Hari was dying. Quickly. She had an alarmingly small number of breaths remaining. Neither can live while the other survives; prophecies are such bullshit, she thought.
Maybe her inability to hold firmly to her Occlumency was because she was dying.
That thought was not good for her terror level.
Hari’s attention was brought back to the present by Spock’s voice.
“How soon can the katra repair take place, father?”
“The healer recommends starting after a night of restful sleep. We should begin tomorrow morning,” said Sarek.
“What?” Hari felt a flare of panic. “No. I don’t think… I… I can’t…”
Sarek’s voice remained calm and smooth. “You do not need to prepare anything. I will meditate and lead the process. The healer can be nearby in case we need assistance. This is well within my capabilities.”
Hari focused on her Occlumency, but that made a different worry invade her mind. “You’ll have to be in my mind. In my soul. For an extended period of time.”
“Indeed,” said Sarek.
“And I won’t be able to use Occlumency – my mental shielding method – during that time.”
“Correct.”
“I’m not sure if… I’m not sure if I can let you – or anyone – in my mind. I’m not sure if I can stop myself from reflexively, harshly kicking you out.” Hari didn’t look at anyone.
Sarek was silent for a few moments. “Your life depends on this. Once we are melded, you will know I mean no harm. It may not be easy, but we will succeed.” His voice left no room for doubt.
But Hari wasn’t done.
“If I can’t use Occlumency… Sarek, you’ll feel my emotions. And if you’re in my mind and trying to attach part of your soul to mine, you’ll feel…” Hari trailed off.
The silence stretched. Finally, Sarek murmured, “What will we feel?”
Hari whispered, “Horror. Terror. I can’t…”
Amanda took a step toward Hari, but stopped when Hari pushed herself back into the chaise.
“I will not harm you,” said Sarek.
“It’s not about you,” rushed Hari. “It’ll remind me of–” she broke off.
Spock chimed in. “You know how your katra was damaged.”
Hari gave a jerky nod.
No one spoke for a moment.
“We will feel it together. We will heal it together,” Sarek said.
The words shocked Hari. She’d been craving this for her whole life. This was her father, and he was trying to help her. Other people took that for granted. They didn’t understand what it felt like to not have this. But did she actually have it now? And would she ruin it in the healing process?
“I don’t want to hurt you,” said Hari.
Sarek raised an eyebrow. “One day of intense negative emotion is nothing compared to ensuring your full lifespan. It is logical.”
Hari snorted.
This was a terrible idea.