Run Away
December 24th, 1996
"I don't see Sammy yet." Belle admitted as she noticed Jack getting off the train. He was near his good friend Warrington. Belle waved him down and his face turned downward from his smile.
"That may be better, you and Jack go and talk in the car." Ed suggested. "I'll find Sammy."
Jack rolled his trunk over to them and greeted them coldly, with no embraces.
"Hello mummy and dad." He nodded.
"Why don't you walk with me to the car?" Belle suggested, "Dad's going to find your sister."
Jack nodded and shrugged slightly. "I saw her sleeping in a compartment with Looney. She looked kind of sick."
"That's not good." Ed exclaimed and began looking through the crowd, "I'll find her."
"Let's get to the car." Belle suggested walking with her son. She could swear he'd grown another three inches since she dropped him off in September. She couldn't believe he was an adult now, when she saw him she could still see the little boy with chubby cheeks. They were silent until they made it to the parking lot.
"I assume you wanted to talk to me without dad and Sammy's prying ears." Jack mentioned as they reached the car.
"Is it obvious?" Belle asked.
Jack nodded before getting into the back seat of the car. "Of course it is mother."
"Now before I ask the question, I want you to know that I am not here to vilify you, I just want to understand. You are an adult and you can do as you please."
Jack didn't respond or even nod.
"Jack, why would you sneak out of Hogwarts?" Belle finally blurted.
"You won't understand mum." He leaned back into his seat.
"As someone who has actually run away from Hogwarts, I suspect I might." Belle clapped back.
Jack groaned, "You had help when you ran away mum. Instead, the same woman who helped you do it, punished me for the same actions."
"Well, if you had proper motivations it would have been understood." Belle explained, "Just explain it to me, what could be so important for you to sneak out? Was it just for the day or did you just decide you were just done with school?"
"I'm done with school, they can't teach me anymore." Jack snapped back quickly. "I'm more intelligent than almost everyone else there."
"That's presumptuous." Belle responded, very confused by his statement, "Who told you that?"
"No one, I just know I am." He explained hotly.
"So that's why you snuck out?" Belle asked looking back at him. His brown eyes bored into her's. "Where were you planning to go? Your father and I would have been understanding if you decided your life was beyond academics."
"Dad wouldn't have understood." Jack lifted his chin.
"He would have understood if he knew the alternative was you running away."
"No one in this family understands me, especially not my damn muggle father who doesn't know anything! Our lives are in danger because of him and especially you! You could have married anyone in the whole world, but you chose to ruin our lives before they even had a chance to get started." Jack began waving his arms around.
"I married your father because I loved him Jack." Belle insisted looking back at him.
Jack shook his head, "Love, I don't think you know what love is."
Belle was taken aback and said, "I've been married to your father for nearly twenty-one years. I know what love is."
"Love is passion and freedom, you don't have that with dad!" Jack rolled his eyes, "Love is tangible and exciting, you both are resigned to your boring institutional ways."
"Have you been in love to know what you are talking about?" Belle asked turning to look at him in the back seat.
"Yes, and I'm only telling you this so you understand. I have in fact experienced love completely first hand, Mummy." He said with a silky mocking voice. "I'm in love with a woman, a brilliant and formative woman."
"A woman?" Belle was wondering what Hogwarts girl could be really considered a woman.
"Yes, a woman, not some little girl who just spends her days in idealistic giggles!" Jack crossed his arms and leaned back. "She understands me! She understands me better than anyone else in the whole world!"
"I understand you Jack." Belle argued, hot tears welling. She wasn't the type to cry but she blamed herself completely. She'd allowed her son to feel the way she had felt years ago. Where had she gone wrong?
"No you don't mum."
Ed arrived with Sammy, who's face looked really green. Her hair was pulled up sloppily and Belle thought she could see pins sticking out of it. She had her Pygmy Puff, Artie on her shoulder.
"You alright my little lion?" Belle asked wiping her tears away. Sammy got into the car and leaned her head on the window. There was an odd smell coming off of her. She almost smelled like fire whiskey and toads.
"Yeah." Sammy answered before closing her eyes. "Just not feeling great."
Belle pondered the idea she could be hungover. She couldn't remember ever seeing anything more than champagne and Butterbeer being passed around at the Slug parties. Belle decided she had other things to worry about. Her son and his choices were now the priority. "Maybe when we get home you should go to your room and lie down."
"Yeah." Samantha answered.
Ed got into the car and noticed the tears in his wife's eyes.
Belle looked at him before he could ask, "Sammy isn't feeling very good, we should save discussions till we get home."
Ed nodded and they spent a very tense and pregnant ride home.
April 16th, 1972
Belle wasn't really sure she was in love. She supposed she might be, but she didn't seem to feel like everyone else. She wasn't exactly sure what love was, but she was content to pretend at least. Gideon seemed quite happy and everyone around them seemed to be in a matching bliss.
Belle appreciated the ignorant bliss around her and found herself somewhat enjoying her life, even if briefly. There had been no more Brenna sightings, and although she couldn't leave the grounds, she found she still spent plenty of time with friends.
Even Cissy seemed to have caught the love bug as it were. Belle didn't know who it was, but she had seemed especially softer lately. She often spoke of her boyfriend, but never by name or circumstance. Even though she'd refused to come to her birthday party, Cissy had stopped Belle the next day to exclaim things had just gotten away from her. She gave her a small black pendant as a gift.
Gideon spent whatever time he had with her, proclaiming his love for her and trying to plan out a life for them after school. Belle would pretend to be studying and kept asking herself why in the world she wouldn't just be in love already? She found herself saying it to him, and not feeling anything.
Alice acted how Belle assumed love would actually feel. She was constantly giggling and boisterously talking about her and Frank constantly. Belle would have been annoyed, but really she decided to try and take notes so to better convince Gideon.
"To think he had no idea I fancied him, but he'd always fancied me too." Alice exclaimed for maybe the billionth time while they studied beside the lake. She wasn't so much studying as she was laying on her back looking up at the clouds. She'd apparently already finished the book they were meant to read for Transfiguration.
"Isn't that just funny?" Belle responded as she continued reading about Animagus transformations, at least this part of the exam would be presumably easy.
"Can someone die of happiness?" Alice chuckled.
"Let's not find out." Belle laughed back at her. "I like you alive, thank you very much."
Alice giggled but rolled onto her stomach looking back at Belle, "Good point, besides then I can't do all of my great plans."
"Which are?" Belle asked flipping the page.
"Well, I want to finish this year and then I'm going to go to training of course. I'm going to do my absolute best of course!" She laughed, "I'm going to help out all those poor people who are being oppressed of course."
"That's a bit ambitious, you can't help all of them Alice." Belle reminded. She didn't want to tell poor Alice she was probably going to see some horrible things and not everyone could be saved.
"Well, I'll do my best." Alice giggled. "Then when I'm done having adventures, and saving the world, I'm going to settle down, get married and maybe have some kids."
Belle started laughing, "Yeah, that sounds scarier than the adventures."
"Oh come on, I assume you want to get married someday Belle." Alice asked sitting onto her knees. Her braids comically flipped in the wind as she sat up.
Belle shrugged, "I don't know, in my family it's sort of like a death sentence."
Alice's eyebrow raised, "That's really sad Belle."
Belle closed her book, "Yeah, that's an understatement. I hear my mum tell me all the time, 'Marriage is about expanding our family, if you don't like it, get out.'"
Alice didn't respond but Belle continued.
"'Children are our property and responsibility, if you don't like it get out.'" Belle mimicked her mother's voice. "So, if I didn't have them breathing down my neck, getting married and having kids would be right before dying on my agenda."
Alice looked beyond confused, "Not even with Gideon?"
Belle wasn't sure how to respond, she knew she wouldn't marry Gideon, "We're still young, what do we know about things like that?"
Alice's face slightly contorted, "Then why are you with him?"
Belle felt a deep jab at her heart. "What do you mean by that?"
Alice's eyes shifted, "What are you doing after school Belle?"
Belle certainly couldn't tell her, not even now. She continued her lies, "I don't know, I'm going home and I'm going to do what's expected of me. So no one gets hurt."
"That's not true and we both know it. You wouldn't study like you do just to go home and be a puppet for your family."
"I like learning."
"Merlin's beard Belle!"
"Can't I just be happy for a short while Alice?" Belle begged.
"Gideon loves you Belle, he tells everyone that." Alice explained.
"I know he does." Belle looked down at her book.
"But you don't want to marry him or anything?"
Belle shrugged, "I don't know Alice."
"Do you not love him back?"
"What do we even know about love Alice?" Belle asked looking away from her prying eyes
That's cruel." Alice insisted quietly. "He thinks you love him back. Have you told him that you love him back?"
Belle's honesty hurt worse than any lie, "Yes, but, what do you say when someone you care about is staring you in the face, pouring out their heart?"
"The bloody truth!"
"I didn't want to hurt him."
Alice stood up and began putting her stuff into her bag. "You are hurting him Belle!"
Belle felt her whole body just feel like a sinking rock in a river. She couldn't come up with a response and she certainly couldn't tell Alice the truth.
"I won't tell him of course." Alice insisted as she finished throwing her bag over her shoulder, "But you should. I'll see you in Charms Belle."
Alice strode away towards the castle.
Belle wasn't so sure what to make of it all. Alice was being quite ridiculous, what did she or anyone else know about love anyway? They were just kids.
Belle pondered those thoughts as she started walking through the hallways to her dormitory later that day.
Was it worse what she was doing to Gideon? Was she being selfish? Maybe, she did love him? Maybe that was why she couldn't say no to him? She certainly couldn't tell him about her choice to run away. She certainly couldn't go through with his plan. Her brain just felt so jumbled right now.
Belle stopped at a window and just leaned her forehead against the glass. She looked out to the forbidden forest and beyond it.
She could run away now.
She could escape and leave everything behind. It wasn't logical, but what was stopping her from going upstairs, getting a few things and just flying away? Finally, she could see what was beyond every horizon. Most of her friends weren't coming back next year anyway, and McGonagall would understand if she left.
Why was she waiting? She was already hurting everyone around her? She could just escape right now. She was of age, she could do it.
"Excuse me!" A little high pitched voice interrupted her thoughts. Belle turned her head and looked down to see a little red haired first year with her arms crossed. "You are a Prefect right?"
It was the little girl who had been with the little greasy boy who'd had his books knocked over. Just like the other day she looked flustered.
"Yeah, I'm a Prefect." Belle nodded, pulling herself together. She smiled at her, "What's the matter?"
"That nasty little Potter boy took my Transfiguration textbook again, and I really need it." The little girl fidgeted where she stood.
Belle chuckled, she was in no mood to deal with petty first year troubles, "Well, he's a little twit."
The little girl laughed in surprise, "I guess he is."
"Well, let's let him keep that one. Don't give him the satisfaction of begging for it. Then maybe, he will stop." Belle said with a laugh putting her hands on the little girl's shoulders. "I'm pretty sure I still have my old copy in my dormitory. You can have it if you want."
The little girl kept laughing, "I suppose that would work."
"What's your name?" Belle asked.
"Lily Evans." The little girl smiled a little more.
"Well, Lily Evans, I'll tell McGonagall about the Potter boy, and she can handle whatever punishment she sees fit. I'll get the book for you and give it to you at supper tonight."
Lily nodded. "That seems fine."
Belle watched the little girl walk away, and realized her brief escape plan was slightly foiled at the moment. She laughed to herself, may as well tell McGonagall about the stolen book.
She laughed as she made her way to the Transfiguration hallway. She couldn't run away yet, she wanted to finish her exams for the year. She could maybe stay one more year and finish school like she'd always wanted.
What did Alice know anyway? Why would Belle care what she thought? She was just a silly girl who'd be gone in a month or so.
Belle wouldn't be completely alone next year. Cissy would still be at school, she'd still have someone to talk to. Cissy was someone who actually understood her.
She could maybe let Gideon down slowly over letter next year. It would be easier than face to face. She did want to see Gideon off at the train, give him a little hope as he went off to save the world.
Belle walked past an empty classroom and noticed a couple completely entwined with each other. She began to chuckle, until she saw who it was.
It was Lucious and Cissy wrapped completely in each other's arms.
That's it, Belle thought, I'm running away.