Time and Sacrifice: Book 1

Writings

Flashbacks

Silent communication

……………………

Date: Friday, January 5, 1996

Time: 1:30 p.m.

Location: Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

As soon as they left Private Drive they headed to Hogwarts. Quickly arriving at the gates, they were met by Hagrid who greeted them warmly, patting Sirius’ head as he was Padfoot now, and led them up the long winding path to the school.

Dumbledore had offered the use of his floo to the school, but Sirius needed time to think, and Remus knew this. Politely, declining the Headmaster’s offer, they made their own way to the castle.

The walk to the castle would give Sirius much needed time to come to terms with what he must do. With what he must tell Harry.

Or at least he thought it was. That was, until they arrived at the castle, and his thoughts and heart were no less conflicted than when he first realized he would need to tell Harry.

"You have to tell him, Sirius. You must tell Harry. It's time." Sirius can't speak, can't breathe. His whole body freezes at Remus' words. Knowing that he's right. It feels as though his words wrap around Sirius' heart and squeeze it. 

He's standing in front of the roaring fire but the heat of it is lost to him. A chill settles in his bones. It sends shivers up his spine.

It's fear.

Fear of what his reaction will be.

Fear of what he will see in his eyes.

Fear of rejection.

Sirius just got him back. To lose him now would be a more terrible pain than everything he had inflicted upon him in his life.

He'd rather be Kissed. It would be more bearable. Less painful.

Sirius feels Remus walk up behind him. Feels as his old friend puts a hand on each shoulder. The contact burns. It feels like Remus' hands are made of fire. It's painful as right now it's an icy dread that wraps itself around Sirius.

"That boy loves you, Sirius. More than anything." The words are softer than a whisper.

Fiercer than fire. 

"He won't. Not if I tell him. How could he Moony?" How could Harry ever forgive him for not being there for him when he was needed the most? 

"Padfoot, he needs you. He's going to need you now more than ever before. Knowing will only help." He can't help the shudder that runs through his body. Closing his eyes, he feels his tears burn a path down his cheek.

"And if you're wrong?" Sirius knows what Remus is about to say before he even says it. 

"When have I ever been wrong?" Never, he's never been wrong. 

"There's a first for everything." He can't help but say.

"Not this time." The voice behind him is full of certainty.

Before Sirius could respond, there was a knock on the door. Remus left Sirius to open the door and allow the person who Sirius longed and feared to see.

Of course, Remus was right. Sirius had to tell Harry.

Needing to quickly gather his frantic thoughts and swirling emotions, Sirius took a long deep breath, exhaling slowly. He couldn’t allow Harry to see the state he was in.

All too soon, yet not soon enough, Sirius heard a shout of glee.

“Sirius!” Harry shouted before he barreled into Sirius who turned just in time to catch him, a back of laughter escaping him.

Oh, how good it felt to have Harry safe in his arms once more. 

“I’m so happy to see you, Padfoot.” Harry’s words are muffled as his face is buried in Sirius’ chest, but the older man can hear him clearly.

“I’m happy to see you too, Prongslet.” Sirius tightens his grip on Harry and feels his boy do the same.

It’s a few moments before Harry pulls away to look at Sirius, his green eyes full of apprehension and worry.

“Something happened, hasn’t it? That’s why you’re here. It’s why classes have been cancelled for the rest of the day. It’s why Professor McGonagall didn’t answer any of my questions on the way here.” There’s a far too knowing look on Harry’s face. 

“Minnie wouldn’t have said anything as she has not yet been made aware, but that will be changing shortly. But yes, something has happened. No one has been hurt, everyone is safe.” Sirius said the last part quickly as he saw the way his words caused Harry to stiffen.

 “Later, we will discuss what happened. Dumbledore will bring your friends here and inform you all personally." Harry's face showed his shock at Sirius's words.

 “Although right now, there’s something that you and I need to talk about.” Sirius knew his attempt at a reassuring smile came out more like a grimace. He was nervous about Harry’s reaction to what he had to tell him.

“Come, follow me, it’s best if we speak privately.” Sirius said as he led Harry to his room within the quarters he and Remus had been given for their time here. Before Sirius closes the door, he sees Remus give him an encouraging smile. 

Once inside Sirius leads Harry to the cushioned lounge and the two sit side by side.

"Harry, I..." Sirius cuts himself off and stands up. Anxiousness and fear take hold of him, and he can't help but to pace. His thoughts are jumbled. He has thought about hundreds of thousands of different ways to say the words. Had dreamed about it. Now that he's about to do it he's at a loss. 

"Sirius?" The sound of his name shakes Sirius from getting stuck in his own head. He looks at Harry and can't help but feel extreme guilt at the worry he sees on Harry’s face. At the fact that he's the reason it's there. 

He can't help but feel the all-encompassing love he has for this amazing boy in front of him. 

Sirius takes a seat on the foot stool directly in front of the green-eyed boy. 

Tenderly, Sirius cups the face of the boy in front of him with both hands. Watches as Harry releases a soft breath, slowly closes his eyes, and leans into his touch. 

A soft, besotted smile could not be stopped from appearing on his face. He couldn't help but marvel at the amazing boy, this amazing young man in front of him. 

"You are so very loved Harry, by so many people." Sirius watches as his eyelids flutter open and the striking green of his irises becomes visible. 

"Your friends out there would follow you through hell and back. Fred, he would give you the moon and stars if you asked. The other Weasleys, you're a part of their family as much as Ron and Ginny are. Remus loves you more deeply than you realize. Your parents, you were the center of their world." His boy must know just how many people love him and care for him. 

Sirius watches as red dusts over his cheeks and he ducks his head as though he doesn't understand how so many people could love him. 

Harry is so very easy to love. 

Sirius gives him a moment before he gently places a finger under Harry's chin and tilts his head back up. Their eyes meet and Sirius can't help but run a hand through the messy dark locks.

Thicker, darker, and with a slight curl that James' hair did not have. 

This close Sirius couldn't help but truly catalog each and every aspect of his features. It's the same exact thing he used to do when Harry was a baby. Even now, when he closes his eyes, he can still see his baby boy, cherub-faced and smiling. Sirius spent 12 years believing that he would never be able to see these features grow and mature. 

There was no question that James Potter and Lily Potter née Evans were this boy’s parents. He looks so much like James but with Lily's eyes. 

He can see so much more now. 

While James had a Roman nose and Lily's was buttoned, Harry's is Grecian. 

Both James and Lily had straight hairlines, but Harry had a widow's peak. 

Lily's eyebrows were straight, and James had more rounded. Meanwhile, Harry’s were full and perfectly arched. 

Harry's cheekbones were more prominent than both of theirs. 

Harry's eyes were most certainly his mother's. However, unlike his mother’s almond-shaped eyes, his were larger, prominent. Making them even more striking. Holding far more intensity in them than his mother’s ever did. 

Sirius knew that once Harry had fully gone through puberty, his jaw would be more diamond-shaped. 

It was subtle but his boy’s features were more aristocratic than either James or Lily's were.

Higher born. 

Sirius had seen those features all his life. 

"I love you, Harry. So very, very much." There isn't a person in the world he loves more than this boy in front of him.

"I love you too, Padfoot." Hearing Harry say those words never fails to lift Sirius' spirits.

"There's something that I need to tell you. Something I should've told you a while ago, but I didn't know how. I was scared. I still am." He feared losing the boy in front of him. He couldn't lose him. Not again. Never again. Merlin, did he hope Remus was right. 

"You can tell me anything, Siri, you know that." He can tell that Harry is worried but ready to hear anything he has to tell him. 

 "I know but I just got you back. I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to hate me." Sirius can't stop his voice from breaking. It's thick from the tears that he's trying to hold back.

"Sirius, you broke out of a prison no one has even been able to escape before. Without outside help. For me. To protect me. I could never hate you." The sincerity and conviction in his wonderful boy’s voice gave Sirius strength.

It gives him hope that maybe this will work out. 

Sirius took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. Gently scoping up both Harry's hands, he kissed the tanned knuckles. He rested them over his chest, above his heart, placing his own larger hands over them. He couldn't help but notice that they were similar in build. Strong yet slender. Long fingers that aided maneuvering their wand when dueling. He couldn't help but softly stroke the tops of them, noticing how his left hand was bandaged.

"Years ago, when I was your age, I was attacked by six Slytherin students on the edge of the Forbidden Forest. They all were seventh years while I was a fifth year. I could have easily taken them, or at the very least put up a better fight. As a Black and the Heir of the family I was trained from an early age in defense, the Dark Arts and dueling. Unfortunately, they caught me unaware when I had my hands full. Before I was able to grab my wand, I got hit by three stunners." Sirius had to stop for a moment. It was hard recounting what had happened that day.

What was done to him.

What was taken.

"They hurt you." Harry gripped the fabric of Sirius' shirt that lay under his hands tightly. As though the very thought of him being hurt caused Harry immense pain.

"Yes, they did." Sirius said simply.

"Who?" The question is harsh. As though he wishes to know who Sirius needs to be protected from. 

"Their names don't matter right now, Harry." Sirius said soothingly. He knew how Harry felt. They were one and the same when it came to their emotions. They loved fiercely and completely. The thought of someone they loved being hurt, even so many years ago, sent protectiveness and righteousness coursing through their bodies. Wanting to take away the pain and wrong that was done.

"When I woke up from the stunners, they had managed to drag me far into the forest. What they did..." Sirius has to stop himself from going on. He knows Harry has seen a lot, has been through more than even war veterans. Still, he thought it best to spare the details. 

"I won't get into details, but it was hours before they left. It was hours after that that James and Remus managed to find me. They alerted Minnie that I was missing, and a search party was sent out. They refused to return to the dorms and demanded to be part of the search. Even with their fear of Minnie they refused to hear anything against them searching for me and faced two months of detention and 50 house points each." Sirius felt the love he had for the two other men rise in his chest. They were always there for him no matter what. He would never be able to put into words how grateful he was now that he had Remus back.

How he still ached and mourned for James.

"Remus was the first one to find me. I would be dead if he hadn't." He could feel the hands that were placed over his heart tremble slightly. The anguished look on Harry’s face hurt Sirius to see. Gently, he squeezed the smaller hands reminding the boy that he was okay, that he was right there with him. 

"Your father wasn't far behind. I was in rough shape but with them there, I knew it was going to be alright." It was true. Sirius had thought that he was going to die but with Remus and James by his side, he knew they would never allow that to happen.

"I ended up passing out when Poppy tried to do a scan to find out what had happened to me. Next thing I knew I was lying in bed in the hospital wing with Remus and James on either side of me. Much like how I'm sure Ron and Hermione have been at your bedside." He saw a shaky smile rise on his lips. It reminded him of Regulus, before he had started Hogwarts.

"It was then that I found out the full extent of the damage that was done to me. I could already guess most of it as I'm a Black and I recognized most of the curses they used. What I learned though is that due to the attack and one of the curses thrown at me I was made..." Sirius choked on the words. He had to clear his throat which felt raw and tight, making it nearly impossible to swallow. Taking in a shuddering breath he steeled his nerves and continued.

"I was made infertile. I lost the ability to have my own children." He watched as Harry’s eyes grew large and round. Mouth slightly opened in shock. 

"I knew what it meant even at that age. What had been taken from me. Growing up the way I did I always dreamed of having my own children that I could love the way I was never loved by my parents. That I could be for them what I wished I had for myself." He watched the emotions fill Harry up. It wasn't pity.

It was never pity with Harry.

They both understood each other well. Too well for Sirius' peace of mind.

Sirius hated what it meant that Harry understood what he had lost. He hated the fact that he was much the same as himself. That he longed for a family of his own to love due to the lack of love he was raised with.

"Your dad and Remus were with me when I found out. They saw how it gutted me." He can see how the news affected Harry. How he felt the grief for Sirius that Sirius felt for himself all those years ago.

"Sirius, I'm so..." Sirius cuts Harry off with a shake of his head.

"There is nothing for you to be sorry for. Not you. Since that day, you have given me more than I could have ever imagined." Sirius watched as confusion and questions danced in the bright emerald eyes.

"Years later we found out that you were on the way. I couldn't be happier. I was never going to have my own kids, but I was going to have you. I was chosen to be your godfather, Uncle Padfoot." He let the joy he felt at the news of finding out about the amazing boy in front of him shine on his face. Watching as Harry smiled a small shy, yet pleased smile spread on his face. 

In a sense, I moved in with Prongs and Lil’s. Did everything I could to help. To make your mother's pregnancy as easy as possible. Your dad would crack jokes about who the father really was because he would come home to find me talking to your mother's stomach. Made jokes that I had forgotten about him and was only there for you." The sound of Harry’s soft laughter brought memories of the way he would squeal with glee as a baby whenever Sirius entered the room. 

"Then you were born. I knew I loved you from the time I learned that Lily was pregnant. I didn't realize how much, how intensely, until you were put into my arms." Sirius remembers that exact moment. Remembered how all the darkness, all the loss, the grief, the fear, how it all disappeared when that small, delicate, precious bundle was put in his arms. How his world became centered on the small weight he held close to his chest.

"A few days after you were born, I was holding you after rocking you to sleep. Your parents sat on either side of me. They each wrapped an arm around me, and I never had a stronger sense of family until that moment." He could no longer hold back his tears. They slowly made their way down his cheeks, one after another. He watched as tears flowed from Harry's eyes, making the green even more vibrant. 

"Your mother looked at me and told me she knew how much I loved you, how much you mattered to me. Your father told me that there wasn't a person he trusted more than me with you." He remembered what those words meant to him. What they still mean to him now. Sirius didn't think a greater honor had ever been bestowed upon him at that moment. He only realized a few moments later that an even bigger honor was going to be given to him. 

"Said that if anything were to happen to them, they wanted me to raise you. That they knew that I would raise you as my own. That they wanted you to be mine as much as you were theirs." Sirius recalled those words being spoken to him as if they were just spoken moments ago.

Knew what they meant.

The weight of them.

The trust. 

"What do you mean, Sirius? As much as I am theirs?" His boy didn't understand but he knew it was significant.

"There's a ritual. It's old. Blood Magick. It was used when prominent families were unable to have children of their own. They needed a way to keep the family name alive." Sirius was getting to the reason why they were having this conversation. His nerves were shot but Harry had every right to know.

"Blood adoption." Two simple words that carry so much weight in them. So much meaning.

"Blood adoption?" Harry asks breathlessly.

Sirius nodded his head.

"Blood adoption is a ritual. It's long and complicated. There are a few cases where it would take place. The first being as I just mentioned. Prominent families who are unable to have their own children and need Heirs to continue the family line. The second group were those who wanted to have kids but couldn't for whatever reason. As if they were their own, they would adopt children who had no one to care for them." Sirius watched as a realization slowly spread across Harry's face. 

"The third was when parents already had a child but feared for their child's safety. They would make precautions that could not be undermined should the unthinkable happen. If they are no longer able to protect their child themselves. It would allow their chosen person to raise their child uncontested." Sirius took a deep breath and gently squeezed the hands still in his grasp.

"The parents would pick someone they trusted inexplicably and without question. All four people, the child, the parents, and the chosen person would take part in the ritual. The end result is that the trusted person would become the child's third parent. As much as a parent as the two who had created him. They would share history, family, blood and Magick." Now that he's saying the words, they flow from his mouth easier than he thought they would. His fear doesn't stop him. His love for this boy pushes him forward.

"What are you saying, Sirius?" He sees that Harry is shaking. They both know what Sirius' words mean but Harry needs to hear them spoken aloud. 

"It means that you were always meant to come to me after your parents died. That on Halloween night 1981, James and Lily died but you still had another parent who was still alive. Another father. Someone who was supposed to love and protect you. To raise you and give you everything you deserved. Give you the childhood that James and Lily would have wished for you. You were never alone Harry. I was here. I should've been there for you. I'm so sorry I wasn't. They only thing I can do now is beg forgiveness for not being the father who raised you and pray that you still want me in your life now that you know how much I truly let you down." Sirius watched as his words registered. Watched as a series of emotions flew across his face and his tears flowed more rapidly from eyes so old on a face so young.

Loss, grief, pain.

It was never ending. 

They all broke Sirius' heart. It hurt to watch but Sirius couldn't look away. He watched the procession go on, never ending, anger, guilt and then the most intense look of hope, of longing. 

The breath was knocked out of Sirius as he was thrown backwards, landing on the hard cold floor, his head bouncing off the stone. His arms were filled with his boy, sobbing, and clutching at him desperately as though he was afraid if he let go Sirius would disappear. Harry's face was buried in his chest and Sirius could feel his tears dampening his shirt. 

Sirius realized that Harry wasn't pushing him away. Relief washed over the man, and he immediately wrapped his arms around the sobbing boy, bringing him even closer. He let his son sob into his chest. Held him as he released all the hurt, all the grief. The years of loneliness. 

Repositioning himself and his son, Sirius scooted both of them so that he was sitting on the carpet, his back leaning against the bed. He had one leg bent up at the knee, the other lying straight out. Harry was still crying into his chest, sobs wrecking his body. His son’s back was supported by Sirius' bent leg, his own legs thrown over Sirius' extended one. Harry's arms were now more securely and tightly wrapped around Sirius in their newly adopted position as the boy clutched at his father. 

"It's okay, Harry. I'm here. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I love you. Let it out it's okay. I'm here now. Always." Sirius whispered the soft words of love and comfort into Harry's hair. His own tears flowed into the inky locks making the curl slightly more pronounced. Sirius rubbed his hands up and down Harry’s back, offering all the comfort he could.

"I've got you, Harry. Let it out. I'm here. I'll never leave you again. Never. I promise. I love you more than anything in the world, son." Harry's sobs intensified with the last word. Sirius held him as his son’s whole body shook with the force of his tears. His cries became louder. He didn't let go. Holding on all the tighter. 

Sirius didn't know how long they had sat there. It could've been minutes; it could've been hours. There was no place Sirius would rather be. He had his son in his arms. 

Harry was no longer crying. When he had stopped, he tried to move away from Sirius as though he was embarrassed by his actions. Sirius let him know in no uncertain terms that he had nothing to be embarrassed about. That Sirius wanted nothing more than to be where he was at this very moment, with his son wrapped up in his arms. He knew Harry had heard the sincerity of his words as the boy melted back into his arms. 

He could tell that his son was on the verge of sleep. Sirius had spent countless hours watching Harry in this very state when he was a baby. His breathing was even and slow, his eyes were too heavy to keep open, and too stubborn to completely let sleep take him for fear of missing something. It still relaxes Sirius as it did all those years ago. 

"Sirius?" Harry called his name. Sirius looked down at his now opened gem-colored eyes. 

"Hmm." He acknowledged the boy in his arms, letting him know he was listening. Gently carding his hand through his son's hair, lightly scratching his scalp. 

"I know you told me why I didn't go with you. But why didn't anyone know that you had done the ritual? That you're my father?" Harry's voice held no accusation in it, only the wish to understand what had happened. 

Sirius kissed his forehead and took a deep breath. The scent of his boy calmed his roiling emotions that always came up whenever he thought about how they got to this moment in the here and now. 

"After the Blood Adoption, I performed another ritual. My ritual was to contain the knowledge of my connection with you. It hid the connection that we now shared from anyone who didn't already know. It was powerful magic. It was created to hide the knowledge of an Heir being born in a family that was in danger of going extinct. This family had enemies that were actively trying to wipe the family out. It allowed the Heir to grow up until he or she was of an age where they were no longer vulnerable and could defend themselves. The ritual prevented family tapestries from magically adding the child. It also stopped the identity of the child from showing up on the Inheritance Test. This is because less prominent branches of the family would take in hopes of trying to kill the Heir, and then overthrow the main branch. The only thing that would show up was that there was an Heir. No name, no date of birth, no gender." Sirius stopped and watched Harry's face, making sure he understood the explanation so far. When Harry nodded that he was following along, Sirius continued. 

"Blood Magic is considered Dark Magick. One of the Darkest there is. Despite what you may have assumed, Dark Magick does not equate to evil. There are four branches of Magick." Sirius stopped when he noticed the confused look on his son's face. 

"How are there only four branches of magic when in first year alone we have several different classes?" Harry’s question was full of confusion that Sirius was pleased to know he felt comfortable enough to ask him.

"Charms, Transfiguration, Potions, Runes, they're a class, a skill under one of the four branches of Magick. They're fluid, not always falling under the same branch. They vary from spell to spell, potion to potion, rune to rune. One charm will be Light while another can be Dark. Which branch a piece of Magick falls under is based on several factors that are used to manifest your Magick. The main ones are visualization, intention, emotion, and control." Sirius saw Harry nod his head along, his eyes intense as he listened to what Sirius had to say.

"All branches use each of those factors but depending on how much of each determines the branch it falls under." Sirius had dreamed countless times of being able to educate Harry all about Magick the way it should be taught. The way he knew Hogwarts would not teach. As a Black, and because his family was Ancient, he had a more profound understanding of Magick than most.

Being able to teach Harry now was a dream come true.

"The four branches of Magick are Light, Grey, Dark and Black Magick. Light Magick is the simplest form of Magick. It's nearly entirely based in visualization. Light spells are easy to cast that even the weakest Wixen can manage. One of the finest examples is the Lumos charm. Nearly everyone can manage to make their wand light up within the first few tries. It's intensity and brightness will vary based on how much Magick is push into the spell. To accomplish Lumos all one needs is their wand, Magick, to visualize a light at the tip of their wand, and then to incant 'Lumos'." Sirius explained to Harry to help him understand.

"So, the 'Point Me' spell would be considered light. Since it's like visualizing a compass to show you North." He couldn’t help the bubble of pride that welled up in him at how easily his son had caught on.

"Very well said, Harry. That's exactly right." Sirius watched as Harry’s cheeks stained red and he ducked his head in embarrassment, not used to hearing praise. Sirius made a promise to himself that he would praise Harry often. 

"Grey Magick, on the other hand, is primarily based on intention. Visualization is also needed but Grey Magick cannot be done if the one performing the spell does not commit to their intent." Sirius watches as Harry’s eyes spark with a thought.

"Transfiguration would be classified as Grey Magick, wouldn't it?" Harry was quick to ask, realization lighting his eyes.

"Exactly! Most of what transfiguration involves would be classified as Grey. That's fantastic Harry!" Harry’s faced burned a deeper red but he was glowing with the praise Sirius had given him. His smile was wide and proud. It was the best thing Sirius has ever seen. 

"Professor McGonagall would tell us that visualization was necessary for transfiguration. That we needed to have a clear picture of what we wanted our transformation to look like. In the end, if we didn't follow through on our intent, either nothing would happen, or we would get a half transformation. If we wanted to transfigure a bird into a glass goblet and we didn't follow through on our intent, the bird would turn into glass but not a goblet, or they would turn into a goblet but still have feathers." The green of his eyes shines bright like the color of spring. The happiness in them giving Sirius the warmth that he forgets for a moment that they're still amid the Scottish Winter. 

"You never cease to amaze me, Harry. You're an extraordinary person, you truly are. Not only do you have exceptional character; loyalty, bravery, selflessness, perseverance, and the greatest capacity for love, compassion, and forgiveness, you have an instinctual grasp of understanding and ability for Magick that not many people have." Every time the boy in his arms does or says something, Sirius feels the pride in him grow. He can't help but tell him so.

Harry should have grown up hearing how amazing he was. 

"I-I-I'm nothing special. Really, I'm not. It just makes sense when you explain it the way you do. There are loads of people better than me at magic. I mean Hermione is top of the class. I'm a mediocre student at most." Harry is quick to get flustered and brush off the praise, having never been given any.

"You're incredibly special, Harry. Not because of your name, not because of your scar. You're special because of who you are. In here." Sirius places his hand over Harry's heart. Sirius watches as his son lifts his own hand and wraps it around his larger one, holding Sirius' hand to his chest. He tightens his arm around Harry, holding him more securely to himself. 

"Yes, Hermione is no doubt an incredibly bright and talented witch. That doesn't diminish who you are though. I've been around your friend quite a bit over the summer and Christmas holidays. Her knowledge is gained through books, and as a result her learning ability is very rigid. It'll be extremely difficult for her if something that she has read is contradicted." The amount of knowledge that the young girl has acquired and gained throughout her time in the Magical World is astounding. However, if she were to come across something in conversation that challenges her world view and is not supported by the books she is so fond of, she would be unlikely to listen and learn.

"You, on the other hand. Your more fluid. Books can't hold your attention. The words on the page are just that, words. They don't allow you to see and feel the Magick. You learn by observation, experience, feeling, and intuition. It's why that even though you don't have as strong of a grasp on the theory, your practical is years above your age. You feel the magic, the way it flows through you, the way it responds to your will and emotions. After that, you're better at controlling it. For you, theory is just theory. It isn't Magick. Magick is Magick." Magick was instinctual for Harry. He needed to feel it fill him up, flow through him. Magick wasn’t words on a page to people like them, Magick just was.

"I've never been able to explain it. I've always thought... how... how did you know?" Harry's voice was small yet hopeful. There had probably been a feeling that something was wrong with him because he couldn't grasp the theory. Felt as though he wasn't worthy of his gift. Confused at why he was able to complete feats of Magick that others older than him couldn’t, and yet, barely scrape a passing grade on an assignment. Hopeful that maybe someone could explain it all to him.

Sirius will do everything he can to be that person. 

"I'm the same way. Most of the Black family is. Our power is based on our emotion. It fuels our intentions, our sense of self, and our connection to our Magick. Our emotions allow us to feel when we cast, to feel what it's like to cast, and to learn from it. To learn our Magick better. The way it feels, the way we use it, and how to better use it. Making us stronger. Our connection to Magick is deeper. It's why Dark witches and wizards are usually stronger than their counterparts. When we cast, we put our entire selves, everything we feel into our Magick. It’s also why we can tend to lose a bit of sanity because we allow our Magick to consume us. It’s imperative for us to learn to pace and anchor ourselves to not lose ourselves.” It’s why his family, the Black Family, is infamous for a strain of insanity.

"Emotion. That's what fuels Dark Magick." It wasn't a question. Harry already knew.

Sirius answered him anyway. 

"Yes, Dark Magick is based in emotion. It's why it has the bad reputation it currently has. Emotions, in and of themselves, are already powerful. People are willing go to extreme lengths for love, hate, anger, pride, jealousy and so on. Even Muggles have managed feats that are near miracles when emotions are high. When Magick is added it becomes even more powerful. More beautiful. More devastating. Compared to visualization and intent, emotion is more primal. A baser part of our being. Wilder. It's not always logical. You can't control what you feel. You can't control the intensity with which you feel it. Emotions can overwhelm even the strongest of people." Watching his son's face as he explained he saw the moment when he had made a realization.

"The Patronus Charm. It's a dark spell, isn't it? A powerful memory is needed to cast it. The more powerful the memory, the more powerful the Patronus is. Memory triggers emotion. The more powerful the memory, the more powerful the emotion. That's why casting it is also draining. It's like how you feel after you cry. You just want to lay down and go to sleep. Crying is emotionally draining. Casting the Patronus or using other Dark Magick drains you emotionally as well." It surprised Sirius at how fast Harry had made the connection. Was able to answer his own question. 

"Truly incredible. I don't think anyone would have been able to come to that conclusion as quickly as you did. Nor would they have been able to explain as well as you had. I'm truly impressed, Harry. I couldn't have explained it better myself." Harry’s face is red but full of shy pride at Sirius' praise. 

"That leaves Black Magick. Black Magick is about control." Harry scrunched his eyebrows together, a question brewing in his mind. Sirius stopped talking to allow him to ask his question. 

"Doesn't all Magick require control? To be able to control one's own Magick?" It's a valid question that Sirius will be more than happy to answer. 

"You're right that all branches of Magick require control from the caster. The control that it needed for Black Magick is different. It's not only control over oneself, but also over the natural order. Of nature's laws. Those who use it, end up paying a much higher price than those who use the other branches of Magick. Black Magick is the only branch of magic that 99% of the time is used for evil." Sirius can only think of one time that Black Magic was ever good. Even then, it came with a high price. 

"Nature has a cycle. We, as a part of nature, follow that cycle. We're more attuned to it because of our Magick. Magick lives in the air we breathe, the water we drink. It's in nature, the grass, the trees, the flowers, the animals, the Earth. Magick is nature and nature is Magick. Magick did not just appear when humans did. It existed before the first human beings took their first breath. It lived and flowed through the fauna and flora before us." He sees that Harry is enraptured by his words and it fills him with happiness that he's able to teach him this.

"There's a reason why the Magical World hasn't modernized like our Muggle counterpart. A lot of what Muggles use for construction is metal and man-made materials. As Wixen, we build from what we can get from nature. It's not because we think we're better than Muggles, it's because unconsciously we can feel the Magick flowing through the wood and stone, making us gravitate to those materials. Yes, we use metal in the Magical World, but not in an excessive amount. As opposed to those skyscrapers that are fully metal from top to bottom, when we use metal it's a quantity that a smith, primarily a goblin, can infuse with power." Sirius remembered when Lily had taken the Marauders to London, and they had gotten stuck in an elevator during a power outage.

Sirius was terrified.

Not because he was claustrophobic or had any of the usual fears associated with getting stuck. It was because the metal, the cables, the plastic all felt so cold, so lifeless.

It was a cage of death.

No Magick flowing through its hard surfaces.

"Then you have the way things are created. In our world, master craftsmen produce their wares by hand. As they make their product, Magick is woven into it. In the Muggle World, products are typically mass-produced in factories. We could never do that." It’s not like Sirius looked down on Muggles. In fact, he thought a lot of what they created was fascinating, ingenious really.

"As what we buy is usually enchanted or charmed in some manner, Magick is needed. If Magick is needed than so is visualization, intention, and emotion. Machines don't have any of that. They're programed, man-made. Magick doesn't, can't flow through them. They're not a part of nature." Will this boy ever cease to amaze him. 

"That's precisely right, Harry. I'm proud of you, words can't express how much." He couldn’t help but press a kiss to his forehead.

"Now, Black Magick disrupts the natural flow. For example, as we are a part of nature, we all live, and we all die. There is no bringing someone back from the dead, no matter how much we would like to. That's why necromancy is Black Magic. It breaks the natural order of life and death. It's why when a person is brought back, they are not brought back as themselves but as Inferi." Hating to mention the accursed monsters, it was the most suitable example Sirius could come up with.

"What about the Killing Curse? You said that being a part of nature means that we all live, and we all die. What happens if someone was killed before their time? Wouldn't that be considered Black Magick?" He hated that Harry had come to that conclusion as quickly as he did because Sirius knew it was from personal experience.

"You're right, Harry. The Killing Curse is considered Black Magic for that very reason. It disrupts the flow of the natural order of things." The ache in his chest was heavy at the thought of how many people he had lost to that particular curse. 

Watching his son's face morph into deep thought, Sirius waited a few moments so Harry could ask why he was thinking.

"If ending a life prematurely is considered Black Magic, what about extending one's life?" His question is a peculiar one and not one that Sirius had expected him to ask. 

"What do you mean?" He didn't understand the train of thought his son was taking. 

"Well, what about someone like Nicholas Flamel? He created the Philosopher's Stone which made the Elixir of Life. As the Elixir extended his life, he was well into his 600's when he died. Even though he did die, he extended his life by hundreds of years. Would that be counted as disrupting the natural order?" He couldn't help but stare at his son. Of course, he knew about Nicholas Flamel and his stone. The Philosopher's Stone was one of a kind. Nothing like it had ever been created before. No one has been able to make another since. Sirius was stunned, awestruck at the connection Harry had made. The leap of logic that brought him to his conclusion in a matter of moments after learning about it only moments before. 

"That's...that's...that's extraordinary, son. That truly is. Despite growing up learning about it, I had never even considered it. Your grasp is truly marvelous." Sirius couldn't help but stare at Harry. He knew the praise he had just showered his son with would make his boy flustered but he couldn't help it. He was so impressed by him, and Harry deserved to know it. 

"Yes, you're right. The Philosopher's Stone is Dark Magick. The Elixir of Life that it produces, which gives the drinker immortality, goes against nature. All living things must die. Some species live longer than others. Like us Wixen, we live longer than muggles, but just as muggles, we too must die." He couldn't wait to tell Moony just how well Harry's grasp of Magick was. 

"So, if Dark Magick is a branch of Magick, then why are some people called Dark Wizards and Witches? Why are those that are considered Dark also always considered evil? " Sirius had figured this would come up when he started explaining the branches of Magick.

"Whether a witch, wizard, or a family is considered Light or Dark, it does not mean good or evil. Light does not equate to someone being good, just as Dark does not equate to someone being evil. A person being Light or Dark describes the affinity they have for Magick and how they use it. People who have a Light affiliation use Magick more as a tool. It's a tool to accomplish what their intention is. Light is intention based." It's always a challenge to explain Light affiliation as it was not what he was, what he had grown up around.

"People who have a Dark affiliation don't use Magick. To us, it is not a tool. We are the tool. Magick uses us. Our Magick is not based on our logic or rational intention. Our emotions form the basis of our Magick. We feel Magick. It's not the power we feel but what the power makes us feel. Since it's our emotions that are our connection to Magick, Magick itself is connected to our emotions. Our wants and desires, our fears and anger. Magick knows us more intimately than anyone or anything will ever know us. We cannot hide what we feel from Magick like we can do with people. Even those who we trust most. Since we cannot hide from our Magick, we are more attuned to it. It's why Dark Wizards and Witches are typically more powerful than their light counterparts. It's why there have been Dark Lord's and Lady's in the past and not Light ones. And not all Dark Lords and Ladies were inherently evil." It was imperative for Sirius to stress the importance of the difference between Dark and evil. His son's experiences in the Magical World taught him to think that there was no difference. That if you were Dark, you were evil. He knew Harry was like him, a Dark Wizard. He didn't want Harry to end up fearing or hating himself because of his affiliation. 

"It wasn't until after Grindelwald that Dark became synonymous with evil. The last Dark Lord before Grindelwald was centuries before anyone was alive. We read and learn about them through the historians that wrote about them. To most, it was just a story. There was a disconnect between us as people today, and the people who had lived under those circumstances." It's nothing like witnessing it yourself, losing those you love most to really put things in perspective, Sirius thought. 

"When Grindelwald came into power, times were different. Now we were able to take photos of his and his followers' deeds. They were printed in newspapers. The entire Magical population was able to see with their own eyes the egregious atrocities that were committed. The destruction, the devastation. All the death. Everyone was made to bear witness to the crimes of the first Dark Lord in centuries. It was no longer a story. No longer just words on a page talking about history long past. It was real. If it wasn't touching you, it was touching someone you knew." Everyone felt the effects of it. It was a World War. Muggle and Magical.

"To the magical population, Dark Lord had become Dark Magick. Dark Magick was what people started to blame, what they started to fear. Dark Magick became a casualty just as much as the people." It hurt Sirius to say. 

"It only became worse when Voldemort came into power. Grindelwald may have been the first Dark Lord in centuries, but Voldemort was more powerful magically than Grindelwald ever could hope to be. Grindelwald was powerful, but his true power lay in the way he could seduce wise and powerful people, inspire the disenfranchised and gullible, and make them believe in him and his ideology." Even at his worst Grindelwald was still charming, still sane.

"Voldemort was much the same as Grindelwald. He was able to turn family on family, brother against brother, sister against sister, child against parent. Families that had not even given in to Grindelwald all flocked to Voldemort. The sheer strength and power of his Magick was greater than anyone has ever witnessed before. So, we're his malice and crimes against humanity." Very few of Sirius' own family, only two aunts, had joined Grindelwald. Voldemort nearly decimated the Black Family with how fanatical most of them had become.

"He, along with his followers had slaughtered people by the dozens. Entire Muggle villages would be razed to the ground with no survivors. Men, women, children, it didn't matter to them. It was vicious, brutal, sickening. They took pleasure in it all. They wanted a world free of Muggles, how they did it did not matter to them." How it disgusted Sirius that he shared Blood, had shared a Name, with some of those who had caused so much death and destruction.

"The Statute of Secrecy was being threatened. The nature of the attacks was so damaging and brutal that it became nearly impossible for us to come up with explanations to the Muggle population. Relations between the Magical and Muggle Ministers were at their lowest, rife with tension. The Muggle Prime Minister blamed our government for their inability to stop the ones responsible." Their Ministry had been trying to stop it, doing everything they could but it was an uphill battle. The Muggle Prime Minister didn't want to hear any excuses though. Sirius couldn't blame him, the people who he was in charged to protect were being slaughtered by forces he could not fight. He was just happy that Eugenia Jenkins was gone before Thatcher became Prime Minister. Thatcher would've chewed Jenkins up, spit her out and stomped on what was left. Minchum managed to survive, at least marginally. 

"It started to be reported on. Photos of destroyed villages covered The Prophet and other news outlets. Photos of men, women, children, babies, entire families with smiling happy faces littered the pages. Words 'Victims of Recent Grisly Attack: No Survivors' were written under those photos. It made the magical population sick. Scared." He remembered how he hated opening the paper. He didn't know these people that were being killed but he knew his family had aided in their murder. 

"Then the attacks started on us. First, with the Aurors and Ministry workers who were actively trying to capture those responsible. Trying to end their Reign of Terror. It only escalated from there. Muggleborns and their families would be brutally attacked in public, murdered in their homes. More and more Muggleborns would end up dead. Then those associated with them. Half-Bloods, Blood Traitors. All those who did not follow the Pure Blood Doctrine would soon end up dead. Once again, the Magical World was gripped in fear. They blamed the Dark Lord. They blamed Dark Magick." He remembers how much he had looked through the papers, hoping he wouldn't recognize anyone. How relief would flow through him when he didn't. When grief and 'why couldn't it be someone else' when he did.

It filled him with guilt and shame, but he had grown tired of losing loved ones. 

"Those who were Dark had already been looked at negatively since Grindelwald. Now it was worse. Fear, contempt, scorn followed all who were Dark. They were look at as though they were the ones to blame for what Voldemort was doing. That because they were Dark, they were one of his followers." It's how Voldemort had gained so many followers. The fear and persecution the Dark had faced from the rest of society.

"The Dark became a pariah. Dark Magick became even more restricted due to fear." It made the Dark feel as though if they wanted to survive, they would need to shun Dark Magick. What made them who they were. Their very being.

"Our Magick, rituals, traditions, religion, and heritage had been steadily under attack for the last century due to us trying to make the Muggleborn Christians that came into our world more comfortable. We were forced to change who we were to appease them, rather than teach them who we are. What they were now part of. The Dark took this the hardest as we are more connected to Magick. Our rituals, traditions, religion, and heritage help us stay attuned to Magick. It revitalizes our Magick." Sirius loved the Dark. The Dark was a part of him. He wouldn't change it even if he could. 

"It's why many who were seduced to follow Grindelwald were Dark. They were promised an end to the appeasement of Muggleborns and the persecution of Magick. To be able to openly practice Magick, celebrate their holidays, perform their rituals within the Magical World. They wanted to teach their ways so Muggleborns could learn about Magick and the world they were now a part of." They wanted the freedom to be who they were. To teach their ways to newMagicals. To love and practice Magick as it had been done for centuries before the persecution started. 

"Now since the Dark and their Magick were openly scorned and persecuted more than before by the rest of the Magical population, they became isolated, hopeless, and some had become extremely resentful." 

"A lot, not all, but most Dark Magicals end up in Slytherin. Slytherin House is the House that follows the Olde Ways. The Olde Ways which is mainly made up of Dark Magick. Not only that but after the restrictions had started to be put on Dark Magick, Dark families, and families who weren't Dark but Traditional had to hide from the government and the public to practice their ways. It was cunning that they had to use for self-preservation and the preservation of Dark Magick. It's why Slytherins are often thought of as malicious and evil witches and wizards. It didn't help that Voldemort claimed to be a descendant of Salazar Slytherin. A claim that all believed to be true since he carried the Family Gift of being able to talk to snakes." The fact Dark Magick was compared to Voldemort hurt Sirius more than he could put into words. 

"Some of the Dark were scared of what would become of them, their families, and their traditions that they felt as though they had no choice but to join Voldemort. Others were pushed by fear for their own safety from their peers and others around them. They would be openly treated as though they were a leper to society. As a result, they too ended up flocking to Voldemort." His baby brother fell into the second category. He would have done everything he could to protect his brother.

Why wouldn't he let Sirius protect him?

"They did not believe nor condone the violence that Voldemort and his Death Eaters had inflicted upon both the Muggle and Magical World. They blamed him for the persecution they were now under. But the response to his devastation from the Ministry and much of the Magical public made him the only choice to potentially save themselves, their families, and Dark Magick." Reggie, oh Merlin, Reggie. Why did he join? He never should've. He was always too sweet, too kind, too soft. Reggie was a Black. He would have no choice but to be in Voldemort’s Inner Circle. He would not have been able to do the things they did.

He didn't.

That's why he died at 18. 

His sweet baby brother. 

He needed a moment to collect himself. Sirius knew Harry could hear the tears in his voice, see the pain in his face. He felt Harry squeeze his hand gently. Appreciating the gesture and the moment Harry was giving him to collect himself, Sirius lightly squeezed his hand back.

Regulus was gone but Harry was here. 

He'd die before he lost his son too.

"That's why no one knew of the Blood Adoption. Blood Magick is one of the Darkest of Magicks. It's not only a spell. It's a ritual that involves the blood of the father who is adopting the child into his family, and the blood of the child. Blood is one of the most powerful and emotional ingredients a person could ever use. It is a part of us, a part of our very being. Our Magick flows through our blood, it's saturated in it. Giving blood is giving a part of yourself. It's a sacrifice. Whether or not it was willingly or unwillingly given. The emotion that is tied to the sacrifice is saturated in the blood. The more intense the emotion you feel during the sacrifice, the stronger the ritual is." He watched as a dawning realization washed over the features of his son's face. The widening of the green irises behind the circular glasses. In their eyes, they look like they aren't here in the present but are looking back at days gone by. His lips slightly parted from his sharp intake of breath. Body as still as a statue as though he is trapped in his own head. 

It worried Sirius. He wanted to make sure Harry was alright, to get his attention. He knew Harry wouldn't appreciate that. Harry needed time to work out what he was thinking. It hurt Sirius knowing that he had a decent idea of where his mind was heading. 

"That's why he used my blood to bring himself back. 'Blood of the Enemy, you shall renew your foe.' That's what Pettigrew said when he cut into my arm and took my blood for the ritual. He didn't have a shortage of enemies. Even people on his own side blamed and hated him for the persecution of the Dark. It would've been easier, more convenient to use anyone else. But he didn't. He used me. He used me because he killed my parents. Made me an orphan." The emotion in Harry's voice cut deeper into Sirius than any curse could. 

"He tried to kill me. Wanted me dead." Sirius closed his eyes as a tear slid down his face. He could have lost his son. Lost him before Harry knew how much he truly meant to him. 

"He took my chance of a happy childhood with them." Sirius couldn't help but pull Harry even closer to him. Wrapped his arms more tightly. He pressed a kiss to his head after hearing the pain in his voice.

"He took everything from me." Sirius heard the tears in his son's voice, felt his tears soak through his shirt. It hurts seeing him like this. He wanted to take the pain away so Sirius did what he could. He held onto Harry and let him cry his pain and grief out. 

It wasn't long before Harry managed to stop his tears and control his breathing. 

"I hear them. When the Dementors are close. I hear them that night. Their fear, their desperation." No. Why was it his boy? Why was it always his son? Why did Harry have to always endure such pain, such horror? 

"I hear it. I hear them die." The hollowness in Harry's voice was more painful than the years of loneliness Sirius had endured in Azkaban. He watched as Harry closed his eyes and swallowed the pain down. 

Suddenly, his eyes snapped opened. Sirius was looking into green fire that burned with fury, scorching Sirius with their intensity.

"Pettigrew knew." The ferocity and power of those words knocked the breath out of him. His son was a Potter. He was also undeniably a Black. 

"He was around when I told Ron and Hermione. He knew what it did to me. The pain it caused to hear their voices for the first time, and it was from their deaths. He knew how much I hated Voldemort because of it." The calmness in Harry's voice belied its savagery. The way his words, not so much the words themselves, but the underlying emotion, can cut deeper than a physical blow. 

"Pettigrew knew what I had to endure after their deaths. With the Dursleys. He was with Fred, George, and Ron when they broke me out the summer before second year. He knew how much I hated it there. How much they hated me there. He knew that I blamed it all on Voldemort." The power that radiated from his son floored Sirius. He watched from the corner of his eye as the fire in the grate rose and burned brighter with the magic seeping out of Harry. As though a thunderstorm was approaching, the room began to smell of ozone. 

What amazed Sirius even more was the way he was able to hold on. The way he was able to take control of his emotions. Calm himself. 

With all the hurt and anger Harry felt, he would not allow it to consume him. He would not let it control him. 

He would not let hate win.

Harry to his very core was good.

Pure.

"He told Voldemort everything. That's why Voldemort used me. My emotions towards him were stronger, deeper than anyone else. It wasn't because he failed to kill me as a baby. It wasn't because I stopped him from coming back into power twice. It was because my blood would make the ritual the strongest it could be. My blood would make him the strongest." Peter. His betrayal never ends. Sirius had thought that the worst of his betrayal was over when he saw the dead bodies of his brother and sister. When he saw his godson, his son, with a bloody wound on his head, crying his eyes out for his mother while having to look at her lying dead on the floor. 

The betrayal didn't end that Halloween night. Peter had watched this boy, James' boy, for three years. There was no way that he couldn't have seen James in Harry. That the memories of their time at Hogwarts, their friendship, their brotherhood, everything they had done for each other, everything they had been through together, weren't replaying themselves in his head while watching this boy and his friends. 

The betrayal hasn't stopped. Not since the first sniveling whisper of Order information was given to Voldemort. Not when his family's bodies lay cooling on the ground, their son's cries echoing the pain in his heart.

No, the betrayal hasn't stopped, its only gotten worse. 

Sirius looked down at Harry and saw that there was a question brewing in his eyes. 

"How come no one told me before? How come you didn't tell me?" Harry's voice is soft, sadness and frustration lingering in it. Sirius could tell that he was tired of not being told things. Not being told what he should know about himself. He's the one who suffers from it. The one whose life is always at risk. Harry was hurt that Sirius hadn't told him this before. 

"Dumbledore thought it was best. He thought telling you the bare minimum would be sufficient. That Voldemort went after you, chose your blood, was because of your mother's protection. While that is partly true it wasn't the full truth, nor the main reason behind his choice." Sirius was tired of following what Dumbledore said. His son had a right to know everything. 

"Why are you telling me now?" Sirius can hear what he's really asking. 

"When did what I wanted become more important than what Dumbledore wanted? When did I become more important? How do I know that this isn't temporary? That you won't start doing what he says just because he says it? I need to know that I can trust you. Please, I want to trust you."

"Dumbledore isn't your father. I am. You are my son. My job is to love you, to protect you. It's so very easy to love you. Easier and more natural than breathing. I still loved you even when I couldn't protect you." Loving Harry is what got him through the days when Azkaban was closest. 

"Dumbledore had taken on the role of making decisions to protect you when I couldn't. He has failed. Time and time again. He treats you like a child when he is one of the reasons you never had the chance to be one." He must control himself as Sirius felt a fresh wave of anger go through him. 

"I don't believe the Headmaster is a bad person. I believe he's had too much power for too long. He has gotten used to making decisions. Decisions that have enormous consequences. Consequences that he is not the subject of and do not affect him as much as they do others." He believes Dumbledore forgets that they are all actual, living, breathing people. Not pieces on a chess board.

"He put you with the Dursleys. Continued to send you there even after your first year. It would have been obvious that you were mistreated and unhappy. From the moment Dumbledore placed you with your aunt and uncle he became responsible as your Magical Guardian. He had taken up the role to look after you, to look after your safety. That was his reasoning for placing you with the Dursleys. When he took on that responsibility it was up to him to ensure you were not only safe from outside forces, like Voldemort and his Death Eaters. It also became his duty to ensure you were safe with the people he had entrusted you with. To make sure they were treating you right. To make sure you were being loved like you deserved to be. Your happiness was just as paramount as your safety.” Except, Sirius believed that Harry’s happiness was not that relevant to Dumbledore’s plans. 

"The Headmaster had failed in all his responsibilities to you. He had believed what he thought he was doing was the most appropriate course of action. He was thinking as a General. As the leader of the fight against Voldemort. He was not acting as your Magical Guardian as he should have.” Dumbledore disregarded so easily what Sirius had mourned when snatched away, the chance to raise Harry.

"Most of what Dumbledore does he does because he thinks it is for the Greater Good. He manipulates people and situations in order to further his cause. His position in society, the power he wields, makes him believe that what he does is for all. That it's the most appropriate course of action. He has done the one thing that has brought the mightiest of men to their knees and crumbled entire dynasties. He started believing in his own hubris. Thinking that all the decisions he has made and continues to make are the right decisions. Not listening to the people around him. That's if the people around try to contradict him.” Shame wells up in Sirius when he remembers he was one of those people who never questioned Dumbledore. Looking at Harry, Sirius knew he would never be able to not question his old Headmaster now.

"I had told Dumbledore in the summer that the way he was handling everything with you was wrong. That he shouldn't keep you in the dark. That if he really wanted to protect you, he would keep you informed or you would end up trying to find out on your own. That it could lead to you or someone else getting hurt or worse. He would not listen. To me. To Remus. Dumbledore believed his way was best. Unfortunately, like everyone else we chose to listen to him. We weren't happy about it; we were beyond angry. We pushed the boundaries on what he wanted you to know. In the end, we still kowtowed to his orders. Then Arthur was attacked. It proved to Remus and me that Dumbledore was wrong. That our trust in him knowing what was best was misplaced. You staying during the Christmas holidays further confirmed that." He should not have listened to Dumbledore. Sirius knew, even in the short time that he had with Harry that Harry was not one to sit idly by. He should’ve listened to his instincts.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

"My mistakes are my own. I own up to all of them. I've had 12 years in Azkaban to think about it all. I was ready to take you the night James and Lily died. I pulled you from the rubble. Holding you in my arms as you cried. You were my anchor in the chaos that had unfolded. You were the only thing that kept me grounded, kept me sane. When I got you outside the house, Hagrid showed up and demanded to take you at Dumbledore's command. There was no fighting him. No matter how much I wanted to. Not with you, tiny, hurt, vulnerable, at risk of being hurt further. I had reasoned with myself that it was better to give you to Hagrid than to put up the fight I truly wished to.” Oh, how the one mistake, his biggest regret, would shape all their lives for the worse.

"I reasoned with myself that if Hagrid were to take you, Dumbledore would be equipped to get you medical attention. That I'd be able to get the rat, ensure your safety from him. I knew the Aurors would not be able to apprehend him. He was an unregistered Animagus. As much as I hate to admit it, he wasn't as stupid as everyone thought he was. If he had been, he would never have been able to accomplish what he did and stay under the radar as a spy in the Order. Not to mention that Peter had even outsmarted him, outmaneuvered him, one of the people who knew him best. 

"I knew that you wouldn't be safe as long as he was free and on the run. So, I went after him. Trying to make sure that I would be able to raise you without any fear that Peter could ever betray us again. Unfortunately, it didn't end as I had planned. He got the better of me. Framed me for Lily’s and James' murder. Blew up the street and killed all those Muggles. I was arrested and thrown into Azkaban. No trial. No due process. They tossed me in, locked me in, and never looked back.” It wasn’t even Azkaban, nor the Dementors’ presence that tormented him the most for those twelve years. It was being away from Harry.

"I learned after I escaped that you were left with your aunt and uncle on November 1, 1981." Sirius held his son's eyes. The green was so bright and beautiful that it was easy to forget all the ugliness there was in the world.

"I wasn't arrested until the night of November 2, 1981. The day after you were placed with the Dursleys.” Harry’s eyes grew wide with understanding.

"Dumbledore never intended to give you back to me. Never intended for me to raise you. Even if I had managed to apprehend Peter, he would have fought for you to remain at your aunt's.” Sirius voiced what both knew.

“Even during this past summer, he wanted you to remain with your aunt. I argued with him. Remus argued with him. It got so severe that Remus was taken off guard rotation. Every time he had to guard you, he saw how miserable you were. He saw how those filthy disgusting Muggles would talk to you, how they treated you. He was taken off the guard rotation after one day. He had watched you work outside all day. It was hot and humid. The sun was blaring down. You painted the shed and fence, weeded the garden, mowed the lawn, swept the stoop, the path, the sidewalk. It was never ending.” By the look on Harry’s face, he couldn’t recall the exact day.

How many days of his son’s life were like the one he just described?

"Not once did your aunt let you in. Not once did she ever give you food or water. The only time you got water was when you were able to sneak some from the hose. Remus knew that you must have snuck some by the way you were looking around to make sure no one was looking. Like it was something you knew you weren't supposed to do and if you did there would be consequences.” An embarrassed expression crossed Harry’s face as he ducked his head. It wasn’t Harry that should be embarrassed, it should be his relatives.

It made Sirius burn with rage.

"Your fat whale of an uncle had come home. You were just finishing sweeping up the bits from the lawn mower. Apparently, that was supposed to have been completed by the time he got home for he had cuffed you on the back of the head hard and started complaining. Then your aunt came out of the house complaining about how lazy you were. You were dragged in by the scruff of your neck.” If Sirius had been there, if he had seen someone lay a hand on his son, there would be no power in this world that would stop him from ripping them apart. What he would do…it you make Voldemort’s Inner Circle look as though they were only misbehaving children.

"There's something you have to understand about Remus. We're not just his family, we're his pack. It's the werewolf in him. You've been a part of that pack since your mother was pregnant with you. You're his cub, his child. He loves you more than anything in this world." The soft, sweet, tender smile on Harry’s face cools the rage down inside him. Reminds him that his amazing boy is with him now, away from the disgusting excuses of people. 

"When Remus saw the way they treated you after you worked all day long, without stopping, he was absolutely livid. The way you were when you worked spoke volumes. How your movements were almost mechanical. He could tell this wasn't the first time that they had you do that amount of work in one day while it was as hot as it was. It was obvious from the way you worked that you were used to physical labor. The way you snuck water showed that it wasn't the first time you had done so.” Sirius had met House Elves that were treated better than what was described to him about his son’s treatment.

"That day Remus had teamed up with Deadalus Diggle. Diggle had to restrain him numerous times throughout the day so that Remus didn't barge over to you and drag you away from them. The only reason why Diggle succeeded in that is because Remus did not want to hurt him. Trust me, very little can stand between Remus and what he wants when he puts his mind to it. Remus' biggest obstacle is always Remus himself." Remus always thought it was him being a werewolf that made him dangerous, but it was his love for those that were his, and the lengths he would resort to protect them, that made the man dangerous.

"Then when he saw how your uncle treated you. How your aunt had lied. The way they talked about you. The things they said." He couldn't help but clench his fists and grit his teeth. Sirius wasn’t even present that day but hearing about how his son was treated nearly set him into a furious rage.

A hand smaller than his grabbed his hand and squeezed comfortingly. The contact helped settle him.

Even now, Harry, his son, is his anchor.

"I only know what happened because it was time for guard rotation. Emmeline and Dora were going to take over. They watched as Remus knocked Dedalus out cold, no magic. He was making his way across the street when Dora ran after him, Emmeline to Dedalus to make sure he was alright. The only reason why Dora was able to catch him is because he got clipped by a passing car that didn't see him since he was invisible. Even that barely stopped him. However, it gave Dora enough time to reach him and tackle him to the ground.” Harry’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened in shock at what he heard.

Sirius hopes one day Harry will realize how loved he is.

"We were lucky that Dora was due for the next rotation. Had it been anyone else who had tried to stop Remus, they wouldn’t have been so lucky. He would have treated them as just another obstacle that was in the way of him protecting his cub. They would’ve been worse off than Diggle because now Remus was also hurt.” The pain from getting hit would not have made Remus weak. Instead, it would have made him feral. More deadly.

"Luckily, for your relatives, and as the person who had managed to take Remus down, Remus has an extremely soft spot for Dora. When he saw her, she was able to bring him back, make him think rationally and logically again. Bring Remus to the forefront of his own mind and push Moony back.” Merlin, were they lucky Tonks was able to bring Remus back. If not…no he didn’t want to think about what the repercussions would have brought upon Remus.

"Although, let me tell you, when Dora found out why Remus was in the state he was in, she regretted stopping him.” His little Nymphie had a ruthless streak in her that was worthy of her Black blood.

"Earlier in the summer Dumbledore had made it so Remus, Dora, and Kingsley were not assigned to guard duty together. My dear cousin Dora was nearly as dismayed and incandescent with rage as Remus was while watching the way your relatives treated you. She wasn’t one to hold Remus back in his retribution against your aunt and uncle on your behalf. Dora had come up with quite a few of the plans that made your uncle and aunt’s life a bit more difficult. Especially your uncle’s. She has a particular hatred for the man. Apparently, there were a few incidents with his car, one of which left him stranded on a deserted road for a few hours. His mobile was also dead, so he was unable to call anyone for help. It didn’t help that Tonks had cast a Notice Me Not charm and a Muggle Repellent charm before he got stuck, that he was completely ignored by the few cars passing by, until the charms had worn off." When Tonks was telling Sirius what she had done, smugness and self-satisfaction spilled from every pore. Sirius couldn't help but cackle in delight.

“That was Tonks? When Vernon got home, he was completely done. He was no longer furious and annoyed. He just wanted to be by himself and not be bothered by anyone or anything. All he did was get a bottle of brandy and a glass, then made his way to his bedroom. He stayed there for the rest of the day and the next. Petunia was so worried and anxious that in the morning she told me to make myself scarce. That I didn’t have to come back until it was time to prepare dinner. I spent the entire day at the library and park. It was the most peace I had gotten there for a long time. I must thank her when I see her next.” There was laughter in his voice and admiration in his emerald eyes.

"Yes, that was Dora. You see Harry, Blacks are very protective of the people we care about. They are vicious in their revenge if someone were to hurt them. We’ll go through extreme lengths to enact our retribution. We can get creative. Seeing as Dora is a Half-Blood, she has knowledge of the Muggle World that all our family before did not have. She uses that knowledge to her advantage as best she can. I’ll tell you now, it can be downright terrifying how she uses it.” Sirius wasn’t surprised at all at just how terrifying Dora was. Her mother was Andie and still to this day Sirius wouldn’t cross that woman.

"The only thing that causes her to curb anything truly malicious, is like you, Dora, to her core, is a good person. Also, she is an Auror and that is extremely important to her. She wouldn’t want to do anything that would sully her uniform and the oath she had made. It was very difficult for Dora when she decided to become an Auror. People knew her mother was once a Black, my cousin, my most loved and favorite cousin. With her relation to me, and my status as it was, she had to overcome intense scrutiny, and work three times as hard as anyone else. It was challenging work, but she made it. Now she is one of the best.” Sirius couldn’t help but feel guilt at what his recklessness in trying to capture Peter all those years had cost those closest to him.

"Well, after that incident with your uncle, Dora was no longer allowed to guard with Remus. Which upset both for more than one reason.” The forlorn staring between the two became nauseating quite quickly.

"Additionally, Kingsley is no longer allowed to guard with either of them. He was not as outwardly in his distaste for your relatives, but if you took a close look, you could tell that Kingsley did not approve of their behavior. Kingsley is an Auror, through and through. He will do what he needs to do to uphold his oath to protect and serve the public. It’s why he joined the Order. He may be going against the Ministry, but for him, it is necessary to do so to uphold the oath he had taken.” Kingsley was a man that Sirius greatly respected. Honestly, if there were more people in the Ministry like him, they wouldn’t have to worry about corruption and self-serving people in places of power.

"Dumbledore doesn’t know I know this, but Kingsley very nearly left the Order.” Sirius can easily recall the day where the normally calm man’s expression was twisted in distaste and anger.

 “Why would he do that? I thought he wanted to help because it was the right thing to do. Like you just said.” Harry asked shocked.

"Because of you.” Sirius said simply.

“Me?” Confusion was clear to hear in Harry’s voice.

"I told you, Harry. You are so incredibly easy to love.” An unmistakable look of fondness softened Sirius’ features and Harry’s face burned at the look.

“I…I…I know you said that. I don’t know what you mean. What does that have to do with anything?” At Harry’s question, Sirius placed a hand under his son’s cheek, tilting his head to look into the shy, sparkling eyes.

"It took no time at all for both Dora and Kingsley to grow fond of you and care about you. Not because of your name or status in society, but because of who you are. In here.” With his free hand, Sirius placed it over Harry’s heart.

"They’ve guarded you and saw with their own eyes how extraordinary you truly are, my son. They knew you had just endured more than most grown men, more than most veteran Aurors, had ever had to endure. Watched as day after day you picked yourself up and got on with your day. That even though you were weighed down and suffered with the pain, grief, and guilt of what you were forced to participate in and witness, watching Voldemort return and the murder of a friend, you carried on. You didn’t let it destroy you.” Sirius had witnessed as grown Witches and Wizards had been driven insane or cruel being forced through half of what his son endured.

"Yes, it had hurt you. It hurt you in a way few things could ever hurt you. Weakness, from already being hurt in the maze. Helplessness and fear at having to witness him rise again. A deeper anger than you’ve ever felt at the one who had aided the man who had killed your parents. The grief of witnessing the senseless and horrific murder of a friend and classmate. The guilt of not being able to save him. The blame you put on yourself for the part you feel you played in his death. The all-consuming fear of having to face Voldemort and his followers. The possibility of you dying.” His son was a child; he should never have suffered through any of this.

His son was already a veteran of war.

"Then you got away. You survived. Yet, there was no respite for you. You were forced to return to the one place you did not want to return to. A place that held no love or care for you. Your only hope for solace lay in letters from your friends, from me, that never came. For that, I am deeply sorry. He should have known, should have realized. Sirius had lived through the same each summer during his Hogwarts years until he ran away from Grimmauld Place at fifteen.

The same age as Harry is now.

"Your relatives didn't help matters at all. The way they treated you, the way they talked to you. Working you harder than a House Elf. You were already suffering from all you had been through at school. Instead, of leaving you be, they burden you more with all the hard labor they put you through. Even so, you remained steadfast. Compassionate. Kind. So good to your very core that you didn't let everything you had gone through, everything you had a right to feel, hate, bitterness, resentment, consume you.” Anyone other than Harry would have turned out bitter and broken.

If that was the case, if it was not Voldemort that killed his parents, everything Harry has been through could have forced him to the maniac’s side.

"Remus had told me that after yet another short letter from one of us, I believe I was the one who had sent it, for he had great amusement in your response. Not in the mood it put you in, but in the words he had managed to hear you grumble. I believe they were..." Sirius cleared his throat and put on his most angst-ridden teenage persona. 

"'The bloody git has the nerve to lecture me about keeping my head, staying put, and not getting into trouble. 'I did my waiting! Twelve years of it! In Azkaban!' The over dramatic ponce. Like he was one to keep his head, 'Only one will die tonight.' Such a magnificent example of keeping their head after being the only person to break out of Azkaban. Not to mention The Marauders. The. Bloody. Marauders. A group that was known to get into all sorts of trouble actively, and gleefully. Like oh, I don't know, becoming illegal Animagus. Both him and Remus. Hypocrites! The lot of them.'" Sirius watched with great humor as Harry steadily grew redder with each word he spoke until he resembled the color of the Hogwarts Express. He watched as his son ducked his head chagrined and tried to stutter out an apology. There was no reason Harry had to feel guilty. He was right, and Sirius planned to tell him so.

"It's okay, Harry. You were right. We should've never listened to Dumbledore when he said it wasn't safe to communicate with you.” They should have known better.

"Now even after the mood that my letter had put you in, rightfully so, when you heard the sounds of a panicked bird you stopped and searched for the source. You had found a Starling whose eggs recently hatched. As Remus had told me, the nest with the hatchlings in it was starting to fall. The mother was trying to do what she could to save her chicks, but the nest was too unstable. You had managed to save the chicks and brought them into the shed with you along with the mother. When you came out nearly an hour later, it was with a bird house in your hands and the mother Starling on your shoulder.” When the two Aurors told Sirius the story, he couldn’t even laugh at the tears in their eyes. They were in his eyes as well as the reminder of the person his son was.

"You put aside everything you were feeling, all that you were suffering through, and showed how kind, caring, and compassionate you were.” There was no way Sirius deserved a son as good as Harry.

There was no way he was ever willing to let him go.

"It wasn't anything major." His son's voice is soft and embarrassed as though the fact that his act of kindness wasn't much to note. 

"It was for that Starling. It meant the world to her and her babies.” It amazed him that Harry couldn’t see just how incredible and thoughtful he was.

"I just didn't want another family to be hurt. To be broken." Will his son ever cease to amaze him? Will he ever stop breaking his heart? The words were so quiet yet filled with so much emotion. It wasn't embarrassment that his son felt at having his act witnessed. It was the meaning behind it.

"I didn't want their family to be broken like mine was. Even if they are just birds. Everyone deserves a family." Sirius felt his heart splinter and crack at the pain in Harry’s words. 

"And because of you they weren't. They'll be able to grow strong and one day those baby Starlings will have nests of eggs of their own. That's why Kingsley nearly left the Order. As he's an Auror it's his duty to serve and protect the magical population. That includes you. Sitting by and watching a child be mistreated by their family is never right. Children are to be protected. It went against everything Kingsley was to not do anything about it. To not press charges on your aunt and uncle, haul them to the Ministry and into cells. The reason why he didn't was because of the atmosphere in the Ministry and the fact that Voldemort had returned. He thought it would be more dangerous for you if the Ministry became involved. He would have cared and did whatever he could to protect any child. With you though Harry, it was different. Guarding you, he saw who you were. Your compassion, your strength, the amazing person you are. Kingsley, as well as Dora, had grown to personally care for you, Harry. Not Harry Potter the Boy Who Lived, but just Harry.” It was obvious that Sirius' words struck a chord in Harry by the sharp intake of breath and the way he quickly wiped away a stray tear.

"Kingsley wouldn't stop either Remus or Dora in their silent war against your aunt and uncle. He merely covered up what they might have missed and curbed Remus' less than legal ideas. That's why Dumbledore barred them from pairing up for guard duty. They hated that you had to stay in a place where you were so obviously miserable and mistreated. Merlin, I hated it more than I could ever put into words. You're my son, you were meant to be with me.” He was always meant to have Harry. It’s what James and Lily wanted.

He failed them.

He won’t fail them again.

He won’t fail Harry.

"Dumbledore used the argument of your safety, that the Blood Wards would keep you safe from Voldemort. That you'll need their protection if you were to survive. The thought...the possibility... to lose you Harry. I can't. I can't lose you again. Never.” Losing Harry wasn’t an option for Sirius.

"Then you were attacked by the Dementors. I lost it. I nearly killed Dumbledore. He spent all summer telling me that you would be safe there. That no harm from the Magical World would be able to touch you. Now you had just been attacked by the Blackest of creatures in all the Magical World. The same creatures that I had been forced to endure for 12 years. I was livid. I attacked the Headmaster, used Black Family Magick for the first time in a long time. The only reason he is still alive was because I knew he was the only person who could attempt to reverse the expulsion and the snapping of your wand. Without that, I would have let the Family Magick truly lash out at him." There would have been no regret in his actions either.

"After your hearing, Dumbledore came to talk to me. He believed it wasn't Voldemort that sent the Dementors after you. If he was right, it meant the Blood Wards were still viable. That viability was burned and salted the moment you received that vision of the attack on Arthur.” If Harry was so protected by these words, they should have stopped the connection between Voldemort and his son.

They didn’t.

"From that moment on the small amount of trust that I had left in Dumbledore was completely ripped to shreds. Had he been right, you would never have received that vision.” The only benefit of that vision was they were able to save Arthur.

"Remus and I watched every night during the Christmas holidays as you went to bed with fear and trepidation. That you feared what you would dream of. Of what it would mean.” It reminded Sirius too much of himself. Sirius, who had lived through a house of horrors, a war, and twelve years rotting in Azkaban.

"And during the day, we got a glimpse of what our lives would have been like had I raised you as I should have. The memories we could have made. The laughs we could have had. The traditions we would have created. All the time we could have had together but were denied.” It was like a smack in the face. What could have been, so different from what they were left with.

"That's why I'm telling you all this now Harry. You’re my son, and I will always try to be as honest and open as I can. To be the father you deserve. That is, if you want me.” Sirius was determined to do everything in his power to be the father Harry deserved.

"Of course, I want you Padfoot. I love you." Harry wrapped his arms tightly around Sirius, tucking his head under Sirius’ chin.

Sirius couldn’t help but think that this is what peace feels like.

"I love you too Harry, more than you will ever know." Sirius felt Harry melt further into his chest and clutch harder at his robes at hearing his words. 

They held each other for a few moments and basked in the sense of family and no longer being alone. 

Sirius was startled when Harry suddenly sat bolt upright and looked into Sirius' eyes with fear, happiness, trepidation, and longing shining in the green fire of his eyes. He watched as his son worried his lip with nervousness as he tried to form the words of what he wanted to say or ask. Basking in the knowledge that even now, with this connection so new to his son, Harry trusts him enough to say what's on his mind. 

"What should I call you? I call you Sirius because you’re my godfather but you’re not just my godfather anymore. You’re my father. I could call you dad but when I think of dad I think of my dad. Well, James. Father would make me sound like Malfoy..." Harry's words immediately halted. Sirius watched at his face resembled one witnessing a horrific act.

"Oh. My. God. Malfoy. I'm related to Malfoy now. Malfoy, the twitchy little ferret. Merlin's saggy left bollock." He couldn't help himself. Sirius laughed at the horrified, disgusted look on his son's face.

"Yes, Harry you're related to Draco. Well get into all that later but don't worry about it now. Alright?” He couldn’t help the mirth he felt at Harry’s dramatic horror of being related to the Malfoys, although he understood the sentiment.

"Yeah, yeah, I can do that, alright. Just don't think about it. Should be easy." Apparently, it was going to take some effort for his son to settle so Sirius huffed out another small laugh and kissed his son's head.

"As for what you call me, that's up to you. James was, is your father. He always will be. You can continue to call me Sirius, there's no reason that must change. Especially before you’re ready. You just learned that you have a father that is still alive. I don't expect things to change overnight. I'm just happy you know and that you don't hate me. That you're happy that I'm your father." It was Sirius' turn to melt in the hug that Harry just initiated. 

He had feared for so long what his son's reaction would be to the knowledge that Sirius was his father. Spent countless nights lying awake with the thought that if Harry had ever learned, he would hate him. Hate him for not being there, for giving him to Hagrid, and for having to be raised by his Muggle relatives. The fact that Harry showed nothing but acceptance, love and happiness at the news healed a part of Sirius' soul that had been left aching and bleeding from fear and years exposed to the presence of Dementors. 

Sirius felt Harry shift in his arms to look at him. The wicked gleam in his son's eyes belied his look of innocence.

"Dadfoot." Sirius couldn't hold back the laughter that bubbled up. How many times had James made that joke? How many times had Lily? It brought fond memories back. 

"Your mother and father said the same thing. So did Remus when I told him about the Blood Adoption after I broke free." He managed to get out between chuckles. 

"So, if I decide to call you Dadfoot would that make Remus Moomy?" Another bark of laughter erupted from Sirius. Cheeky brat.

"My little Marauder. Oh, I can't wait until Remus hears that one. His reaction will be priceless.” He cackles as he imagines the look on his oldest friend’s face.

"You do know Remus and I aren't in a relationship like that. I'm not that Black that he fancies.” Sirius says as he wipes tears of laughter from his eyes.

"I know that but you two act like an old married couple most of the time. Besides...wait a second, Remus fancy's someone? Who?" The bewildered look on his son's face was adorable. Sirius just wanted to pinch his cheek.

So, he did.

Earning him a swat to the hand from the boy. 

Worth it. 

"Who do you think?" Harry was smart, Sirius knew he would figure it out quickly. He watched Harry's face and could tell that he was thinking about everything he had seen, heard, and been told. Quickly the dots started to connect, and a dawning realization washed across his face.

"Tonks?! Remus fancies Tonks?" Sirius didn't miss the mystified astonishment in Harry's voice. Nor did he miss the clatter of something metal clattering to the ground from outside the room they were in. He knew Remus heard Harry’s shout and that Sirius would be facing retribution.

Once again. 

Worth it. 

"Yes, Remus and Dora both like each other very much.” Now only if the old wolf would do something about it.

"You're okay with that?" His son's voice was skeptical, and Sirius wasn't sure what it meant or how he should take it. 

"What do you mean?" He wanted to know what his son was thinking.

"Well, Tonks is your cousin, your family. Remus is your best and oldest friend. He's your family too. You don't, I don't know, find it strange? Feel protective of them both?" Ah, now he understands. Of course, Harry would worry about that. He's dating his best friend's older brother. A best friend who is like a brother to him. 

"The only thing that bothers me about the whole thing is that Moony won't remove his head from his arse and do something about it." His brother was an amazing catch and Sirius wishes he could see it for himself.

"No, Harry, it doesn't bother me one bit that they both have feelings for each other. In fact, it makes me quite happy. Two people who I love dearly finding love with each other, I'm ecstatic about it. I trust both with each other. I have no doubt that they will love each other completely and fully for who they are, for good and for worse. It soothes a piece of my heart knowing that. It truly does." Sirius meant every word of it. He knows Remus will treat Dora with nothing less than the love and respect she deserves. As Dora will treat Remus as nothing less than the man she loves and wants to be with. He wants them to be happy, find happiness with each other. 

"I hope Remus and Tonks get together someday. He deserves to be happy. So does Tonks." The fact that his son wishes for the happiness of others when it is so scarce for him shows how amazing Harry is. 

Sirius was about to respond when he saw his son take a sharp intake of breath. Watched as his eyes widened and became unfocused as though his thoughts were far away. Body frozen resembling a statue. 

Suddenly, his eyes snapped to Sirius', and what Sirius saw knocked the breath out of him. 

A longing so intense and all-encompassing that Sirius could feel it. Fear so steeped in being rejected that Sirius could taste the bitterness of it in his mouth. Hope so desperate that he could feel it pumping into his own heart. 

"Tonks...she's your cousin. Your family. Does that mean she's part of my family? Will she want me to be her family?" The words are soft, soaked in all the emotions that are screaming on his face and in his eyes. 

"She won't hate the idea of being related to me? Like the Dursleys?" The fact that Harry doubted he could have blood family that loved him broke something within Sirius. That it was his own relatives, his own blood, that had him believing such a thing. 

"Dora already cares for you. When she finds out that you’re my son, my family, her family, she'll be thrilled. So will my cousin Andromeda, and her husband Ted, Dora's parents." They will love him with everything they have.

Sirius watched as Harry swallowed compulsively, trying to keep his tears at bay and sharply nodded his head to acknowledge Sirius' words. He gave his son a moment to gain control of his emotions. Felt the appreciative squeeze of his hand. 

"Who are we going to tell? That you’re my dad?" Hearing Harry refer to him as dad made it difficult for Sirius not to cry. He had never heard anything sound so sweet. 

"Anyone you want. It's all at your pace, Harry." He would shout it to the world. Sirius knows though that Harry is more private than him. Especially with the things he cares about. 

"I'm not ashamed of you, Sirius. I'm not. I don't want you to think that. I just want Tonks and her parents to know. Also, Fred, Ron, Hermione, George, and Ginny if that's alright. It's just...I... I need to protect this. It feels like something that needs to be protected." Harry's voice is filled with worry and anxiety. As if he were worried about how Sirius would feel about him not wanting to tell everyone. Worried that the more people that know, the more danger it will put Sirius in. 

Pulling the boy closer to him, Sirius held him to his chest and kissed his messy raven locks. 

"Like I said Harry, it's at your pace. Whatever you want, you hear me. I'm just happy that you know. You’re the only one that matters." It's true. All Sirius ever wanted to do was tell Harry that he was his son. Tell him about the connection that they share. Harry needed to know that was the most important thing to Sirius. 

"Thank you, Padfoot. For everything." The words were heartfelt and filled Sirius with so much love. 

"No, Harry. Thank you. Thank you for being the amazing person you are. I love you, son. With everything I am." Harry was his greatest treasure. Sirius will spend his life letting Harry know how precious he was to him. 

"I love you too, Siri." Sirius will do everything he can to be worthy of that love.

His son deserves nothing less.

Father and son held each other for a few moments. Not wanting to be anywhere else

Sirius cupped Harry's face and gave a kiss to his forehead.

"Think we should go check on Remus? He's probably been worried about us. He knew how difficult this was for me, how scared I was." Thank Merlin for Remus. If he hadn't knocked sense into Sirius, he may not have told Harry he was his father. 

"Yeah, let's go check on Moony." The smile on Harry's face was the brightest Sirius had ever seen it. 

Once they stood up, they had to work the feeling back into their legs. Even though the carpet they were sitting on was soft and comfortable, it was still a floor they had been sitting on for over an hour. 

Finally managing to regain feeling in their legs, they made their way to the door and out of the room. 

They were greeted with the scene of Remus pacing back and forth in front of the fireplace, a book that failed to distract his friend sitting on the sofa. 

When Remus noticed he was no longer alone he stopped abruptly. His eyes snapped to Sirius and Sirius couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. Remus eyes then turned to Harry, and he saw all the tension leak out of his best friend's body, soft smile lighting his face, making him look younger, happier. 

"Harry." Remus' voice was soft, filled with so much care and love. 

Sirius watched gleefully as Harry launched himself into Remus' arms. Watching as his brother in all but blood held his son as fiercely, tightly, and with so much tenderness as he could. A promise in and of itself that he wouldn't let this go. That their family, the family that they had so painstakingly built, would never be torn apart again. 

Even though they were gone, Sirius could feel James and Lily in that moment. He made a promise to them.

"Never again. Never again will our boy be alone. We're here for him now. Always. I promise." 

Liquid silver and burning amber met. Each knew what the other had promised, for they had each made the same promise. 

It was a few moments after that that Harry pulled himself back a bit to look at Remus' face. 

"So should I call you Moomy now, Remus?" Sirius doesn't know if it was Harry's innocent expression or the deadpan look that Remus now sported, but Sirius was sent into hysterical laughter. It wasn't long before the other two followed in. 

The laughter soon settled, and a sense of lightness and family washed over them all. 

It was the family they should've always had. 

"Thank you, Remus." Harry was sprawled on top of the two Marauders. His head was in Sirius' lap, his legs splayed over Remus'. The closeness was pleasant, comforting, after so many years alone. 

"Whatever for, cub?" The soft look on Remus' face was one he hadn't seen in a long time. It spoke of a sense of contentment neither had experienced in so long. 

"For knocking sense into Sirius. Getting him to tell me that he's my dad." Will Harry saying the word dad ever stop making Sirius' heart flutter?

He doesn't think so.

It makes Sirius smile even more.

"Harry, I've been knocking sense into your father since he was even younger than you. Both fathers in fact." The words are said with such resignation that Sirius would've been offended if it wasn't true. 

Harry heard it as well, and he laughed. 

"I'm just happy I was right, and everything worked out." The relief in his voice spoke to the truth in his words. 

"Harry decided that he didn't want everyone to know just yet. Just those closest to him, Hermione and the Weasley children that are here now. Also, Andie, Ted, and Dora." Sirius couldn't help giving his friend a sly look as he mentioned the Metamorphmagus. 

"Ahh..." The dog Animagus watched as the werewolf started to blush and had to clear his throat. 

"Speaking of Tonks, Sirius told me something about you and her." Harry’s voice is light, but there is no hint of teasing. 

"Is that so? Padfoot sometimes says more than he should. He also doesn't know what he's talking about most of the time." If looks could kill Sirius wouldn't even have a body to bury. 

"I know that." Sirius couldn't help the indigenous squawk he released at Harry’s agreement. 

"But in this case, I don't think he's wrong. Then maybe you should do something about it if you have feelings for each other. With everything that's happening, shouldn't we find happiness where we can?" He's blown away by the wisdom of his son in those few words. It's easy to see Remus is shocked as well.  

"It's not that easy Harry. With what I am…it would be better for Dora if she just forgets her feelings about me." It hurts Sirius to know that his friend doesn't believe he deserves happiness. It also makes him wish he could slap some sense into him. 

"With what you are? You mean a good man? Someone who is loyal and caring? Someone who would do everything they could for those they love. I think Tonks deserves someone like that. I think you should stop determining what's best for Tonks and let her decide for herself." Remus' jaw dropped. His eyes were wide with shock. Sirius has never seen him struggle with words. In all honesty, Sirius is in the same predicament as his friend. 

It takes a moment for Sirius to come out of his stupor, but he does. Remus still seems at a loss. 

"I couldn't have said it better myself, Harry. He's right, Remus. Allow yourself some happiness." His brother deserves to be happy. 

"I...I... I must think about it. I won't make any promises I may not be able to keep." It was more of a positive possibility than Sirius had ever managed to get out of Remus on the matter. He squeezed Harry’s shoulder slightly to indicate not to go on. He didn't want Remus to become self-conscious and vulnerable from his feelings for Dora being displayed and discussed. 

Sirius watched as Harry squeezed Remus' hand. The way Remus squeezed back and gave his son a soft smile. 

"You have more of your mother in you than you realize, Harry. Thank Merlin, for that." Remus was right, Sirius had no argument for that. Lilly was incredibly insightful and wise. He's happy that his son shares that with her. 

Remus cleared his throat to choke back the emotions that threatened to spill over. Once he had managed to get himself under control, his eyes turned to Sirius.

"Did you tell him?" He couldn't help the scowl that crossed his face and the deep sigh he released. 

"No. I thought it best to wait for Dumbledore for that. Seeing as he's the one who knows most about it. I fear that if I try to, I'll devolve into half sentences and incoherent cursing." He hated what his son would be made to go through. Hated what it could do to him. 

Remus sharply nodded his head. He wouldn't manage much better. 

"What didn't you tell me? You said you were going to be honest with me? That you wouldn't keep me in the dark anymore." His son's face was furious in its righteous anger. Eyes sparking with rage. A sheen of betrayal glossed them over. Sitting upright and rigid from his previous relaxed position. 

Before Harry could build his fury up even more, Sirius grabbed him and held him to his chest. He ran his hands through his son's hair until he felt the tension in Harry's body leach away. 

When his son was calm again Sirius looked at Remus. One word could describe the look on the werewolf's face.

Oops.

Sirius couldn't help the single brow he raised at that. 

Remus looked chagrined, realizing he could've worded that question better. 

"I did promise you all that and I intend to keep it." He will always try his hardest to keep his promises to Harry.

"What Remus is referring to is something that just happened earlier today. As what happened involved a meeting that the Headmaster was in that neither of us were there for, I thought it best to have Dumbledore explain it." Talking about the meeting that started all this, that will be the source of pain for his son angers Sirius in a way that few things could. Knowing Harry could read into Sirius' anger in the wrong way, he kept it from spilling out to show in any way. 

"How do you know he will tell me?" It was a justly asked question. They all knew Dumbledore held the cards close to his chest. Never revealing more than what he thought others needed to know. 

"Because it's out of his control. He has no choice in the matter. The information he has to share with you will change things, perhaps for the better as he thinks." Sirius can only hope so. He doesn't know what he would do if it wasn't. 

"What about you, what do you think?" Harry asked him if he believed that Dumbledore was right. That whatever it is will be for good. 

"I can only hope. I think it may help, but I know that it will come at a significant price. A price that will be taken from you." All Sirius wants to do is protect Harry. With what is about to happen, he fears he can't. That doesn't mean he won't die trying. 

"Then I'll pay it." The words left Harry's lips with such steely determination and conviction that Sirius didn't know if he should be proud or cry. 

"You don't even know what it is." Remus' voice reflects what Sirius is feeling. 

"Doesn't matter. If it can save one person, whatever it is, I have to try, I have to do it." The selflessness of his boy would hurt less if Sirius didn't know the extent he would be willing to go didn't come from him being treated as less than while growing up.

As though he didn't matter.

Like he was expendable. 

"It does matter, Harry. You matter. What you want, what you feel. It all matters. You're important too." Once again, thank Merlin for Remus. Even though Sirius could hear the tears in his voice, Sirius knew he wouldn't have been able to say those words without sobbing. 

Any further response was stopped by a knock on the door. 

Remus was the first to react, getting up and heading towards the door. Sirius had shifted into his Animagus form to be on the safe side. Harry buried his hand in Padfoot’s fur, trying to hide the nerves he felt. He knew that news he would not like may be on the other side of that door. 

When Remus opened the door Sirius saw the visage of Dumbledore at its opening. Behind him were four heads of flaming red hair and one of wild brown curls. 

It was time. 

One comforting thought ran through Sirius' mind.

"At least Harry will be surrounded by family when he finds out what is to happen."