I save him in my dreams. When things seem simpler, when they feel just a tiny bit easier.
Even by just a little. I can do anything that I want, be anything.
But all I want is to keep him safe.
I save him just before he hits the water, before anything can corrupt his breathing.
I grab onto his hands, arms, face,
but he's slipping, slipping away
So I dive in, and make sure every part of me and him is one, and that I may never let him go so easily again.
And I save him.
I save him so that I may save myself.
We surface, the air on my skin seems colder, monsters from below threaten to pull me under,
succumb to his fate, make it ours,
but I won't let them, can't actually.
I'm just stubborn that way.
James "savior complex" Potter you used to call me.
I'll do everything in my power to ring those words true.
But then I open my eyes, it was all but a dream.
I turn, see her lying at my side,
but I wish she were you.
I let myself revel in it before dooming myself to the guilt.
And I love her, I do.
But, Reg,
Regulus black broke me,
and his death killed me.
I cover my face with my hands, maybe I can try and fathom that the warmth from them are yours.
But it's never the same,
I couldn't save him, and it's pulled me apart, and left me there, open and raw, to sting.
Like alcohol on a wound, like the wind blowing and blowing till you're all dried out and cracked and all you can do is crumble till you're nothing.
Nothing is like Regulus Black.
As warm as his eyes, as bright as his rarest smile.
He was a treasure in a sinking boat, a prize in a doomed game.
Gold in a safe, locked without a key
Regulus Black is the best thing that he could never have.
Too good to be true, too dead to be loved.
And James Potter was too in love to understand that Regulus could never be loved by him,
he could never be loved by anyone.
Regulus and James both broken boys,
and soon enough, both dead ones too.