Regulus Black has let himself fall in love, what a mistake. How could he be so stupid?
The answer? James Potter’s smile and James Potter’s laugh and how his eyes light up whenever Regulus is around. Regulus would be a fool in a million lives just to love James in one of them. He’d break himself a million times just for James to gently pick up the pieces.
And he does, he does break himself every day. Every time he remembers that James isn’t truly his. Every time he has to let go and James leaves without a second thought. At the end of the day, that’s all Reg can give him is stolen stares and broken, bleeding hearts in hope James will stay a little bit longer.
———-
James has never be able to love out loud. He also cannot understand it, being raised in a house filled to the brim with love but cannot express it. He always gets into his own head and cannot seem to get out.
What if his love is too messy?
What if it breaks what’s already been broken?
What if he’ll never be able to love properly?
What if…
What if…
He knows that he feels something for Regulus, not an emotion he can name though. He can’t seem to figure it out. James has feelings for Regulus but he can’t bring himself to act on them. He hates himself for it. He hates how Regulus is so ready to love and James can’t bring himself to even say the word. The one little word.
Regulus brings his heart to James on a silver platter but James is too busy in his own head, breaking himself before Reg can even get the chance to help.
So with bleeding, throbbing, crashing hearts they try and try, try, try.
But one can only try for so long, until they can’t try anymore.
——
Regulus and James clash into each other with the force of a supernova. It’s all they know how to do at this point. They clash and clash and clash, waiting for the day they’ll break each other. Because how can you love someone who destroys themself for you. How can someone love you if they don’t properly know how to.
What if it’s all they’ll ever know?
“Hey, James?” Regulus asks quietly.
“Yes?”
“I love you more than you know,” Regulus croaks out, he know he needs the peace from saying it but the look on James’s face. Oh that’s look, Regulus feel as though he’s in free fall. His voice is breaking as the last syllable falls out.
7 words bring about the end of Regulus’s world.
“Why would you say that Reg? Please don’t lie like that,” James whispers.
He doesn’t mean it maliciously, he just can’t understand why Regulus could love someone like him.
“It’s not a lie.”
“Reg, I thought we were just having fun? I didn’t know you were falling in love.”
“I didn’t know how much longer I could go repressing how I feel.”
“I can’t love you how you want. I can only love you like this,” James says, every word like a knife in Regulus’s heart.
“I can’t be loved behind closed doors or in secret. I can’t be loved like it’s one big burden for you to bear. I just can’t, James.”
“I’m sorry I can’t be that for you. I can’t love you as you should be loved.”
“I don’t care, I will take anything you give me, anything please. I deserve to be loved out loud. Please James. Just…” Regulus cuts himself short with a sob.
James’s heart completely shatters.
James has to get out, he has to leave, he can’t do this anymore.
As he gets up to leave, Regulus begs him to stay. As much as it breaks his heart, James leaves. He has done enough damage. He can’t hurt Regulus like this anymore.
———-
It wasn’t until much later that James realized that he was also in love with Regulus.
By the time he made sense of what he felt, Regulus wanted nothing to do with him. He had already put up another front and James could do nothing to stop it.
James was too late.
He took too long to love him back.
That’s what happens when two stars collide.
Both are left reeling.
———
Maybe one day they can try again but that’s the problem. How can you love someone who has hurt you so badly. James and Regulus will always hold each other in the safest part of their hearts. Maybe once their hearts have healed they can rekindle what they once had.
They never really did fall out of love they just found a new way to cope with it. To maneuver around the broken parts of themselves. But who’s know if James ever loved Regulus right.
Maybe they’ll always be doomed and their love will always be tainted.
Poisoned by what could’ve been.