one point perspective

they cut your hair and sent you away

you stopped by my house the night you escaped

with tears in my eyes, i begged you to stay

you said 'hey, man, i love you, but no fucking way'

corvus’ hands are shaking despite the warm summer air as she contemplates whether or not she should knock.

she hadn't thought that far into the plan. it had to be between three and five o'clock in the morning. stars littering the pitch black sky and all the lights turned off at every house.

maybe they should just wait. just sit out on the steps to the potter’s manor and wait until they knew for sure people were awake. 

maybe they shouldn't wake anyone up. especially sirius. corvus remembers that the only time sirius could ever get good sleep was when he was away from grimmauld place. maybe they should just let their brother be at peace. maybe waking him up at three am to his estranged siblings wasn't the best idea.

but something about being outside makes corvus’ skin crawl. it makes her feel vulnerable. like if she wasn't in the safety of the potter’s house, her parents could show up ready to drag her and regulus back home any minute.

in for four, out for four.

so she raises a shaking hand and loudly knocks on the door. and as she hears shuffling within the house, she almost turns back. her heart beating out of her chest and guilt coursing through her veins.

she hadn’t thought this through. she didn't think about what would happen when euphemia or fleamont potter opened the door to that house to reveal regulus and corvus black standing on their front steps.

maybe they would slam the door in their faces. after all, corvus had never actually met james’ parents. just heard about them from sirius. 

maybe they had heard about corvus from sirius. maybe everyone residing in that house had the same burning hatred for her that she had for herself. 

maybe they would send an owl to walburga and orion immediately. informing them of their children’s whereabouts and telling them to come pick them up. they'll have them ready in ten.

what she didn't expect was the soft look on mrs. potter’s face when her eyes landed on the two black haired children. for her to pull them into the house immediately, sitting them down on the couch and grabbing a blanket to rest over them, despite there being no chill to the summer air.

corvus looks at regulus, a bewildered look on her face and her body shaking more than ever. she can feel her leg bouncing up and down, her fingers playing with the black jewelry box that she hadn't noticed was still in her hands. 

“oh dears, you look thin. you must be starving.” mrs. potter fusses, bustling about her kitchen as she turned lights on.

corvus looks over at the clock that sat next to the television, reading 4:58 on its face.

“you don't have to do that.” corvus finally found her voice, hoping her brother and james potter’s mother hadn't picked up on the terrible shakiness of it.

“oh, just like sirius, the pair of you. he likes eggs. do you like eggs?” mrs. potter asks, already using her wand to guide a carton of eggs from the fridge over to the counter.

“she's allergic.” regulus informs, his voice much more harsh than corvus was sure he intended it to be.

“oh dear. my apologies.” mrs. potter immediately returns the eggs to the fridge, opening the cupboards and grabbing several things from there instead. “i'll just make you some toast. james likes it with cinnamon and sugar.”

corvus felt a lurch in her stomach. when walburga and orion were out of town, kreacher would make cinnamon and sugar toast. it was corvus’ favorite.

“mum, it's literally five in the morning. are you insane? what are you doing awa-” the boy cut himself off, seeing the two figures sitting on his living room couch. “oh.”

corvus’ stomach flipped again. james potter was undeniably attractive. he always had been. looking at his parents, it wasn't hard to understand where he got it from.

he had light brown skin and golden brown eyes. dark, almost black slightly curly, untamed hair. many girls in their year had crushes on james potter. honestly, it was hard not to. he was charming and kind and obnoxiously beautiful. it makes corvus want to rip the world apart.

“hello.” he greets happily, striding over to his mother and throwing his arm around her, whispering something in her ear. 

corvus never tries listening when people whisper things. she knows what it is like to not have any privacy. to feel like your thoughts aren't even your own. to have them ripped from your own mind without any say in the matter. so she doesn't try to listen in, just turns and looks at the black box in her hand, not tearing her eyes away as she leans gently into regulus' side.

she knew this moment would be fragile. knew it from the moment she said the address to the potter’s manor as she stepped onto the knight bus without really knowing why.

she figures it was subconscious. a decision she really had no part in. just her own brain making the decisions for her.

because really, even after everything, she still loves her brother. she loves both of her brothers more than she has ever loved anyone. 

and for a little while, sirius had been hers . before hogwarts and before james potter, sirius belonged to her. and she belonged to sirius. 

now sirius is james’. and mr and mrs. potter’s. they get to have him. and maybe that's why this address came out of her mouth. in the attempt of another shot with her twin brother. for another chance for him to belong to her, no matter how futile.

james isn't wearing his glasses. it makes him look different. corvus has seen him without his glasses before. at meals and in the hallways and hogsmeade. he only really wears them in class. sirius said that he hates wearing them. that his glasses make him feel like he's relying on something else, and he never liked that.

corvus likes him with his glasses. thinks they make him look more like james. without them, he doesn't quite look himself. like something is missing.

a couple minutes later, james appears in front of them, holding two plates of cinnamon and sugar toast.

“here you go.” he says, placing them in front of regulus and corvus, sitting on the table. “go on. they're good, trust me. mum makes them all the time. i hate eggs too.”

“i don't hate them, i'm just allergic.” corvus corrects, trying not to look at the boy in front of her.

she thinks that if she does, her hands will start shaking even more than they already are. she'll wither under his gaze.

james potter tends to do that to people. 

“i wish i was allergic. can't stand them.” james smiles, adjusting himself on the table.

“you don't have your glasses.” corvus points out, because regulus clearly isn't going to talk, and she hates the silence.

she's always hated silence. silence at 12 grimmauld place is dangerous. there was way too much after sirius left. a place like this, with sirius in it, should never be silent, even at five o'clock in the morning.

“s’pose you're right.” james says, as if he hadn't even realized that he didn't put them on before emerging from his room. “doesn't really matter, does it? i can see alright without them.”

“he's lying. he has the eyesight of a blind bat.” mrs. potter chimes in, placing a pair of glasses over her son’s eyes and he smiles brightly at her. too brightly. corvus has to look away.

“there you are. clear as day.” james teases, happiness coming easily to him. corvus is always jealous of people who happiness comes easy to. “whatchu got there?”

corvus looks down at the black box in her hands, suddenly becoming defensive. as if the boy seeing it is a violation.

“none of your business.” she snaps, shoving the box into her pocket and crossing her arms over her chest.

“okay, okay.” james puts his hands up in surrender. “sorry. just curious, is all. won't ask again.”

“sorry, just-” corvus takes a deep breath, in for four, out for four, then lets out a sigh. “just on edge, is all.”

“yeah, i get that.” james assures.

it makes corvus want to scream. because he doesn't get it. james potter with his perfect, amazing life. and his perfect, amazing parents. and his perfect, amazing sirius. he will never be able to get what being on edge for corvus is like.

on edge for corvus is being so used to having to sneak meals, that she hides food under her mattress even when she's away at hogwarts.

on edge for corvus is flinching when someone other than barty or evan throw their arm around her shoulder too fast.

on edge for corvus is having a new scar on her cheek that she'll have to make up lame excuses for when dorcas and pandora inevitably ask where she got it.

on edge for corvus is having to run to james fucking potter’s house and feeling her skin crawl and her stomach lurch when she sees the familiar figure of her brother tiredly rubbing his eyes in the doorway.

in for four, out for four.

“what the hell are they doing here?” sirius snaps as soon as he sees corvus and regulus, all the tiredness suddenly seeping out of his body.

“sirius, dear-” euphemia starts, trying to wrap an arm around sirius, but he just shrugs it off.

“no, what the fuck are you doing in this house? what the hell are you doing here?” sirius bites, walking over to the couch. 

james is standing now, already moving towards sirius. because, of course. how stupid could corvus had been to believe he was gonna stay with them once sirius came into the picture?

“sirius, please just-” corvus starts, standing up in front of regulus, as if to shield him.

“no, you don't get to ask anything of me. what the hell are you doing here?” sirius asks, his voice raising and coming closer.

james puts his hands on sirius’ arms, pushing him back lightly. he says something that corvus, again, doesn't try to listen to. 

she feels like her skin is on fire. like all the rage and anger from her parents has transferred itself into sirius just from the sheer moment of seeing him. 

because she knew damn well how this was going to go. he was always going to blow up. because he doesn't get it. he left and he wasn't there to see how much worse things got after he did. 

but he didn't even bother looking back, so what gives him the right to act like the people he left behind are so evil for wanting out themselves?

suddenly, sirius stomps out of the room, down the hallway he came from, and slams a door shut as he storms into it. whatever james had said, it clearly worked to some degree.

“listen, how about james here shows you to the guest rooms? ii can get regulus settled, and james, you can help out corvus. sound good?” euphemia smiles, though her voice sounds slightly strained.

“yeah, that's good, mum.” james answers, throwing on another smile that doesn't quite meet his eyes this time. “i'll lead the way.”

james leads the way down the hallway that sirius had disappeared through, giving corvus a speech about every separate room.

“alright, potter, i get it. you live in a mansion. you can shut up now.” corvus snaps, annoyance filling her veins.

“wow, you're mean.” james comments, but corvus could hear the smile in his voice.

“do you have a weird humiliation kink thing, cause you are looking like you just won the quidditch world cup.” corvus rolls her eyes as they walk into a large room with a queen sized bed in the middle of it.

“nah, trust me, i'd be passed out in joy if i won the quidditch world cup.” james smiles, gesturing around the room. “well, welcome, welcome. the closet is over there, i'm sure mum will be taking you guys out within the week to go get some clothes.”

“i have clothes.” corvus says dryly, holding up her small duffel bag.

“yeah, well, that looks like it could fit about three outfits in it, and mum is fussy, so,” james trails off, scratching the back of his neck and taking his glasses off.

“why do you always take your glasses off?” corvus complains, standing rigidly in the center of the room.

“don't like ‘em.” james says simply, shrugging. “you gonna sit down at all? you look like you're waiting for the floor to open up and swallow you whole.”

“maybe i am. you don't know me, potter.” corvus replies, though she sits down on the bed anyway, setting her bag beside her feet.

“maybe i do, though. sirius talks about you enough.” james’ face becomes softer (if humanly possible) as he sees the tense look on corvus’ face. “hey, he'll come around. i'm sure of it.”

“knowing sirius, it'll take him eight years to get over his pride and do that.” corvus rolls her eyes, breathing deeply. in for four, out for four.

evan taught her that. in for four, out for four. one of the first times when she was having a panic attack (which happens a lot), he just held her in his arms and helped her breath. now, whenever she felt stressed or tense or on edge, she would do her breathing.

it seemed to help sometimes.

“he loves you. both of you.” james puts his hand on corvus’ shoulder, but she tenses up, so he moves it off. “he'll come around.”

“look, i'll give you some space.” james abruptly says, standing up and making his way to the door. “shower’s right through there if you wanna take one. there's already soap and towels. get some sleep. i'll see you tomorrow.”

“okay, potter.” corvus agrees as james makes his way out of the room, closing the door behind him.

in for four. 

out for four.