Regulus and the Dinning Hall Debacle
Regulus looked over at the gryffindor table after hearing the oddest howl of laughter. His eyes weren’t looking at anyone in particular, but they settle on James anyways. Figures.
He was covering his mouth with his wrist and his eyes were pealed shut. He cheeks were puffed out as it was filled with food; it probably was. Regulus was worried that one wrong inhale or tilt would cause him to choke.
His eyes then drifted to the rest of the table and were intercepted by Sirius’. He sat there, one arm pitched on the table, and a finger that insinuated come here. He looked very judgmental; eyebrows knotted and everything.
Regulus didn’t feel like getting up at the moment. No, he was quite comfortable where he was at; squished together between Barty and Pandora both haggling on about some candy. He, as nonchalantly as he could, shook his head and went back to the conversation with his friends.
He tried not to look back in his direction but the temptation was too strong. Sometimes Sirius’ annoyance was hilarious. He had his eyes closed and visibly sighed, putting out the whole over dramatic show for Regulus to enjoy. Sirius opened his eyes again and whispered probably something along the lines of ‘please you twat’, but Regulus couldn’t be sure. He wasn’t a mastermind at reading lips.
He decided to put in the over-dramatics for Sirius as well. So he got up and rolled his eyes, visibly sighing and letting his friends know he’ll be right back. He then purposefully moped his way over to their table and stood right above Sirius and sighed again. He tried him damned hardest not to laugh.
Sirius vaguely gestured to the seat next to him, “Regulus we have to talk, why don’t you sit down.”
“What don’t you stand up?” Regulus retorted even though he was already in the process of sitting.
Sirius turned his back on his friends to look right at Regulus, and once again sighed. Regulus sighed in response.
This caused his brothers eyebrows to rise, “are you mocking me?”
“No.”
“I- alright then, so-“
“You said we need to talk?” Regulus couldn’t help it, it was just so easy to annoy Sirius. And his annoyed gaze might just be the funniest thing in existence.
“Yes. Your friends are bad influences for you. I don’t like them I think you should start to diverge from that circle. It’s not good for you.”
Regulus bit the inside of his lip.
“Since when did I ask for your opinion on this?” Regulus spit back. He then began thinking of all the possible distractions he could make to stop the conversation from continuing. He could say he needed to go, but he’s used that one too many times. Sirius would probably see right through it.
“C’mon Reggie, you can obviously see what they’re doing to you. You’ve- you’ve changed.”
Ah. Idea. This would take a bit of setup though.
“And why do you feel the need to dictate my life?” He had said a bit too loudly and a bit to serious for his liking. Sirius’ friends, who were making a great act to appear like they weren’t listening, all gaped at him.
“Reggie, I’m not dictating anything! I’m looking out for you, I’m your older brother that’s my literal fucking job.”
Bingo.
“Yeah? Well I demote you to simply my cousin.” He tried not to laugh, he tried really hard but he couldn’t help but smirk at that beautiful execution.
Sirius buried his face in his hand and chuckled, “What the fuck Regulus.”
He looked over to James who had his mouth hung wide open. He gasped and then shifted closer, preparing to speak.
Sirius looked straight at Regulus and said very defiantly, “fine but when mother wants you to get married you have to chose one of the other cousins, not me.”
That just about did it. Regulus fell into Sirius with laugher. Sirius’ head hit the table and Regulus’ head hit his back. They both just about died.
“Wait cousins?” James chimed in, “that explains so much! That’s why your eyes are blue!!” James acted as if the mystery of the universe was just discovered and laid out for him.
“What?!” Regulus, Remus, and Sirius all bellowed in unison.
Peter came in a few seconds later, “yeah what?”
Regulus could just tell that James felt low-key proud of himself. He straightened up in his seat and began to explain, “it’s a sign of incest, if you have blue eyes I mean.”
“Are you high?” Sirius howled.
“What?? No I-“
“Then what the fuck have you been reading?” Regulus burst out.
“I- just some literature,” he shrunk in his seat.
“Non-fiction?” Regulus pushed.
James had to really think about this one. He sat there for a good moment with his eyebrows furled.
“Oh Merlin don’t tell me you got this from a fiction book,” Remus facepalmed.
“No! I- well… ok I might’ve but that’s not the point!”
“I think it rather is,” Peter laughed.
Sirius sat up tall in his seat, face plastered with annoyance one again. Ah great.
“No. The point is Regulus has bad friends, you guys back me up.” He pleaded to the people around him.
Regulus got up before anyone could aid Sirius in this truly stupid concern of his.
“Cousins don’t get to talk bad about my friends.” He spat and prepared to storm off.
“I’m your bother!” Sirius threw up his hands.
“I fired you!”
“Well you just can’t do that. You’re not my boss Regulus!”
“Then who is?”
“Fuck I dunno God?”
“You don’t even believe in god!”
“You don’t know maybe I’ve turned over a new leaf!”
Regulus rose his eyebrows and that said all he needed to say.
“Fine! It’s just societal rules then. You can’t fire me from being your bother.”
“To late already did Cuz.”
“Don’t call me ‘cuz’” Sirius snarled.
“Oh sorry, would you rather me not abbreviate it, cousin?”
Sirius threw his hands up again, “Merlin, Regulus, I’m not your cousin!”
“The blood line says otherwise.”
“Fuck the bloodline!”
“Please don’t- we don’t need more incest children.” Regulus said plainly.
“Merlin your insufferable!”
“Aww thanks Sirius, what a nice compliment.”
Sirius just waved his hands about, referring to the Slytherin table, “just- just go.”
“Oh I didn’t know I needed your permission to leave. Do I have your permission to breath Sirius? It’s awfully hard to get by holding my breath.”
Sirius let out an exasperated sigh, “bloody twat.”
“Don’t you mean, best cousin in the universe?”
He frantically gestured to the Slytherin table again.
“Fine. I bid you wankers aiedu.” He practically strutted back over to his table, leaving Sirius’ friends wide eyed and speechless.