Morning Star

James Potter kissed Regulus Black. Or did Regulus Black kiss James Potter?

James doesn't know.

They did kiss. That's the problem. He was avoiding Regulus, partially, because he knew nothing could happen between them. Not whilst Sirius is his best friend - which will be forever. Then, there he goes. The second he sets his eyes on Regulus, they're making out.

He knows he should regret it. He knows he should tell Sirius that he kissed his little brother. That he has feelings for him. He knows he should tell Regulus that he likes him.

But he can't. He can't do any of that.

It's a bit unfair, James thinks, that the first person he ever truly likes, and allows himself to do so, is out of bounds and will never be anywhere near in bounds. It's unfair because he finally understands the hollow part of himself he never did before.

Well. He doesn't quite understand it yet, but he does acknowledge it now, and that's enough for him to know what he wants. What he craves. It just so happens to be his best friend's little brother of which he desires so deeply.

James is unaware of how long he's liked Regulus. He knows he didn't just suddenly start liking him as soon as he realised it was a possibility to do so. He knows his feelings are stronger than that. He knows he's liked him for a long time. How long? He really doesn't know.

He hasn't seen Regulus since the kiss. Not that he's surprised. Regulus is the one ignoring him now. James knows he will see him again soon - the Slytherins have Quidditch practice right before the Gryffindors in a couple of days. James plans to confront him, not in an overwhelming way. He just wants to talk to him.

They really need to talk. Especially after what James did at dinner the night following the kiss.

Regulus had walked into the Great Hall with his friends, laughing away. James rarely saw him laughing. But he was, hard. He had his arms wrapped around his stomach, his mouth open wide into a chuckling grin, and his eyes squinted shut so tight they looked like they had been zipped up.

James watched him the entire time, as he went over to the Slytherin table and sat down, ready for dinner time. He didn't even realise he was staring. His heart uncontrollable in his chest, banging on the cages of his ribs like a caged animal. He had stopped breathing.

When he realised he did in fact need to breathe again, he tried to inhale and ended up accidentally letting out a high-pitched noise. Close to a moan or a whimper. Something he did not expect to fall out of his mouth. Again. And worse because Sirius was sitting right next to him, and Remus opposite with Peter.

They had all whipped their heads round to look at him, a faint blush grew up from his neck and spread across his face.

"What the fuck was that?" Sirius had laughed.

"I- W- I don't know. What? I just was... daydreaming." The words had come out all jumbled, tripping over each other.

"About what?" Sirius had asked.

James' face got even hotter. He stared down at his food, feeling a small smile sneak up on his face.

"Or who?" Remus joined in, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Who?" Sirius gasped and his face lit up. "James! Do you have a crush on someone? You do, don't you?"

James just shrugged, tracing the rings etched into the wooden table with his fingertips. He likes to trace things when he's nervous - it helps him focus on something other than the thing that's polluting his mind. This time, it didn't work.

"Do we know them?" Peter asked.

"Oh, Pete. Not you too!" James had cried. "It's- yes. You know of them."

Sirius let out a small squeal, clapping his hands together. 

"Don't tell anyone."

"We won't," Remus and Peter said at the same time, whilst Sirius fidgeted in his seat. He was more excited about this than James was.

"You can't tell anyone. I'm being serious."

Sirius made a face, and immediately, James knew what was coming. So did Remus and Peter apparently because they both rolled their eyes and scowled.

"You can't be serious, I'm Sirius." He says it with that same cheeky grin Every. Single. Time. And that is the only reason James laughs at it Every. Single. Time.

"Hey, Pete," Remus turned to face Peter.

"Yes, Remus?" Peter copied his movements.

"Murder me, will you?"

"How about a double suicide?" He answered.

"Alright for me. How's eight o'clock, the Astronomy Tower?"

"Perfect!"

"Oh, shut up you two!" Sirius said, waving his hand as if to say pfft.

James just laughed at them all.

Anyway, now it's late September and James hasn't spoken to Regulus in almost a week. He misses him. Just as he did before, only now it's even stronger. Especially after that kiss.

That kiss.

Oh, it was the best thing James has ever done in his life. He would even go as far as to say it was better than flying. He felt like he was flying. He felt like he was flying without a broom, free to go as far as he wanted, wherever he wanted.

He wants to kiss him again. Which is bad. Very bad. He can't just go around kissing Sirius' little brother whenever he feels like it.

But Merlin does he want to. Oh, he wants to do it so badly.

He wants to grab him spontaneously and kiss him in front of everyone, for them all to see. He wants that kiss to shout, "I'm gay and I like Regulus Black!" with pride. He wants to touch Regulus's soft hair again. He wants-

"James?" Sirius' hand waves in front of his face a few times. They're in their dormitory, getting ready before they go down to breakfast. James is sitting on the edge of his bed, he hadn't even realised he'd left planet Earth for a second.

"Sorry. What did you say?"

"I was just asking your opinion on what you think I should get Reg for his birthday." Sirius answers, walking back over to his bed where his tie lays. He picks it up and begins tying it around his neck. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah... fine." James blinks a couple of times, making sure he has fully resurfaced before speaking any further. "Wait. Reg's birthday? When is his birthday?"

"Tomorrow. He's finally going to be sixteen. Growing up into a man." Sirius finishes tying his tie. He lets his arms drop to his sides and exhales sharply. "I swear he was a little boy yesterday. What the hell happened?"

"He's still only... fifteen."

Fifteen. James kissed Sirius' fifteen-year-old little brother. He is only sixteen himself, but it still makes the whole situation feel more wrong. He knows he shouldn't be kissing his best friend's brother. Especially not his brother who is fifteen.

"Yes, well, he'll be sixteen tomorrow and I need to get him something really special. Any ideas?"

"W- me? What would- How would I know what to get him? I don't know him... that well. He's your brother. Not mine," James rambles. "Definitely not mine."

"Ok...?" Sirius' eyes squint with suspicion. James is not good at this, at keeping secrets from Sirius. "I only asked you because he spent the majority of his summer with you."

"What? No, he didn't."

"Yes, he did." Sirius is now combing his hair, making sure it's up to standards with it's usual perfection. "You two were always going off together."

"So? We're allowed. We're... friends? I think we are anyway." James sighs, knowing he's stuttering too much. "Just get him something to do with astronomy. That or a book of Edgar Allan Poe poetry. Ooh! You could always get him some new shoes. His broke a little one day in the summer when we were climbing a tree."

"Thanks for the ideas. You know him better than I do these days."

"You have no idea," James mumbles under his breath.

"Come on, Moony's already waiting for us, and Peter..." Sirius' face scrunches up, which means he is thinking. "Well, I don't actually know where he is."

"Probably with his secret girlfriend," James says with a straight face.

"Mmm, yeah." Sirius nods his head slowly in agreement, shutting his eyes. "Definitely."

They both burst out laughing at the same time.

"Ok, but seriously, we should get going."

"Yep, just give me one... second." James fumbles in his trunk looking for- aha! A pair of red socks his mum made for him a year ago.

"Seriously? Why do you always do this?" Sirius groans. James just shrugs and says, "You never know when you might need some socks."

Sirius rolls his eyes and holds the door open for James, "Come on then."

They make their way down to the Great Hall. James sighs with relief that they didn't seemingly run into Regulus on their way there. He sighs too early. The second they step into the Great Hall, Regulus and his friends are leaving, and of course, Sirius just has to stop and talk to Reggie right here and now.

James doesn't know where to look. At first he stares at the floor, but it feels too obvious. He looks like he's trying to avoid someone. So, he moves his gaze over to Regulus' friends, who all seem to be giving him significant looks.

Barty appears to be trying to glare at him but failing miserably, resulting in a mixture of his eyes squinted and his mouth supressing a very obvious grin. This makes him look like he's eaten something sour. Evan gives James a small, friendly smile (they usually share this on the Quidditch pitch before games). This time his eyes have something hidden in them, something that feels accusing.

Pandora is beaming at everyone around her, which James feels relieved about, especially considering the fact that Dorcas is literally staring daggers at him right now. She has her arms folded across her chest and the most meaningful glower upon her face, which makes her nostrils flare.

Emma is the most confusing of all. She's watching his every move curiously, as if studying him to see what he does and how he is reacting to his surroundings. Her flickering gaze between him and Regulus is when James realises why they're all acting so strange.

They know.

His heart falls out of his body. Literally just shoots out of his arse and splatters on the floor.

They know.

They know.

They know.

His friends don't even know yet. This means they know that he's- he's- gay.

James isn't sure why but he feels a sudden loss. The first person to find out he was attracted to blokes was Regulus. He didn't even get the satisfaction of telling him, of saying the words out loud like he needed to. Like he was dying to. And now... five more people know and he didn't even get to tell them, he doesn't even know them. That feeling of fear mixed with hope of telling someone something as deep and as important as that has been taken from him.

He feels it's loss.

He wishes he could have been able to come out by himself, when he felt comfortable. But now people know and they will probably tell everyone. They aren't his friends, they don't owe him anything.

He feels sick and begins to trace the patterns on the inside of his right palm.

Though he is already preoccupied with these distressing thoughts, James can't help but remember that Regulus is standing right in front of him. He wants to look at him. Merlin, does he. So, he does.

James spots him through the smudge on his glasses; his skin is as pale as ever, but not in a sickly way, it's natural, like a stone statue; his hair is sitting perfectly messed up on his head, a curl hanging over his eye. James wants to reach out and move it.

No.

The last time that happened, they kissed.

No.

No.

No.

The part of him that is Sirius' best friend screams.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

A new, louder part of him screams. It's the voice that arrived the moment he realised Regulus was gay. The voice that will not leave him alone. He fears it never will.

Regulus' stare moves from Sirius to James. And there they are. Those black eyes that are darker than the deepest ocean. James wants to voluntarily drown in them. He wants to never look away. They're so compelling, it scares him a little bit. He's afraid he would listen to anything Regulus had to say when under the influence of those eyes.

Something new happens. It's something about Regulus' appearance that James has never witnessed before. Regulus' eyes widen ever so slightly, filling with this bout of innocence and skittishness. His cheeks are painted red and his posture changes.

Ever since James has known Regulus, he's always stood proudly - with his chin jutting upwards and out, and his back straight, shoulders level. Now, he's standing with one foot sat in front of the other, his hands are fumbling with each other, and his posture... It's changed.

He is no longer standing like an entitled brat. His figure has ever so slightly shrunk and his shoulders are subtly bending inwards. His head bows a little bit, like a dog. He looks so small and demure when he stands like this.

"Why are you acting weird?" Sirius asks, breaking his thoughts.

"I- I'm not." James answers, looking at Sirius. "Just, you know..." He waves the socks that are still in his hand around in the air with a light, nervous chuckle.

"Why? I- Just... why?" Regulus questions.

James' head snaps back to Regulus the moment he realises he is speaking to him, which also happens to be the moment James lets out a ridiculously high-pitched giggle. He feels his face flush immediately.

"Just... you never know," he shrugs, shoving them in his pocket.

"You never know when you're going to need... socks?"

"Yes?"

"You're so strange," Regulus says, shaking his head. It reminds James of the day he arrived at his house. That day, he had also called James strange. He remembers finding it funny that Regulus thought his humour was strange, even though James and Sirius' humour is so similar. That was when he firmly knew that Sirius and Regulus were nothing alike. That was when he knew he would have to put in some hard effort to win Regulus over.

"I'll take that as a compliment." James beams down at Regulus, who is only three inches shorter than James (being 5'10"), they both still have time to grow.

"Of course, you will." Regulus rolls his eyes at him, but James notices a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, threatening to explode across his face.

"How are you?" James manages to breathe out. "I hear it's your birthday tomorrow."

"Yep, so it is."

James clicks his tongue on the roof of his mouth and nods. "Happy Birthday."

"Thanks."

There's an unbearable awkward silence. Regulus' friends seem to be chatting amongst themselves. Sirius is watching the exchange between his brother and his best friend suspiciously. 

He knows, James thinks.

How could he know?

I don't know, but he does.

He argues with himself for a little longer. The sound of Reggie's voice brings him back to the real world.

"We're, umm, having a party. If you'd like to-" he fidgets more quickly with his hands, not quite looking James in the eye. "You can come. If you want to. If not that's fine."

"Uh, yeah. Are you sure?" James asks.

"Obviously, we're coming! We wouldn't miss your birthday!" Sirius jumps in, patting Regulus so hard on the shoulder that he actually jolts forward rather violently. Regulus reflexively reaches out and grabs James' forearms to steady himself, and James instinctively holds onto him, helping him stand upright again. 

They stand there holding onto each other - Regulus' black eyes meet James' brown ones - for what feels like centuries. It was probably only a couple of seconds. Then, Regulus is slowly pulling away, James allows himself as much time to touch Regulus as possible, before inevitably letting go.

"Sorry, Reg," Sirius chuckles. "That was bloody hilarious though. You're a little damsel in distress and James is the knight! Oh, that's amazing!" He starts laughing hysterically again.

"So, I guess I'll see you guys tomorrow then?" Regulus says, ignoring Sirius.

"Y- yeah! Definitely." James grins, allowing it to spread across his face completely.

"Bye, Sirius." Regulus grimaces at his immature older brother, then turns to James and softly says, "Goodbye, James."

"Bye, Reggie."

James watches him walk away for a moment. He wishes he could follow him.

***

James arrives at the Quidditch pitch before anyone else from the Gryffindor team does. This isn't completely an accident. The Slytherins are practicing at the moment, and James wanted to watch Regulus play. He's just so good at it! James has concluded that Regulus was definitely born to fly.

Marlene is the first of the Gryffindor Quidditch team to show up. She shuffles her way through the stands and sits down next to James. He mumbles a hello without removing his eyes from Regulus.

It's moments like these where James is thankful Marlene isn't one of those girls that blabber on about insignificant drama. Instead, she says hello back and sits patiently, waiting for the Slytherin Quidditch practice to end.

"James?" Marlene's voice rings through his ears, disrupting his thoughts about what he's going to say to Regulus later at the party. He was thinking "Happy Birthday" would probably suffice, but he wanted it to be more special than that. Something only James Potter would be giving him.

"Hmm?" He hums in response.

"You and Regulus... You're close, right?" This forces James to stop looking at Regulus, and instead at Marlene.

What is she insinuating? Does she know? Is he obvious about it?

"Yeah, he lives with me now. Sort of. We got... closer over the summer."

Marlene studies him with her eyes, which for some reason makes him feel like a child being told off. A lying child. Maybe she can see right through him?

"You got closer." Her eyes squint at him and James feels as his face goes hot and sweat begins to bead on his forehead. A smirk appears on Marlene's face. "James, you know you can tell me anything. If there's anything you need to get off your chest- or if you don't know whether you want to tell anyone anything, you can make the decision. You'll be my friend no matter what. You do know that, right?"

James swallows thickly, blinking a few times before he nods.

This could be it. This could be his chance to tell someone himself. It might be his only chance, depending on who Regulus' friends decide to tell.

Is he ready to tell anyone?

No. Not yet. He probably shouldn't, but he's going to put his trust in Regulus' friends and just hope that they do not tell anyone.

"Nope, nothing." He shrugs nonchalantly. "Why? Have you got anything you want to tell me?"

"I- what? No." Marlene's shoulders droop a little, she looks like she's trying to cave in on herself. "Nothing. This is- I was talking about you. Nevermind."

Maybe she does have something she's hiding. James wonders what it could be, but he wants to respect her privacy. She isn't trying to get his secret out of him after he just shut her down, and she was fine with it. She didn't push. So, he won't ask her anymore about her own secret.
Besides, maybe he already knows it, but doesn't know he knows it. Just like how he didn't know his own secret.

Eventually, the rest of the Gryffindor team show up. As soon as Evan blows the whistle, signalling the Slytherin practice is over, James calls for his team to start making their way down to the pitch. He leads.

They walk past the Slytherin team; he wants to say something to Reggie, he just doesn't know... what.

"Hey, Reggie!" He calls behind him. Regulus swivels around to face him, his hair flying gently in the wind. That one curl is in his eye again. "I just wanted to say Happy Birthday!" He grins.

"Uhh- thanks."

"Yeah, no problem."

James waits for Regulus to turn and follow the rest of his team, but he doesn't. They stand there at the edge of the pitch, watching each other. This elates James, all he wants to do is stare into those eyes. They're both beautiful and terrifying, all at once.

"Hey, Captain Potter!" Marlene yells from somewhere behind them (that's the stupid nickname she uses for him if she wants his attention, knowing it feeds his ego). This seems to alert Regulus to their current situation. He clears his throat and says, "Well, see you later, James."

Oh, James loves it when Regulus says his name. He's never loved hearing his name so much. It fell out so softly, like a breath.

"See you later."

Regulus is sixteen now. Just like James. Suddenly, he doesn't seem so little anymore. He doesn't seem like just Sirius' little brother. James knows he'll never just be Sirius' little brother ever again. He knows that should scare him, it does. But not nearly as much as it should. Mostly, he's hopeful: of the future, of possibly having Regulus, of possibly having both Regulus and Sirius, of Sirius not hating him because James is falling for his little brother.

He hopes.

He hopes for Regulus.

***

"James! Where are you? Ja- What the fuck are you doing?" Sirius yells. He's just come from the common room; James is currently kneeling in his wardrobe, trying to find something decent to wear. For some reason, it is harder than usual.

"Fuck! I can't find anything to wear!" James cries out, scrunching some clothes in his hands before throwing them out of his way.

"Wh- fuck," Sirius muffles. "Why are you throwing things at me?"

"Sorry, didn't mean to." He didn't mean to, but James laughs anyway. "Can you please help me?"

"Obviously. I am the king of fashion," Sirius says as he crawls into the small space next to James. "Haven't you already changed your shirt three times? It doesn't matter what you wear."

"I know. I just want it to be perfect!" He digs through the rest of his clothes, still not finding anything. He huffs and feels like he could just start crying right here.

"Why? Reg won't care. Unless..." James' heart stops. Sirius can't know. Unless Regulus told him too. "Is your crush going to be there?"

James feels his heart restart, but it's still clenched in his chest.

"What crush?" He murmurs.

Sirius gasps. "They are, aren't they?" The grin on his face is so wide that James can see that weird dangly thing in the back of his throat. "If you don't want to tell me who they are, that's fine. I'll just figure it out for myself!"

"Sirius, don't," James complains because he knows Sirius will do everything in his power to find out who this person is.

It's his little brother.

Oh, James is in so much trouble.

"No promises. Come on, you can't wear any of the crap your mum packed for you." James' jaw drops as he stares incredulously at Sirius, who adds, "No offense to Effie, you just... need more freedom with how you dress."

"I think I dress perfectly fine."

"Ok, James. Sure. Just try this on." Sirius chucks him a mid-blue, cotton shirt with white buttons. It's expensive, he can tell just by the way it feels beneath his fingertips - soft and new.

"Fine, but I'm keeping my jeans on."

Sirius rolls his eyes and nods. James puts on the top; it looks stupid just hanging out over his dark blue jeans, so he tucks it in, allowing it to be a bit baggy. It actually ends up looking quite good. He grins at Sirius, who gives him a thumbs up.

"Thanks."

"It was nothing." Sirius waves his hand. "If you end up getting laid tonight, tell them it's my top. Might make them jealous."

James feels his stomach turn.

Ew.

Ew.

Ew.

He is sure that the last thing Regulus would want if they were... doing that would be for James to randomly say, "Oh, you like the top? Yeah. It's your brother's."

No one would want that.

Also, "getting laid". James has never thought about it before. Now he is. Will his first time be Regulus? Will it be a boy? Yeah. He doesn't like girls. All these new realisations are giving him whip lash.

Does he want to hook up with Reggie? Probably. He isn't sure whether that's something he wants to do yet, but he knows that if he did want to do it with anyone, it would most likely be Regulus.

That's bad. Sirius is going to hate him. He can never tell Sirius about this. Sirius would probably die.

Even so, a part of himself gets excited at the thought of being that close to Regulus. Of being able to share something so intimate between them and only them. Maybe one day.

"Trust me, I don't think they would believe there's anything going on between us."

"That means it must be someone we know." Sirius says this like he's just struck gold, and James knows he's given too much away. "Who is it? Someone going to the party, who knows us well enough to know we're platonic soulmates." He begins listing people out on his fingers, all of which are girls. "Marlene. Mary. Lily. Ooh! Maybe Lily."

James shakes his head violently, immediately dismissing that assumption. Sirius had this ridiculous idea in their first year that Lily and James were going to get married, and he and Mary were going to get married. He had paired Marlene with Peter. Remus had asked who he was supposed to be marrying and Sirius had explicitly said that Remus wasn't allowed to ever get married. James remembers this well because it was the first time he had ever seen Remus get properly upset. He'd thought that Sirius hated him, which James knew was not the case.

"Ok. Is it me? Oh, do you love me, James?" Sirius giggles, chucking his arms over James' shoulders. "I love you too... platonically." He kisses James on the cheek, purposefully making a loud mwa sound.

"Nope, not you."

"W-" Before Sirius gets the chance to begin his sentence, Peter enters the dorm. He's staring down at the floor, a sad smile on his face as he says hello to them.

"What's the matter, Pete?" James asks.

"Me and Mandy broke up."

James tilts his head to look at Sirius at the exact same time Sirius does this to look at him. This is Peter's third break up - third - since the beginning of the school year. They're still in September! They stare at each other, exasperated.

"Sorry, mate."

"No, it's fine. I think I like someone else anyway." Peter's low mood suddenly evaporates and it's as if it was never there. Now he has a large grin stuck on his face.

"Who is it now?" Sirius groans.

"Emma Vanity." He says her name in a way that makes him sound high.

"The Slytherin?" James asks at the same time Sirius says, "Regulus' friend?"

"Yeah." Peter sighs dreamily.

"Well, we're going to Reggie's birthday party now, if you want to come. I'm sure he wouldn't mind." James looks at Sirius for confirmation (he doesn't want to invite Peter just to find out he isn't wanted), he nods back. "We could introduce you."

"Yeah! And then once I've figured out who James likes, me and Pete can introduce them!" Sirius looks far too happy. James wants to smack the smile off his face, but at the same time he doesn't. He doesn't want to hurt that pretty face. "Wait- no. That won't work if you already know them. Still, we can introduce you two to the romance."

"We should invite Remus too," James interjects, completely ignoring Sirius.

"He was invited before we were." Sirius is now restyling his hair, making sure it looks absolutely perfect. He's wearing black skinny jeans (he thinks they looks cool - they do) and a black, silk shirt with white polka dots evenly spaced out over it. He looks... expensive, quite frankly.

"By who?" James asks. He almost falls over when Peter runs past him to the bathroom, so that he can also get ready for the party, only to find Remus already in there.

"Pandora. She's also one of Regulus' friends. I think her and Remus are in some reading or studying group together. Some swot club or other."

James heaves laugh, which only grows when he overhears Remus yelling at Peter to get out of the bathroom because he is currently using the toilet.

"Right," Sirius claps his hands together. "Let's leave in five minutes. Remus, hurry up! Pete needs to get ready for Emma Vanity!"

Less than a minute later, Remus exits the bathroom with a glare. "You just had to walk in whilst I was pissing, didn't you? You couldn't have walked in when I was in the shower or shaving?"

"Sorry," Peter squeaks out, running past Remus into the now empty bathroom.

Remus is ready now; he has some blue jeans on that are rolled up at the ankles, making room for his army boots; they're matched with a faded orange shirt which, unlike James and Sirius', is not tucked in. Most people would consider this outfit to be messy. Not most people can pull it off. Remus Lupin can. He looks messy in a stylish way, like he did it on purpose. His hair is still damp and sticking out everywhere, but again, it looks like it's meant to be like that.

He leans against his bedpost and drums his fingers on it. James has his hands in his pockets, humming a little tune, whilst they all wait for Peter to finish getting ready.

When James looks over to Sirius, he panics instantly.

"Sirius? Are you ok?"

Sirius, who was just staring into space with his mouth agape, turns his head to face James. His pupils are very dilated and look full of fear.

"Are you ok?" James repeats.

"W- Yeah. I'm fine." Sirius swallows. "Totally, definitely fine."

When James goes to send Remus a concerned look, he finds that Remus' face is now flushed red and he looks all flustered. What is wrong with everyone?

"Why are you two acting so strange? Do I have something on my face? Is it my hair?" His hand shoots up to his hair. He ruffles it a few times to make sure it looks perfect.

"You're hair is great," Sirius snorts. "Is mine?"

"Perfect. Just- so sexy, as always."

"You flatter me, Potter-"

"Can you two shut up?" Remus groans.

"Jealous?" Sirius says smugly.

"No. What? Why- I'm not jealous. What do I have to be jealous of?"

"Our romance." Sirius winks comically at James, who giggles.

"I'm so jealous," Remus replies robotically.

Sirius opens his mouth - most likely to retaliate - at the same time Peter comes out of the bathroom. Peter is dressed completely differently to the rest of them. He's in a maroon hoodie and baggy jeans, just like a true Gryffindor.

"Everyone ready to go?" He quickly makes his way over to the door, eager to leave.

"Yep, just let me-" James says. Sirius groans behind him. "Socks, James? Seriously?"

"Yeah! Come on."

They make their way down to the Slytherin common room, surprisingly fast, considering the Slytherin dormitories are in the dungeons. James suspects this is because Peter really wants to see Emma.

When they arrive, they see Evan waiting by the portrait. He notices them all and says hi to Remus (How the hell does Remus know everyone?) before saying the password and allowing them entry.

Peter immediately scurries off to find Emma, who is in a corner of the room speaking to Dorcas Meadowes and Pandora Lestrange. Remus goes after him, probably to say hi to Pandora, leaving Sirius and James on their own.

"Look! It's the birthday boy!" Sirius announces. James' head snaps in the direction Sirius is gesturing to and that's when he sees Regulus.

His body stops functioning and he just... dies.

Reggie is wearing black dress pants (yet somehow, they don't look formal). Just like Sirius and James, he has his shirt tucked in, which is black and made of cotton. His hair is fluffier than usual, but that stupid strand James has learned to despise is still covering one of his eyes. He's holding a plastic cup in one hand, and a... single prawn in the other. Regulus is making is way towards them, though James isn't sure he is aware of this.

"Reg!" Sirius yells above the music and voices. Regulus looks up and smiles shyly at Sirius. James finds it cute that Regulus is still shy when showing his affections to his brother.
Then his eyes move to James and the entire party stops. The music is turned off and everyone stops talking. James is confused at first. Then a small voice in his head tells him it isn't real. It's because of Regulus' stupid eyes. James falls victim to them every bloody time.

"Happy Birthday, Reggie."

"Thanks, James."

"I got you a present," Sirius beams. He holds out a square package. Regulus takes it cautiously, as if the present will disappear if he's too violent with it. He rips the wrapping paper away to reveal a book. "Edgar Allan Poe."

"I see that," Regulus states. Sirius seems so proud of himself when Reggie smiles, even though James did give him the idea. Not that he's going to admit that.

"I... uhh... got you something too."

Regulus stares at James, confused. He can tell Reggie wasn't expecting anything from him. For some reason, that hurts James. He tries to ignore the feeling instead by painting a smile on his face.

"You better use it. You definitely need it."

He gives Regulus a package significantly bigger than Sirius' was. Regulus takes his time opening it.

"A jumper?" He questions, holding it out at arm's length to examine it. Meanwhile, the prawn is still in between his fingers, his cup is placed firmly on the floor. The jumper is dark blue (just like the sky at night), with gold stitching near the collar and sleeves.

"Don't want you to get cold whenever you're looking at the stars." James scratches the back of his head. "My mum made it for me and it was too small but I kept it anyway because I didn't want to hurt her feelings. She would love it if she knew someone was getting some use out of it, and like I said, you needed one."

"Thank you," Regulus mumbles.

"Why are you holding a prawn?" Sirius asks and James suddenly remembers that they're not alone. The music and surrounding chatter comes back, breaking the bubble.

"It's Barty's." Regulus says this as if that explains everything. He folds the jumper up and places it under his arm, before picking up his cup from the floor. "He doesn't want it yet."

"Bu- And y- Why- You know what, I'm not even going to-" Sirius shakes his head with his arms up in surrender. He backs away and then slips off, probably to find Moony.

A silence passes between them, but it isn't quite awkward. It's full of so many questions that have gone unanswered. James wants to get rid of it as soon as he can.

"Do you want me to hold anything?"

"What? Oh! No. I'll just take this upstairs," he gestures to the jumper. "You can... come if you want."

"Yeah, ok." James follows as Reggie starts walking towards the stairs at the other end of the room. "I'm still confused about that prawn, you know."

"Trust me, if you knew Barty, you would know that this is normal." They locate the stairs and start climbing them. "It was in his drink and he usually won't want it whilst he's trying to get drunk. So, I have to feed it to him when he's at his peek and, I honestly do not know why, but it stops him from being sick."

"That's so weird."

"I know. That's Barty for you."

James chuckles. They've now made it to a dark wood door. James leaps forwards to open it, fully aware that Regulus can't with all the things he's holding. As soon as they're inside, James immediately identifies which bed is Regulus'. It's the only one that's made.

Next to his bed is a small nightstand with a few books piled on top, along with some rocks. Reggie adds his new present from Sirius to the pile. He chucks the jumper from James on his bed and places the single prawn down on a nightstand next to another bed - probably Barty's.

James examines the books with his fingers, tracing the spines of each. He then picks up a rock - the biggest one there is.

"Having fun, are we?" Regulus' voice comes from right behind him, making him jump.

"Why do you have all these rocks?"

Regulus just shrugs and says, "The squid gives them to me sometimes."

James turns around which is a mistake. Regulus' face is only two, maybe three, inches from his. He just wants to kiss him. He can't. They can't be together. It isn't fair.

James groans and let's himself fall back onto Reggie's bed. He folds his arm over his face and pretends to cry. He feels as the bed dips slightly beside him, meaning Regulus has sat down next to him. He removes his arm and meets them eyes. He groans again.

"Yes, make yourself comfortable."

"This is all your fault," James moans. This time, he doesn't say it spitefully. He says it like he means it because he really and truly does.

"You've said that to me a lot over the past few weeks."

"I know." James sits up and crosses his legs. "You deserve an answer."

A minute goes by.

"Are you going to give me one? If we're going to wait here all night at least let me get a drink first."

James chuckles. Reggie can be funny, in a brutal way. But still.

"I want to tell you. I do. You probably already know the answer, but I-"

James let's himself think for a moment. What does he want to tell Regulus? That he likes him? No. Definitely not. No. That he's gay? That could work. It would explain the way he's been acting, and the kiss.

"I found out you were... that you-" James inhales deeply. "I found out you're gay."

"Did Sirius tell you?"

"No. I overheard him telling Remus."

Reggie nods gently, his eyes only fill with more confusion.

"I'd never given being gay a proper thought before. When I found out you were, it hit me that it was a possibility. I started remembering things differently or realizing things, I don't- I don't know."

"Ok. James, you're ok." Regulus puts his hand over James', which he now realises are scrunching up the sheets. He didn't even know he was doing it.

"I've never liked girls before, not properly. But I never thought that was important. I'd never thought of it before, and then I found out you were gay and it hit me. Like a fucking train. I think I've been attracted to blokes before without even knowing it." James slowly let's go of the sheets. He begins to trace the patterns on Regulus' hands. "I got so angry with you, which I shouldn't have and I'm sorry, Reggie. I just lost all my self confidence and I was afraid- What if my friends thought I was disgusting? Or my family? Or Sirius? I already hated myself for it, I didn't want them to hate me too. It just felt easier to blame someone."

"You're gay too." Regulus isn't really asking James, he's just sort of saying it.

"Yeah. I don't know what to do or who to tell. I want the people I care about to know, and I want them to love me for it. But I'm so scared, Reggie. I'm so scared they'll hate me for it." James sniffles and realises he's crying.

"James, don't be ridiculous." He was not expecting that response. "Everyone loves you. Literally everyone. No one is going to hate you for being you, that's what they love about you. Sirius could never hate you for anything. I swear, you could kill me and he would probably still love you."

"I told you because I care about you." He lifts his head to look at Regulus through his blurry eyes. "I'm not ready to tell anyone else. Not yet."

"That's fine. It's completely up to you." Regulus rubs his thumbs up and down James' knuckles. "Am I the first person you've told?"

James just nods. He likes the feeling of Regulus stroking his hands. It's calming.

"And are you sure that's enough?" His voice is so soft, a whisper. James can barely hear it, yet at the same time, it's the only thing in the whole universe he can hear.

"You're enough," he nods.

He leans a little closer, watching as Regulus' pupils dilate, making his eyes even darker than usual. If that's even possible. Reggie moves closer too. They both do. Until James closes the gap. This time, he's making the first move.

He lifts one hand away from Regulus' and brings it to his hair, moving that stupid curl out the way. Then his hand cups Regulus' jaw, pulling him closer. James gently pushes his lips on Regulus', allowing the sensation to fill him. They both pull back for a second to breathe, before reuniting in the middle. James leads the kiss this time, choosing when to deepen it and where to move. He dips his tongue out ever so slightly. When he feels Regulus', he releases it fully.

James feels as fireworks go off in his chest. Every part of his body heats up and he- He can feel Regulus' pulse in his neck. It's going so fast. Faster than James' - if that's possible. It's only now that James notices their hands are no longer together. James still has one hand on Regulus' jaw, but the other has somehow snuck it's way onto his thigh.

Regulus' hands are both on the back of James' neck. His fingertips are sifting through his hair. James does not want to moan again, but he's dangerously close to doing so.

He does whimper when Regulus pulls away.

"What are we doing?" Reggie asks.

"I think people call this snogging."

"You know what I mean. Why are you doing this? Is it because I'm the only other gay guy you know of?"

"What?" James asks, startled. "No, of course not. I want to know what it's like to be with a guy. I like it. It's nice."

"I can't tell if you're using me or not?"

"I don't want to use you, Reggie. I'm also not ready for a boyfriend." James sighs, knowing this is probably it. And then... "I have an idea."

"What?" Regulus pulls away from James completely. James feels the loss of him. It cuts him deeply.

"You don't have to say yes, I just feel like it could be beneficial for us both."

"Ok...?"

"What if, and hear me out, we weren't together, but we are allowed to do things." James has no idea how to say what he wants to. He's never done this before. Obviously.

"Do things?"

"Like this, what we're doing. There doesn't have to be any attachments, or relationship responsibilities. I like relationship-ey things, but I know you don't."

"No," Regulus cuts in.

"Exactly. We wouldn't have to rely on each other. It would be beneficial for me because I would get to know what it's like to happily be gay. I'll get to learn how to not hate myself, and I'll get my confidence back-"

"Oh, yes. Merlin forbid James Potter without his confidence."

"It's important to me, ok? Anyway, it would also be beneficial for you," James adds with a sneaky wink.

"How?"

"You can also learn what it's like to be with a guy. Plus, if you ever need someone to kiss, I'm right here." James smirks, which leads to Regulus blushing profusely. "Isn't it better to do this sort of stuff with people you know? People you're comfortable with?"

"And you think I'm comfortable with you?" Regulus arches an eyebrow.

"We've already snogged twice, so I'd say so."

Regulus blushes again. James leans in a little closer, pressing their foreheads together. He closes his eyes and allows his hands to find Regulus' again. He holds onto them once he finds them. Not ready to let go.

One day, he thinks. One day, I'll be ready to tell you how I feel.

"You can say no," he whispers.

He listens to Reggie's stuttering breath. It comes to a stop and is followed by a deep exhale.

"Or you can say yes?"

Regulus pulls his hands away from James' and moves to cup his cheeks instead. James opens his eyes, only to be blinded by Regulus'. They're full of so much conflict, so many secrets. James wants to uncover every single one of them and keep them for himself.

If Regulus says yes, James might be able to prove to him he could make a great boyfriend. Not right now, but in the future. He might find the courage to not only tell Sirius he's gay, but that he also fancies his little brother. This future, the one he decides he wants to have a go at, will only be possible if Reggie says yes.

He hopes he'll say yes.