Beauty From Pain
*Emetophobia Trigger Warning*
December 4th, 1981
Belle heaved again as more vomit left her stomach. She could taste her eggs and toast from that morning. Grapefruit was not great a second time. She could even taste it in her nose now.
She had been in her studio above the shop for a Saturday morning painting session when the news arrived. It was horrible and Belle couldn’t stand more bad news. Now here she was, curled up beside the toilet, letting her emotions leave her body.
“Belle.” Vivi’s voice called in.
Belle couldn’t answer as she threw up again.
“Oh you look dreadful.” Vivi said as she knelt down beside Belle. “Are you ill?”
Belle lifted her head drearily, “They found her!”
“Your friend!” Vivi’s face lit up until Belle began shaking her head again.
“They tortured her Vivi.” Belle said feeling the bile enter her throat again. “They tortured her and her husband.”
“But they are alive!”
“Barely,” Belle revealed before tasting the acid in her throat again. She leaned over the toilet again and let it all out. She pulled the letter from McGonagall out of her pocket and handed it to Vivi.
After reading the letter, Vivi grabbed Belle’s black hair and rubbed her back. “I’m so sorry Belle. That’s horrible, at least their baby is unharmed.”
Belle shook her head, “They didn’t want to spill pure blood that they could use in the future. It’s probably why they didn’t full on kill all three of them.”
“That’s disgusting.”
“You know what the worst part is?” Belle began to surmise between convulsions, “I know the person who hurt them. She is my best friend, Cissy’s older sister. To think Alice was just telling me that she thought Cissy was innocent. There’s no way she is, not now, not with this.”
She leaned back over and threw up again.
Belle sat back after everything was out. She cried out, “I just can’t do it anymore. I thought everything was better. I thought things were better. First Gideon, then Lily, and now Alice. Cissy may as well be dead if what I think is true.”
Vivi said nothing, just reached into her pocket and grabbed a kerchief. She wiped Belle’s chin slowly.
“I can’t do it anymore.” Belle cried again, “I feel so empty and worthless.”
Vivi combed through her hair and wiped off the dirtied pieces, “You aren’t worthless.”
“My brothers used to say I was.”
Vivi swore loudly before asking, “So are they, remember? They are the ones who have murdered people and hurt innocent creatures.”
“Mum says I was only worth something, if I did what they wanted.” Belle cried remembering her mother’s softly spoken words, “And I didn’t, I ran away and now most of the people I cared about are gone.”
“You can’t blame yourself Belle.”
“Even if I’d stayed I couldn’t have helped anyone.” Belle said as she felt her stomach begin to settle.
Vivi was sounding stern now, “You came here to escape and be who you truly are right?”
Belle nodded and pulled her hair back, “Yeah.”
“Who are you then?” Vivi asked harshly, “What are you then? Because I know you and you are not this empty shell.”
“I’m an artist.” Belle closed her eyes. She breathed in cool air and tried to find something to hold onto.
Vivi reached out her hand for Belle, “Then be an artist.”
Belle took Vivi’s hand and pulled herself up.
“What else are you?” Vivi asked before turning Belle around and pulling her hair back. She combed it through with her hands. Vivi took a band from her wrist and began braiding Belle’s hair. She got louder as she asked again, “Come on, what else are you?”
“I’m a mum and a wife.” Belle felt Vivi reach the bottom of her braid.
“Then you need to do what’s best for you.” Vivi wiped a bit more of Belle’s chin, “Best for you and your family now. Come on, you are more than even that.”
“I’m a vulture.” Belle breathed out, “I can see the beauty in the pain around me.”
Vivi walked Belle back to her canvas and handed Belle a brush, “Show me the beauty from pain then! Show me what could be beautiful right now!”
Belle took a deep breath and decided that she would take the pain in her heart and use it. She would use the loneliness and heartache. She would make something beautiful.
As she painted, Vivi sat with her in silence, just to make sure Belle knew she wasn’t alone.
October 14th, 2005
Belle had never anticipated a visit more. She hadn’t seen her dear friend in nearly three years, since Belle was last in America.
Vivi was greeted with the largest hug Belle could give. She was still eccentric and as avant-garde as ever. Her hair was a bright white now, Belle wasn’t sure if it was due to aging or if it was the new style. It was styled in a severe bob to her chin and it accentuated her newly acquired crows feet.
“My dear Belle!” Vivi exclaimed as they let go of each other. “I’ve missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you too.” Belle couldn’t lie, Vivi was one of the things she missed most about her life in America. Vivi had been her only friend for so long, it was hard to live without her creative energy.
“Well I couldn’t let you design your own Mother of The Bride dress now could I?” Vivi giggled, “Or let you have all of the fun designing the wedding dress for Sammy. Is she here yet?”
“No, she’s still at The Prophet, but she should be here soon.” Belle said with a giggle. “I haven’t told her you are coming, I wanted to surprise her. She’s cut back on her work, but she’s stressed out about Jack’s trial, she’s juggling with publishers about her book, and of course she’s wedding planning.”
“Of course she’s stressed.” Vivi laughed, “What bride isn’t?”
“She has her friend Luna planning most of it, so she will also be joining us today.” Belle explained. She had a deep feeling Luna and Vivi would find quite a bit of commonality. “She’s been helping so much.”
“Good, she has a planner.” Vivi laughed joyfully, “So many weddings fall apart with out a sound voice of reason.”
“I personally wouldn’t have had the big wedding myself. But Samantha is not me, now is she?” Belle asked Vivi. Belle handed Vivi her sketchbook full of her ideas for Samantha's wedding dress, bridesmaid gowns and dress robes.
Vivi laughed looking through Belle’s sketches, “You didn’t even let me at your wedding.”
“It was perfect.” Belle said remembering the beautiful solitary day. “But at this point my daughter and her fellow have been through the wringer, so if they want a big shindig, they can have one.”
A few moments later Samantha’s face was in a state of glorified shock as she caught sight of Vivi. Duke wasn’t so sure about her, so he flew to greet Belle instead. Belle kissed the little dragon’s head.
“I swear you become more beautiful every time I see you!” Vivi expressed with vigor looking over Samantha and taking her hands.
“Thanks Aunt Vivi.” Samantha exclaimed with a nervous smile.
Vivi’s eyes behind her spectacles began to water. “Our little Sammy is all grown up and getting married.”
“Oh don’t get all mushy on me.” Samantha begged with a tilt of her cheek.
“I bet the muggle is mushy enough for everyone.” Vivi laughed letting go of her hands, “Man used to cry over everything.”
“What are you doing here?” Samantha asked excitedly.
“Your mum needed a little extra help.” Vivi twirled around, making her fringe skirt fly. “I’m going home in January to compete in the Moda Fashion show, but I’ll be back in time to finish everything with your mum and see you get hitched.”
“You better knock them dead Vivi!” Belle insisted, still rather bitter at the competition, seeing how she’d never placed better than second.
“You still own a stake in my business Belle.” Vivi reminded with a wink, “So you could compete again. Give it one final go for first place!”
Belle thought about it. “I’ll consider it for next year Vivi. I certainly don’t have the time this year.”
“I’ll take it.” Vivi’s face lit up like Christmas had come early. “You need to show everyone you’ve still got it.”
“Of course she does. She’s the best designer in the world.” Samantha exclaimed proudly lifting her chin. “No offense Vivi.”
Belle was flattered but she certainly was not the best.
“None taken, she’s definitely surpassed me.” Vivi summoned the box she’d brought and had it place itself on the counter. “And I’m here to personally deliver this. Been working on it since I found out you were engaged. Augury feathers worked into a tulle and covered in Onyx.”
“This way Onyx will be in every inch of the gown.” Belle exclaimed as Vivi opened the box of sparkling material. It was gray and mimicked tulle.
“It’s a two man job, onyx is very difficult to work with.” Vivi explained as she held it up. It cascaded like a dark cloudy mist.
“I hope you don’t mind it won’t be a white dress.” Belle explained as she looked at Samantha. “But it should give you at least one full day without shakes.”
Samantha didn’t seem bothered as her hands ran over the fabric, “White washes me out anyway and it’ll look beautiful with all the black and white Moly.”
“Moly?” Vivi asked scratching her head, “The herb?”
“Yeah.” Samantha blushed a little, “It’s a long story, but it’s important to us both that it’s everywhere.”
“Neville is a Herbologist, so it is rather fitting.” Belle explained as she packed the lightweight fabric back into the box. “He should be along later to discuss his dress robes for the wedding. I have a decent idea he plans to keep things simple.”
“Well, I for one am excited to meet him.” Vivi said with a mocking tone, “I need to see how the ugly baby turned out.”
“Ugly baby?” Samantha asked pinching her face.
“Your mum had his birth announcement up on her fridge in America.” Vivi began laughing and Belle’s mind raced. She hadn’t quite explained the nature of her time as Alice’s pen pal to Samantha. “Your dad used to call him the ugly baby.”
“Oh,” Samantha’s face released its’ expression. “Dad’s never mentioned that before.”
“He stopped calling him that after he learned what happened to Neville’s parents.” Belle put her hand to her head and began rubbing her temple. “Which I will suggest not bringing up Vivi, it’s obviously a sensitive subject.”
“I wouldn’t dare.” Vivi crossed her arms, “And I won’t tell him to his face he was an ugly baby.”
The door to the shop rang and Luna Lovegood came skipping in. She had several folders under her arms. Luna was planning the wedding as a gift to the couple. Duke flew off of Belle’s shoulder to greet Luna.
Luna reached into her bag and pulled out a little wrapped piece of meat. Duke took the meat into his mouth and devoured it immediately.
Vivi’s eyes were wide as she took in Luna. Luna looked extra fantastical on this particular day. A bright purple blouse with silver fringe beneath a gray pair of dungarees. She had a dark purple hat upon her head with silver flowers winding the brim.
“You must be the aforementioned wedding planner?” Vivi asked. Belle conspired that Vivi had finally met her match.
“I’m Luna Lovegood.” Luna held out a hand to her, “I’m the Best Woman and yes, I’m in charge of planning everything.”
“Best Woman?” Vivi laughed as her eyes traced Luna’s outfit and she took her hand. Her eyes sparkled, “I’ve never heard that before.”
“Neville and I have been best friends since we helped Harry battle Death Eaters at the Ministry of Magic when we were fifteen. He said he felt ridiculous asking anyone else.” Luna casually explained, “And since Jack will be standing with Samantha, it seemed only proper we throw tradition to the wind.”
“Tradition is certainly something I prefer to be without.” Vivi nodded as she returned to the counter. “We were just discussing how Samantha’s gown will be gray because of the onyx.”
“How ostentatious!” Luna exclaimed, clasping her hands together. She then greeted Samantha with a kiss on the cheek and Belle with a hug around the neck. She took her spot around the counter before asking, “Do we have sketches?”
“Yes!” Belle handed Luna her sketch book. Luna began leafing through it. Samantha looked over her shoulder.
“What about this one?” Luna asked holding up the sketch that Belle had dreamed about. She had included it but doubted Samantha would pick it. Bell had a dream that her daughter’s scars transformed into little tiny stars, sparkling down her back like constellations in the sky.
“That’s a sketch I had a dream about, but I didn’t think she’d be interested.” Belle explained.
Samantha looked over Luna’s shoulder. There was a sublimely familiar smile upon her face, “It’s perfect.”
Belle raised an eyebrow in surprise, “It would show your whole back Samantha, highlight it even.”
Samantha nodded looking up, “Yeah, it would.”
“Wait, what’s wrong with your back?” Vivi asked nervously taking the design from Luna.
Samantha’s face tightened. She only shook a little bit as she pulled her hair away from the back of her neck. Samantha had made it a point to always have her neck covered, she’d even taken great pains to never have it mentioned in descriptions of her.
Vivi went pale while her eyes traced the small part of her visible scars.
“She was set on fire, defending Hogwarts with myself and a few others in Dumbledore’s Army. She and Neville were the only students severely hurt.” Luna explained with a hush to her voice, “It was horrible really. I didn’t see her catch fire, but I saw her afterwards, after Bill had thrown her out of Greyback’s way. It felt wrong to leave her there, especially in such a compromised state, so I drug her to a closet.”
Vivi didn’t say anything, just stared at Luna and then at Samantha.
“I’m sorry you had to do that.” Samantha put her head on Luna’s shoulder while Luna held her hands. Belle could tell both of her hands were shaking beneath Luna’s. Duke had flown to her wrist and had wrapped himself tightly around it.
“You’d have done it for me.” Luna said calmly.
“How far does it go, your scars?” Vivi asked, her eyes still not leaving Samantha’s neck.
“It goes all the way down.” Samantha revealed while discreetly lifting the back of her shirt out of her skirt, “To right above my hips.”
Vivi observed, before shooting Belle a heartbroken expression, “I think if we know the exact patterns, we could perfectly trace them.”
“My thoughts exactly.” Belle nodded and understanding the heartache her daughter’s scars represented, “I couldn’t decide between gold or silver stars.”
“Do both.” Samantha smiled and tucked her shirt back in, “The rest of the dress is simple so it won’t matter if it’s a bit over the top back there.”
“You will need a stunning updo then. No veil, we can’t cover your back.” Luna stood behind Samantha and began playing with her hair. In a few moments it was in a crude but somehow elegant bun with tiny curls falling about Samantha’s face. Luna reached into her bag and pulled out a few stems of Moly.
“Just carrying those around are we?” Vivi asked with shock.
“For inspiration.” Luna stated as she began putting the sprigs into Samantha’s hair.
Vivi leaned closer to Belle and asked, “Is it possible that Miss Lovegood is also your child?”
“Not physically possible.” Luna answered, “Samantha was just being born when my mum was already pregnant with me.”
“You will have to forgive me, I was making a joke.” Vivi laughed, “Belle used to find inspiration in just about everything.”
“It’s an uncommonly known Ravenclaw trait, we are the creatives.” Belle explained with a proud smile. “Luna was a Ravenclaw, as was I.”
Vivi pushed up her spectacles, “That explains it then, you are an artist.”
“She’s a magizoologist by trade.” Samantha explained as Luna held up a mirror for her to see. “That is lovely Luna.”
“Oh.” Vivi exclaimed in confusion, but began a small smile.
“I do love to sketch the creatures I meet. Rolf, my partner, he and I are working on a book together.” Luna explained with a small blush.
“You are a fascinating woman.” Vivi exclaimed leaning closer to Luna. “Remind me to pick your brain sometime.”
“I would like that.” Luna laughed, “Now Samantha, is this the design you like the most?”
Samantha nodded, she had the sketchbook back in her hands again, “It’s exactly what I want.”
Duke flew to the sketchbook and nudged his head against it.
“You like it too buddy?” Samantha asked before nudging his nose.
Duke danced around.
“I’d also like to wear my Order of Merlin so hopefully that doesn’t mess up the design.” Samantha asked.
Belle went over to her daughter and kissed her cheek, “We will make whatever you want work my Little Lion.”
“I think that dress would highlight the beauty from your pain. It would be a brave way to reclaim your beauty.” Luna exclaimed, making Vivi’s eyes water again.
“That is Belle’s greatest talent.” Vivi exclaimed. “She’s been embracing the beauty from tragedy for a long time.”
“Now, you must hide the sketch before Neville gets here.” Luna said sharply, “It’s very bad luck for the groom to see the dress at all before the wedding.”
“What happened to ignoring tradition?” Belle asked as she took the sketchbook back from Samantha.
“That’s not tradition, it’s common knowledge you can jinx a whole marriage!” Luna shook her head making her hat bounce, “And I will not jinx my best friend’s marriage!”
Samantha’s expression conveyed amusement as she tried to hold back laughter. “You are in charge.”