POSSIBILITIES
She sat on the floor of her bedroom the afternoon a few days later as she focused, her legs crossed and back straight as she tried to silence her mind. She drowned out all outside noise and took the trip within herself to delve deep into her mind where all her memories were stored.
All the books about Occlumency approach it differently but the one Vera preferred encouraged the user to come up with a safe space, somewhere they felt comfortable and then within it, a storage area that they can store and catalog memories.
She pictured herself on a small island, really just a small patch of land protruding from the center of the black lake. As she stood on the island, she saw the remains of a lighthouse, the only evidence that she had ever done Occlumency. It once stood tall and relatively impenetrable but had crumbled from years of disuse. However she knew that she would have to make it a fortress before she would have to go out on her first mission tomorrow evening.
She stood in the center of the lighthouse and encased each important memory in a brick at the base and laid it down, continuing the process as the lighthouse winded up and wind. Memories from her youth, from James’ wedding, memories from her past relationships, her Mum and dad, all comprised the base of the tower- she wanted them to stay untouched and pure. The higher up she went though the memories changed, any bits of important information went up there, anything she deemed would expose where her true loyalties lied, or anything she wanted confidential really.
She stayed there for hours, building up and up, until she opened her eyes and she stood within the tower, grey stone walls surrounding her reaching up to the skies.
She stepped through the stone wall onto the sand and teetered on the edge of the small island. Suddenly she lost her footing and fell forward into the black water and she gasped as she opened her true eyes and saw James crouched in front of her.
Her eyes darted around the room as she tried to steady herself. She hadn’t realized how deep she went, how long it had been but her room was pitch black as was the world beyond so it must’ve been near midnight by now.
“James?” she asked, focusing on him again.
“Vera, what are you doing? You didn’t come down for dinner and I figured you were sleeping but I wanted to check on you, you look like you're possessed” he countered, sighing.
“I was just working on some Occlumency” she deflected, standing up and going downstairs to eat something quickly.
James followed her, “Why?”
“It’s useful” was all she said.
“Are you alright?” he asked, leaning against the countertop.
“Yeah fine, why?” she asked though she knew what he would bring up.
“I just haven’t seen you in a while and you spend so much time in your room, I miss my sister” he took a step closer.
“You know I’m just a few doors down” she smiled, putting together a sandwich.
“Let’s go out tomorrow to muggle London, just you and me?” he questioned.
“I- I can’t, I have plans.”
“What plans?”
“Plans” she said, putting her sandwich together and whisking it away upstairs before he could question her.
He huffed, “Goodnight” he called out to which she replied the same.
She felt horrible deflecting like this, knowing she missed him in equal measure but she couldn’t let this go. She needed to act swiftly, there would always be time later.
______
Lily was the only one at home the following evening when Vera had to leave.
“Well I’m off” she called to Lily who was curled up on the sofa with a book.
“Be safe okay? Please” she asked her, eyebrows furrowed in concern.
“I’ll be fine mum” she appeased Lily before leaving through the front door and walking down the long gravel path, past the anti-apparition wards, and left.
She emerged outside the Hog’s head and made her way into the musty pub. The air was thick with the stench of beer and sweat, the smell emphasized by the muggy air that filled up the space. She stepped in, making sure to breathe through her mouth and headed straight to the bar.
She took a seat by a group of seedy looking men and ordered a firewhiskey.
She listened to the men talking next to her as one seemed agitated about something.
“Rosier is such a fucking arsehole, just because he’s some poncy prat don’t mean he’s got the right to treat the rest of us like shite” he grumbled to which the other men agreed
“I could take him on easy” the rotund man next to him said, stubble covering his chin, a sneer contorting his lips.
Vera thought back to Rosier. All she knew about him was that he was a Slytherin in the year below her and associated with death eaters but she didn’t know him to be especially involved but he must’ve progressed.
“He’s just desperate to get the Mark, he’ll never get it though, he’s weak. You saw him on the last mission, he was damn near pissing his pants when the muggles fought back” the bald-headed man guffawed in laughter, causing the others to laugh. The movement caused one of them to knock their elbows against a beer that was resting on the bar and it fell on her, the beer spilling down into her lap.
She abruptly stood up, “Oi, watch it” she told the man.
“What’s a pretty girl like you doing’ in a place like this” the bald-headed one said.
“None of your business” she told the man.
“Yeah? I’ll make it my business for someone like you. Let me buy you another one sweetheart” he stepped closer. She could feel his hot breath on her face and fought the urge to gag.
“Back off arsehole” she shoved at his shoulder.
“Make me” he stepped in again, his friends closing in on her as well.
She went to shove past him but he stepped in her way.
“Not so fast” he continued to block her path out.
“Don’t make me hex you” she threatened. The men towered over her but she fixed them with a glare cold enough to make them feel like they were half her height.
“Oh please do” he smirked, the other boys laughing.
Well, he asked for it.
She hit the man with a stinging hex and rushed past him and his friends who tried to grab her arm while she made a swift escape.
She made it outside to the street and inhaled the cold fresh air and was just about to apparate when a man grabbed her arm. It was the same one as before. He hauled her into the alleyway beside the building and pinned her against the wall.
“You’re feisty, I like that but I’d like to see you use your mouth for something else” he jeered. His breath fanned her cheek as she turned to the side and struggled against his grip on her hands.
“Get the fuck off of me” she yelled and he slapped her, hard, against her cheek. He was wearing rings and one must’ve caught her skin as she felt something warm bead and drip down her cheek.
He ripped the outer layer of her robes in an effort to take them off and she abruptly spit in his face and when he recoiled, she brought her knee up right between his legs and he crumpled with a yelp.
She stepped away and swiftly apparated back home.
She landed outside the front door with a gasp and crumpled to the floor. She didn’t even register the pain in her cheek as she thought about what almost happened tonight. It was only the first night and it had already gone awry. She left feeling confident, ready to sit in the bar for a few hours, get a few drinks, and listen to intel, not almost be-.
No. She signed up for this, she knew it would be a possibility.
Thankfully no one else was home and James and Lily had gone to sleep so she quietly went up the stairs and crept into her room without another word.
She headed to her bathroom and examined the cut on her cheek. She slowly stitched the skin together until all that was left was a red mark that she was sure would fade by the morning. She then peeled off her robes and turned on the shower and stepped in only when she saw steam drift off the water in hot waves. She scrubbed at her skin until she was red and her skin was raw.
She put on pajamas and took one last look in the mirror.
She could do this.
______
V,
How did it go? Madame Pomfrey said you have a natural aptitude for healing and looks forward to the future. She was right in choosing a talented witch such as yourself.
Best,
Albus.
She stared at the letter Dumbledore’s owl just delivered and pulled out a parchment to formulate a response. She also made sure to tell his owl to stay because she didn’t necessarily want to entrust Biscuit with such sensitive information when she was still young and could possibly make a mistake.
-
Sir,
It went well. I had some expectations going in and they were perfectly met. I enjoyed checking in on some past Hogwarts students and learning about where they are now. I hope to learn more in the future.
It’s good to know that Even Roses bloom in the harshest of weather.
Best,
Vera
It was true. She learned about the status of another potential Death Eater. Evan Rosier was a Slytherin who was known to associate with Regulus Black and Barty Crouch Jr., both official death eaters. She didn’t remember him to actively promote his beliefs or bully others the way other death eaters did, neither did anyone else, so he remained on the maybe list. He could be moved to the death eater list but he remained unmarked. She knew Dumbledore would understand her meaning in the last sentence.
She sent it off and spent the rest of the day in the gardens behind the house, checking in on the various plants grown there and blocking out everything else.
_______
The next two weeks continued in the same way. She went to the Hogs head every few days in a staggered pattern so it wouldn’t be too predictable and tried to listen to the conversations around her.
She had learned that Barty Crouch Jr. was recently marked and spent a lot of time in the company of Rosier, the others suspected they were “poofs.” It was always good to know where the enemies' loyalties lie, who their weak spot might be.
Also, most of the thugs seemed to have an in through their shady dealings and were only doing grunt work, called and discarded at their leaders whim. The inner circle seemed to mainly be influential purebloods and the rest of the followers wouldn’t be able to offer her anything substantial.
She decided it was time to start taking another route and bypass Dumbledore’s “long term” plan.
She apparated into Diagon Alley on a cloudy evening, hoping it wouldn’t be too busy and slowly meandered until she came to the entrance of Knockturn Alley. She slowly slipped into the alley way and walked up the narrow street. The buildings were squished together and there wasn’t much space to walk as the crumbling pavements were used for people trying to sell their wares.
She came up to an apothecary and went inside, hoping for an opportunity to present itself.
She pushed open the door with a creak and stepped in. It was an attack on the senses as the dim shop had shelves lined up with various plants and…body parts? The smells of all the ingredients were putrid and combined unpleasantly in her nose. Gods, this job would be harder on her nose than anything else.
The shop seemed to be empty until she turned the corner and caught sight of a man in black robes with long black hair. Vera paused and took a step back so she was covered by the shelf- Snape. She could recognize him anywhere and she had the sudden thought that he could be of use.
She stepped forward again and casually took a few steps down the aisle, as if just browsing. She kept her head down because she wanted to seem off guard when Snape eventually caught her here, pretending she didn’t want to be caught here. She didn’t have to imagine why he washere though, slimy git.
She brought her hand up to an ingredient bottle resting at the top shelf and Snape, a few steps down from her, turned at the movement and looked at her.
Vera just studied the bottle of “Bat hearts” when Snape fully turned to her.
“Potter,” he sneered.
She took a sharp inhale and turned, “Snape.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Just looking for some potions ingredients.”
“In Knockturn? Seems a bit dark for someone as self-righteous as yourself. What’s wrong with Grumple’s apothecary?” he mocked.
“They didn’t have what I needed,” she explained, placing the bats back and grabbing a vial of snake venom.
“And what is it you’re looking for?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know” she rolled her eyes and pushed past him, knowing he would follow her, he was always too nosey for his own good.
She quickly improvised as she grabbed a basket and walked down the aisles. Suddenly, something came to mind and placed the snake venom in as well as a jar of Deadlysius, fairy tears, and popping beans.
She couldn’t find the last ingredient and called out to the shopkeeper who was crouched behind the desk. He grumbled incessantly to himself and she figured he wouldn’t be any help
“You’re trying to brew Death’s kiss” Snape said rather than asked.
He was right.
“Perhaps” she said, going back through the aisles.
“Why?” he asked, unable to help his curiosity. “That’s considered dark,” he pointed out.
“Potions can’t be dark. They’re just potions. I’m just broadening my horizons is all” she said offhandedly.
“Only the most talented potioneers can make it” he followed her.
“It doesn’t hurt to try.”
“No chance you can make it, you were horrible in Potions”
Perfect.
“I’ll take you on that bet. I’ll bet I can brew a perfect batch of it by next week” she straightened her back as she silently pleaded Snape to take her up on it.
“Alright, fine. What are the terms?” he asked, leaning in.
“If I win, I get to ask you anything I want and you have to answer, truthfully, and vice versa.”
“What makes you think I want to know anything about you?” he sneered.
“There’s always more than meets the eye Snape, I’m sure you’ll come up with something. Same time and place,” she finished and grabbed the jar of steel pipers before checking out and leaving without another look back.
_____
She vanished her third brew of the day and threw the jar of beans at the wall in frustration.
The bloody brew wasn’t turning out right and she couldn’t figure out why.
She left the basement with a huff and went back upstairs to find everyone in the sitting area.
“Whoa what happened to you” Sirius called out.
“What?”
“Your hair…it’s purple” Remus informed her.
“I was brewing a potion, it exploded and it would seem that that’s a new side effect” she grumbled before taking a seat with the others.
“I kinda like it,” James said thoughtfully.
Vera swiped her wand and James was now looking at her with a mop of purple hair.
He gasped and rushed to look at himself in the mirror.
“Why do I kind of like it!” he cheered excitedly.
“Absolutely not,” Lily chided.
Vera turned her hair purple too.
They all started laughing and Vera felt her stress lift for a moment. She had been so worried about this brew all week because she had to be the one to ask the question rather than answer it. It had already been a month since Dumbledore approached her with the plan and she wanted to make more progress.
Vera just watched as Sirius ran to get the camera while Lily fussed with her wand, trying to turn her hair color back while arguing with James over keeping the hair color. Remus bumped her shoulder with his, “You all right?”
“Yeah, just tired” she smiled before leaning into his side as he put an arm around her.
“Aren’t we all” he sighed.