There’s a difference between being lonely and being alone. Being alone is being physically by yourself. Being lonely is the emotional state that could sometimes go along with being alone. Sometimes you don't need to be alone to feel lonely. Regulus Black and being alone often coexisted. Being lonely… well that’s something he tried not to think too hard about. If he pushed it away, if he closed his eyes and pretended it wasn’t there, he could convince himself that he was right.
It didn’t always feel lonely. They say the person you love is supposed to make you not alone but with Barty, it was a little bit different. He didn’t mind being alone with him; It was like they could be alone together. A mutual understanding that being alone together was what they both needed oftentimes. Regulus liked being alone with Barty. For the longest time, he wouldn’t let himself connect with others, preferring to be completely alone. It was something that was a core piece of him, something he had always known to an extent.
Everything hurts a lot less when they’re alone together. It’s comfort. It’s understanding. It’s enough. It didn’t fix everything but right here, his head resting against Barty’s chest, the rise and fall keeping him grounded, right here it was enough. They often ended up like this, Regulus awake with his thoughts after Barty had fallen asleep. Sometimes it was both of them up, Barty pretending to actually be asleep, but he could tell the difference in the breathing. Neither of them was particularly fond of physical touch when it came to anyone else, nor did they like being overly affectionate in public. But here, late at night when everyone else was asleep, only the moon and the stars were here to witness.
The room was dark, the only light coming through the cracked curtains. Regulus loved the moonlight. He loved the way it filled the room with just enough light, a soft layer of comfort to part the darkness. It was a bitch in the morning when the moonlight turned into blinding rays of the sun, but it was a price he was willing to pay. That didn’t mean he wouldn't wake up cursing at past Regulus for thinking it was a good decision, but the next night he would do the same thing. Always. Perhaps that was a little bit of sabotaging of his future self but it happened every night without fail.
The boy’s shirt Regulus had stolen from him earlier that night felt soft against his skin. It was a fabric that didn’t irritate him, so he always stole his shirts to sleep in. Barty was comfort. Barty was safe. There was a level of understanding between the two that was more than he was able to describe in words. It was such a deep connection built upon such an understanding of each other that it felt like they’d known each other for a lifetime. It hadn’t been that long, but it might as well of be. It was moments like these that Regulus wished he could bottle up the feeling, the way his body felt at ease and safe, and keep it inside of him forever. He wanted to crawl inside the other boy’s veins, to build himself a home there and stay there forever. He wanted to be held hostage, metaphorically, inside of Barty. Moments like these with Barty made everything just a little bit more okay for the moment, and it was enough for him. He wouldn’t trade it for anything. Nobody understood them in the way they understood each other, which made them very protective of one another.
They were far from perfect, the two of them, but that’s why they worked. They were both broken in so many places, splinters of glass making it difficult to touch, but they were broken together. Alone together, broken together, always just together.