It’s a cold and snowy night in early December. Dorcas always loves this type of weather because there’s not much to be done except to listen to the gentle ambiance of the world outside. It’s quiet—the wind barely makes any noise as it blows a harsh winter draft through the air.
Perfect circumstances for a relaxing warm night in. And Dorcas would be lying if she said she hasn’t been craving one ever since this bullshit war started.
Now, Dorcas has plenty of opinions surrounding the said war. Of course, she thinks it’s stupid and pointless. There are plenty of other ways to end conflicts besides mindless slaughter. In truth, before this all began, Dorcas would consider herself somewhat of a pacifist, which would come as a shock to most people because of the cold and standoffish exterior she chose to put up during her school years. Certainly, cold didn’t necessarily mean violent. It’s just that—well, Dorcas didn’t exactly have the best track record when it came to peace. Especially when circumstances involved Marlene McKinnon.
She often pushed her pacifistic ideals aside the moment the instinctive alarms rang throughout her body. This involved—and was certainly not limited to—the common snarky insult, placing inconvenient charms and spells, and when things got really bad, downright hexing whoever was at fault for Marlene’s dejection. Honestly, Dorcas would do it ten times over if it meant that Marlene would be safe from any form of harm. Everybody knew that Dorcas turned into something fierce while defending her, even when Marlene herself wasn’t present. She could almost always sense exactly who and what had caused her distress. It was a goddamn superpower—one that Dorcas wasn’t always proud of. It had caused a lot of fights back when they were younger. Marlene made it very clear that she didn’t enjoy being treated like a fragile child, and Dorcas obviously wasn’t too fond of seeing her in any sort of trouble. It was a tricky situation, but they managed to work it out over the years.
Besides, Marlene has been better about not getting herself into any predicaments lately—or so Dorcas thought.
“Cas, have you seen my wallet?” Marlene’s voice travels from the other room. And Dorcas sighs to herself because she can tell by the footsteps that Marlene has her boots on, meaning she’s planning on going out—which was not what Dorcas had in mind for the night.
Truthfully, they’ve both been out of sync these past few months—always seeming to disagree on everything, even down to the few meals they get to eat together. It makes Dorcas’ heart overwhelmed with ache because making decisions used to be an easy thing to do, another thing the war took from them. Some part of Dorcas thinks she’ll always resent Marlene for choosing to stay and fight when they could have been something better elsewhere. She even finds herself daydreaming about a secluded life with Marlene—away from all the consequences of someone else’s war. But it’s no use because at her core, Marlene has been and will always be a fighter. That’s just who she is and it’s one of the many reasons Dorcas fell in love with her in the first place. She just wishes things were different and that her bravery didn’t come with a price.
“What do you need your wallet for, love?” Dorcas does her best not to sound annoyed, but it’s inevitable considering Marlene has apparently volunteered them for a night out in the blistering cold. There are definitely other things she’d rather be doing.
There’s silence for a second, then more shuffling. She already sounds frustrated—a distant where the fuck is it and come on goddammit could be heard from where Dorcas was laying.And it’s clear to her that whatever Marlene has planned will be fought for. She silently prepares for the onslaught.
“You know, I don’t really feel like going out tonight, Marls. Plus, it’s not very safe out there,” she points out. Marlene finally walks into the living room where Dorcas is laying down on the couch. She’s all dressed up and ready to go, not seeming to care that Dorcas isn’t. She’s still looking for that damn wallet. Dorcas wonders what the end of the night will look like and she selfishly hopes to herself that it’ll end with Marlene in her arms, their soft breaths in sync like they were meant to be. It’d be the first time in days, which is a shame—Dorcas’ ribs miss being crushed by her embrace.
“Believe it or not, I was actually planning on going out by myself. The bathroom sink’s all fucked and I forgot the damn charm for it. Gonna have to fix it the muggle way I guess. Do you want anything from the shop?” Marlene seems so eager about going that Dorcas almost doesn’t protest it. But she can never be too careful these days, can she? Plus, this isn’t the first time Marlene has tried to leave the house alone on account of a broken household item that she knows Dorcas can easily fix.
“Marls, I can fix it. You don’t have to go anywhere. Just take your shoes off and stay. I’ll do it later.” Dorcas chooses her words very carefully because she knows that Marlene doesn’t like it when she comes to the rescue anytime there’s a problem. Says it makes her feel useless, and Dorcas assures her every time that she isn’t, she can never be.
It appears that she chose the wrong words because Marlene rolls her eyes and lets out a humorless laugh.
“You really don’t think I’m capable of doing anything, huh?” She asks. Dorcas doesn’t know whether or not she’s supposed to answer that, but she does anyways.
“It’s not about that, Marlene! Like I said, it’s dangerous out there. Remember what Moody told us about-”
“Dolohov. Of course, I remember, Dorcas. But I’m not going to let them decide whether or not I can leave the goddamn house. Besides, I think I can handle a ten-minute solo trip down the street.” Marlene spits. She seems jittery, which is what usually happens when she doesn’t leave the house for a good chunk of time. Dorcas has seen this in increments, but since Marlene hasn’t left the house in days she can only expect the worst.
“I’m just saying it’d be stupid for you to even walk out of the front door, let alone go somewhere alone in the middle of the night. This isn’t a debate on whether or not you can handle it, it’s just—we don’t exactly have that privilege, Marlene. You should know that.” Her voice raises slightly. She can sense this conversation heading in an unpleasant direction, so she braces for impact. It makes her throat close with sadness at the fact that she even has to do it. It didn’t always use to be like this.
It could be worse, Dorcas thinks. neither of them have stormed out of the house and not looked back. Even after their cruelest of spats, they always come back to each other. She hopes it stays that way.
But then Marlene stops what she’s doing to look her in the eyes and says the worst thing Dorcas has ever heard.
“And you should know when someone’s getting sick of being near you.” She hisses.
Silence.
Oh.
Dorcas stays sat on the couch, blinking, unsure if she heard her words right. She wants to cry and fight and apologize and ask if it’s true. Marlene wanted to make it hurt and it did. It does. The worst part is that she knows how much Dorcas does for her. She knows and she still said it. Dorcas can’t breathe for a second, still struck by Marlene’s cruel remark.
Marlene has a scared look in her eyes like she almost regrets saying it, but it passes and is replaced with a cold gaze. She holds it for a few seconds.
But before Dorcas can get any words out, Marlene finds her wallet and her way out the front door. She jumps to her feet, not even caring about shoes. She’s going to kill her.
“Marlene!” Dorcas yells. It’s fucking freezing and she’s thankful she grabbed her wand so she could at least cast a quick warming charm, shielding her from any of the cold snow. As soon as she spots Marlene she places one on her, too. It makes her let out a grunt of frustration.
“Stop it, Dorcas! Let me do something. Fucking anything. Just leave me alone!” Marlene sounds on the verge of tears and continues to stomp away. Dorcas wants to grab her by the arm and yank her back inside. She’s furious. She’s done nothing but try to keep her safe and out of harms way. She’s been walking on eggshells and wrapping Marlene in bubble wrap for months. And what has that earned her? A verbal slap in the face. She’s tired. So, so tired.
“When are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself?” She says. Marlene finally stops and faces her. “I mean honestly, do you actually believe you’re the only one going through a rough time? In the middle of a war? Quit being such a fucking baby, Marlene. Grow up!” Dorcas can no longer help the words coming out of her mouth. This talk has been long overdue. Her lips twitch with anticipation, daring Marlene to continue.
It’s vaguely reminiscent of their earlier dynamic at Hogwarts. They were so stupidly in love with each other but disguised it with quarrels and disdain. The whole back-and-forth was entertaining in those days, exciting even. Now that it was happening again, Dorcas doesn’t think either of them are wearing a disguise. This time, they both mean it—and it’s not fun anymore. The whole honest and ugly truth was being laid out right in front of them. And every time Dorcas bites back, it leaves a bitter and sick taste in her mouth.
“‘Grow up?’ What do you think I’ve been trying to do all this time? I barely even get the chance to go on Order missions anymore without you volunteering in my place! Do you know how pathetic that makes me feel? Or do you just not take that into consideration?” Marlene sounds like a bomb that’s ready to explode.
Dorcas pauses. Truthfully, she really hadn’t taken that into consideration. Her main priority is keeping Marlene safe, no matter the cost. But as the saying goes: no good deed goes unpunished. She is facing the consequences of what she’s done in real time. And maybe she’s a little bit sorry.
“Marlene, I just want to protect you. I didn’t know it was affecting you this much.“ Dorcas has calmed down a bit since her initial outburst.
“Don’t go and speak to me in your soft voice and try to calm me down like you’re afraid you’ll push me over the edge. Isn’t this driving you absolutely insane? We barely even look at each other anymore and I can’t even remember the last time you laughed at one of my stupid jokes. Fuck, Cas—I can’t take it anymore. I miss you so much. Isn’t this driving you insane? Tell me I’m not fucking crazy! Please, I–” Her voice cracks. She takes a second to catch her breath, then sighs. “I just need you to tell me I’m not going crazy.” Those words feel like a sucker punch to the gut. She had known Marlene was a stubborn little shit, but it never occured to her that this was eating at the both of them the same way. It’s enough to make Dorcas want to cry and run to Marlene to give her the biggest hug she’ll ever know. Which is precisely what she does.
She feels Marlene lean into her, both of them letting out a breath of relief the second their bodies meet. And oh how Dorcas had missed this. Her embrace feels like home. So warm and inviting and Dorcas never wants to let go, her body refuses to. Welcome back, her bones sing. Stay stay stay stay. Light snow drapes over them as the charm slowly wears off.
“I’m so sorry, Dorcas.” She rasps. “Hit me, hex me. Make it hurt. Just please don’t leave.” Marlene sounds so miserable and Dorcas can feel her heart shatter into a million pieces. They’re still clinging to each other for dear life when Dorcas slowly backs away and takes Marlene’s face into her hands, cupping it softly.
“I’m not leaving. I could never leave you.” Marlene’s still breathing shakily. “You listen to me, Marlene McKinnon. I love you, okay? Nothing can change that. We fight and argue and say things we don’t mean but we’ll always be there for each other, won’t we?” Dorcas has tears in her eyes and her voice is trembling.
Marlene nods and sighs into her hands. She grabs Dorcas’ wrists and holds them, looking straight into her eyes—this time with love, genuine and unwavering.
“I really am sorry, Cas. What I said wasn’t right and I should have never said it at all. I love being around you. You mean the world to me, and that’s never gonna change. As long as I’m alive that’s never gonna change. Even after death, I’ll haunt you and scare away all of your future lovers.”
Dorcas smiles and bites her lip to try and hold in a chuckle, but it escapes nonetheless. She’s silently relieved that Marlene cleared that up. Otherwise, it would eat at her for ages.
“Bold of you to assume I’d let you die.”
“Is that right? I guess I’ll just go down to the shop and try my luck.” She backs away and puts her hands around her mouth and shouts, “Oh, Dolohov! Come and get me, you crazy fuck! I’m right he-”
“Shut up, Marlene.” Dorcas laughs.
“Make me.”
Dorcas raises her brow playfully, indulging in Marlene’s antics. She reaches down to the ground and grabs a handful of snow. Marlene’s eyes widen and she runs for the front door, but it’s too late. The snow hits her right in the back and Dorcas let’s out the biggest laugh she’s had in days. It’s cathartic and she’s glad she did it.
Until Marlene turns around and chases after Dorcas, threatening to cover her in snow. She tries to run and yelps when Marlene finally has her in her arms. She takes her inside, Dorcas laughing the whole way there.
As soon as they’re both sitting on the couch, Marlene checks all her pockets and says, “Hey, where’s my wallet?” Dorcas shrugs.
“You probably dropped it outside, love. You wanna go get it?”
Marlene contemplates for a second. “Nah. I have you, don’t I? That’s all I need.” She leans down and kisses Dorcas on the top of her nose.
Dorcas smiles brightly. Of course she has her.
She’ll always have her.