To Sirius Black,
There are many things I want to say to you but as always, brother, time is not on our side. As I write this, I am readying myself to do something rather… stupid. Or well, something rather Griffindorish as some would say.
I can’t tell you what I’m doing but I’m hoping that when you find out, you’ll understand why I did it. Know that there was no other choice, that I had to do what had to be done and I do not regret it for one bit.
As I’m sitting here and writing this, there a few things left unsaid between us:
Know that despite what I made you believe, I never hated you. I was jealous because you managed to do something that I have been wanting to do for as long as I have been alive and that is to be free. I was an insolent and a foolish child, brother, and I allowed my jealousy to get the best of me but never once did I hate you. You were my brother, there was no hating you. Know that if you had asked me that night, I would have come with you. It didn’t matter where, I would have followed you across the world if only you had asked. I would have left her if you had only asked. But you never did and that is alright.
I’m proud of you for getting out of that house. It has taken years for me to realize this and I wish I could say this to you in person. No doubt the Potters have told you the same throughout the years you have lived with them but I just wanted you to hear this from me, your little brother. I’m proud of you for finding people to call your family. Hold on to them, dear brother, this war is unforgiving. I’m proud of you for staying true to who you are, for not ever allowing Mother and her cruel ways to change that. If only I was able to do the same thing, perhaps we would not be here with an ocean’s worth of distance between us.
As I write this, I reminisce about the past we shared and dream of the life we could have had together if things were in our favor. It is almost similar to the game we used to play when Mother used to lock us away. I dream of living in a house next to yours somewhere far, far away from Grimmauld Place. Every available surface of my house is covered with books while yours is covered with your muggle music and whatever that has caught your attention for that week. Lupin sometimes sneaks over to my house to read because my books are superior to his but he lies and tells you it’s because you and James are driving him crazy. Speaking of James, he, unfortunately due to the unhealthy obsession you two have for each other, lives right next to us. And because he is incapable of living alone, he comes over to my house as much as he comes over to yours. We have family dinner with each other every Friday and every month, we invite Cissa and Andie. Andie brings Nymphadora and Ted along with her. Sometimes the Potters join us and your smile is never as bright as when Euphemia Potter dotes on you. When you and James return every full moon from looking after Lupin, I don’t ask questions when I heal you even though I know that my brother and his best friend are unregistered Animagis. (Yes, Sirius, I have known about Lupin’s condition since the fourth year when you pulled that stupid prank on the poor bastard, none of you idiots are subtle). We’re happy in this dream of mine, brother, as happy and as free as we ever wanted.
I wish I could hear about your dreams.
Live your life, brother. Live the life you never got to have. Be ordinary, be outstanding, be everything Mother and Father would have hated. Make an honest man out of Lupin - he’ll know how to set you straight. Buy a house somewhere in London for yourself and don’t let this war keep you from making a family you always wanted.
And lastly, brother, I think you know what I am about to say but if this letter reaches you then I’m already dead. Don’t look for me. You won’t find me anywhere in this world or the next but if we’re lucky enough as we rarely ever are, I will be waiting for you on the other side; do take your time getting there.
Before I go, I ask one last thing of you. Tell James that I’m sorry. Tell him that there was no way out of it and if there was, I would have found it - for him, I would have found it. Tell him that now is that time for him to make good on his promise, he knows what I’m talking about.
Look up in the sky every now and then; I’ll be waiting for you if you do.
Forever and always yours,
Your little Reggie.