It hurt the way Sirius looked at James like the prince had fallen and no longer had his crown. Perhaps Lily was right he was an idiot and now his best-mate couldn't look at him right because he made a mistake. James let the mask drop for a moment and now he lost someone again. James had learned from a young age that if you showed that you weren't useful you weren't anything at all, so James brushed anything and everything off like it was nothing not letting anyone see that it felt like someone gauged out his heart and ripped it in two before his own eyes. Always the shoulder to cry on never the cryer. There wasn't even a point, his friends had worse problems to deal with Remus was a wearwolf, Peter was constantly being picked on for something stupid slowly chipping away at his confidence, and of course Sirius had a list of family issues so there was no reason for him to feel this way. Sirius face of shock slowly turned into anger as he yelled "What gives you the right to speak to me like that James!". That was it the final nail in the coffin years of pent up emotions come up from twelve measly words. The flood gates are opened the water works are released.
As many times Sirius has seen James cry for attention or for pure fun and enjoyment he had never seen him full on cry. The one time James didn't want attention all eyes were on him the common room so silent you could possibly hear the Wormtail squeaking if Peter wasn't right there. The bad day had gotten worse. It started with getting a detention for something he didn't do too getting playfully made fun of by Lily which hurt more than James liked to admit. She always was right picking at his insecurities like a scab he was trying cover, but she always found it and it was starting to feel like she wanted him to bleed. It had started also petty with Sirius with James complaining about how Sirius never picks up after himself then it escalated too Sirius comparing James' nagging to good old Wally. Then James snapped very pointedly saying, "I've heard this a million times Sirius will you just quit complaining about it" and now we're here. Yep, definitely got worse.
James collapsed onto the nearest chair and curled up into a ball having a very difficult time breathing. Peter and Sirius rushed over as quickly as possible and Remus said, "Oi, what you lot looking at? Get back to work." then quickly rushing over to get James out of the common room keeping him away from peering eyes. The group sat James down carefully not fully knowing what to do not having been in this situation before as James seemed suffer in silence. James wasn't there or here or anywhere for that matter as if floating in space but the stars are crushing him with millions of tons of force. It was suffocating he couldn't breathe the dissatisfaction and disbelief was choking him underwater as if to crush his windpipe. His eyes were blurry and his head hurts the eyes of his peered into him into his soul waiting for him to do anything at all and in the James Potter Fashion ™ as soon as he could say anything at all it was, "I'm sorry Pads, I'm so so sorry".
"I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore I hurt you and that is not acceptable but you can still stay at my place because you need to" James choked out. Sirius looked at him in disbelief and said "When did I say that Jamie?". James looked up and just said "Sorry, I look ugly crying, anyways, how was your day Rem?" "No, we are not difflecting this on me and going about like nothing happened, what was was that Prongs?" Remus replied. "Wasn't feeling too good in the ol' tum Remus that's all". "Jesus Christ James you bloody throw up when you have a bad stomach not have a mental break down in the middle of the common room." Remus stated not believing the obvious lie. "I-I just haven't been feeling well for a while I guess and today just sailed it all home. With the detention and Lily's words hitting a little to close to home and then ...getting compared to Walburga. It was all to much to fast and my grip wasn't strong enough..." James' voice teetered at the end obviously hiding something. "Not strong enough for what?" Peter asked. "To keep it up. The mask, the smile whatever it just became to much. Now enough about me, how is everyone?" James responded. "No, no, stop that, stop trying to divert the conversation to us, why do you keep doing that" Sirius asked. "Because if I don't show that I'm helping and useful you'll all leave and I'll be alone again, I've never had friends this long before" James immediately regrets his words wanting to take them out of the strained air and shove them back into his mouth. Sirius then brings them all into a hug closing the distance between the four. "I'm sorry we ever made you feel that way Jamie we won't leave you in a million years and you don't need to prove yourself to anyone we all love you so much and if you need to prove that you can be loved to anyone they aren't worth your time James, right boys?" "Mhm" "Of course" Sirius comforts with his words and warmth making James feel whole once again.