Crimson moon
September 5th
Remus met Madam Pomfrey in the hospital wing, nervously rubbing his arms as he waited for her to finish bottling her potion.
Remus had slipped out of dinner saying he was feeling ill. It wasn’t exactly a lie Remus did feel horrible with the full moon so close, his body ached and all he wanted was to be wrapped up in blankets in his bed with tea made by his mum.
”Ready dear? It’ll be a bit of a walk.”
Remus only nodded, following after Madam Pomfrey quietly.
They walked across the school grounds to the whomping willow students had been warned to stay far from. Remus halted slightly, nervous and confused. His eyes went wide as Madam Pomfrey levitated a stick to touch the trunk of the willow making it stop flailing its branches around.
”Come now dear.” Madam Pomfrey took Remus’ hand gently guiding him to the tree and helping him slip down a hole at the base of it.
Remus found himself in a dirt tunnel barely big enough for him to stand in, the top of his head brushing against the ceiling. He heard the whomping willow start back to life behind him forcing him to take a few hasty steps deeper into the tunnel in fear of getting hit by one of the branches.
Remus followed Madam Pomfrey through the tunnel for what felt like ages of uneven terrain and stumbling over his own feet and tree roots. Finally they stopped in front of a trap door. Madam Pomfrey pushed the door open climbing inside and turning to help Remus climb in.
They had entered a house, stairs leading up on Remus’ right and boarded up windows littering the wall. There was a worn couch on the far wall of the room they entered into and a hallway with closed doors next to the stairs. Remus looked around struggling to comprehend this was where he would be staying for the moons, the space much bigger than his basement at home. Remus was brought back from his thoughts by Madam Pomfrey’s gentle voice.
”I’ll leave and secure the door so you won’t be getting out and come back when the moon has passed.” A worried look crossed her face, ”I’m sorry dear, this is the best we could do.”
Remus shook his head, ”I’ll be ok.” But he didn’t feel okay, his skin was crawling and trickles of cold sweat dripped down his back, absorbing into his jumper. He was scared but didn’t want to show it.
With one last look at him Madam Pomfrey headed back to the castle leaving Remus alone, the chill of the shack seeping into Remus’ bones. He headed up the stairs finding a bedroom and decided he would stay to transform there, at least he’d have somewhere comfortable to stay while waiting for the transformation to happen. With the full moon closing in Remus undressed and gently folded his clothes, putting them aside and pulling a worn blanket to cover him as he waited for the inevitable to happen.
Too soon for Remus moonlight streaked through the boarded up windows casting streaks of light on the floor. A small whine left Remus’ mouth as tears sprung up to his eyes and he felt his bones start breaking and muscles ripping apart, ready to reform themselves.
Remus’ barely suppressed screams filling the shack changed to howls.
* * *
The wolf felt restless. It was in a new place much different from what it was used to. It stalked around the room sniffing around the boarded up windows.
It could smell the forest, where it belonged. The wolf let out desperate whines and howls as it scratched at the walls and windows. Deeming the act futile the wolf searched around noticing the half open door, quickly slinking past it and down the stairs.
The smell of the forest was ever stronger, magic buzzing in the wolf’s blood. It needed to get out. To run and hunt. To find his pack.
Howls filled the shack as the wolf once more started its desperate attempts at getting out.
Clawing, biting and throwing itself at the walls and floor, leaving stains of blood in places the wood caught in its fur and skin.
As the night moved on the wolf grew increasingly frustrated, unable to get out, caged once more.
With no way to get out under the moonlight to run free in the forest the wolf turned to harming itself in its frustrations. Biting at its hindlegs, gnawing until they were bloodied and sore, staining the floor in crimson. It clawed its face and body, threw himself at the walls howling in agony and frustration.
A wolf was meant to be free, it wasn’t to be caged.
* * *
Remus opened his eyes struggling to sit up when a wave of pain met him causing him to let out a loud cry and a strangled cough as tears streamed down his cheeks.
The wolf had been more frustrated than usual, Remus could tell. The blood surrounding him told as much.
Remus tried sitting up again, wincing as a sharp pain shot through his leg. When Remus looked down he dearly wished he hadn’t, feeling faint from the sight. His leg was mangled and bloody, the bone sticking out at an odd angle. It was fine he could handle this much and Madam Pomfrey would be much better equipped to heal him than his parents were.
Gulping Remus brought his hand up to wipe his tears, alarmed when he felt a sharp sting on his jaw and his hand came back covered in blood. Panic started to flood Remus’ being as he realised the wolf had managed to cut its face deeply. Remus’ face was littered with smaller scars but they were barely visible but this one wouldn’t be like the other scars. A sob left Remus’ mouth as he realised the gravity of the cut and his mind filled with the panic of trying to explain it to his friends.
Remus’ head shot up as sounds of scuttling filtered into his ears and the trapdoor opened revealing Madam Pomfrey. Her eyes grew wide in panic at the sight of Remus and she rushed over starting to wave her wand over Remus’ body.
Exhausted from the night and the pain, the relief of Madam Pomfrey arriving gave time for Remus’ mind to slip into unconsciousness.
Remus blinked his eyes open, squinting at the bright light hitting him. His ears perked at the sounds of multiple voices.
”Please Madam Pomfrey let us see him, we’re his friends!” That was James.
”We’re worried about him.” That was Peter.
”You didn’t let us see him yesterday and it’s already lunch, you have to let us see him!” That was Sirius.
”You boys stop bothering me, Remus needs his rest and I can’t allow you three to see him until he has had it.”
”Flattery won’t get you anywhere Mr. Black.”
Remus felt a smile tugging at his lips at the audible close of Sirius' mouth at Madam Pomfrey’s words.
Remus couldn’t believe they’d want to see him so bad to keep coming back every chance they had. Delight filled Remus and he realised he wanted to see them too. Clearing his throat, scratchy from not using it, Remus called out; ”I’m rested, I want to see them.”
”See Remus says it’s fine!” Sirius’ excited voice widened the smile on Remus’ face.
With a deep sigh Madam Pomfrey agreed, ”All right but you can only stay for 15 minutes and make sure to not distress my patient, he needs all the rest he can get.”
Remus listened to the footsteps of his friends as the curtains around his bed were pulled open and he was greeted with the smiling faces of his three friends. The smiles quickly vanished from his friends' faces, replaced with worry.
A pit of anxiety grew in Remus’ stomach as he realised how he must look, bound in bed pale and with an angry red scar on his jaw.
”Rough go?” a nervous smile graced Sirius’ lips.
”A bit.” Remus gave his own smile back, effectively breaking the nervous atmosphere that had surrounded the boys.
”How’d you get that cut?” Peter was promptly elbowed by both Sirius and James for his question.
”You can’t ask stuff like that, Pettigrew.” Sirius hissed.
”Oh um, sorry Remus.” Peter rubbed his neck awkwardly looking down at his shoes.
Remus felt he didn’t mind; he was already thrilled that they had taken the time out of their day to come see him and couldn’t care less about his forming scar when surrounded by his friends.
His father’s words rang in Remus’ head but he pushed them aside feeling he deserved this bit of happiness.
”S’okay Peter, I um- I fainted and fell roughly. It’s a bit unfortunate but I think I can manage.” Remus shrugged thinking that should be a good enough excuse.
”Do you think Madam Pomfrey will let you out for tomorrow, Gryffindor is holding their quidditch trials and you need to come watch with us!” James was radiating excitement anytime at the mention of quidditch and now was no different.
”I don’t know, but I hope so I’d like to go watch.” Remus felt it would be a good way to learn about quidditch and have more common ground with his friends.
”Alright boys that’s long enough off to your classes no more bothering my patient.”
James and Peter scurried off at Madam Pomfrey’s words but Sirius lingered by Remus’ bed.
”Here, you didn’t miss much but I thought you’d like to have them.” Sirius reached into his bag and handed Remus a pile of parchment; all the notes from classes he missed while being held in the hospital wing.
Remus felt himself smile, ”Thanks Sirius, you didn’t need to.”
”I know, I just figured you’d be sad about missing them, it’s no big deal.” Sirius scratched his cheek nervously before going after James and Peter leaving Remus to skim through the neatly written notes. Sirius’ handwriting was far from Remus’, it was neat and looped around itself beautifully.
”Get better soon Remus!”
Remus was left brimming with happiness from his friend's visit and found he didn’t even mind the foul tasting potion Madam Pomfrey forced him to have.
It was near curfew when Madam Pomfrey finally let Remus out of the Hospital Wing. He hurried up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower, needing to stop a few times for a breather as his leg still ached and dull ticks of pain caused his breathing to stutter after every climb of stairs.
When Remus finally reached the common room only a few older students were still lingering around none of them paying Remus any mind as he slipped past them to the stairs leading to the boys dormitories. He pushed open the door and was greeted with yells of joy from Sirius and James, while Peter’s head popped out of the bathroom toothbrush still in his mouth.
“She let you leave!”
“Yeah.” Remus smiled sheepishly, opting to not mention how he had had to beg to be let out that evening instead of the following morning.
* * *
Remus’ morning started by being rudely awoken by James at 7am. Remus sat up in his bed rubbing his eyes as he watched James try to drag Sirius out of bed — which was a difficult task and James had to dodge a pillow, a book and Sirius’ wand thrown at his head. He dreaded leaving the warmth and softness of his bed, feeling the pull of sleep tug him back down before abruptly sitting up again when a pillow smacked him square in the face.
”No going back to sleep!” James’ voice was stern, almost reminding Remus of his mother when he did something he shouldn’t.
Remus rubbed his eyes and groaned, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed, letting them dangle in the cool air of the dorm. He reached over to his bedside table and picked up his timetable seeing what subjects they would have that day. The morning started with double Transfiguration with Hufflepuffs followed by History of Magic with Ravenclaws and Potions with Slytherins after lunch.
He scrunched up his nose at having Potions that day, he hated the smell of the dungeons during lessons, his overly sensitive nose not faring well with brewing potions. All the ingredients and the humidity from the boiling potions made him positively ill on a good day and was borderline unbearable on a bad one.
Heaving a deep sigh Remus packed his bag and headed to breakfast leaving James and Sirius’ bickering behind. He was quite talented in slipping by unnoticed which came in handy when he wanted to leave a situation without drawing attention to himself.
Remus entered the common room at the same time as the three Gryffindor first year girls. Remus didn’t mind them, he hadn’t talked much with them yet but so far they hadn’t said anything bad to him. He didn’t feel the need to be friends with them, he was quite satisfied with James, Sirius and Peter, no need to complicate his lies by trying to hide everything from even more people.
”Good morning Remus!” The girl with curly brown hair — Mary — greeted him happily.
Remus offered a shy ”Good morning,” back.
”You’re going to breakfast alone?” Lily was giving him a curious smile, looking between him and the stairs, seeming to wait for the other boys to burst through at any moment.
”Yeah, I was hungry and didn’t feel like waiting for Sirius to get up.”
The girl with blonde hair snorted, catching Remus’ attention, ”Who would’ve thought Black of all people struggled to get up in the mornings.” The girls burst into giggles bringing a smile to Remus’ face. He liked them, they reminded of how his mother would laugh at mundane things his father failed to find humour in.
Remus chose to sit next to the girls in the Great Hall listening to their conversations while eating, giving short answers when the attention was brought to him.
Remus was busy biting into a bread roll when Lily turned to ask him a question, ”How about you Remus what’s your favourite subject?”
Remus chewed his bread slowly as he thought about the classes, ”I quite like charms, it's very interesting.”
”Oh me too!” Marlene piped up from next to Lily giving Remus a wide grin. He hadn’t talked to Marlene much at all but from what he had managed to gather she was rather more brash than the rest of their classmates. He admired her confidence but was also quite intimidated by her, he wasn’t used to other kids his age and the varying personalities were taking him out of sorts when figuring out how he should be acting around them.
Overall Remus found he rather liked being with the girls, it was different from being with James, Sirius and Peter but it provided a certain kind of calmness Remus was rather fond of.
Half an hour later James, Sirius and Peter finally joined Remus at the Gryffindor table.
”Took you long enough.” Remus said between mouthfuls of eggs.
”Wouldn’t have taken so long if someone didn’t spend 20 minutes doing their hair.” Peter rolled his eyes.
”Oi shut up Pettigrew I would’ve been faster if you weren’t hogging the bathroom all morning!” Sirius was now pointing an accusing finger at Peter.
James turned to Remus, his shoulders heavy with annoyance, ”This is the last time you leave me alone with those two Remus.”
”No promises.” Remus gave James an innocent smile before turning to grab some more eggs.
The morning of classes started excitedly for him as Professor McGonagall made them practise turning beetles into a button, dropping the likeness of the beetle was what most of the class seemed to be battling against – Remus being no different.
Remus was struggling to turn his beetle into a proper button, it kept having one or two legs. Peter didn’t seem to be faring too well either; his button still had wings and would fly around. Sirius and James had turned their beetles into buttons easily, Sirius’ button having a beautiful golden colour while James’ button was clear. Remus eyed Sirius working hoping to catch what he did differently, watching his wand work intently. After a few times of just watching Sirius work he felt confident enough to get it right on his own.
Remus raised his wand trying to mimic the delicate wrist movements Sirius had done and tapped the beetle swiftly turning it into a button. The button still had the beetle’s colouring but other than that was a perfect button.
”Well done Mr. Lupin, 1 point to Gryffindor.”
Remus felt his ears heat up at McGonagall’s praise, bristling slightly as James and Sirius ruffled his hair in congratulations. Peter managed to change his button soon after Remus earning Gryffindor another point.
Lunch came quickly and the four boys hungry from practising magic hurried to the great hall. Remus’ mouth watered at the delicious scent of roast beef. Once he was seated Remus wasted no time ladling his plate full of mashed potatoes, steamed vegetables and roast beef with thick dark gravy.
Remus listened as James and Sirius discussed different things they could do to cause mischief ranging from turning all the armours a bright red and gold to filling the dungeons with fairies. Remus wasn’t sure where they were planning on getting the fairies but he wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.
”Remus, which one was your favourite?”
Remus almost choked on his carrot not expecting James’ question and waved Peter off as he clapped Remus on the back.
”Well changing the armours to Gryffindor colours would be alright, it would be harmless enough and show house pride so I doubt we’d end up in too much trouble if we got caught.” Remus concluded, absentmindedly scratching the scar on his jaw.
Remus’ answer quickly led to James and Sirius starting to form their plans on how to make it all work. Remus, not too interested in James and Sirius’ prank ideas, took their distraction as an opportunity to slip out and head to the library. He had been meaning to look into different sources on werewolves and the legislation regarding them. His father had told him some but always brushed past the topic, seeming to be unable to even look at Remus during those talks. And well, he was curious about it all, after all it affected him rather personally.
Remus browsed the shelves lined with more books he could ever dream of with subjects he had never heard of. His eye caught on a thick leather bound book taking it from the shelf and turning it to see the title; 20th century werewolves. Remus felt a chill run down his spine but before he could put the book away a thought came to him. If the book was about 20th century’s known werewolves then Greyback should be in there. His father had refused to tell Remus anything more about Greyback than that he was the one who bit Remus, and Remus was desperate to find out more.
Heading for a secluded corner in the library Remus settled down and opened the book flipping through it to find any mentions of Greyback. Near the end of the book Remus finally found Fenrir Greyback. Remus’ blood ran cold and he read about Greyback and his preferences for younger children and his known behaviours in his pack — Remus wasn’t sure how to feel knowing he was one of the children Greyback targeted, which likely meant he would be coming back for him if the book was to be trusted.
Remus closed the book with a thud spreading dust particles to the air falling gently in the streaks of sunlight. He gnawed on his lower lip debating if he should write to his parents about his concerns. In the end he decided not to for the fear of his father pulling him out of Hogwarts because Remus was able to access information Lyall didn’t want Remus to have. Remus’ brows were knit tight in thought as he headed to History of Magic, he could spend the lesson mulling over his thoughts.
After Binns’ painfully dull retelling of the goblin war of 1519 Remus was pulled aside to a hidden alcove by Sirius, who looked at him with concern written all over his face.
”Is everything alright Remus? You’ve been avoiding us all day.”
”Everything is fine and I’m not avoiding anyone.” Remus frowned a bit at the fact Sirius had picked up on his actions so quickly, and Sirius’ eyes boring right through him didn’t make things any more comfortable.
”I’m serious, there's nothing off about me.”
A mischievous glint appeared in Sirius’ eyes, ”No, I’m Sirius.”
Remus looked at Sirius baffled beyond belief he’d say something like that. After a while of Remus just staring at Sirius’ incredibly smug face he let out a quiet snort, ”Idiot, come on we’ll be late to Potions if we stay here any longer.”
The two boys raced down the stairs to the dungeons – previous concerns forgotten for now – where they met up with James and Peter, who were standing by the Potions classroom door.
”Where were you two? Take any longer and Slughorn will take points from Gryffindor for you two being tardy.” James crossed his hands over his chest while attempting a judging glare that was failed by his wide grin at his two friends’ arrival.
”Since when did you care about points.” Sirius snickered while the boys filed inside the classroom and took their seats at their workstations, pulling out their cauldrons.
Remus hated the Potions classroom smell, it was too overwhelming and always made his head ache, a factor that contributed to his lack of skill in potions. Remus wasn’t particularly a fan of Potions so he didn’t mind doing poorly in the class, all he wanted was to get it over with and get out for some fresh air to calm his pounding headache. His building nervousness over Sirius suspecting something being off with Remus didn’t help matters.
Remus sank down to his chair next to Peter who looked at him, eyes filled with concern.
”You okay Remus? You look a bit pale.”
”M’fine just a headache.”
”If you say so. Can you chop the slugs? You know I hate it.”
”Sure.” Remus stood up heading to pick up the ingredients the same time as James did.
”Doing the chopping again Remus?”
”Mm, is Sirius stirring this time again for you guys?”
”Yup,” James popped his P with gusto, a bright smile on his face, ”He’s far more adept at Potions thanI’ll ever be.”
About halfway through the lesson Remus and Peter managed to make their potion emit thick blue foul smelling smoke sending Slughorn to come to their table from the front of the class.
”Oh dear. My boys, it seems you used too much dried nettle.” Slughorn cleared the potion away with a swish of his wand before heading to check on other students.
Remus rubbed his temples as he helped Peter tidy their workstation, counting the minutes until he could leave the Potions classroom and its smells.
* * *
Remus had slipped out of Potions before his friends could catch up to him and headed outside. He was sat under a tree near the shore of the Black lake contemplating what to write to his mother, quill and parchment in hand. He’d mulled it over for hours and had come to the conclusion he ought to not mention his research on werewolves to his parents. After many discarded attempts Remus finally finished a letter he deemed good enough.
”Dear Ma
The accommodations Hogwarts is providing me for the full moon is alright, it’s an old worn out house, a bit chilly but it serves its purpose of keeping others safe from me.
The full moon was a bit tough. The wolf could smell the forest and got very agitated so it ended up hurting itself a lot. But don’t worry the wounds weren’t too bad though one of them was on my face, on the jaw. It’ll leave a big scar so I hope people won’t find me scary because of it.
After the moon I learned my friends had tried to visit me multiple times before I woke up! I didn’t expect them to come see me but it was nice to see them after waking up, they were quite worried for me.
I’m a bit worried about what dad said, I know I shouldn’t try to get too close but I really like them and it doesn't feel nice to try and push them away. I’m not sure what I should do.
The lessons have been going great, I really enjoy Charms and Defence Against the Dark Arts. I don’t enjoy Potions. The smells are too strong and give me a headache but I think you would like it, it’s a bit like cooking!
I hope you’ve been well, I miss you lots.
Love, Remus”
As Remus read through his letter once more his ears picked up the sounds of footsteps and he turned to see what the sound was coming from. To his surprise he saw Sirius speeding across the school grounds towards him. Panicked Remus shoved his letter in his pocket, hastily gathered his bag and stood up just as Sirius came to a halt before him panting slightly.
”There you are Remus! Why did you disappear on us?”
”I just needed some fresh air.”
Sirius studied him for a moment, a thing he seemed to do often, ”Right, well let’s get back to the castle or we’ll miss dinner I know you wouldn’t want to miss it.”
”Thanks.”
Remus didn’t realise how long he had been outside, losing track of time and Sirius coming to get him so he wouldn’t miss dinner made realise how much Remus really wanted to have friends and to share everything with them. He stopped himself from getting too hopeful knowing even someone like Sirius wouldn’t want to be around him if he knew he was a werewolf.
After dinner Remus climbed the stairs to the owlery to send his letter before heading to bed early — dodging James, Sirius and Peter’s questions — the full moon's effects still lingering, making him exhausted.
The next morning Remus was greeted by a brown barn owl dropping a letter on his plate, barely missing hitting the eggs straight on. Remus quickly picked up the letter and ripped it open to see what his mother had answered.
”My sweet boy,
It is lovely to hear you’ve been enjoying your time at school and are well taken care of, I trust you’ll tell us if anything is upsetting you.
I’ve been doing as well as ever. I took a trip to town and found some books I think you’d like. I’ll send them to you as soon as possible.
Just between us two dear, I don’t think you should listen to your father on this one. He is paranoid after what happened and can only see the worst case scenario. It’ll be perfectly good for you to form friendships with your dormmates they sound like lovely boys. It might be best to keep your condition a secret until you’ve gotten closer but I have no doubt they’ll see past it and see the real you Remus.
Love, Mum”
Remus smiled down at the letter feeling more hopeful and confident. — A small seed of doubt still nestled deep in his mind. — His mother always had a way of making him feel better and trust in himself. Remus faced the rest of the day with a smile on his face and without trying to distance himself from his friends and ended the day hopeful the next would be just as good.