chapter 19 - icu
if you're a work of art
im standing too close
i can see the brush strokes
corvus had almost forgotten what it's like to wake up in the potter’s house.
the smell of breakfast. the light shining through the curtains. the warmth of the blankets surrounding her.
it takes her a moment to collect herself. to become comfortable enough again to leave her room and set for the kitchen. but she does.
“good morning, love. toast?” euphemia offers as soon as corvus steps foot onto the tile of the kitchen floor.
“sure. thank you.” corvus says, taking the plate that euphemia had been holding out for her and sitting at her place at the table.
she locks eyes with james from across from her. just for a brief moment.
james, unusually for him, is the first to look back down at his plate, refocusing on cutting up a piece of french toast.
her toast is coated in cinnamon and sugar, and she has to hold back her smile.
“so, since there's snow out, you kids should try and get outside today. it's brilliant out.” fleamont pipes up, sitting at the head of the table reading the daily prophet.
corvus instinctively looks over at sirius, as if asking him first.
“that could be fun.” he shrugs, holding eye contact with corvus. “do you and reg have snow stuff?”
“i didn't think we'd need to pack snow stuff.” corvus says quietly, watching as regulus walks into the kitchen.
“well, that's no problem.” euphemia waves away. “i figured you wouldn't have, so i went out to the shops the other day and bought you some of your own.”
“you really didn't have to do that.” corvus says, looking back at the older woman, who is dishing up a plate for regulus.
“oh, it's no bother, dear. i already knew your sizes from when we took you out over the summer. it's no problem.” euphemia assures, setting down a plate in front of regulus before sitting down with one for herself.
“hey, cor, where'd you get that sweatshirt?” sirius chimes out of nowhere, a suspicious look on his face.
corvus looks down at the jumper she's wearing, internally cursing herself.
james. she's wearing james’ jumper.
“uh, i don't really remember.” she lies, shrugging her shoulders. “must've gotten it from bart or ev.”
“hm, must've.” sirius scoffs, taking another bite of his breakfast.
james coughs lightly as he takes a drink of his apple juice, because of course james insists on drinking apple juice with his breakfast, because he is a child.
“well, as much as i'm not a huge fan of your friends, you gotta admit that they've got good taste in jumpers.”
corvus is going to murder james potter and his stupid egotistical smirk.
right after she kisses it off of his face.
“yeah. really good taste.” sirius replies stiffly, eyeing james.
he definitely knows.
shit.
the rest of breakfast passes by in mostly silence. fleamont comes in with a comment about quidditch teams or work every once in a while, but other than that, it's pretty uneventful.
it's been a long time since corvus or regulus have played outside in the snow.
the three of them used to all the time as kids. corvus actually used to love the snow. it was one of her favorite things.
winter was always her favorite season. something about the feel of snowflakes falling on your bare skin. leaving behind white specs in your hair. it made her feel human. made her feel alive.
after sirius and corvus left for school, winter stopped being so magical. after sirius left school, she stopped liking it all together. it started just being another reminder of the siblingship that had long since died. buried underneath snowballs and forts.
now, she remembers why she used to like the snow so much.
she's not even wearing the snowpants or euphemia had bought for her. she's just wearing a light jacket over james’ hoodie (that, of course, she kept on anyway) and her baggy jeans. she has gloves on, but no hat.
regulus had scolded her as he bundled up in about a million of his thickest hoodies and at least four layers of pants, but she ignored him.
she takes one of her gloves off, holding out her hand and letting the snowflakes fall and melt into it.
this. this is why she loves winter. it feels like life. like breath filling lungs and air pumping through the heart.
before she can help it, a laugh escapes her lips, and she lets herself fall backwards into the snow.
“cor, what are you-” reg starts, and she can hear the exasperation in his voice.
“come on. you used to love this.” she smiles, pumping her arms and legs on the ground, making the imprint of an all too familiar snow angel.
regulus lets out a dramatic sigh, and corvus hears him sit down next to her, gently lying himself on the ground and looking over at her.
“i like you like this.” he admits after a moment, breathing gently.
“yeah?” corvus replies, closing her eyes with her head still facing the sky.
“it's been a long time since i've seen you like this.” regulus says. “like you're alive.”
“i could say the same for you.” corvus retorts, opening her eyes but keeping them glued to the blinding sky.
there's a long pause before either of them say anything.
“this place is good for us.” regulus says finally, turning his head to look up at the sky as well, mirroring corvus’ position. “i feel good about us being here.”
corvus looks over at regulus, and he looks at her too.
“me too, reg.” she smiles ever so slightly. it's barely there, but he can see it. of course he can see it.
“you're happy.” he comments, the sound of a smile filling his voice, though there's still the presence of a question in his tone.
“i am.” corvus admits, too far gone to be lying right now. she doesn't know if she could ever lie like this. while laying in the snow, snowflakes gently grazing her face.
suddenly, a snowball smacks her right in the stomach, making her groan out in pain as she hears sirius’ laughter ringing in her ears.
“come on you two. team snowball fight. reg, you're with me. cor, you're with james.” sirius informs, grabbing reg’s hand and leading him away.
“wait, but-” corvus starts to argue, but she gets cut off.
“no buts. go find your partner.” sirius’ voice is filled with a dangerous playfulness. one that assures corvus that he does, in fact, know about the two of them.
great, she thinks.
“strategy.” james demands, all too serious about this snowball fight. like it's a business transaction he needs to come out the benefitting end of.
“make ball. find brother. throw ball at brother.” corvus replies simply, motioning to the ground and her brothers’ fort like it's the most obvious thing in the world.
“we can't just walk over there and throw it at them, cor.” james rolls his eyes, still hunched back behind their fort that they've created.
the whiteness of the snow accentuates the brownness in his skin. his eyes are golden and flaky, focused, determined. it makes corvus want to crawl into his arms three and there.
“so, sirius definitely knows.” she says instead, preoccupying herself with making a pile of snowballs so that she doesn't have to look at james while telling him this.
“yeah.” james sighs, deflating as he gives up his brainstorming and sits on the snow beside corvus. “the jumper didn't help.”
he says it with a smile ever present on his face, tugging at the hood of the hoodie that she doesn't dare take off.
“they help me sleep.” she says sheepishly, face growing pink as she packs more snow together, refusing to meet james’ eye.
“oh.” is james’ response, sounding breathless.
there's a beat of silence, and corvus looks back up at james, just to make sure nothing’s happened.
“you make it really hard not to just kiss you when you say stuff like that, you know.” he says, and he looks like he truly means it. fighting off his own intrusive thoughts.
“he's gonna blow up on you about it at some point.” corvus deters, turning back to packing snowballs.
“okay.” james comments simply, and corvus huffs an exasperated laugh.
“are- are we, okay? after last night, i mean.” corvus stutters out, messing with the fingers on her gloves anxiously.
“cor, we're fine.” james assures, turning her head to face him head on. and almost as if he can read her mind, he says, “one fight doesn't mean it's over, corvus.”
corvus lets out a breath of relief, relaxing slightly.
“good.” she breaths. “cause you make me feel the closest to human i ever had, and i- i really don't wanna lose that.”
corvus doesn't think she's ever been this blatantly honest with anyone in her life before this moment. laying herself out for the whole world to see.
and of course, this makes james completely flustered and overwhelmed.
that's something corvus has noticed about james in all the time she's spent with him these past few months. he has this big smug, egotistical exterior, but in reality, he clings to every word everyone's ever said to or about him. he has this idea planted into his head that he somehow isn't as important as everyone else around him.
she thinks it's a shame, really. how little care james gives to himself, while in the meantime, he gives so much care to everyone else. he bleeds himself dry just to make sure everyone else around him can use his for transfer. tears his bones out of his body when somebody else might need a cast.
james potter is the most beautiful work of art corvus has ever seen. yet, he's always skipping over himself in the gallery, too focused on all the other paintings to give his own a second thought.
corvus thinks she could stand in that gallery and look at him all day. making out every tiny detail. every splotch of paint. every little brush stroke.
figuring out how long it took to craft him. the science behind james potter.
james is corvus’ favorite piece in the museum.