[Playlist: September song by Agnes obel]
I don't want to feel anything. I don't want to feel the burning jealousy I get when I see my brother talk to his friends while passing him in the hallways. I don't want to see him glare at me while I'm sitting eating my breakfast in the great hall, burning a hole in the back of my head.The memories of my brother and I telling each other everything, me telling him how excited I am about going to Hogwarts; just being with him.
Then receiving his letters his first year at Hogwarts, leaving me back alone to rot. Them getting shorter and less detailed than he used to write. After a few months the less I received his letters it seemed like I was almost a chore or a nuisance that he had to deal with. I felt like a piece of shit, maybe he was somewhere at Hogwarts laughing with his new friends, feeling free of his little brother.
A chain that makes him have to stay in the noble house of black. I felt jealous of the 'James potter' he wrote about so many times. In the fourth year at Hogwarts supposedly free from my parent's grasp and I've never felt so alone, so chained down. It scares me the jealousy feeling I feel quite often when gazing at my older brother.
He's escaped my parent grasp Deming me the new black heir, the role being pushed on me. I didn't want this; I didn't ask to be born. but I've learned how to survive in the ratched house, keep quiet, don’t state my opinion, it will only make things worse; never show any weaknesses. They use it against you. Don't make a sound, only nod. I’m screaming for help, no one can hear me. It’s fine. Everything is fine.
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