Progress
When Draco woke screaming that night, it was to images of witches and wizards extending above the table in his home - the table he'd eaten at for most of his life - being tortured and then eaten by Nagini. Far too many had met their end that way until Draco wasn't even sure he could recall the count and that thought sickened him. He should have committed their faces to memory and found their identities to bring peace to their families. Instead, he'd cowered and retreated into himself in a vain attempt to ignore what was going on around him.
Unable to sleep, he once again got up and left the oppressive quiet of his own room. The hallways were familiar enough to him that he didn't bother casting any kind of light spell as he haunted them as surely as a ghost. It seemed that more nights than not he spent wandering and at this point he was no longer afraid of seeing anyone else. Which was why when he turned the corner and collided with a solid body, he let out a grunt of surprise and reached for his wand.
"It's just me," a voice hissed and Draco let his grip on his wand loosen. "I didn't think anyone else was up."
"No one else is," Draco said, casting a quick lumos so he could see Harry clearly. "Why are you up?"
"I was hoping to run into you," Harry admitted. "I know you heard my nightmares the other night but it didn't occur to me until recently why you were up. Do you have them too?"
Draco was quiet for a long moment. He'd never confided about his nightmares to anyone. Not even his mother knew. The house elves suspected, but he wasn't sure even they knew for sure. "Yes. Almost every night."
"Do you want to talk about them?"
"You don't want to hear." I don't want you to know what I did. The unspoken words echoed in his mind and he hoped Harry wouldn't press the issue.
"Okay. But I'm here if you ever change your mind." Harry stepped closer and Draco fought the urge to take a step away. He didn't want sympathy. But when Harry's hand caught his own, he felt his defenses slip. "Come back to my room."
It was somewhere between a question and an order and Draco nodded, letting Harry draw him down the hall. They slipped into his room before closing the door and Harry drew him to the table that functioned as a desk, notes strewn about in messy handwriting that was so obviously Harry's that Draco couldn't help but smile. With a single wave of his wand, Harry gathered the papers up on the corner of the desk. He took a seat on a stool and offered Draco the chair.
"Want to play exploding snap?" Harry asked, levitating said game to the table between them.
"Sure," Draco said.
They played for the rest of the night, few meaningful words being exchanged. Draco learned that Harry was incredibly competitive and Harry learned the same about him. It was the most fun he'd had in years and after a few games, he'd forgotten about his nightmares and was entirely engrossed in beating Harry at a game he'd been playing since childhood.
It turned out they were evenly matched, exchanging wins back and forth until the sun rose in the sky. Unlike Draco's interior room, Harry had a window that opened to the main lawn and let in a ridiculous amount of light incredibly early. They were just about to call it on the last game when a knock sounded at the door.
"Harry?" It was Ginny. Draco was on his feet quickly, looking around for somewhere to hide. He didn't want her to catch him in here but there wasn't anywhere large enough for him to hide.
"Come in," Harry said, seemingly oblivious to Draco's fear. Draco hissed an expletive just as Ginny walked in, eyes narrowing when she saw him.
"What's he doing in here?" She asked. "I thought you said you had nightmares and didn't want anyone in with you at night." Draco refused to feel anything at that announcement, as this was the second time he'd stayed the night with Harry. They didn't sleep in the same bed this time, but Ginny didn't have to know that.
"Just talking," Harry said, waving his arm towards the table where the remnants of their game sat. "I'm allowed to have friends."
"Of course you are, but why him?" She said it like it left a dirty taste in her mouth just to talk about him. "You don't know what he did that last year. He might be pretending to be good, but he has an ulterior motive."
"I should go," Draco said, trying to maneuver around them to get out the door but Harry held an arm out to stop him.
"No," he said. "I invited you here. Gin, I get that you don't like him, but could you at least try? For my sake?" She looked like she wanted to hex him, but finally relaxed her expression and nodded.
"Fine." She said. "I just came to see if you wanted to go grab breakfast. Malfoy can come too."
"I'm actually going to eat in my room," Draco said, returning her forced smile with a grimace of his own before turning to Harry. "Thanks for the game. And the distraction."
He walked out quickly before either of them could stop him. When he'd gotten a few feet out the door, he slowed and heard annoyed whispers coming from the room behind him but he couldn't make out what they were saying. Deciding it was none of his business, he slipped into his room and thanked the House Elf who had put his breakfast in his room.
There were pancakes in the shape of a Christmas tree with sprinkles on top and for the first time in far too long, he smiled a genuine smile. He even managed to eat a few bites of them before setting them aside. Despite knowing that he needed to eat to maintain his strength, food tasted like ash in his mouth and it was easier to just live with the gnawing hunger in his gut. At least that feeling reminded him he was alive.
Christmas was only a few days away and most of the students would be leaving to go to their homes. Because of the late start, the break would only be four days long. Draco didn't want to return home, but he owed it to his mother to visit. Several owls had gone unanswered and even the caretaker who checked on her said she just sat in her room most days without interacting with the rest of the world.
Draco wondered idly if Harry was leaving for the holidays. It hadn't come up during the night and Draco wasn't sure which he would prefer. Ideally Ginny, Ron, and Hermione would leave and Harry would stay. It was far more likely that Harry would go with his friends though. Thinking of the holiday plans led him to think about Ginny.
At Hogwarts, he'd never felt strongly about her one way or the other. He noticed how she'd mooned over Harry since she'd arrived and seen it turn from childish admiration to romantic interest. But he'd also watched Harry ignore her and treat her like a little sister. He'd all but admitted that when they'd made the trip to town, yet he was still dating her. Draco didn't want to be jealous of her, but in the silence of his room, he had to admit that he was deeply jealous and would do anything to be in her place.
It wasn't even that she was a bad person. He didn't know what was going on with her and Michael, although he wanted to think it was just harmless flirting and that she wasn't actually cheating on Harry with the other wizard. More than once he'd opened his mouth to tell Harry the truth and then closed it again. Speculation was hardly cause to ruin Harry's happiness and as much as he wanted to believe Harry would turn to him, he wasn't that stupid.
Being friends with a former Death Eater was bad enough - there was no way Harry would align himself more solidly with one. Even if the kiss they shared still burned through his memories. That was another topic they had both avoided, although a few times Draco caught Harry looking at his lips, and his own eyes had drifted to Harry's lips a few times more than was strictly friendly.
When the bell rang for their first class to start, Draco groaned and stood up, wishing he'd grabbed a caffeinated tea to help chase away the exhaustion that came from being awake more of the night. Thankfully he had finished all of the assignments, and he put them in his bag and made his way to class.
Word of his decision to fight back must have spread because no one harassed him on his way to History of Magic. He once again took a seat at the front of the class after dropping his essay on the stack at the front of the room. Harry came in at the last minute, looking flushed and out of breath as he dropped into the seat next to Draco and put a travel mug in front of him.
"Figured you'd need this since I kept you up all night," Harry said. "I wasn't sure how you took it so I left it plain."
"That's how I take it," Draco said, lifting the mug and smelling the strong tea inside. Years of practice kept his face in a carefully neutral mask.
"Then I take it back. I knew exactly how you wanted it and prepared it that way for you," Harry said with a cheeky grin. A few students behind them whispered back and forth and Draco pretended it wasn't about their exchange.
"Thank you," Draco replied, taking a sip and scalding his mouth and throat. He didn't even care about the pain and as Professor Binns took up the lecture, he had to fight to keep from glancing at Harry, especially when he felt the other wizard's eyes on him constantly.
By the strength of his own will, he made it through the class without combusting in his seat from the heat in Harry's eyes. As much as he wanted to wait and walk with Harry, he left quickly and made it to the dining hall before the rush, then grabbed food mechanically and went outside to a side patio where he could eat - or not - in peace.
This one had wicker chairs around a firepit where the fire was blazing. The trees and shrubs that surrounded the secluded area were lit with lights that sparked and twinkled bright enough to be seen even in midday. It seemed that few others wanted to brave the cold as he had the space to himself for most of his meal.
Just as he was finishing, a few others showed up so he stood and left, giving them tense nods which they returned. He tried not to be surprised - or at least not to let his surprise show - as he walked out to the grounds. The thought of his secluded area was tempting, but he couldn't help but remember Ginny ambushing him there and decided against it, opting to wander closer instead.
"Have a minute?" At first, he ignored the voice, as he assumed they were talking to someone else. When someone fell in step beside him and lightly touched his arm, he pulled up short. It was Hermione Granger. Looking at her with her cheeks flushed with the cold, he could understand why so many of the boys in their year - and ones below and above - became captivated by her after the Yule Ball in their fourth year.
Draco himself had never understood, although he had noticed that she'd started straightening her hair and had fixed her front teeth. Objectively she looked better, but she'd never really been ugly to start with so he wasn't sure why everyone changed their opinions so suddenly. Still, looking at her now he had to admit the confidence she'd gained in the past year did far more to make her attractive than the cosmetic fixes of their fourth year.
"We need to talk," she said, looping her arm through his in a gesture that made him tense. When she led him in the direction he'd been wandering, he started to relax.
"Uh...why?" He asked, hoping he didn't sound as defensive as he felt.
"I see the way Harry looks at you," she said. Draco opened his mouth to deny it but she barreled on. "And the way you look at him. I thought I was imagining it at first, but it actually makes a lot of sense. The two of you have always been obsessed with each other - no don't deny it everyone knows it's true. So I just need to ask - are you going to hurt him?"
"I don't - I..." He sputtered, trying to pull away but she was strong and kept his arm locked tight in hers without even appearing to exert any effort. He deflated, giving up. "No. He's with Ginny anyway though so I think you're a bit off."
"He's only with Ginny because it's familiar. I love Gin like a sister, but they don't actually love each other. It's only a matter of time before one or both of them realize that and break up. So again - are you going to hurt him?"
"Is it that obvious?" He asked, changing tact again.
"Only to someone with eyes," she said. When she didn't speak again he was forced to break the silence.
"Six months ago a madman lived in my house and tortured me if I didn't do what he wanted." He spoke the words quietly but no one was around to hear anyway. "I don't deserve to be anything to Harry. But I would die this time before hurting him again." For a long moment, he thought she wasn't going to say anything after he'd bared his heart and soul to her. Just before he resolved to break free and leave, she stopped them and threw both arms around his neck.
"Harry sees good in you or he wouldn't talk to you. I can't pretend to understand what it was like from your point of view and even though I still hate you for what you did, I believe that you're trying. We're all broken but I hope you and Harry can fix each other. He pretends to be okay but I know he's hurting." He tightened his arms around her and found tears in his eyes when she pulled away.
"Thanks," he said. "That means a lot coming from you." They walked in silence for another few minutes, each of them taking the time to compose their thoughts. At last, Harry and Ron came out of the building. Draco saw them first so when Harry's eyes met his and a huge smile broke out on his face, Draco felt his own lips curl up into a pale imitation of that smile. The two groups moved towards each other and Hermione and Ron embraced while Harry and Draco stood awkwardly together.
"C'mon, Ron. Let's go inside. I want to sit by that fire in the reading room and warm up." Hermione and Ron headed off, leaving Harry with Draco.
"Have a good chat with Hermione?" Harry asked.
"Surprisingly, yes," Draco said. "Want to come with me to check on the potion I'm brewing? It should almost be done and I want to finish it before everyone heads home."
"Are you leaving?" Harry asked, falling into step beside him.
"Perhaps I'll Apparate home for a few hours on Christmas Eve," Draco said. "You?"
"Ron and Ginny invited me back to the Burrow. I'm leaving with them in the morning." Draco tried to smile but his face felt hollow. Even though he knew it was coming, for some reason he'd held out hope that he and Harry would spend Christmas together. Harry had almost always stayed at school over the holidays normally.
"Sounds absolutely miserable," he said, not having to fake the reaction. Harry bumped shoulders with him and huffed out a laugh.
"I think Molly's just feeling extra familial recently," he said. The unspoken mention of the lost Weasley not needing to be put into words to be understood. "I could see if..."
"Absolutely not," Draco said. "I have no desire to cozy up to the Weasleys. I might technically be on their side now, but I do have standards." He did his best impression of his younger self, complete with turning up his nose. After a moment, he turned and looked at Harry, letting the mask fade and giving a faint smile. "In all seriousness - I don't think I'd be welcome and it's only four days so I'll survive here alone."
"I can see about staying. I'm su-"
"Absolutely not," Draco said, shaking his head and realizing for the first time his hair had grown out longer as it bounced in his eyes. He did his best to brush it back with a dignified harumph. "Go have fun with your friends and...Ginny...and I'll spend the time studying so I can pass my exams."
"Alright. If you're sure." Harry said, still sounding hesitant.
"I am."