Morning Star

Being a Black isn't easy. Regulus Black has always known this. He will always know this until the day he takes his last breath.

He knows the way his parents treat himself and his brother is wrong. It's more than wrong - it's disgusting. Vile. At least they've always had each other. Sirius would always protect Regulus. Always. No matter what. Even after Regulus would sneek to his room at night and beg him not to intervene next time, he still would. Regulus knows Sirius only does it to protect him, but it doesn't mean he likes it. All it means is that Sirius is in the line of fire instead; their mother wins every single time.

Regulus has always been better behaved than Sirius. He tries to stand with perfect posture, talk with pristine pronunciation, and speak only when spoken to. It works most of the time. That is, unless his father is in a particularly bad mood after downing an entire bottle of the brownish liquid that burns Regulus' nose whenever he's near it; or if his mother is feeling particularly strict that day.

Sirius, on the other hand, has always had a rebellious quality to him. Their mother absolutely detests it.

"Toujours Pur!" She'll shriek as she curses both of them. "We are the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black! You will learn!"

Regulus does try to find something to be thankful for among all this: at least they don't use unforgivable curses on us.

Sometimes he would visit Sirius during the night, just to be near him. They would cuddle (well, Sirius would hold onto him) until the tears stopped. Regulus doesn't cry often anymore, not since his mother found him crying over a fish he found in the street. It was dying, he wanted to save it.

He remembers scooping it off the floor and hiding it in his coat pocket, preying it wouldn't die before he could get it into some water. It didn't. Now he has a pet fish - he called it Sirius.

Ever since he can remember, he's loved animals - specifically things that live in water. He finds them fascinating. How is it that something can breathe in water and survive? How does it not clog their lungs? How does it not drown them?

Then his mind would move onto darker topics: What would it feel like to drown? Would you feel cold and broken all over? He thinks so, but he'd never like to find out the answer.

He feels like he's drowning the day Sirius receives a letter. It's his Hogwarts letter. A part of Regulus hoped that the teachers there would recognise that accepting Sirius to the school would mean leaving him - Regulus - all alone. A part of him hoped that they would send him a letter too. After all, it would only be a year early, and how much difference does a year make really?

But no letter comes for him. Just the one. The one that states: Sirius Black.

He cries when Sirius gets on the train. He watches as his older brother sits in a compartment visible to him and makes new friends that are his age. New friends that are not his mopey baby brother.

Regulus feels as if he should feel angry at his brother (especially when he notices a bespectacled boy with crazy hair sit down next to him), but he doesn't. Instead, he feels pain. Of course, Sirius is going to go off to Hogwarts and forget about him. Of course, that was bound to happen. He just never truly believed it until now.

***

Sirius writes every day, just like he promised. This at least brings Regulus' intrusive thoughts about his brother replacing him some relief.

He learns that Sirius has already made many friends (he's quite popular, actually). The boy with the round glasses is called James Potter. Regulus immediately recognises the name. He remembers the way it had been spat from his father's mouth only weeks before when he was warning Sirius not to befriend such a "disgrace to wizard kind".

There's also a mention of a boy named Remus Lupin, and another called Peter Pettigrew. He recognised Pettigrew at once too. His father would approve of that one at least. Lupin - he had never heard of it.

A voice in his head sneered: Maybe he's a Mudblood.

He instantly recognised the voice as his father's. Regulus would never use such prejudice language.

Sirius did come home at Christmas; he made it his priority to disturb their parents, specifically their mother. She used the lacero curse on Sirius so much during those couple of weeks, that Regulus was afraid he might return to Hogwarts with one less limb than he had left with.

When they, once again, took Sirius to Platform 9 3/4, Regulus did not cry. He didn't even pout, knowing it would do him no good. It would not stop Sirius from returning to Hogwarts - to his friends (who Regulus had grown tired of hearing about by now) and would only earn Regulus some kind of horrid punishment.

So, he watched his brother make his way over to the boy - James. They spoke about something, their heads moving closer together, so no one else in the vicinity could hear them. It made Regulus feel oddly left out.

James lifted his head to peer around Sirius' shoulder. He looked right at Regulus. A grin formed on his face, it was a wonky grin, not quite perfect, but also not imperfect. He wiggled his fingers in a wave towards Regulus.

Regulus felt his face warm up and lifted a hand to wave slowly back. His mother gained on him and whipped his hand back down, catching it with one of her ridiculously long nails. Regulus regained his poise and continued to watch the boy, transfixed by him, though he wasn't quite sure why.

***

It is finally Regulus' turn to receive his letter. However, he has no one there to celebrate with him. Sirius has been staying at the Potter's for the past week and won't be back until right before the summer ends. His mother keeps dumping pressure on him, saying he needs to make her proud and is not to be a disappointment like his Gryffindor brother.

He listens and just lets her get on with it. He's learnt that this is the only way to guarantee that he isn't punished.

The morning he leaves for Hogwarts, he says goodbye to Kreacher, who sobs at his feet until Walburga shoos him away. Then, with Sirius returned home, they set off for the train station.

Regulus is extremely nervous once they've reached the platform, fiddling with the bottom of his tie. Sirius keeps reassuring him that he'll look after him, that he can sit with him and his friends. But to be honest, this is exactly what is making Regulus so nervous.

He remembers the previous year when James had simply smiled and waved at him and just from that tiny interaction, he had felt flustered and very nervous. If he's like that just from one person, what is he going to be like when he's surrounded by a whole school of them?

Their mother kisses him on the cheek and waves them off. As he boards the train, he wipes off the kiss and grimaces. She never kisses him, and he didn't much like it.

Sirius leads the way, heading for a specific compartment. Regulus notices that it is the same one Sirius first sat in exactly a year ago, only this time, there are already three other boys seated in there.

Sirius pulls the door open, leading the way.

James is the first one of them to look up. He stands and claps Sirius on the back, "Welcome back, Black!" He then giggles (yes, giggles) and says, "That rhymed."

Sirius rolls his eyes, but not in an irritated way, in a fond way, before responding with, "Twat."

"Sirius, we were just talking about how James is going to try out for Chaser this year! Isn't that brilliant!" A smaller boy, with blonde curls and a bit of a rounder face than the rest of them, says. He seems to be bouncing in his seat.

"It is brilliant. Want to know what else is?" He quirks up his eyebrows and opens his arms, as if presenting Regulus like some circus animal. "My brother is here! He's actually here!"

"Baby Black is here?" James' head immediately shoots up and he stares at Regulus.

Regulus' mouth goes dry. He thinks it may be the intensity those hazel eyes are beaming at him right now. They're so expectant and joyful; Regulus has never seen someone so happy in his life.

"Hello," he mumbles. "I'm Regulus."

"Oh, we know!" James bounces towards him.

"Y- you do?"

"Sirius wouldn't shut up about you last year," the third boy speaks up. He has his nose stuck in a book; Regulus decided this one is his favourite, he's quieter than the others and likes to read, just like he does. He must be Remus Lupin.

"Oh, button it, Moony! You know you love me!" Sirius grins at the boy, who just rolls his eyes at him, but his lips twitch a little into a smile.

Moony? What does that mean? Like the moon? Or maybe he's just a very dreamy person who always spaces out?

Regulus suddenly feels an arm wrap around his shoulders. It isn't Sirius because he is now sitting down next to "Moony" and is reading over his shoulder. Well, he's not really reading. He's actually watching the boy's minute facial expressions as he takes in the words on the page.

The other boy, Peter, is sitting beside Sirius, now flipping through a Quidditch magazine.

That must mean...

"Come on, sit next to me," James whispers in his ear, leading him to the seat beside where he was previously sitting.

Regulus shivers as he feels James' breath on the back of his neck; it's uncomfortably warm - he hates warm things.

"So, Baby Black, how are you feeling?" Regulus doesn't know how to respond. He didn't expect to be asked such a question.

"Don't call me Baby Black," he grits.

"Ooh, feisty. I like you already!" James grins once again. Regulus wants to know what his problem is. Did he just grow up in some dreamland where everyone smiles all day and dances on rainbows? He gives off that impression.

"I'm... fine."

James' hand moves to Regulus' hair, and he begins to feel it, as if he's searching for something hidden beneath the curls.

"You have really nice hair. Did it used to be long like Sirius' or have you always worn it short?"

"Like he could pull it off," Sirius flicks his hair dramatically off his shoulder.

Regulus grabs James' wrist and slowly moves it away from his head, only to have James take his hand instead and (once again) examine it like he's some science project.

"Your hands are so cold." James says, the grin finally leaving his face. "Here." He takes both of Regulus' hands in his now, bundling them up like a cocoon, and starts blowing his warm breath on them.

Regulus watches him with awe. He's a very beautiful boy, James is. He has pale skin - nowhere near as pale as his and Sirius' though - and very red cheeks. He has a button nose that fits perfectly in the centre of his face. His eyes are hazel with strokes of green in them, Regulus is now noticing. He looks like he was carved by the Gods.

Regulus' eyes trail down to James' lips, which are quite plump and very pink. His tongue suddenly darts out, licking them, without giving Regulus any warning.

That's it.

He rips his hands away from James' and sits on them, so that there is no possible way of the boy being able to access them again.

"You alright, Reggie?" James questions him.

Regulus' gaze snaps up to meet James'. No one has ever called him Reggie before. Sirius called him Reg sometimes, but never Reggie.

"Fine," he mutters in response.

No one speaks to him again until they arrive at Hogwarts, just like he hoped.

He realises the growing nerves he feels when the boats reach the castle. Thankfully, he doesn't fall into the lake like one of the boys do. That is not the first impression he would like to give.

When they reach the Great Hall, he starts fiddling with his robes, feeling more nervous than ever.

A girl with very blonde hair (it's almost white) and eyes bluer than any he has ever seen grabs his hand. This is the second time today that someone has taken his hand without his permission, though this time he doesn't mind.

"Nervous? Me too." She attempts to smile at him, but just ends up looking as if she's about to burst into tears.

"I don't get nervous," he straightens his back and keeps his head high, "I'm a Black."

"I'm Pandora Lestrange. My father told me to befriend you - Regulus? Am I right?" Her voice is sweet and soft, he likes it, it's calming.

"Yeah." The doors open and they make their way in.

Every single student stares at them. Sirius smiles encouragingly at Regulus and then notices how his hands are intertwined with Pandora's. He raises both his eyebrows, whilst James wolf whistles, causing a few surrounding pupils to laugh.

Regulus immediately withdraws his hand and begins to fiddle with his robes again. Pandora doesn't seem to mind, she's too transfixed by the ceiling, which Regulus now sees is enchanted. It mirrors the sky beyond the ceiling. He stares up at the constellations, recognising each and every one of them. If he wanted to, he could name them all.

The witch at the front of the hall begins to call through the list of names. The A's are suspiciously quick, which only leads him to be more anxious.

"Black, Regulus!" She calls.

He swallows and stares back at Sirius, who gives him a double thumbs up. Remus looks as if he's about to fall asleep, and Peter is munching on his nails, probably hungry already. James is watching him eagerly, grinning. He waves at him. That same wave he gave him almost a year ago, where he wiggles each of his fingers.

Regulus sits on the ancient stool and thinks about how many people must have sat on it in the past. How many more will sit upon it before it breaks?

The Sorting Hat is placed on his head.

34,976.

Huh? He asks in his head.

That is how many people have sat on this stool, the old had crows, again in his head.

Oh, thanks. Can we get this over with? I want to be in Gryffindor.

I was thinking Slytherin.

What? He can't be in a different house to Sirius! No!

Give me a reason as to why you should not belong to Slytherin.

How about because I bloody said so! Regulus shouts in his head.

Thank you for the reason.

"Slytherin!"

Regulus' heart drowns in his chest. He swears at the hat a few times before it is torn off his head. When he looks over at the Gryffindor table longingly, Sirius looks upset. James is smiling at him though, he seems proud. Regulus doesn't understand why.

He makes his way over to the Slytherin table and sits beside a girl with dark hair that reaches the bench beneath her. She has dark skin, with freckles sprinkled on her cheeks and caramel-coloured eyes. She smiles at him and holds out a hand, "I'm Dorcas."

***

Regulus always believed his brother would protect him. Always. But when Regulus was placed in Slytherin, his brother treated him... differently.

He wasn't downright horrible or anything, but he was colder towards him. Regulus felt like he was being punished for doing something wrong.

Why was Sirius acting so nasty?

***

The Christmas during his first year was when everything fell apart. Regulus and Sirius had just gotten back to their home and Sirius was already begging to abandon him. He kept asking their mother if he could go to the Potter's for Christmas.

After a while, their mother agreed. Sirius was leaving him. Again.

Whilst Sirius was packing his bags, Regulus slipped into his room to pay him a little visit. He'd been avoiding Regulus ever since they'd arrived back. He hated it.

"Reg? What are you doing here?" Sirius doesn't necessarily say this in a mean way, but it isn't polite either.

"Oh, I'm sorry. If you don't want me here, I'll just leave. You always seem to," he snaps.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sirius snaps back.

"You know bloody well what!" Regulus feels a burning sensation in the back of his eyes. You will not cry, you will not cry, you will not cry. His mother's voice echoes in his head. "You're always leaving me behind!"

"I went to Hogwarts! I had no other choice!"

"I'm not talking about that. I used to believe you would always protect me, would always be there for me. Ever since I was sorted into Slytherin you've treated me like you- like you want me to disappear or something. I feel like I'm an embarrassment. I feel like you're embarrassed by me! I haven't even done anything wrong! It's not fair, Sirius!" His chest is moving speedily up and down as he tries to regulate his breathing.

"Well, I'm sorry you feel that way." Sirius says quietly - not denying it. He continues packing, completely ignoring Regulus' existence at all. After a while, he just sighs and leaves.

They were never the same after that

***

During Regulus' fourth year at Hogwarts, he doesn't talk to his brother much. They drift away from each other more and more every year. This year is by far the worst.

He has his own friends now (Dorcas, Barty, Evan, Pandora, and Emma), and Sirius has his own friends ("The Marauders" as they like to call themselves nowadays).

Regulus is looking forward to the Christmas break this year. He knows that Sirius is obligated to stay at home for the majority of the time, and the little part of him that still misses his brother is hoping that Sirius will actually talk to him again.

He meets Sirius on the train, going to his compartment since it's closer to the doors leading to the platform. When he opens the door, he comes face-to-face with James Potter.

Oh, here we go.

Regulus mentally rolls his eyes.

"Reggie!" James beams down at him. "What happened? You look so different! You're not the little guppy you were before, eh?"

"No. It's called aging, Potter."

James chuckles, "As brutally funny as always." He squeezes past Regulus, stepping out into the aisle of the train.

Regulus feels his breathing stop. He hates people invading his personal space.

"Well, have a nice Christmas, Reggie!"

He just mumbles a "Mmm" in response.

Once Sirius and Regulus spot their parents, they both begin to walk over to them. That is until Sirius begins galivanting the other way. Regulus notices James running stupidly towards Sirius in slow motion. They're both doing it. When they meet in the middle, they pretend to crash in slow motion. Making sound effects too - causing Regulus to feel sick.

They hug and James whispers something in Sirius' ear. Regulus finds himself wondering what he said.

"Sirius Orion Black! Come here this instant! We're leaving now, with or without you!" Walburga Black screeches.

"Without?" Sirius yells back, a questioning tone to his voice.

"With!" His father seethes.

"Oh, alright." Sirius says goodbye to James and returns to the Blacks.

The first week of the Christmas break goes very slowly. Regulus has tried to talk to Sirius once, only to realise that Sirius wasn't listening to him and was instead writing a letter to Remus Lupin. He does this a lot. Writes to Remus.

After that he just ignores Sirius, which is fine because Sirius is ignoring him too. Christmas Eve is when everything goes to shit.

Their parents are hosting a family gathering, they've invited most of the pureblood families (which they are distantly related to anyway). Sirius has been releasing stink bombs and acting like a prat the entire night. This is making Regulus very anxious - he actually starts to think he's got anxiety now thanks to Sirius.

Their mother makes it worse though. Once everyone is sitting at the table for dinner, she starts interrogating Sirius. Then she tells him something absolutely disgusting; something even Regulus cannot get behind.

"You are to be married," she says in that steady, cold voice of hers.

"What?" Sirius yells. "No, I'm not! I'm only sixteen! To who?"

"We were thinking Bellatrix, since Narcissa is already married, and Andromeda is a bloodtraitor."

"Bellatrix?" Regulus says in disbelief. "Our cousin?"

"Yes. It is tradition to marry into the family," their father answers.

"That's..." Regulus begins. He can't even think of anything to respond with.

"I'm not marrying her! That's disgusting! Unlike you two circus freaks, I'm not into incest, thank you very much. I would much rather be with-" he stops suddenly, his eyes widening as if he's just realised something massive.

"With whom?" His mother mocks like she knows something too. "With that boy who is always covered in scars? Who wears ratty clothing? Is that who, Sirius?!"

Sirius avoids her eye contact, staring down at his hands. He shakes his head, no, and stops talking.

"Come with me," Walburga orders through gritted teeth.

Sirius follows her and all Regulus thinks is: Was she talking about Remus Lupin? No... She couldn't have been because Remus is a boy and boys can't like other boys. Can they?

His thoughts are broken when he hears Sirius' screams. Ignoring his father's requests for him to sit still, he jumps from his chair and follows the noise.

He enters the library to see Sirius on the floor, in the fetal position, clawing at the floor. Their mother hovering above him, her wand pointed at him in a dangerous way, whilst the word "Crucio" slithers from her lips.

That little bit of thankfulness Regulus always had disappears. At least they don't use unforgivable curses. They would never use unforgivable curses on us. We're their son's.

Never mind.

"He's your son!" Regulus shouts, trying to stop her.

Sirius' eyes begin to tear up and quickly leak. He looks as if he's about to throw up.

Regulus jumps in front of his brother. He'll protect him this time. Their mother doesn't stop. She hits Regulus with the curse, and he feels every single cell in his body wriggle with pain. He falls down next to Sirius. Their eyes meet. Without words, without telling, they know they have each other right now. Sirius grabs his hand and squeezes his eyes shut. They have each other - they will survive.

Regulus can tell Sirius wants to help him, but he can't.

"Toujours Pur!" They hear once more, before the pain disappears.

Regulus hears the sound of the door slam and knows his mother is gone. He feels he can move, so he crouches over Sirius, who is in much worse damage than himself.

"Sirius? Sirius, you have to get up. Come on! Please. Get to the fireplace and go to the Potter's." Regulus puts Sirius' arm over his shoulders and sits him in the fireplace. He pours the floo powder into Sirius' open hand.

"Reg," Sirius mutters, holding out his empty hand for his brother. "Come with me."

"I- I can't. If I go too, she'll kill us both. If I stay, well, she'll probably forget you even exist and I'll- I will be the new heir."

He doesn't want to be, but he'll do it if it means Sirius will be alive.

"Reg, no." Sirius' voice breaks.

"Yes, go! Now! Before she comes back and finishes you off!" Regulus whispers, his voice cracking too. He feels his bottom lip tremble.

Sirius gives him one last sad stare before saying, "The Potter Residence" and dropping the floo powder into the bottom of the fireplace. A burst of green flames later, and he's gone.