“Urghh!” James groaned, kicking the feet of one of the many metal armours that lined the walls of the corridors. He was walking back from Quidditch practice, hair slicked down by water, clothes wet and muddy and dripping broom slung on his shoulder. Practice didn’t go as planned. The whole Gryffindor team had just spent two hours battling the strong winds, only to call it quits when Frank had noticed that maybe, oh maybe, the flying conditions were not as ideal as he anticipated. Damn Frank and his stubbornness to fly even if it puts all their lives (and immune systems) at risk. They were playing against Slytherin in two weeks, and even though their team had who James believed were the best players Hogwarts had ever seen, every minute not spent on the pitch stressed him out more than he could admit. No matter how much Marlene and Lily kept reassuring him, with their big “Slytherin wishes they had what you and Sirius have” speeches, nothing except excessive practice made him calm down.
Nothing, well, except maybe one thing. One person to be precise. One year younger, black hair, a little shorter but a temper to rival even the biggest giant. Freckles that matched the brightest constellations and a smile which, even rare, could make the sun jealous of it. But James couldn’t tell anyone, not even Sirius, his best friend, the one he tells everything to. Because he knew. He knew Sirius wouldn’t agree, would throw a tantrum and would try to persuade him against it.
James couldn’t help it though, there was just something about Regulus Black. He was mean, and dry and cold. He was clever, and snarky and funny. He was also Sirius’ younger brother, and that was the biggest problem of them all.
James’ thoughts were halted when something small and dark escaped around a corner of the corridors. For a second he thought his eyes were deceiving him, so he took off his glasses and wiped the water droplets furiously with the only spot of dry fabric still left on his body. He put them back on, and, nothing. He paced to the end of the hallway, leaving foot-shaped water marks on the cold stone. And there it was. Glowing yellow eyes staring back at him from behind a corner. The smallest black cat James had ever seen. And he’d seen a lot, his mother had been fostering and raising cats since James can remember. He always helped her of course, carefully drying their furs and keeping them warm by wrapping them in towels and blankets. It was like a second nature to him, so he made it his personal mission to catch this tiny black cat with its angry eyes, and return it to its rightful owner. The cat (or kitten? James couldn’t really tell) didn’t seem to agree with his plans though, and quickly hurried off to hide somewhere else. Thankfully, James and his razor sharp reflexes (he made a mental note to thank Quidditch for that) followed the shape to where only the tip of a tail was visible.
He adjusted his glasses, trying to see the cat despite the darkness surrounding them. Maybe he’d seen it somewhere, the common room or on the train. The quicker he recognized it, the quicker he could give it back to its owner and go take the warm shower he was longing for. But no such chance fell upon him, and for the first time in his life, the thought of him rescuing his first kitten, without his mother’s help, crossed his mind. He stepped closer and the cat showed its teeth (mind you, they were sharp but so tiny James almost laughed). He grabbed the cat like you would a baby, only a little bit quicker and with more force because a baby doesn’t have claws, obviously, but the thought made him giggle. With two hands grasping the cat’s sides, he held it up to the candlelight and wondered out loud.
“Where the bloody hell did you come from?” The cat didn’t respond, but there was something in its eyes that made James think it would probably insult him if it could.
✦✦✦
Broom perched on one shoulder, cat on the other, James quickly made his way to Gryffindor tower. He made a mental checklist on his ascent up the stairs:
1 - Tell Sirius, he would laugh (probably).
2 - Tell Lily, she would help him, she loves cats. And she would tell Mary, who loves cats because Lily loves cats, so that adds one more person who would want to help him. James smiled at the thought.
3 - Find the owner? Hopefully.
What if he doesn’t find the owner? Would he keep the cat? Would he have to floo his mum? Would he have to put up posters all around the school? “Tiniest, meanest black cat looking for owner” The cat dug its claws in James’ shoulder as if it could read his thoughts.
The common room door opened but only a handful of people were still there, the majority of the school being in the Great Hall having dinner.
“Great start.” James thought groggily, still dripping on the heavy carpet. The few sixth years left looked at him as if he’d grown a third arm. Thankfully, Marlene was coming down the girls’ stairs. She had showered, obviously not having been held up by some tiny animal on her way back from practice.
“Marlene! Uh. Hi.” James hesitated, shuffling towards her.
“James, we literally saw each other thirty minutes ago.” She raised her eyebrows, only now noticing the cat on his shoulder. “What is this…” She reached out for the animal but it bared its tiny teeth and she laughed, unlike James earlier who had the decency to keep his mouth shut.
“A… cat?” He replied sheepishly.
“Woah no way, I never would have guessed!” Marlene shot back jokingly, eyebrows still raised in feigned surprise.
“I need to find its owner, or Sirius, or Lily. Or Remus maybe? I don’t know I just found it alone, no tag and a terrible attitude, it-” He rambled on for a minute, detailing everything that just happened to Marlene who was just staring at him, a smile tugging at the lips.
“Okay James, well go clean yourself up and leave the cat in your dorm so you can start your little rescue mission after dinner! See ya” She waved as she crossed the doorway and walked out of the room.
He sighed, broom getting heavy on his shoulder, and started making his way up the spiral stairs to his dorm room. It was messy. Sirius’ vinyls were spread out all over his bed and on the floor, he never could keep his space clean. The scratching of the needle on the vinyl player filled the room with a low sound. Remus’ bed was undone, but not nearly as messy as his boyfriend’s. The sheets were wrinkled, some school clothes thrown on them, he had obviously changed before going to dinner. The full moon was approaching and James knew he wanted to be comfortable anytime he wasn’t in lessons. Peter’s side was especially pristine, which was always a surprise to James, since the boy never could find what he was looking for and always misplaced everything. James glanced at his own bed, wondering where he could place the cat, which was looking less and less annoyed about being in his arms. He almost wanted to skip dinner so the cat would fall asleep right there. His stomach grumbled and James sighed, apparently his treacherous body had other plans. He moved some books and the Marauders map out of the way and slowly lowered his arms so the animal would fall on his mattress.
“Don’t move.” He spoke, then shook his head because why on earth was he talking to this cat like it could understand him? The cat looked back at him with as much disdain as a cat could muster. James rolled his eyes in a way he had seen Regulus do a hundred times, and headed towards the shower.
✦✦✦
The shower had always been a sacred space for James.
When he was younger, he used to often hear his father sing in the shower. His mother would laugh and shake her head, cheeks red with embarrassment and fondness. James didn’t sing. Well, sometimes he did, until Sirius told him to shut up (loudly, by banging on the door). He didn’t sing, mostly he thought. It was his brain’s way of categorizing everything that had happened during the day, putting everything away in boxes, labeling his thoughts and keeping them safe. Everyone thought James was just a do-er, only he knew that he was also a thinker. He thought about his past, his present and his future. He thought about his friends who he loved so much and who he would do anything for. He thought about Sirius, who hadn’t looked as happy as he had in a long time, always seeking Remus’ arms, and his face and his chest (and… everything else). He thought about his mother and father, who he missed a lot but who he knew were as happy as can be. Sometimes, he thought about Quidditch, about what he could do at the next practice, or what he could improve. More rarely, he thought about some homework that he still had to work on, some lessons that he had to study for or some spells that he needed to master. But recently he had been mostly thinking about him . Regulus Black had been haunting his every thought, his every dream. Of course, he kept those thoughts locked in a chest with a heavy padlock and an imaginary key that he mentally threw at the bottom of the Great Lake. He needed to keep those thoughts far away, he couldn’t risk anyone knowing.
But, still, inevitably, his mind always wandered there: Regulus and his curls, his hands, his humour (if you’re observant enough to notice it) and his smile (if you’re lucky enough to witness it). Often, it’s gone in a split second. Regulus had never been one to show his emotions, unlike his brother who spoke and loved and hated loudly. Who never let anyone wonder for more than a second what he thought about anything, who went out of his way to love the people he cared for. Regulus was not like that, he loved like he laughed: in secret.
James would be lying if he said he understood the way Regulus’ mind worked. Truly he didn’t, sometimes he wondered how Regulus could live like this, how he could walk around, not caring about anything and anyone. That was the difference between them: James cared about everything and everyone, all the time. His mother used to tell him: “Be careful, James, a heart big like yours needs tending, or one day it could break.” But James had never been careful. Not when he was a child and would climb up the trees in his backyard. Not when he first mounted a broom and flew higher than the clouds to stare at the stars. And definitely not when he fell for Regulus Black. But he couldn’t admit that. He would take the blame for every prank the Marauders ever did before he admitted that. And sure, everyone knew it was them, but technically, they never said it.
So tonight, like every evening spent under the warm water, he thought. But unlike every evening yet, his thoughts were not haunted by Regulus (well, they kind of were at first), he remembered the tiny angry black cat currently laying on the other side of the door. So he dried off, not bothering to brush his hair, it was always going to stick out at weird angles no matter what he tried. He reached for clean warm clothes but found nothing. Once again he was so enthralled in his thinking that he forgot to bring them in the bathroom with him. Towel wrapped around his waist, he slowly opened the creaky door to peek around the dorm. The other boys still weren’t back from dinner, and if he was quick enough, he could catch them while they were having dessert (Remus would probably have three servings of that). He saw the cat still on his bed, and let out the breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He reached for his clothes and quickly went back to the steaming bathroom. A minute later he was on his way to the Great Hall, preparing himself to tell his friends the whole story of the black cat.
✦✦✦
“There’s a WHAT?” Peter scream-whispered, trying not to draw attention (it didn’t work, Marlene and Dorcas were staring at him with inquisitive eyes). What is Dorcas doing here anyway , James asked himself, she should be at the Slytherin table, with Barty and Evan and Regulus . But he was not there. Where is he-
“A cat, Peter, stay focused!” Sirius replied, quickly snapping his two fingers over the plate of pudding between the two of them, and James realized he should be the one staying focused.
“Sirius…” Remus tried, “You know how he gets around cats, remember the last time he saw Mrs Norris? He spent the rest of the week talking about how he could sense her plotting his demise.”
That seemed to do the trick, all four of them erupting in quiet giggles, forgetting about what James had been telling them. They all finished their dinner, and walked back to the common room, now filled with people. Mary and Lily were sitting in front of the fireplace. Mary on the couch and Lily on the floor, head hung back between her girlfriend’s knees, getting her red hair braided. They looked so at peace, so comforted in each other's presence, like nothing around them mattered, except for the one they loved and who loved them back.
James found himself longing for a day when he and Regulus could be the same, but quickly brushed away the thought, Regulus didn’t even like him… right?
By the time he came back to his senses, they were already climbing the stairs, steps away from their dorm, and James suddenly remembered about the cat laying on his bed. Before he could say anything Sirius stepped forward, reaching for the door handle and swinging it open for the four boys to walk in.
And there he was, sprawled out on James’ bed like he had always belonged there: Regulus Black. His hair was messy, his curls framed his delicate face. His mouth hung open as he breathed quietly, in a state of pure peacefulness. In a split second, James’ eyes grew wider than they ever had, but before he could speak-
“What the Fuck!” Sirius screamed first, voice booming in the previously quiet room.
That startled a peaceful and sleeping Regulus, obviously, because Sirius’ voice was naturally loud, but now he was screaming and that was exceptionally louder. His eyes opened not without struggle, and he was faced with four people, looking at him like you would an exotic animal at a zoo.
“What the fuck?” James echoed, quieter, still not grasping the severity of the situation. Regulus Black. In his bed. In front of his brother. Oh, he was doomed, done for, he should just go drown himself in the lake, that would still be less painful than whatever Sirius was going to do.
In the background, Remus seemed almost unbothered, chuckling to himself like all of this was just normal, like he knew something like this was one day going to happen. But then again, maybe he did, you never really knew with Remus, he wasn’t ever bothered by a lot (except, you know, moon cycles).
“Wait, so if Regulus is there, then where’s the cat?” Peter started, fingers pointing at Regulus, trying to make sense of the situation, and Sirius almost slapped his arm.
“He is the cat, Peter!” he said, exasperated.
“You're an animagus too?” Peter gasped and the rest of the Marauders threw their arms in the air in defeat. It was almost comical and Regulus would have laughed if he wasn’t petrified considering the position he was just found in. Then it hit him.
“Too? Wait. You’re an animagus, too?” Regulus turned to his brother, whose hands were fisting his own hair in a state of pure horror.
And so they explained themselves, their sides of the story, extensively but not without screams. It didn’t come as a shock that Remus was a werewolf. To be honest, Regulus had figured that one out two months after starting at Hogwarts (he had proceeded to make fun of James for only realizing half a year later). What came as a shock was that they had managed to successfully turn themselves into animagi, even if it took them three years. He always saw their harmless pranks as low-level magic, something anyone could achieve if they had the stupid idea to. Well, apparently they could achieve great things if they put their minds to it.
They talked some more and Sirius had stared at James with daggers in his eyes, but that had lasted two minutes at most, because he couldn’t stay angry at him for longer. He let James explain that No he didn’t know the cat was Regulus and No he didn’t put his brother there just to prank or spite him. But Sirius wasn’t mad at James for that, in fact he was not mad at all. He was scared that after years of tending to his brother, of being by his side while he rebuilt himself, someone would just break all the progress made.
From an outsider’s point of view, you could assume that Sirius and Regulus weren’t close, that they were brothers by blood but that their link stopped there. But Sirius loved him, and Regulus loved him back. They needed each other, they understood the other’s struggles, his needs and past. Few people could relate. Yes, they sometimes shouted and snarled at each other, but behind every remark were two hearts that loved so hard they felt they could explode. They loved in different ways: Sirius was loud and outspoken, all in grand gestures and big speeches. Regulus was quiet, full of secret glances, magic gifts and handwritten letters, but the love he put out was just as sincere as his brother’s.
And Sirius knew that, he knew it in the way Regulus’ eyes sometimes lingered on James when he had his back turned, and in the way James blushed everytime Regulus said anything. He had realized, of course, that James and Regulus were made for each other, in the same way that he was made for Remus and Remus for him, or Lily for Mary and Mary for her. The earth needs the sun, the grass needs the rain, the sea needs the moon. And a sun needs its star.
✦✦✦
It was only days later, as James came back from yet another rain filled Quidditch practice, that he saw Regulus again. His first instinct was to hide, remembering the past events, but Regulus was quicker, and all but trotted to his side, catching up in a few seconds.
“Can we talk?” The younger boy asked, and James couldn’t believe his ears.
“I- Me?” He asked, pointing at himself and looking around, but they were the only two people left in the corridors. Regulus had a way to make all of James’ self confidence disappear into thin air. He had always been loud and proud, never one to shy away from a conversation. Except apparently if that conversation is happening between him and the boy he’s been pining over for the past year. But that’s a realization he was not ready to have.
“James. Don’t make me ask again.” Ah, there it was. The famous Regulus Black stare. James could cry. Honestly, he would if he wasn’t so fucking scared about the talk that was about to happen. So they climbed all the way up to the roof, the rain had cleared and the sunset was coloring the sky in hues so soft James had the lovesick thought it was trying to make Regulus’ hands jealous.
And here was Regulus, with his perfect face and perfect eyes and, hell! His perfect posture and perfect - He was rambling again, now perched at the top of the astronomy tower. There they sat under the stars, Regulus’ head carefully laid on James’ lap and James’ fingers treading lightly through his hair. They talked and talked, until the sun began to appear on the horizon and Regulus’ eyes started to close.
“Never thought all we needed was for you to turn into a cat” James’ voice pierced the silence. Regulus rolled his eyes in response but a smirk still tugged at his lips, and James vowed to keep this sight in his memories, locked away for himself and himself only. Only this time he kept the imaginary key. Didn’t throw it away in the Great Lake, didn’t bury it so deep that it would be lost forever. He kept it, close and safe, so that he could look back on this moment whenever he felt like it. And yes, people would talk, but James didn’t care, as long as he and Regulus got to stay like this forever.