I know the end

The day after the prank, the marauders, with just two hours of sleep, were ready to enter the great hall, all four giggling to each other.

They had waited for a while before exiting the tower because they didn't want to look guilty.
It was the perfect time though, everyone was laughing around Snape's bed while he was just starting to wake up, it was early enough that no professor was in there yet.

Snivellus opened his eyes, probably confused by all the noises and laughs as he looked around. Remus could see when he finally realised where he was, his eyes widened and he quickly got out of bed, the laughs getting even louder now. “What the hell have y’all to laugh about?” he half screamed, his face as red as a tomato. Remus suddenly felt bad for him, his own laugh fading as the memories of his old life came flooding in his head. The last time he talked with Severus, in his old life, he was still an arsehole, but he was trying to help everyone win the war. Instinctively Remus almost started to walk towards Snape, when Mcgonagall thankfully entered the great hall, for which he was infinitely grateful, since it would have been really odd for his friends to see him, alias the person who proposed this prank and who supposedly hated Snape, save him from the aftermath of it all and just ruin all the fun.

“Yes i would like to k-” professor Mcgonagall started, pushing through the mass of raging laughing students, stopping on her tracks once he saw Snape’s back. “Mr. Snape, i think you would like to cover up with a blanket”

At hearing her voice Snivellus turned around and then looked at his own clothes, his face even more red now, and he quickly covered himself.

After that Mcgonagall vanished Snapes’s bed, probably getting it back in the dungeons, and escorted him out, perhaps to talk with Dumbledore. Everyone sat back to their house tables and started questioning who could have been.
“Are you sure they can’t understand it was us?” Peter whispered as soon as they sat.
“There’s nothing to worry about Wormtail, they’re not gonna think it was someone outside of his house, after all…it’s nearly impossible to get into their common room” Remus grinned.

°°°

And Remus was in fact right, because that same evening they found out that all the slytherins, since no one confessed, had gotten detention for two weeks, which kept all the professors busy every night, giving the Marauders the chance to get away with multiple pranks.

The following day though, something weird happened, at least for Remus. All four marauders were walking down the corridor to get to potion, talking about Sirius’ birthday -which would be in a little more than a month-.
“We should really start spreading the voice about the party” James said.
“Yeah, I'll do that. And we need to start getting the things from honeydukes if we want to have everything for Sir-” Peter continued, but he couldn't even get to the end of the sentence when someone interrupted him.

“It was you lot, wasn’t it?” a voice came from behind them, Remus was certain he knew the person it belonged to, but he couldn’t quite place it until he turned around, just like the rest of the marauders, and got face to face with Regulus Black. Sirius’ little brother.

Sirius’ little brother who was a death eater and whom Sirius couldn’t talk to without it ending in a bloody duel.
Instinctively Remus touched his wand from where he usually kept it in his pocket, ready to step in if it got too bad between the two black haired boys.
“You should thank Merlin that it wasn’t you waking up in the great hall, Reggie” Sirius responded to Regulus while grinning, his eyes sparkling as if he was really happy to see his little brother.

Regulus snorted a small laugh. “I should report you all to Mcgonagall. Do you know that we have detention now, right?”

“That was an unexpected result but it’s even better if you ask me” Sirius responded, his body language completely relaxed.

Remus just stood there, his eyes going back and forth from Sirius to Regulus and from Regulus to Sirius. What the hell was happening? In the many years he had known them, Remus had never once in his life witnessed a peaceful interaction between the Black brothers, let alone seen Regulus fucking Black laughing at something Sirius said, or laugh at all. Were they at peace in this reality? Remus remembers how fucked up their relationship was, and how much Sirius suffered the loss of his brother, more than one time. First when he sided with their family, then when he got the Dark mark, and lastly when he died.

He remembers how crushed Sirius was after one particular interaction, when he found out Regulus had gotten the mark. How, after Remus found him, he had cried like a baby, blaming himself for it, saying that Regulus told him he had gotten Sirius’ mark, because he ran away, that it was supposed to be his, that he was a coward and that he it was all his fault and now there was no way to fix it. Regulus was the enemy.

Remus remembers how wrecked Sirius was after the news that Regulus died spread. How he didn't want people to see it had affected him, since he was just another death eater. When in reality it was like he was grieving a part of himself.

Sirius had never been the same afterwards, even when he was happy, there was always this vacant look in his eyes, like something fundamental was missing, like he had lost a sort of balance and direction in his life. Sirius knew that it was something that could’ve possibly happen, especially since Regulus had chosen the wrong side of the war, but somehow it had shaken him to a point where he refused to even mention it, even with James, and he refused to sleep. For the next year, Remus lost count of how many times he saw Sirius fall asleep in the worst moments and most uncomfortable positions a man could fall asleep in. All because he was so exhausted to be emptied of all of his energy.

Which often led him to be distracted during their missions. So many times James had told him how worried he was for Sirius, how he had to cover it up for himself and for Sirius too. So much that it got them almost killed multiple times. Sirius’ reflexes too slow because he did not sleep, and James distracted because he was too busy keeping Sirius from getting hit by the killing curse.

After Regulus died it was like a string had been cut inside of Sirius.

In a moment of vulnerability he had told Remus that he and Reg hadn’t been talking for more than two years, even before he died, and that he didn’t even really remember what his voice sounded like, and how he would never hear it again now. His little Reggie… his shadow growing up and a distant memory once coming to Hogwarts. A stranger that was in reality his brother, that he would never see again, with whom he would never make peace. He told Remus how even as impossible as it may have been, deep down he always thought that they would’ve worked it out somehow at a certain point, and that they would never do it, they would never have a chance to make it better, they would be enemies forever.
He refused to talk about it ever again after that night.

Remus’ heart broke for him, even more several years later, when Sirius was already long gone and buried, and Remus found out about the horcrux and the letter Regulus left behind before he died in that cave, forever confined with the inferi. He had betrayed Voldemort, and he was not on their side of the war. He just didn’t know how to come to the right side and admit that everything he had been taught to believe in was a lie. And Sirius would never know that. He would never have the chance to.

And Remus hadn’t even thought about Regulus since he came here, but seeing him and Sirius together, joking like real brothers, like nothing bad had ever happened between them, shocked Remus to a point that he almost forgot that stuff like this never happened in his reality.

He could do nothing, too stunned to speak even when Regulus addressed him directly.

“But we know who’s the mastermind behind all of this… right Remus?”
Remus blinked, choking with his own saliva, “it… it was a collective work really” he responded while still trying to recover from the mere fact that Regulus was talking to him and not just cursing him and calling him names.
At this, Regulus frowned and asked, “Are you okay, Remus?” he tried to relax his face, nodding. The stupor must have been as clear as day.
“You know how he gets during this time of the month” Sirius continued with a light tone, but his voice a low whisper, so as to not make anyone overhear them.

What the actual bloody fuck was that? Regulus of all people knew he was a fucking werewolf? Merlin bollocks… How many things were different here?

“Yeah, right” Regulus nodded as if it was the most normal thing in the world and this was nothing out of the ordinary. After that they changed the subject, Peter asking Regulus something about their chess group that APPARENTLY they frequented together every tuesday, and Remus completely stopped hearing them, his mind busy trying to process this new information.

Were Sirius and Regulus on such good terms that he knew about Remus’ condition? Were HE and Regulus on such good terms that he knew about his condition? Were they friends in this reality? Remus initially thought he had just come back in time but maybe he was in a different timeline? Was that even possible?

He had so many questions but no one to ask them to. Was this even real? Or was he just in a bed in st. Mungo, in coma after almost dying from an unforgivable curse? Could he just wake up tomorrow and find out none of this was real? If he’s being honest, Remus doesn’t think he would survive the despair of that.

”I’m gonna go now or i’ll be late to charms” he heard Regulus say while walking backwards toward the stairs, which led out of the dungeons.

“See you wednesday, Lupin!” He didn’t wait for an answer and turned around, disappearing through the stairs.

After a few seconds, they began to walk again, “What do you have to do wednesday, Moony?” James asked after a while. Remus had almost forgot he was there since he hadn’t opened his mouth at all while Regulus had been with them.

“I wish I knew” he responded, his head a complete mess, finally entering the classroom.

°°°

Weeks had passed since Remus first woke up in his old dorm room, but he wasn’t really doing really well at all, he was still adjusting, sometimes he couldn't bear to be near any of his old friends, couldn't bear to look at their faces knowing what happened. Most times he still shivered when the marauders called him Moony, since no one had called him with his childhood name for decades.
It was hard, getting to face everything Remus had tried to put aside and hide from his mind for such a long time, scared to even dare to think about them all, but he was trying.
It was strange to grieve people that had never died here. He was the only one who knew the truth. And so far it had been really heavy.

After the prank on Snape, with everything settled between the marauders, Remus took his time to actually think about what was different in this new reality. At first sight he had thought that things were exactly the same, but they were not.
There were a lot of things that were actually different, and he first started to notice with the mind blowing understanding that the prank had actually never happened here, that somehow Regulus Black was at peace with Sirius, that he knew that Remus was a werewolf, and that they would meet wednesday to do Merlin knows what. All which left him questioning how many things were different.

From then on, Remus started to notice, trying to put the pieces together, to fill the voids between what he remembered and knew that happened, and what actually took place.

Remus had the impression that the marauders were closer than he remembered. Not that they weren't close before but there were certain things that were dissimilar; for example they spent much more spare time together than before. In his other reality, in their latest years at Hogwarts they barely saw each other most of the time, everyone busy with their own things to do. But here, apart from the lessons they shared, they seemed to do everything together.

They would study together (something they had stopped doing in fifth year since everyone had different schedules). Peter would drag Remus to see the quidditch practices every single day, and when Remus refused a couple of times, Peter complained saying that they never used to lose a single practice and that he didn’t know what was happening with Remus, so -not wanting to make anyone suspicious about his behaviour- Remus just resigned himself to a very cold winter in the stands.

They would stay almost every night around the fire in their dorm room or squeezed in one of their beds, chatting about everything, doing homeworks or planning pranks. Remus couldn’t get a lonely minute, not even to get to the classes he didn’t share with the other three marauders, since it seemed like they would just walk with him to keep him company.

Reaching the end of his first month back, Remus had started to get annoyed by all of this, he couldn’t ever get away from the marauders, and even if he tried to find excuses they would just tag along to everything he needed to do.
The most annoying one -to no one's surprise- was Sirius though, he wouldn’t leave Remus alone if his life depended on it. He would always ask to do this thing or another together, wait for Remus in the morning to walk together to breakfast, or wait for him to finish his homework before going to sleep.

And it was not that Remus didn’t appreciate it, he loved his friends and for the first few days he was glad to have them constantly in eye sight, but he needed to start researching about what happened to him and how he got here, and he couldn’t with them constantly around him like hawks, always asking what he was doing or looking over his shoulder to see what he was reading.

The peak was reached one afternoon when he decided to begin with his study group again, since the start of the school year, and found Sirius and James at one of the tables in the transfiguration classroom. He stopped in his tracks when he saw them. This had always been his own thing, the other marauders never once participated in it, and he would’ve liked to keep it that way. It was not like they didn’t study together for god’s sake! They would spend every bloody waking moment attached to the hip, it would’ve been good to have a few hours far from them.

Plus he had already planned to move to the library once he had finished with the study group, to finally start researching his condition. But it seems it was not to be since they wouldn’t leave him alone for ten seconds.

“What are you doing here?” Remus asked grumpily and James, who probably hadn’t noticed his mood, responded with a big smile on his face.,
“Isn’t it obvious Moony? We wanted to participate to your study session”
“We couldn’t lose it for anything” Sirius continued, winking at him.
“Wormtail would’ve been here too but he has detention so you’ll have to settle with just the two of us”

“We always study together, don’t you two have anything more interesting to do?” Remus couldn’t keep the sting from his own voice.
“But we wanted to be spend time with you”
“We don’t have to spend every single moment together for god’s sake!” He snapped at James who just blinked, at loss for words. The few students who had already gotten in the class were now looking at them, and Remus regretted saying it the moment it left his mouth, but there was no way to take it back now.
It was just that he was so nervous, always on edge. Between his impossibility to research or to even take a walk alone, and his lack of sleep, since the nightmares would leave him shaking and breathless every single night, and the full moon just a week away, he was going crazy.

He opened his mouth to say something else, when a group of sixth years loudly entered the room and crowded him to say hi or ask what they would do during the session, which put a stop to whatever he was going to say to James and Sirius, who just remained sitting there in silence.

Shortly after, they began the session, going through the subjects where the students were weaker. Remus tried to act as normal as possible, all the bitterness against the two marauders long gone, at his place just guilt for how he had treated his best friends who just wanted time with him.

Already planning to apologise Remus continued to help his fellow students but he could feel a pair of eyes insistently looking at him.

Sirius, who had remained silent during his outburst, was now staring pointedly at Remus, his eyebrows furrowed, like he was trying to figure out something, scowling and swiftly turning away everytime Remus turned to look at him.

°°°

Remus turned around after everyone left the room, just to find James, alone, sitting on his table, poking through his own notes. Sirius was nowhere in sight, as for his things as well, and Remus felt extremely guilty. He didn’t deserve James waiting for him after what he said, but still there he was, because he was James Potter, and he always forgave his friends, no matter how mean they were. Because he trusted them, always.

He looked up after a few seconds Remus had been staring at him.
“Alright there, mate?” James asked, fidgeting with his notes. It was clear that he was nervous, he had probably dwelled upon it in his head to decide if he should had waited for Remus.

Remus nodded, feeling awkward, “Prongs?” he called after a while they spent in silence, just recolletting their things from the desks.
“Mhm?” James mumbled, raising his head.
“I was an arsehole before… i really shouldn’t have said that” he said, scratching his neck.
“It’s fine, Moony… just -mhm-... if you want us to piss off or you don’t want us around, just tell us. It’s not a problem, just-tell us…okay?” James put a hand on his shoulder, giving Remus a little smile.
“It’s- It’s not that i don’t want you around… it’s just that i’m not sleeping really well and with the full moon… you know how it is. But i want you around, i mean it” Remus hoped a half truth would be better than nothing.

“Okay… don’t worry about this. It’s alright "James assured him and recollected his bag, putting it on his shoulder.
Remus did the same and together they walked out of the class, towards the tower.

“Oh and sorry about Sirius… You know how he gets when he feels rejected, but he’s gonna be fine”
“Yeah right” Remus nodded, but he didn’t fucking know though, since here everything seemed to be so bloody different. “I think i’m gonna go and find him” he said and stopped walking, if one thing was still the same, he had an idea of where Sirius could have been.

James stopped too, a knowing smile plastered on his face, “Alright then… see you at dinner?”
“Obviously” Remus guaranteed.

°°°

Remus got out of the castle, spotting Sirius not far away, it was a couple of hours until curfew. The sun, hidden behind heavy clouds, was casting rays of dim light through the autumn leaves of the oak Sirius was sitting under, it was almost dusk.
He sat next to Sirius, who didn’t even acknowledge his presence, while a cold, sharp breeze stirred the air, moving Sirius’ hair in a way that made him look ethereal, no noise could be heard in the near distance. Everything was quiet, even Sirius, who usually couldn’t shut up, now seemed to enjoy the comfortable silence that was sitting between them.

Remus lit a fag, wandering with his mind to a different timeline, a different lifetime. He was thinking about how, when he came back to Hogwarts to teach, he used to walk through the lands that surrounded the castle, whatever weather there was, remembering how it was mostly him and Sirius who used to explore those same lands as much as they could during their seven years at Hogwarts.

So much that it had become their thing, never spending more time inside than necessary.
They'd climb trees and run in the forest, always looking for something more, it never felt enough.
Then he’d think how the last thing Sirius saw was a four faced concrete wall. Sirius… who used to spend all his time outside because he had felt trapped his whole life… died without feeling the breeze through his hair one last time.
Remus used to think, perhaps to soothe himself or perhaps to curl into his own misery, that maybe, just before he died, Sirius was remembering being eleven years old, discovering he was not the only one who found comfort in the fresh air and in a lawn whose end he could not see.
Maybe he was remembering of running through the fields as padfoot, barking at everything and everyone, Remus not far behind.
Maybe, as life was being drained out of him, he was dreaming of home.

It could have never been enough, and the time they had, Remus thought, would never be enough. Remus used to think they had lived at least, before everything went downhill.
But in reality… They hadn't had much in the end, and it would never be enough. All the time in the world wouldn't have made Remus ready, a lifetime couldn't have prepared him.

Selfishly he wished Sirius knew about everything so he could be honest about what was going on in his mind and in his dreams too.
He could feel Sirius’ craving to question what was wrong with him, so it was no surprise when, after a few minutes, which they spent smoking in silence, passing the fag back and forth between them, he brought his knees close to his chest and asked,
“You want to talk about it?” he took the fag from Remus’ hands again and took a deep drag. Remus looked at the smoke leaving Sirius’ lips, how effortlessly beautiful he seemed.
Everything he would’ve liked to say was ‘I WANT TO TELL YOU EVERYTHING BECAUSE KEEPING THIS SECRET IT'S KILLING ME’ but, since this was not a possibility Remus just shook his head, moving his eyes away from Sirius, looking at a brown leaf fall from the tree in front of them, “not really…no”

“Good old Moony, who are you if you don’t have a secret” Remus let out a little smirk, partially relieved, he thought Sirius would have pushed more to get his answers.
“You’re right”
“I’m always right” Sirius responded, a playful smile on his face.
“Oh shut up” Remus punched him in the arm laughing quietly, his hallowing memories far for now.