One Too Many to Hide
Unsurprisingly Sirius and James seemed unable to let Remus leave any questions regarding his newly acquired scar unanswered, wearing Remus down bit by bit pestering him at any possible moment. Really it was a rather peaceful morning, Remus was in good spirits, a small smile plastered on his face as he layered butter and raspberry jam on his toast. Peter was sprinkling sugar over his porridge across the table and the two boys relished in the quaint breakfast, not bothering to make unnecessary small talk. Remus had been immersed in listening to the rapid conversation bouncing between Lily, Mary and Marlene, getting in on secrets he definitely wasn’t supposed to know anything of. In situations like this he quite liked his werewolf hearing, it provided great entertainment and insight into many things far beyond his understanding.
His moment of peace was shattered the moment Sirius and James barreled through the doors of the Great hall and planted themselves on the bench with Sirius to his left and James to his right. He made a point of ignoring their presence in favour of preparing his slices of toast. One with butter and raspberry jam, one with butter and orange marmalade and one with apricot jam spread on top of chocolate spread. The way his mother always did for him at home, it was their shared breakfast treat.
“Um so…” James kept running his hand through his hair making his hair even more unruly than it already was. A nervous tic possibly, Remus recalled his father doing that when stressed and overloaded with work.
With a deep sigh Remus placed his assortment of toast back on his plate giving his attention to James and Sirius who were working overtime to get it, “Mmh?”
“So we were wondering…” This time Remus turned his full attention to Sirius who was fiddling with a napkin, avoiding eye contact. Not the greatest sign in Remus’ opinion and immediately put a damper on his previously good morning.
“Just spit it out.” Remus didn’t quite mean to sound as harsh as he did but the two of them were wearing his patience exceptionally thin.
“We were just wondering how you got that scar.” James and Sirius blurted out at the same time.
Remus could feel his eye twitch as he forced himself to take a deep breath in and out and raised his gaze to see Peter frozen in shock, spoon halfway to his mouth as the porridge slowly dropped back to his plate with a quiet splat. This for reasons unknown to Remus stretched out the last of his patience so thin he could hear it snap and before he knew it he was collecting his toast and moving to head out of the Great hall. He spun around to face Sirius and James, toast in hand as he let his frustration boil over and at the two boys he considered friends.
“It’s my bloody face so what’s it to you two? Piss off.”
With that Remus was marching out of the Great hall toasts in hand and a deep frown creasing the skin between his brows. Remus knew everyone was looking at his face and wondering about it, it wasn’t exactly possible to cover a scar that crossed half his face. All the stares and questions left a sour taste in his mouth as he once more wished he could be a normal student like everyone else. Instead he was left dealing with a problem he had to keep hidden and deal with by himself for the rest of his sorry life. Remus was content in welling in his self pity as he situated himself on a quiet corridor on the sixth floor with a window facing the black lake. He leaned against the window eating his toast in silence as he watched the giant squid move about in the lake until the bell for the first lesson rang.
To avoid his still simmering anger and frustration from boiling over and wreaking havoc Remus made to take the seat next to Lily, not feeling up to sitting by his friends just yet. He set down his things, pulling out parchment and a pot of ink accompanied his well worn quill and glanced at Lily catching her looking at him with her chin on her hand and an amused smile playing on her lips. Suddenly feeling self conscious he pulled his sleeves over his hands, playing with a fraying seam of his trousers as he offered her a sheepish smile.
“You don’t mind, do you?”
“Not at all.”
With one more look at Lily’s amused smile Remus took a deep breath before turning to face her completely.
“I take it, you heard, at the Great hall.”
Lily’s smile morphed into a more sheepish one as she offered Remus a small nod. Remus rubbed his hands over his face emerging from behind them in time to see Lily glance at the back of the classroom where Sirius, James and Peter were sitting.
“Not to alarm you but I think they are trying to murder me with their eyes, well maybe not Potter he just looks a bit constipated.”
Remus was unable to fight a snort at Lily’s comment earning himself a cheeky smile from Lily and an offended scoff from the back of the room.
The rest of the day until lunch went much of the same way with Remus avoiding acknowledging his three friends, still holding onto his frustrations from that morning and seating himself near the Gryffindor girls who didn’t seem to mind his presence and entertained conversations with him. Remus hurried down his lunch before quickly shooting up and out of the Great hall the moment he sensed Sirius and James inching closer to him, ready to poke the bear with a stick.
Remus found himself back in the sixth floor deserted corridor pressing his cheek to the window losing himself in his head.
As a body settled down across from him Remus closed his eyes and let out a long breath before moving to meet Sirius’ eyes. Before Sirius could open his mouth Remus spoke up, feeling the need to explain.
“I’m not mad at you, any of you. Well I was but not anymore. I just needed some space after, you know.”
Remus felt his neck prickle and heat up under Sirius’ gaze but unable to tear his eyes away from Sirius’ getting lost in the stormy grey that told everything and nothing at all. Starting to feel unconscious about the scar front and centre for Sirius to stare at made Remus raise his hand awkwardly to cover it, he knew it wasn’t exactly nice to look at.
“No, don't do that.”
“What?”
“Don’t cover it.”
“Sirius… You don’t have to pretend it’s fine. I know it’s ugly.”
“I don’t think it’s ugly, nor does it change anything at all.”
Remus openly gaped at Sirius for that before dissolving into laughter.
“You’re off your rocker.”
“You’re the one avoiding us because of a measly scar, come on Remus we’re sorry, we didn’t mean to offend you.”
He couldn’t help but smile at the sincerity seeping out of every word slipping past Sirius’ lips.
“I should apologise to James and Peter too.”
“They know you didn’t mean it like that.” Sirius shook his head curls flying about at the motion, “Come on they’re waiting for us in the common room.”
Remus rose to his feet waiting for Sirius to get up, noticing the careful touch to his motions and the small wince he was trying to hide when straightening up. Remus’ brows furrowed in worry but he didn’t feel it was his place to comment on it after practically biting his head off for asking a question just that morning.
For the rest of the day Remus kept glancing at Sirius, noting the way he’d flinch and grimace when James would throw himself at him and the way he seemed to cradle the right side of his ribs. When it was just him and Sirius in their dorm lazing on their respective beds, Remus flipped through the History of Magic textbook while Sirius kept spinning his wand resulting in sparks flying every now and then. James and Peter had stayed in the common room, playing chess with some third years Remus hadn’t taken notice of before.
When one of the sparks from Sirius’ wand landed on his book Remus let it shut and sat up on his bed looking over at Sirius.
“Sirius.”
“Hmm.”
“Are you hurt?”
Remus studied as Sirius moved to sit up on his bed, noting the slight wince at the movement and narrowed his eyes in thought.
“What, no”
“Your ribs.”
“W-what, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m completely fine.”
Remus scoffed at that, “Even a blind person could see the way you keep wincing at any movement that affects your ribs.”
Sirius gaped at him for a while before turning away leaving Remus to stare at the back of his head.
“You should go to Madam Pomfrey if you’re hurt.”
“I can’t”
“What do you mean you can’t? Just walk in there and she’ll sort you out.”
“No, I can't go.”
The finality in Sirius' tone left nothing up for debate. Remus waited a few moments more to see if he’d give in before moving to dig through his nightstand drawer and pulling out a jar of extra strong dittany Madam Pomfrey had provided him. He moved around to Sirius' side and held out the jar for him.
“Here.”
Remus watched as Sirius took the jar gingerly before handing it back to him. Before Remus could argue back Sirius spoke with a tinge of pink dusting his cheeks.
“Could you help me put it on, I don’t think I can manage it on my own.”
Instead of answering Remus opened the jar and motioned for Sirius to lift his shirt. He had to fight a gasp at the bruise the size of a dinner plate marring Sirius’ pale skin. Remus dipped his finger in the dittany and worked to apply it as gently as he could using Sirius’ intakes of breath as a guide to how much pressure he could use. After finishing he put the jar away before running his hands through his hair causing a few curls to flop against his forehead.
“Your ribs are most likely broken, the dittany will help some but you should really go see Madam Pomfrey.”
“Thanks.”
Remus nodded before returning to his reading, managing one page before the door was thrown open as James and Peter filed in chattering excitedly.
The next day found Remus holed up in the library looking through records of Greyback, finding out the last time he had been sighted in Britain was in late 1964. There were a few mentions of him being spotted in the mainland, Romania and Albania to be specific, but information on Greyback seemed to be few and far between. Remus was flipping through another book lost in his research the previous left open on the table. Remus nearly jumped out of his skin when Marlene plopped down on the seat next to him rather unceremoniously pulling the open book for her to examine.
“Greyback? Didn’t Lyall Lupin try to get him locked up back in the day. Didn’t end too well for the ministry.”
“Excuse me?”
“Your father right?”
“Yeah he is, but what- he took Greyback to trial?”
“In like1964 or something, Greyback was pleading to be a muggle and Lupin, erm your dad that is, claimed against it. I hear he said some awful things about werewolves to Greyback's face. Anyway, it turned out he was right and Greyback took out the officials meant to obliviate him and ran. Hasn’t been seen in Britain since.”
Marlene only shrugged at Remus flipping through the pages of the book before planting an elbow on the table and leaning her head on her hand facing Remus.
“You didn’t know about that?”
“Um no, I didn’t.”
“Weird.”
Marlene had completely left Remus in the dust blowing through like a hurricane leaving Remus’ brain a scrambled mess trying to make sense of all the new found information presented to him.
“Oh right!” The snap of Marlene’s fingers brought Remus back to reality and the girl sitting next to him. “Lily wanted me to come get you, she needs to talk to you about something regarding the Potions project.”
“Oh right, tell her I’ll find her before the next lesson starts.”
“Will do.”
With a salute Marlene exited the library in much the same way she came in. Remus looked over his book brows furrowing, how come none of the books have mentioned the trial Marlene spoke of. Could he be looking in the wrong places, he could always just write home and hope to get an answer. After one last glance over the books he picked them up and shelved them to their correct places before gathering his belongings to go meet up with Lily.
* * *
“Are you sure it’s ok?”
Remus was fidgeting on the other side of their shared cauldron, Lily on the opposing side stirring their potion and adjusting the heat with her other hand.
“Yes Remus, just go before Madam Pince has your head.”
She shooed him away, leading Remus to give one more hurried thanks, gripping his satchel bag tighter and weaving through the students working on their own potions. He grimaced as he bumped to Marlene causing her to stumble and almost knock over her cauldron, before she whipped around to yell at him. He rushed out an apology before continuing on his way to the door of the classroom.
“Oi, Lupin!”
Remus stopped at the doorway at James’ holler, stretching his neck to see him and Sirius at the back of the class.
“Yeah?”
“We’ll catch you at dinner, good luck!”
Remus offered them a thumbs up before making his way down the quiet corridors as fast as he could without actually running. He needed to get three different books back to the library, a task he had neglected to do for far too long, which had been brought to his attention by Peter’s innocent question, of when his pile of books needed to be returned, during lunch. Which brought Remus to his current conundrum of needing to work on their potions project, needing to get his books from their dorm and returning the books that should’ve been returned that morning all before dinner. Lily had graciously taken over the rest of their potions work after she had managed to pick up on Remus’ nervous energy and he’d ended up spilling the beans to her – after much poking and prodding from her..
Remus burst through to the common room startling a group of older students who had been enjoying the quiet. He offered quick apologies before legging it to the stairs, taking them two at a time, ending up uncomfortably winded by the time he was inside their dorm searching for the books while he wheezed out breaths. It took him several minutes to locate the last book which had not been with the other two neatly piled on his nightstand. After turning the dorm around — giving it the resemblance of a storm blowing through — he found the book hidden under a pair Sirius’ slacks under his bed. Merlin knows how it ended up there but Remus was much too occupied with getting the books back to the library to give it any thought, their dorm never was the most organised at the best of times.
Rushing back down he was forced to skid to an unsteady stop as one of the upperclassmen flagged him down.
”You the one always hanging with that Black kid?”
”Uh, yeah?”
”Tell him his cousin is looking for him.”
”Sure.”
”Cheers.”
Not sure what had just happened, Remus returned to his mission of avoiding Madam Pince’s wrath, pushing the upperclassmen’s message to the back of his mind for now. He skipped down the many stairs and scurried through corridor after corridor before finally reaching the library with a good five minutes to spare until dinner would be served. Remus scuttled into the library ready to be torn a new one by the Hogwarts librarian. Sheepishly he placed the books at the front desk under Madam Pince’s watchful eye.
“You’re late, Mr Lupin.”
Remus winced at her harsh tone, tracing the line of the floor with the toes of his shoe. “I’m really sorry, I lost track of time and completely forgot about them. I swear it’ll never happen again.”
“Very well, make sure to keep a watch on you from now on.”
Unable to believe his luck, Remus was left gaping before pulling his jaw from the floor and hurrying his way to the Great Hall in a daze. Taking the last step off the stairs Remus was expecting for his foot to meet solid ground and not fly from under him, ending up in his face planting to the stone floor with a nauseating crack. A sharp pain spread across the bridge of his nose as the metallic tang of blood overtook his senses. Groaning, he pulled himself up to his knees looking over his shoulder at Snape and Avery standing next to the staircase, Snape with his leg still outstretched from where he tripped Remus and nasty smiles on their faces.
A scowl pulled at his lips as he dusted his trousers and pinched his nose with two fingers to avoid dripping blood all over himself.
“Lost in the clouds, Loony Lupin?” Snape sneered at him.
“Piss off. No one would be falling if you weren’t dripping grease all over the place.”
“I ought to-” Snape was interrupted by the sharp clicks of shoes making the three boys freeze. Before he could see her, Remus was able to smell the sharp citrus perfume Narcissa used, mingling with his blood. Narcissa Black made her way to the three boys, her mere presence enough to intimidate the two Slytherin boys to meek silence — a sight that made Remus snort and spray blood over his hands.
“You three, why are you not at dinner?”
Remus was watching the exchange silently and almost jumped back in fright as Narcissa’s sharp gaze flicked to him.
”You- What happened to your face?”
”Just thought I’d fancy a date with the floor.”
Seemingly not amused by Remus’ quip she turned back to Snape and Avery who fled to the Great Hall before she could give them a piece of her mind.
Remus was left standing there awkwardly, still pinching his nose to quell the bleeding while the blood continued to dribble down his chin. Narcissa gazed at him steadily, sending shivers down his back, before closing the gap between the two of them and raising her wand to Remus’ nose making him flinch back.
“Don’t move”
Narcissa scoffed and mumbled a quick spell under her breath causing Remus’ nose to snap into place with a crack and a sharp tang of pain that quickly subsided to a dull throb.
Remus felt himself grow antsy under Narcissa’s hawk-like gaze and nearly jumped back from his nerves — and the previous fright Narcissa whipping out her wand to his face had caused — when she pulled out a white handkerchief and held it out to him.
“Here, the bleeding should stop soon.”
Remus was left gaping after Narcissa, her handkerchief clutched in his hand. He’d not been able to get a single word out, his mouth feeling like cotton and his brain a swampy mess unable to form a single coherent thought. Remus was brought out of his stupor when a drop of blood splattered on the stone floor before him. He pressed the handkerchief to his nose swiftly, sullying the crisp white cloth with his blood.
With a quick assessment that Narcissa had indeed fixed his nose, the only evidence of anything happening was the blood steadily flowing out of his nose and on to the formerly pristine white handkerchief.
In hindsight strolling into the Great Hall with a bloodied hanky pressed to his nose wasn’t exactly one of his brightest ideas, but Remus really just wanted some food.
Remus flinched back slightly, trying for a sheepish smile before hurrying down between the tables as James and Sirius shot up the moment they noticed him walking in.
”I promise it’s not as bad as it looks.”
”Not bad? Are you mental!”
Sirius had very quickly pulled him to the bench and was now inspecting around his nose, making Remus’ cheeks flush at the proximity.
”It’s really fine, I promise!”
Remus carefully pulled the hanky away from his face, glad the bleeding had stopped and tried for a reassuring smile — which, based on the looks his friends gave him, was a smile full of teeth stained with blood.
”Merlin Remus, what happened? You were supposed to be returning books, not going around picking fights!”
”I didn’t pick any fights!”
Remus huffed, annoyed at James for assuming he just went around picking fights for fun. It wasn’t exactly Remus’ favourite pastime to get picked on and pretend to be alright after. He’d expected most of this if he were honest — you didn’t show up looking like he did and sail through the years unnoticed, people were bound to look at him and find reasons to torment him. Even his dad couldn't look him in the eye, Remus wasn’t about to expect other kids to act like he was some fairy instead of the scarred boy he was.
Wetting a corner of the hanky slightly, he used the dampness to wipe away any blood on his face before turning to the food before him — choosing to ignore his friends’ questioning looks for now.
”Wait, give me that.”
Sirius reached over and plucked the hanky out of Remus’ hand and began inspecting it closely causing Remus to grimace.
”Uh, what are you doing?” And after a pause ”That’s gross.”
Sirius huffed annoyedly at Remus before the hanky was shoved to his face and Remus was forced to tilt his head to look around Sirius’ hand holding it. He quirked a brow in question, not at all sure of what Sirius was trying to get at.
”This!” Sirius shaked the bloodied hanky in his hand and pointed to its corner with a small inscription, ”It’s my cousin’s, Narcissa’s!”
”Oh, yeah.” Remus shrugged, starting to pile food onto his plate ”She gave it to me after stopping Snape and fixing my nose.”
The following silence made Remus look at his friends only to see them with their mouths hanging open.
”So you’re saying Snape did that to your face and my cousin helped you?”
”…Yeah?”
”Bloody hell.”
James snorted at Sirius and Remus felt the strong clap of his hand on his back.
”I say we pay Snape back for messing up Lupin’s face.”
A tad offended, Remus' hand went to tenderly touch his nose, ”It’s not that bad, is it?”
”Nah, just a bit swollen.” Peter said from across the table.
”Oh right Sirius, some older students asked me to tell you that your cousin’s been looking for you. Er, I didn’t ask why though.”
Remus tuned out Sirius’ grumblings not wanting to get involved in any sort of family drama — his family had enough of that to last Remus a lifetime, maybe even two.
After dinner — like almost everyday — he joined the Gryffindor girls in their little study group. Remus’ wasn’t sure how he got to the point of being considered an integral part of the group but he couldn’t deny it made him feel warm and fuzzy and he quite enjoyed the study sessions, not to mention how much they helped him in classes managing to be toe to toe with James and Sirius’ natural magic prowess and skill.
This time though instead of studying he was scribbling and crossing out sentence after sentence in his attempt at writing a letter to his father, a daunting task but something Remus really wanted to do for himself.
”You okay Lupin?”
His head snapped up as Mary addressed him, his brain going through several hoops before she raised a thin eyebrow and nodded toward the mess of discarded letters in front of him.
”O-oh, yeah! I um, just contemplating stuff.”
”Who’s the letter to?”
Lily asked her voice as kind as always when talking to him. A notable difference to the way she spoke to James and Sirius — he had rarely seen her talk to Peter — which made James incredibly jealous of Remus and wouldn’t stop bugging him about it, asking for Remus to talk him up to her.
”My Da’, need to ask him something, just struggling a bit with how to ask it.”
”You should be direct.”
Remus nearly jumped out of his skin spinning around to look at Dorcas — Marlene’s friend from Slytherin — she wore a sly smile and her hair was in tight ringlets. She quickly moved to join Marlene on the other side of the table and Remus was left to ponder over his letter.
’Be direct’. Well it’s not like he had anything to lose, getting back to putting quill to parchment Remus began what he hoped was a compelling enough letter to receive a proper response from his father.
Da
I’ve learned of a ministry trial against Greyback during which you said horrible things about werewolves when he wasn’t convicted. That was around the time I was bitten. Is that the reason he came through my window that night? Was it a targeted attack at our family? Please answer me honestly.
P.S. Please tell ma to stop sending her flowers. I'm running out of books to use to dry them flat.
Yours,
Remus