Boy and girl lock eyes across the room,
He swore her smile made flowers bloom
James Potter remembered the first day of Hogwarts as if it were yesterday for many reasons.
One being the moment he looked to the Gryffindor table after the hat had not even so much as grazed his head and screeched the house name. His last name left him fairly low back on the list so many had already been sorted before him, including the girl his eyes immediately set upon. Long, flowing red hair. A dazzling, vibrant smile. Blazing green eyes. And she too was looking directly at him. He supposes that was because everyone was, but in the brief moment they made that connection, he saw a lifetime flash before his eyes.
He made his way down the steps with the same confidence he’d walked up them, for nothing was able to make James Potter feel small. He gladly walked into the welcoming arms of many older Gryffindor students at the end of the table. Another redhead, a tall boy with an identical one opposite, made space beside him and introduced himself as Fabian Prewett, and that was his twin Gideon opposite. The girl was on the other side. Sirius, who he’d met on the train, had already sat at the table after his sorting a while prior and his face read a mix between conflict and joy, but leaning more towards joy at the moment. James couldn’t quite understand his circumstances, but he could understand the pain he must feel. He’d heard many rumours about the Black family.
He busied himself by introducing himself to everyone, eventually turning to the girl.
“Hi, I’m James.” He stuck his hand out, studying the details of her face quickly. A smattering of freckles across her cheeks and nose. Her eyes were even brighter from close up.
“Hi, I’m Lily.” She smiled back, shaking his hand firmly.
This was it.
This was the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
He’d pull her hair, she’d chase him down the stair,
They’re racing time
Lily Evans, however, did not think the same.
Of all the perfections the girl had, she had one fatal flaw.
She was best friends with Severus Snape.
The nasty git had had it out for James the moment they met and to be completely honest, James had the same for him. He was rude, entitled, and treated everyone around him like they were beneath him. Including Lily. She never put up with it from anyone else and yet with him, she let him use her as a doormat. And it drove James insane, seeing anyone treated in such a manner.
First Year was slipping away right under his fingertips. And apart from that mess, he’d loved every single second of it.
And even with Evans’ perpetual dislike of him, too.
“Oi, Evans!” He called from higher up on the grand staircase. She was walking beside two of their fellow Gryffindors that James was fairly sure were her dorm mates, Mary Macdonald and Marlene McKinnon. Both lovely. James had grown up friends with Marlene and they shared their undying love for quidditch with each other. They’d just made Lily do that lovely thing she does when she laughs where she throws her head back and her long red hair flows like a sheet down her back.
She ignored him, continuing walking. He wondered if she truly didn’t hear him so jogged down to reach the trio, reaching to gently tap her shoulder for her attention, when she spun around sharply.
“What, Potter?” She snapped, green eyes staring holes directly into his soul. Oh, she was so pretty.
The shock of the sudden movement startled him and his hand instinctively closed and pulled away- taking a section of Lily’s long red hair with it momentarily. She was yanked closer to him and they collided rather harshly.
The world seemed to pause as they both paused for a moment, James’ mouth agape and eyes blinking, both processing what he just did.
“Oh. Oh no.” He sputtered for approximately 0.3 seconds before hightailing it down the remaining stairs, Lily hot on his heels.
“JAMES POTTER!” She shrieked.
“I’M SO SORRY, EVANS, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! I SWEAR!”
“YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!”
Years went by, the boy’s heart hadn’t changed
But she’d start smiling when he looked away
Sixth year was when Lily started to notice something was wrong. And seemingly, Remus did too.
“Petunia’s engaged.” She stated as she flopped onto the common room sofa, a letter from her mother in hand. She curled into the corner, tucking her knees in front of her.
Remus, who was lounged on the armchair opposite, looked up from the book on his lap with a sceptical expression. “Is she now?”
The common room was abandoned as the Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff game was on, but Lily and Remus had both decided to take advantage of the ghost town of a common room for some peace and quiet for once.
Lily hummed. “Hm, yeah, apparently Vernon popped the question at a supposed ‘family dinner’ last night. I’m not surprised this is the first I’ve heard of it.”
“They wouldn’t wait for you to be home?” Remus asked obliviously.
“Remus, my dear, how long have we been friends? Lord fucking knows she’d never wait for me to be home. Besides, it’s not like I’d even want to go. If I was there she’d claim I was stealing her spotlight again and mum enables her so much.”
“Families.” Remus tutted, looking back down at his book momentarily. “Aren’t they a bit young?”
“Well, Petunia didn’t do A-Levels, she settled for AS and left school last year and Vernon’s like five years older than her so my parents wouldn’t have any objections. Besides, my family always seems to settle down young. Mum and Dad did, so did both my aunts. I don’t know if I will-”
“Lily.” Remus cut her off. “You may not have noticed but I mostly certainly have.”
She furrowed her brows at him. “Noticed what?”
Remus raised an eyebrow at her. “The way you’ve looked at a one Mr. James Potter as of recently.”
Oh. That.
Yeah she’d noticed that. She was just hoping no one else had.
“What’s going on there, Evans, huh? Surely you’ve not gone soft?”
Lily groaned, bringing her knees closer and dropping her head onto the top of them. After swearing James Potter as more or less her mortal enemy for the last six years she hated to admit the guy had grown on her. Especially in recent months.
Everyone knew about James’ not so subtle crush on her as well. It wasn’t like he went out of his way to harass her about it, not at all, but the constant teasing from everyone around them hadn’t exactly helped.
They’d also most certainly had their setbacks. Lily had been so unbelievably angry about what he’d done to Severus at the end of Fifth Year before she had realised that Severus was barely worth that anger anymore. He’d become such a shell of the person she used to know, the one she grew up with, and into someone she could barely recognise anymore.
She didn’t think it was quite possible to change her entire perception about someone in a short conversation but alas, it had happened.
The last couple years she’d been dragged into joining the boy’s carriage during train rides to and from school for a few reasons. One, Marlene and James were still close as ever after all the years, two, Mary and Sirius had become almost inseparable most of the time (but still not as bad as him and James), and three, she herself adored Remus with her entire heart. Despite her contempt for James, the group got along like a house on fire. Usually on the train she joined in with the banter and card games and chaos that occurred, but on their way both home in the summer and back again in the autumn she sat rather quietly.
James seemed to have noticed this and seemed to have noticed he had been the cause of it. She was unsure how to even interact with him anymore after everything that went down at the end of the previous year. There was now a weird tension between them that neither knew how to address and so they simply, well, left it.
However, that lasted for about three days until she received her first letter from home for the year. Actually, it was her first letter from Petunia in all the years she’d been at Hogwarts too. And all it was was chastising her for being an ‘embarrassment’ at a small gathering of her friend’s Petunia had held just before Lily left.
Lily hadn’t meant for it to end up that way, but Severus hadn’t particularly made it easy.
He’d turned up at her door multiple times that summer, and every time she refused to speak to him. This was no different but he tried to stop the door closing in his face and begged her to talk with him, refusing to cooperate when she’d begged him to just leave her alone. She didn’t want to see him, much less when Petunia and her friend’s were only a few feet away in the living room. Eventually she just shut the door on his face.
And when he left, god forbid, some of Petunia’s less stuck-up friends actually liked Lily and so fawned over how worked up she was as they’d heard most of the exchange.
She tried not to be a nuisance. She really tried. She tried to get out of the way so exactly that wouldn’t happen but she didn’t want to cut the conversation too bluntly and be rude. So she exchanged pleasantries then went and hid in her room for most of the evening, only coming down again for food and drinks as and when she needed them, which wasn’t often.
Lily knew by now her relationship with Petunia would never be what it was when they were younger ever again. She was still unsure on whether it was even reparable in any way anymore. And it hurt so fucking bad. All she wanted was her big sister but as it was at this moment, her big sister didn’t want her, and that was quite possibly some of the worst pain she’d ever felt.
Mary and Marlene had both gone to the library to scour for books they couldn’t find in Flourish and Blotts in the summer, leaving Lily alone when she eventually got around to opening the letter. She’d stopped opening letters from home at breakfast after hastily excusing herself one too many times after letters from her mum also told her off about things she’d done whilst home. It seemed like she always took Petunia’s side for some reason.
She refused to cry at first. She would not give her sister that satisfaction despite the fact she’d never even know. However, she knew if she was alone for even thirty seconds more she would burst into tears and so she hastily shoved the letter into the pocket of the grey knitted cardigan she had over her uniform and marched over to the boys dormitory, determined to find Remus.
Luck had not been on her side, as he was also nowhere to be found.
For some reason, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. She sank to the ground on the top stair, right at the boy’s door, and sobbed into her hands a way she hadn’t done since she was very, very small.
And that had been where James Potter had found her. Quite literally crying on his doorstep.
“Lily?” He questioned in shock at first before realising the state she was in. He quickly scooted to sit next to her, going to put his arms around her in a comforting manner that seemed instinctive to him and then hesitating, unsure if she would be comfortable with him touching her.
At this point she didn’t care who it was, she just needed someone she knew to comfort her and so she turned her face into him, giving him silent permission to circle an arm around the back of her shoulders. His other arm curled around the front of her and settled to cradling her head and that was how he held her until her cries quietened. She didn’t care how angry she had been with him anymore or how annoying he could be at times. He was comfort, and that’s what she cared about right now.
“Merlin, Evans.” James murmured, fingers gently stroking the side of her hair. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
She didn’t reply. For once, it didn’t even feel like teasing. Just more of a statement really.
Her hands balled into fists and gently she knocked them against his arms in frustration. Barely there. “God, I’m so sick of this James.” She said shakily, tears still running down her cheeks, but at least less so now.
“Hey, hey, it’s ok, you’re ok.” James shifted his arm to place his hand over hers, bringing their now conjoined hands down to her lap. “What’s happened, if you’re comfortable telling me.”
“It’s stupid really.” She shook her head gently.
“I’ve probably cried over stupider. Just ask Remus.” James countered.
Lily let out a small, dry laugh through her tears. She had already heard from Remus. Numerous times.
“Just my sister being a complete bitch.” She muttered. She was unaware of how much James knew about Petunia. Of course she knew Remus would never snitch, but she’d had open discussions with their other friends whilst he was around. “Severus didn’t exactly fucking help either.”
“For fuck’s sake, what’s the prat done now?” James tutted.
“Well, not much actually other than cause my sister to be more of a bitch. Wouldn’t leave me alone all summer and then turned up when my sister had her friends over and that was the time he refused to leave.”
“He refused to leave? Who the hell does he think he is?” Lily could feel James’ body tense from the way she rested against it and she instinctively placed a calming hand on his knee.
“It’s fine, really. I just shut the door after a bit, but some of Petunia’s friends worried about me and she didn’t like that. You know, this is the first time in six years she’s ever sent me a letter at school? Pretty fucking sad right? Especially when I used to write to her every goddamn week of First and Second Year because I didn’t want to lose her but I did anyways, I think I did before I even came here really and, oh Jesus fucking christ, here we go again…” She couldn’t help the words spilling out of her mouth and the tears that followed them but James just held her tighter, whispering more comforting words in her ear. “I’m sorry.” She choked out.
“Don’t apologise, Lily.” The use of her first name threw her off a little. James rarely called her Lily, it was usually Evans and usually accompanied with “Oi!” in front of it. He was stroking her hair again. She really liked it when he did that, actually. “I won’t pretend to understand your pain at all, especially because I don’t have any siblings, but I can understand that you’re in a lot of it. And I know there’s nothing more I can really do than tell you it’s going to be ok and that all of us are here for you. I’m sure Mary and Marlene would be more than honoured to become your honorary sisters, Alice too. I know no one will probably ever replace Petunia in your heart but I think there’s some extra room for people that care more about your happiness alongside their own. And that’s what you deserve, Lily. You deserve to have people in your life that care about your happiness too.”
“Is that what you want for me?” Lily asked quietly.
“It’s what I want for everyone.”
Slowly Lily lifted her head, dabbing at her face with her cardigan sleeve. James shoved one of his hands into his pockets but they came out empty.
“Sorry, I don’t have a tissue on me.”
“No, you’re ok.” She tilted her head back to pat right under her eyes. “Where did you get good at comforting people?”
“Come on now, Evans, you’ve met my mother.” James gave her a look that allowed her to let out a muffled laugh, reverting back to his usual name for her. Indeed she had met Euphemia Potter the summer before last when the Potters scored enough tickets to the Quidditch World Cup to take them all. It had been a brilliant weekend that had been one of the best times of Lily’s life, and James’ parents were so lovely. She did have to wonder how he acted the way he did when he was being a prat even occurred when his parents checked him so often, though.
“Ah yes, how could I forget the love of my life, Effie Potter?” Lily retorted with a soft huff of laughter again.
“At this point you’ve got about a hundred people you’d have to fight to get to her and the final boss is my dad so I’d be wary if I were you. He’s really good at hexes, but hey so are you so maybe you’d hold your own.” James had a daft smile on his face that Lily actually found quite pleasant. He reached forward and mirrored her earlier action of a gentle hand on her knee. “You gonna be ok?”
Lily took a shaky breath in through her nose, letting it out through her mouth. “I think so. Think I just needed a good cry about everything.”
“Crying is a good solution most times.” James agreed.
They settled into a comfortable silence for a moment, which was surprising for them.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry as well.” James broke it. Lily didn’t have to ask what it was for. “I was a complete dick before summer and I let my anger get the best of me. You and I both know I don’t like Severus, nor will I ever, but I shouldn’t have acted like that to him. I went too far.”
A soft smile spread across Lily’s lips. The side of James Potter she was seeing right now was certainly one she knew he had, Remus had mentioned the way James was always right behind Sirius whenever he’d needed someone, but it was a side she’d had no reason to be offered until now. Seeing it first hand was completely different to anything she expected.
“Thank you.” She said honestly. “Honestly though, Severus isn’t worth my anger anymore. I fought for him and fought for him and he’s given nothing in return to warrant me continuing to do it, especially with how he treated me after it all as well. Everything just hurts a lot right now because it feels like I’m losing everything I grew up with, everything I knew, but you’re right that I deserve people in my life that truly want the best for me. Maybe in Severus’ mind that is what he wants for me, but he doesn’t care what I want for me anymore.”
James nodded. “I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you, Evans. And if you want me to back off because of it all, I’ll do what you need.”
“No.” She answered quickly. “No, you’re fine. You might annoy the shit out of me sometimes but I can tell you’re a genuinely good person and even though you do have an ego the size of a lake you’re still able to recognise where you go wrong.”
Exaggeratedly gasping, James clutched at his chest. “Evans, you wound me!”
“Ah, I’m sure you can handle it.” Lily giggled. That was when there were finally footsteps lower down on the staircase and Remus and Sirius appeared, slightly flushed. Perhaps they’d been on the run from Filch. Wouldn’t surprise her.
“Oh, fuck, you ok, Evans?” Sirius asked immediately upon noticing her mottled cheeks.
Remus crouched in front of her and cupped her hands from her lap. “James, if you did this I’m not above throttling you.”
“I’m ok now, thank you.” Lily laughed, taking her hands back and placating Remus.
“If anything, I think Evans and I have just turned over a new leaf.” James said in his own defence.
“I actually think we have.” She smiled.
James and Lily had soon fallen into a sort of routine of ease. Their relationship had grown slowly into true friends but there was no longer that invisible wall between them. She didn’t care if they were left alone or if he was the only one she could find, there was no longer that awkwardness of how long would it take for one of them to annoy the other and start bickering.
Lily wasn’t sure when that evolved into her stare lingering for a little too long.
Thing is, everyone knew James Potter was handsome. Everyone. There was a reason he and Sirius were adored by most. James was tall, well-built and quite frankly gorgeous and truthfully Lily had always known that, but now she knew that.
She started to realise how beautifully melodic his laugh was and how his eyes crinkled when he did it, how gentle he was doing everything because he knew he had ridiculously big hands but it never made him any less efficient, how he loved getting deep into topics and thinking thoroughly about every point he made whilst doing it. The way when he was frustrated and/or confused he clenched his jaw in the same way he did when he focused, and people often confused that for him being angry. Same as when he ate something he really enjoyed, which Lily found quite entertaining watching as his brows furrowed and eyes narrowed just because food tasted good.
It didn’t come all at once. It was just the little things that built up over time.
“You know what, Remus,” She eventually replied to him. “I’ll admit defeat on this one. I think I have.”
Eventually, she caught up
Hand-in-hand, they crossed the line
Camping had been James and Sirius’ idea. No magic had been Lily’s. She wanted to see how well they’d fare the good old muggle way.
However, she had also been the one to sneakily set the fire alight with it whilst they were distracted and threatened Remus, Marlene and Mary if they so much as breathed a word to those two she’d have their head. Do as she said, not as she did.
The tents had already been stressful enough because quite frankly none of them had a clue what they were doing. They’d been from both Mary and Lily’s parents, but Mary had never actually been and Lily hadn’t since before Hogwarts, so at least six years. A few tents should not be that difficult to do, but it took them the entire afternoon so by the time lighting the fire came around, Lily wasn’t having any of it anymore.
However, she did quite enjoy watching James do his part. The summer sun was harsh as it beat down on them and eventually all the boys par Remus had stripped their shirts off and Mary joined them, leaving her in just her sports bra. Lily was absolutely not complaining by any means.
Initially they’d all been split into pairs, the eight member being Marlene’s girlfriend since the start of Fifth Year, Dorcas Meadowes, the only Slytherin they’d ever tolerated with the most beautiful dark eyes Lily had ever seen. Even if Dorcas rarely hung out with the group, she got along well enough with everyone. However, the set out pairs did not end up as planned.
They’d cracked out the alcohol after a while, needing a relaxation after the exhausting afteroon. Eventually, Marlene and Dorcas had disappeared into one tent and Remus and Sirius at some point had gone down to the beach, claiming they were just taking a walk to clear their fogged up heads. That had been a revelation, those two. Lily genuinely thinks she’s a little bit stupid for not realising it sooner but as soon as Remus had broke down and confessed everything to her in private, her swearing she’d not breathe a word to single other soul until either of them were ready, she realised how obvious it was. Remus looked at Sirius as if he hung the stars in the sky and Sirius returned it with just as much passion.
James had to put Peter to bed after a while because the poor guy could not handle his alcohol for the life of him. James had just laughed and said he’d better leave him a bottle of water for the morning. Mary, ever the caring one, offered to keep an eye on him, but Lily knew she had her ulterior motives, and eventually it left James and Lily alone.
They were comfortable to sit in silence now, listening to the rest of the camp bustle about even at the late hour, the world passing by in such a carefree manner.
It was James who spoke first again.
“How long have you known about Sirius and Remus?” He asked her quietly over the crackling of the fire. He was sitting not far from her on the logs set up around the designated pit area their allocated spot had. His top half was hunched over his legs, arms rested on his knees and hands clasped in front of him.
Lily did a double take and stared at him for a second. The warm orange of the fire illuminated his skin with the most stunning glow. She almost felt herself lose her composure for a second.
“I- What?” She sputtered.
“They haven’t told me. Not yet at least, but I just want to make sure they’re both happy. Well, I assume they are because they seem to be getting along fine to the rest of us and you can always tell when they’re bickering. I just really want the best for both of them. But I won’t pry at all and I won’t say anything more until they tell me, that’s all I want to know.” James didn’t look at her. Instead, he stared into the flames that were now starting to die out.
Lily still didn’t reply for a second, thinking about what she was going to say. “They’re happy.” She finally said. “They’re really happy. I’m glad they have each other. They both deserve it so much after everything they’ve been through.”
“Good.” James fidgeted with his hands a little and dipped his head, letting out a short breath.
“James?” She found herself saying.
“Hm?”
“When do we talk about us?”
James promptly choked.
“What?” He wheezed, turning to look at her, brown eyes meeting green. “You-? I thought- Us?!”
To be completely honest, Lily wasn’t sure where it came from. Perhaps it was the alcohol that gave her the courage whilst they had a second alone. Perhaps it was because she was sure if she didn’t do it now she might never.
“James, you are one of the smartest people I know, do not tell me you have not noticed.” Lily deadpanned.
“I knew we were good friends now but I didn’t want to assume- I’d never assume that of you.” James continued.
“Ok, well, now you don’t have to assume. I’m stating it right out in the open, James Potter you’ve finally done it. You’ve got me right in the palm of your hand. You’ve got me so insanely down for you and I’m sick of pretending I’m not anymore. I’ll face the shame of how hypocritical anything I ever said about never dating you in the past now is because this has been growing on me for almost a year.” She confessed. Her hands gripped the log either side of her so hard she felt it pressing marks into her hands.
“Lily it’s very hard to make me speechless but I genuinely think you’ve just done it.” James gaped.
“Maybe don’t use any words for now then.” A bout of courage made her swing herself to her feet, taking the few steps to close the distance between them. She stood in between James parted legs and placed both palms against his cheeks, bringing his face up to let their lips meet.
No, fireworks didn’t fly and the earth didn’t stop moving, but Lily had never done anything in her life that had felt so right.
James’ hands hesitantly came to take hold of her waist, thumb rubbing gentle circles as he pulled her closer and bent his neck up at a better angle.
A loud wolf-whistle from the not-so-far distance is what broke them apart moments later, James dragging Lily to sit on his knee as she hid her embarrassed face in his neck.
“Oh piss off, Black!” He called into the darkness.
“Get it Potter!” A holler came back. Lily couldn’t help but giggle, and James couldn’t help but chuckle with her.
White dress in the summer
Their son had his mother's eyes
Years later, the wedding was a dream. Even with Lily’s sister’s bad attitude (she’d be the first to say it and never chastised James for slating her anymore), nothing could’ve ruined the day.
The ballroom had gone unused at Potter Manor for years before now, but with both the protective wards surrounding the house and the more than enough size inside, it was the perfect location. Not that Lily’s family had to know that, though. They just thought it was a sweet sentiment. For those of them in the wizarding world, they were glad to have something positive amongst all the darkness they were currently living in. It was a single day where the sun could shine without storm clouds coming to ruin it all.
Sirius had been James’ best man, obviously, with Remus, Peter and Frank as his groomsmen. Alice was Lily’s maid of honour. Lily didn’t want either Mary or Marlene to feel as if she prioritised one over the other and so she chose the elder girl who, like James had advised those few years before, had become her honorary older sister. Both of them understood, and so no grudge occurred as they were still bridesmaids. Alice had been perfect as far as James had been told, planning everything she needed to for Lily to the absolute T. And on the day, she made sure along with Sirius that everything ran smoother than anything they’d ever done before. Lily’s family didn’t even notice the fact the punch kept refilling itself.
Harry had arrived about a year later. Dark, messy hair just like his father and bright, blazing green eyes just like his mother. James cried. More than he’d like to admit. He’d always wanted to be a father, one just as great as his own had been to him, and now he had the opportunity. He couldn’t wait for him to grow older so James could watch him learn and grow, but he also wasn’t going to wish away his early years that would be so few.
It was the only joy they had. At home, in their little bubble, they could pretend there was no hate against people like Lily. They could pretend everything was ok. It was just them against the world.
They lived free in the world they built for him
Oh, they lived free, but the dark was closing in
He couldn't stand by
And she couldn't watch him die
Lily started training at St. Mungos to become a specialist in healing potions after they left Hogwarts, and whilst she started to take more time out as her and James alternated caring for Harry, she was still dedicated to her studies. She was determined to make a living for herself doing what she loved and provide the best life she could for her son.
Things took a turn as the war effort got stronger. The Order was struggling against the Death Eaters and it meant everyone had to step up.
Lily knew James would never sit by and watch. He had too pure of a heart to ever do that and he rightfully knew he was powerful. Sure, he came into the library with the rest of them to study most of the time, but it’s not like he ever actually had the need to. He still would’ve achieved top grades even without it.Magic came as naturally as breathing to him, it was such a second nature. The Order was top of his list after they left school. He’d said to Lily his dreams of playing Quidditch professionally could afford to wait a few years, but the lives he’d help save by joining them couldn’t.
And she wouldn’t let him do it alone either. If he was going to put himself in danger then she wasn’t going to let him go by himself.
They’d argued about it, naturally.
”No, you’re not joining the Order, Lily, I refuse to let you put yourself in danger like that!”
”You refuse? What right do you have to dictate what I do and don’t do?”
”Because I love you and don’t want to see you get hurt! I’m your fucking husband, why does it surprise you I feel this way?”
“Ok James but I’m your wife as well. Don’t you think it goes both ways? Do you not realise that every time you go out on a mission right now I can barely even think of anything else other than if you’re safe? It’s killing me. It kills me. I can’t keep doing it. If you’re going to go out on a limb and risk your life for me and people like me then I want to be right by your side.”
James looked at her then, he hadn’t before then, too caught up pacing around the room as his stress overwhelmed him. His hazel eyes swam with a vast sea of emotions, more than she’d ever seen in them before. It was the most conflicted he’d ever looked. Silently, he crossed the room and held Lily in his arms as if she was glass and he was scared with the slightest of movement she’d shatter into a million pieces.
“I love you.” James affirmed. “I love you and I love Harry more than I’ve ever loved anything in my entire life and I’m so scared of losing either of you. I’m scared of losing myself. But I’m sorry. You’re right, this is a choice you get to make alone and I don’t really get to have a say.”
“You have every right to be worried, darling.” Lily grasped at the back of his shirt. “I understand your feelings completely. You know our friends would be more than capable and willing to take care of Harry if anything were to happen to us, right? I think Sirius would genuinely go on a rampage across the country before he let anything happen to Harry.”
“I know.”
And James did know. They’d all quite literally die for the tiny boy. No matter what.
Early twenties fighting for their lives
From dusk to dawn on the front lines
Lily turned twenty-one on a dark January day. They didn’t celebrate it. They couldn’t. Both of them had been sent on multiple day long missions either end of the country and when they returned there wasn’t even room to breathe before they were thrown into the next mission. Lily wishes they could’ve.
They sold their youth to take up arms
Broken bodies, broken hearts
James’ birthday followed shortly after in late March. Spring was starting to break through but there was still a distinct chill in the air. However, once again they couldn’t do anything. At that point they’d been locked away in Godric’s Hollow in hiding, fearing for their lives more than ever and their son’s even more. They woke up to Harry’s cries. Lily couldn’t get to sleep again after.
Their friends that used to cheat on tests
Now twenty-one cheating death
Go out for drinks and laugh before
Losing their lives to settle scores
Lily remembers in Fourth Year when Marlene cheated on her end-of-year potions exam and copied the entirety of it with a few tweaks enough that she got away with it, earning the highest grade she ever got in that class. Lily had been furious at first but Marlene found it hilarious, claiming she only did what she had to do and at least it wasn’t one of their OWLs, so how much did it really matter?
Marlene brought it up when they went out one last time, all eight of them, before James and Lily were put into hiding in February. It hadn’t been permitted but they didn’t care anymore. They deserved to see their friends one last time before being practically imprisoned. Lily had absolutely lost it laughing and so had Marlene when she called Lily out on how mad she’d originally been. There was a hint of sadness hanging heavy in the air though. Their issues used to be so simple and now…
She’ll never forget the way her stomach dropped when she got the letter from Sirius.
James & Lily,
Fuck.
I really don’t know how to tell you this.
Marlene.
Marlene is gone.
They got her.
They got her whole family.
I’m sorry.
I’m so fucking sorry.
There was more I could’ve done, more I should’ve done.
I wish I could see you.
S.B
Her cries that night were worse than they were on the steps of the boys dorm in Gryffindor Tower that night. And James’ matched hers just the same.
The boy and girl that found a way
Gave up their nights to dig their graves
They'd say goodbye to meet again
Neither had been prepared for when
That night had been so simple. It was Halloween and though they’d suggested dressing up just for a little fun, seeing as they’d be holed away for so long, Lily really didn’t have the energy. She was struggling and she knew it. James did too. He tried his best and she tried not to let it affect them too much.
He suggested baking that evening, something she’d done a lot recently in order to cheer herself up. She’d gotten quite good at it, following the steps from a muggle cookbook she’d got from her grandmother years before and adding her own flair to each.
That’s how they spent their evening, Harry safely tucked up in his highchair watching, giggling away and James put the wireless on and spun Lily around the kitchen in time to the music, distracting her from her work.
James twirled her outwards before pulling her back in, wrapping his arms around her from behind and tucking his head in the curve between her neck and shoulder, kissing it gently. His hands rested on her stomach.
“I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so bad recently.” He whispered quietly, gently swaying them to and fro. She closed her eyes gently and leaned into him.
“You have nothing to apologise for, love.” Lily whispered back, placing one of her hands over his on her abdomen and the other pressing his face to her.
“I just wish there was something I could do, but I can’t.” He breathed shakily. Her chest tightened at the pained tone of his voice.
“Please don’t blame yourself like that, James.” She turned her head to kiss his cheek. “I’ll be ok. I might struggle whilst we’re here but once we’re out, I’ll be a-ok again, I promise. We’re going to win this and then we’ll have the entire world at our feet for us and for Harry.”
James continued to rock them gently, just the slightest of movement.
“I love you.” James stated suddenly, pulling away from her to stare her right in the eyes.
“I love you, too.” Lily replied, gently caressing his cheek. He leaned into it the way she had to him before there was a knock at the door. James grinned.
“I may have invited some guests to try and cheer you up.” He winked at her before disappearing from the kitchen to the front door. Her heart immediately soared. It had been so long since she’d seen anyone properly that she was desperate for any sort of interaction that wasn’t words on the page of a letter communicating yet more bad news. Lily picked Harry up from his high chair in order to greet their guests properly.
The door banged open and she heard James’ panicked shout as clearly as she would’ve if he were right next to her.
"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"
No.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Fuck.
NO.
She knew exactly how this was going to end.
The darkness cast the fatal blow
Oh, he bled out and she fled home
She raced to keep her son alive
And met her love on the other side
James’ wand sat on the coffee table in the living room. Lily knew that because he told her that’s where he’d put it and he hadn’t left the room with her since. He wouldn’t have diverted on his way to the door when he thought it was just Peter.
She heard his body hit the floor. She wishes she never had to. She felt like her heart was ripped straight from her chest and torn into a thousand pieces, each smaller than the last. She felt like she’d never breathe right again.
Why didn’t she just run?
Why did she do that to herself?
Why did she let herself hear that?
She gripped Harry close to her as she bolted through the house, racing up the stairs and into his nursery, desperately trying to pull the dresser in front of the door even as he was in her arms. The attempt was futile.
Where would she even go after this? She was trapped. She couldn’t apparate within their wards and it wasn’t like she could drop down two floors to the ground with nothing to assist her and Harry in her hold.
The door burst open with such force that it threw the half moved dresser across the room, the vanity on top smashing to pieces. Lily instinctively put Harry in his cot to shield him, standing in front.
“Take me. Take me, not him, never him. Please, I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything you ask of me just please take me and not him. I beg.” Lily chanted, pleading with a man that had never negotiated once in his life.
It was like he was taunting her, really. The way his lips curled into a cruel grin and he lifted the hand that had his wand in. He said nothing, did nothing for a short moment, just held his hand there and allowed her fear stricken eyes to stare into his. He was enjoying this. Enjoying her fear, her terror.
Eventually, “ Avada Kedavra! ” His hoarse voice commanded, green light spurting from the end of it.
One of Lily Evans’ last thoughts were of James Potter.
And Remus Lupin, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Sirius Black, anyone she’d ever loved.
She wondered how Peter could ever do this to them. Why? Why why why why WHY?
And her son. How much she loved her son. How she always promised she’d do anything to protect him and how she had now failed. I’m sorry Harry, her mind screamed. I’m so sorry my darling. I tried. I really tried, please know that I tried.
But the final thought she ever had was of her sister.
Would Petunia Evans even miss her?
She supposed she’d never know.
Her body hit the ground with the same dull thud her husband’s had barely moments prior.
Her son’s screams filled the room, mixed with those of the man that had just killed both his mother and father as he felt the life drain from his body.
But she’d never know that either.
She’d never know anything again.
Until the end of time
Boy and girl lock eyes across a room
Too young to know they'd die too soon