Begin Again
I
It's been a while, Chaewon thinks, not long, but long enough for Yunjin's hair to grow out and hers to get shorter.
They broke up because Chaewon wanted them to, so why was she the one who couldn't hold her gaze against Yunjin? It shouldn't be like this, she thought to herself, of course Yunjin used to go to bars, clubs and parties, but... Would she be the only one Chaewon felt comfortable being in?
It was a request from Kazuha - Chaewon's new best friend - “Come, it'll be fun!” Kazuha said, “And if not, I promise I'll take you home as soon as you ask.” But when she looks for Kazuha, her friend isn't there and Chaewon feels obliged to face her ex-girlfriend from the other side. What are the odds? What's worse, Huh Yunjin is with someone new! A girl. Not a boy.
The girl is acceptable. Not that Chaewon was in favor of female rivalry, but she was much prettier than her new girlfriend. A kiss on the cheek? Really? Not even to kiss her for real. And Chaewon realizes how she looks now: a short black dress, tight to her body and her curves, Sakura's choice, Sakura who was somewhere in the club making out with a girl; Chaewon hair is shorter than the last time she saw Yunjin - the reason was some crisis she had to have it cut; her nails are well done and Chaewon knew she was pretty, but she was sure that tonight she was much prettier.
Chaewon sighed and turned around, then swallowed the drink she had picked up to Sakura “I thought you weren't going to drink,” Kazuha said.
“I wasn't” It was true, but some things had changed. “Come on, dance with me” Chaewon doesn't even wait for Kazuha to answer, she just pulls her along.
And there were so many things going through Chaewon's mind at that moment: less than a year? Really? For someone who constantly sent messages asking if they were going to get back together, Yunjin got over it pretty quickly. How was that possible? It couldn't be! The last time they talk about Yunjin still liked her.
The music invaded Chaewon's body and Kazuha just led her, Chaewon liked it, she liked the way Kazuha's hands held her, spun her around and pulled her to her. It was so good and familiar that it reminded her of Yunjin! Yunjin that Chaewon secretly still liked. They just didn't work out, they were immature and well, Chaewon had some little problems that she didn't want Yunjin to know about. And that was fine. Fine is a word that Chaewon didn't know the meaning well, she was still learning about.
In between songs, Chaewon was drinking something - often something slightly alcoholic and sweet - although her favorite was energy drinks. Sweet and sour at the same time. And it came easy to her - she had another little problem with it, but very few people knew about it and Kazuha luckily wasn't one of them and although she didn't drink, the young woman kept an eye on how much Chaewon drank.
“I think you should stop.” It was a suggestion and Chaewon understood, they still weren't close enough for Kazuha to know the truth, so she just asked for water the next time she got a drink. Even if it was up to her alone: alcohol and more alcohol, preferably when mixed with something very always sweet.
Even as she dances with Kazuha, she thinks about the fights she had with Yunjin, thinking that Yunjin doesn't know the truth about everything, nor does she know why Chaewon is like this right now.
All she had to do was swallow her pride and tell the truth, but Chaewon was too stubborn, too petty and well, a bit of a coward - even though she didn't say it out loud, deep down she knew she was and it didn't matter so much now. All that mattered now was that she was jealous and as Ariana Grande said in a song: break up with your girlfriend, i'm bored.
That's what Chaewon wanted Yunjin to do: it wasn't too much to ask, was it? All she had to do was cross the dance floor, hold Yunjin's hands and put them on her body and say: please? It used to be like that. But now it wasn't.
Songs come and go, some Chaewon knows, some she doesn't, but in these Kazuha is there to guide her. Kazuha would have been Chaewon's type if she hadn't been so friendly. The first time Chaewon saw her she wondered what it would be like to kiss her, but the second time she thought: my God, this girl is my best friend. And despite what Yunjin thought: Chaewon didn't stay with her friends or best friends or did anything with Kazuha.
Some of the fights were about that. Friends. Fuck them all. Chaewon missed her again, no amount of time in the world could make her forget that - okay, she was being dramatic, but the urge to cry mixed with the urge to vomit at seeing Yunjin with someone else was so strong, and then there was the fact that it was too hot in there, and she was surrounded by too many people, too many people. It was too much.
“I have to stop,” Chaewon says and walks away. Stop. Breathe. Start again. Follow the spets: stopping, breathing and again and again.
“Is everything all right?” Kazuha asks worriedly. Kazuha, why did you have to be so nice to me that I wanted to be your friend and not your girlfriend? It would be so much easier. Chaewon thinks, but she can't even think about kissing Kazuha anymore.
“Yeah, I just need some air,” Chaewon said, leaving the dance floor and trying to find a place with fewer people, walking over to one of the many puffs that were scattered around the club. He then sat down.
“We can go home, I told your father I could drop you off at home,” Kazuha says and Chaewon really wishes she could like Kazuha. Kazuha is tall and plays for the same crappy volleyball team that Yunjin plays for. Except that Yunjin is captain or whatever the fuck it is to be the leader of a bunch of insufferable bitches. Kazuha was the only nice one.
“And I said I'd call him when I wanted to come back, or text him that I was going to sleep at your place, no problem. I just need some time out, you can go dancing, I know you like it.” Chaewon wasn't lying, she just wanted some time alone - which was ironic, since she was surrounded by people - and that meant she didn't want anyone she knew around.
“All right, anything, call me,” Kazuha says before leaving.
8 months. That's how long it took her to get another girl? Really? Chaewon had come to believe that all the messages were fake - Yunjin begging them to come back - and was feeling like an idiot for still liking her. And without realizing it, he was already crying. Shit! Yunjin could ruin everything yet! Where was Sakura now to tell Chaewon the truth? It didn't make sense for her to be crying when she was the one who broke up with Yunjin! Yunjin just moved on!
“Princess, who hurt you like that?” A woman speaks to her, making her raise her face and Chaewon realizes she's being pathetic! Crying at a party? What kind of song by Lana del Rey, Ariana Grande or Billie Eilsh talked about that?
“Myself,” Chaewon says smiling. It was true.
“Unfortunately I won't be able to break that person's bones right now” Chaewon laughs. Okay. Pretty. Tall and wearing a black jacket and boots. Chaewon's type, plus a badgirl face. Chae liked the ones with the cute puppy dog face better, but this one might fit the bill.
“Chaewon and your...?”
“Rosé” The blonde replies. “Can I sit down?” Chaewon moved away and the blonde sat down, they were so close that Chaewon could smell her perfume. “So, you're too beautiful to be crying... but is there anything I can do to make you feel better?”
Chaewon ponders: blonde, tall and well, a face that could ruin her life? Of course. And she just wanted to forget about Yunjin. If she hadn't been so drunk, or so upset, or so whatever, she wouldn't have said what she said, but she was: drunk, upset, and feeling lost.
“Rosie, could you kiss me...” It's not a question or order, it's a suggestion, even though Chaewon is the type to give orders and not suggestions.
Rosé smiles before kissing her and although Chaewon isn't like that, the type who goes to parties and kiss strangers girls that she even knows, in this memento, she just wants to kiss anyone to forget Yunjin. She wants to feel anything so that she doesn't have to feel anything about Yunjin, and the alcohol, although not much, gives her the courage to do so. She always makes the worst decisions when she's slightly altered.
Rosé's hands are soft and gentle, but they're not the hands she needs, even though they're exactly where the right ones should be: her neck and waist. One of her hands holds Chaewon's neck, entwining her fingers in the hair at the nape of Chaewon's neck, tugging lightly during the kiss, controlling her. And the other hand is on her waist, holding her gently. But despite everything, Chaewon doesn't want gentleness, she wants something sudden and something that will make her forget. In that part of the club, there weren't so many people and it was darker, but still, someone could see them and Chaewon didn't want that. Although she had a slight kink for exhibitionism, she wasn't in the mood to put on a show.
“Could we go somewhere more private?” Chaewon suggested, stopping the kiss.
“Sure, princess,” Rosé's cute nickname sounded like she called all her girls that, and now it was only Chaewon's turn to listen. She didn't think it was bad, it was distracting.
*
They were outside the club.
It's a game, as Chaewon likes to think: first she attracts, plays with and then lets people play with her, it's just like this with Rosé. Rosé pulls her out of the nightclub through the back door, a dark place, near an alley and dimly lit, but enough for them to see where they're going.
Then it's Chaewon's turn to pull Rosé in, to put both hands around the blonde's neck, but not before taking Rosée's hands and putting them on her own body: both on her ass. She wants to be touched. Chaewon wants to feel something other than sadness, so when he kisses Rosé and pulls her to her, she wonders how it could be better?
The height difference wasn't that bigger and Chae was wearing heels, but she still needed to look up a bit. Yunjin used to say that Chaewon's eyes were beautiful when seen from above, they always looked like they were asking for something and she already knew that the answer would always be yes. Always.
The first kisses were exploratory, Rosé's tongue was warm and unlike Chaewon she hadn't been drinking, but was chewing mint gum. Alcohol and mint. What a combination. Chaewon sighed at the kisses, she even moaned softly, fuck, everything was easier when she had alcohol in her system. Touching another woman after Yunjin was different, Rosé was thin where Yunjin had muscles, hard where Yunjin was soft. But what a waist the blonde had: thin, and even Chae's small hands were thin. Her breasts were also small, but when she felt them Chaewon had a little surprise: piercings. In both of them, what would it be like to feel them in his mouth? Pull them slightly with your mouth? Did Rosé like being in control or both?
Chaewon has the answer when Rosé pushes her against the wall and faces her: “If you don't like it, tell me to stop”. Then the kissing starts again. One by one. Until Chaewon lost count. Chaewon missed kissing Yunjin, but she also felt ashamed kissing her. What if Chae wasn't good enough? Yunjin had had so many other people - people, no. boys, many boys - before her... but as a girlfriend, Chae had been the first. And Chaewon was the first girl Yunjin ever kissed. Chaewon who stupidly asked Yunjin out! She was an idiot. IDIOT.
An idiot who wasn't ashamed to kiss a stranger, but ashamed to kiss her own girlfriend.What kind of stranger was she? She was ashamed to ask her girlfriend to touch her, but without any shame she would take a stranger's hand between her legs and say what she wanted: “Soft”.
Soft? She'd never asked Yunjin like that. How could she be so vocal? What kind of slut was she? But Rosé served her well: soft, exploratory and quietly saying how hot Chaewon looked in that dress.
Chaewon sighed, Rosé knew how to touch a woman's body: the light bites made Chaewon moan softly, it was embarrassing, but it was even more embarrassing that she was thinking of Yunjin. Yunjin, who never bit like that, would run her teeth along Chaewon's skin and before biting she would always kiss the spot first, as if to say that it would hurt her and after biting the skin and sucking, she would always apologize but Chaewon thought it was cute. Being marked. It was like Yunjin was showing everyone else who Chae belonged to.
Leaning against the cold wall - maybe it was going to rain soon - Chaewon wasn't the least bit worried about the world around her, although a light cold breeze hit when Rosé pulled one of Chaewon’ breasts out of her dress. How dirty was she for wanting to have sex with another woman right there, just to forget about the ex-girlfriend she was dating?
Rosé wasn't so delicate, she didn't know that Chaewon liked it better if she sucked on her breast and didn't bite, but it still got to Chaewon. Since Rosé - a stranger - was the first person after Yunjin that she had allowed to touch her like that.
Yunjin. Yunjin. Yunjin.
But it was Rosé who was there with her: Rosé. Rosé. Rosé.
Rosé gently masturbated over her panties, nibbled on her neck and made Chaewon momentarily forget her problems: college, work, family and Yunjin. Out there, in that little shared moment, it was so magical and mysterious. If Chaewon had known that all she had to do to forget Yunjin was to be with someone else, she would have stayed. Oh, Yunjin. But the thoughts still came. Yunjin had done that to her before.
Rosé just did it a bit better, maybe? It was without feelings or emotions, but with a lot of lust. A lust that made Chaewon hardly think straight. Because she still knew it was slightly dangerous, Chaewon couldn't think straight, not when Rosé had her breast in her mouth and one of her hands was between Chaewon's legs. It was good, but not good enough. Chaewon wanted to feel her inside. She wanted closeness.
Rosé just did it a little better, maybe? It was without feelings or emotions, but with a lot of lust. A lust that made it hard for Chaewon to think straight. She still knew she was a little dangerous, but Rosé had her breast in her mouth and one of her hands was between Chaewon's legs. It felt good, but not good enough. Chaewon wanted to feel her inside. She wanted closeness. She wanted to feel her fingers taking her, going in and out hard. She wanted to feel Rosé's teeth against his skin. She wanted pain. Anything other than sadness. Sadness from missing Yunjin.
And she was about to ask Rosé to do it, she heard a noise: “Rosé, I think there's someone here”
“It must be some drunk,” Rosé said, and where was that girl's sense of survival? It was well known that blondes didn't think, but fuck it, Chaewon didn't want to die. She just wanted to get laid to forget about her ex-girlfriend.
“We should go in,” Chaewon said. “We can continue soon” Chaewon said. It wasn't who she wanted, but it was enough.
“My place or yours?”
“We can go to yours,” Chaewon answered. It was dangerous, but fuck, she wasn't thinking that far. “But I need to go to the bathroom first” It was the truth that she needed to use the bathroom, a truth she was afraid of not looking presentable. Especially as she was wearing a dress. “Wait for me, okay? I'll want to continue what we were doing.”
*
It was a miracle that the bathroom was empty - but then again, this was more like the staff bathroom - so it gave her a little more privacy to sigh, gripping the edge of the sink a little too tightly and taking a deep breath. The air was different, outside it was cold and gently windy, the wind smelled of rain, but inside, it was stuffy, hot and made Chaewon want to go home soon and she was going home.
Home. Kazuha. God! How long had she been gone? 15 minutes? But when she looked at her watch, she realized it was almost 35 minutes.Did it take her that long? Kazuna had only sent two messages.
kahzuha: saw u going out with the blonde. good luck. be careful.
kahzuha: hello? alive?
Chaewon replies: alive, I'm in the bathroom. I want to go home.
Chaewon lied. She wants to go to Rosés apartment.
And Chae waits a few minutes, but Kazuha doesn't answer, so she looks in the mirror: she's a mess. Her hair was a little messy as was her dress. A little. Rosé had messed with her a little. A little wasn't enough and well, she wanted a lot. She still wanted Yunjin.
Then the cell phone on the sink vibrated and Chaewon was distracted by it, but it wasn't Kazuha, it was just a message from her father:
dad: do you want me to pick you up?
Chaewon was already typing a message saying “no”, that “she was going to sleep at Kazuha's” when she heard the door open and the lock click. She was trapped, hadn't she closed the door? As she lifted her face to look in the mirror, she saw a familiar face in the reflection. Yunjin.
“Out of the house and breaking your bedtime?” Yunjin's familiar voice made her want to die. She hadn't changed much, just her hair color, which was darker than last time. Maybe she dyed it.
Yunjin. Her Yunjin was beautiful. White cropped top. Blue jeans. Vans. She was the opposite of Chaewon. One was casual and the other was dressed as if she wanted to be looked at and admired or to kill someone. (It was Sakura who made the last comment, some kind of confused compliment)
“Yunjin” Chaewon says, she even thinks about saying something else but just sends the message to her father saying that she won't need a ride and that she'll sleep at Kazuha's house. A lie. One of many that Chaewon tells. While she starts typing another one to Kazuha, asking where she is?
“I'm really surprised you're here” Yunjin says, approaching, standing next to Chaewon “Of all the places I could have found you, here wasn't one of them... good girl Chaewon here? Drinking?”
“I can't say the same for you, since this is one of your favorite places.” Chaewon didn't play it down, she just told the truth, even though she was dating Yunjin, she still went to places like this. Chaewon's friends told her to be careful, that Yunjin was confused and couldn't be trusted. Going to parties while she was still dating? Well, Chaewon wasn't going with her.
“Texting Dad to come pick you up? You really don't change,” Yunjin said as she looked at the cellphone in Chaewon's hand. “You know I can give you a ride, Chae, it's on the way, we're almost neighbors.”
Chaewon was incredulous, what did this girl want? Didn't she have the whole volleyball team, or rather, all the girls who are volleyball fans, to talk to or, I don't know, have sex with? Not just the girls, Yunjin also hung out with the boys, but those strange ones who didn't seem to like real women. Why did come to Chaewon? And Chaewon was too confused. Did she want to talk to Yunjin?
“We're not” Chaewon could accept it. But accepting didn't mean she could kiss Yunjin. “You have to go back with your girl”
“She wouldn't care about you, we're friends” Another low blow. That's exactly what Chaewon said to Yunjin. “That's not what you said when you broke up with me? That we could be friends?”
Touché. Low blow. Defeat. It wasn't easy. “And we are friends, Yunjin” Chaewon takes a small lip gloss from her pocket and begins to dab it lightly on her lips. Then she checks his cell phone again.
kahzuha: I'm with sakura, she's not doing so well. I think we're going home. Are you going to sleep with us?
Yunjin watched her closely, every detail: ever since Chaewon picked up her phone and typed something, Chaewon stared at her and the taller one rolled her eyes and it was at that moment that Chaewon wanted to kiss her. Like every other time. It was something cute and Yunjin knew how Chaewon felt about it: "You know it would be easier if you said you wanted to kiss me."
"Never" Chaewon lied. "And who said I want to? I don't want to" And lied again, she spent the whole night thinking about kissing Yunjin, but she would never say it out loud, but it seems that was some kind of trigger for Yunjin who pulled her by the wrist, turning Chaewon towards herself and forcing her against the sink.
Chaewon was taken by surprise, her hand let go of the cell phone, dropping it on the floor and she tried to lean on the edge of the sink, her back was slightly arched, which made her stay close to Yunjin. And now there was nowhere else for her not to look. Face to face with her first love. It hurt a little. It hurt to know that they were too immature and that Chaewon was too insecure and had so many other problems. So many other problems.
“What did you come here for, Chaewon?” Yunjin asked. “It’s not your kind of place.” It was true. Chaewon didn’t like these places, she was a girl who read until late at night or stayed on video games, not the kind of girl who went to these places anyway, Yunjin was right.
“Fun.” It was completely true. Kazuha had dragged her here, but deep down she wanted to experience something new than the monotony of the routine she had now. So going to a nightclub on a Friday night was something different. She had never done that. Yunjin had invited her several times when they were together, but Chaewon never really wanted to go.
“I thought you weren’t the type to go to these places and well, almost have sex with some random blonde in an alley.” Yunjin couldn’t stop looking at her. It was getting too intimate. Too close and that scared Chaewon. They couldn't do that, it would only reopen the wound.
"How do you know? Was it you in the alley?" Chaewon stared at her incredulously. "Yunjin is none of your business." And it wasn't, but Yunjin's perfume was intoxicating. It made her want her for herself again. She couldn't. It wouldn't work. Not again.
Yunjin stared, eyes in eyes, but when she saw Chaewon sigh, gasping for air, Yunjin's eyes went down, from her eyes to her mouth and back to Chaewon's eyes, one of the taller one's hands holds Chaewon's hair, at the nape of her neck, and the other that was holding her wrist goes to her waist.
She is delicate and knows Chaewon's body, how embarrassing, Yunjin's fingers are intertwined in her hair now, and Yunjin still has the audacity to caress them.
"Could you let me go?" Chaewon asks and Yunjin giggles. What a bitch. She still knew the power she had over Chaewon.
“You don’t want that, if you really wanted it, you would have said it in that ordering tone.” Yunjin still smiled. “I know you.” True, she knew how Chaewon’s body reacted. But not Chaewon.
“You don’t know me anymore.” True. Chaewon had changed. She was another person. At least in some aspects that didn’t involve liking Yunjin.
The hand that was on Chaewon’s waist held her tightly and Yunjin got closer, bringing her lips to her ex-girlfriend’s ear: “I know her well enough to know that you like that.” Yunjin then lightly nibble Chaewon’s earlobe, making her moan slightly. “Still too sensitive for someone who thinks the only thing I want to do with her is have sex.” That really was a point for Yunjin. But it was true: they met three times a week and all three of them Yunjin wanted to have sex and well, Chaewon didn’t. Not always, at least, and it was embarrassing to have to make excuses for her own girlfriend. Chaewon wanted to cuddle with Yunjin waiting for the pain she felt in her heart to pass, she wanted to watch cliché movies, she wanted to teach her how to play some games, but a kiss led to something else and Chaewon told the truth, she wasn't in the mood and that seemed to make Yunjin die.
“I didn't say that” Chaewon says and how many blows would she have to listen to “I said that having sex was something you really wanted to do and I didn't want to do it that much”
“It's not what it seems now, you're so desperate to the point of having sex with anyone in an alley…” It was a different situation, Chaewon argues mentally, before I didn't want to have sex with you because I didn't have a libido, today I do because even though I'm still depressed, I don't take that many medications. Medications that you didn't know I took. And you won't even. But Chaewon doesn't want to talk about it. So she just stays silent. Yunjin kisses her neck and moves down, kissing her still-clothed breasts, her waist and when she is already kneeling, Chaewon feels that things are back to normal, until Yunjin says: “It would be much easier if you weren't so stubborn. It would be much easier if you told me the real reason why we broke up.”
Chaewon sighed but didn't say anything. She didn't want to talk right now. She wanted Yunjin to use her mouth for something more. "Come on, Chae, I know you really like the sound of your own voice, every time I said something you didn't like, you told me to shut up" Yunjin stared at her for a few moments: "Come on, say something now!" Yunjin kneeling like that was beautiful to see. That's how she looked when she was fucking Chaewon using her mouth, eat her out. Even her look was the same, it was as if she was begging for something. Something that only Chaewon could give.
"Why?" Chaewon really wanted to know. Why the hell did Yunjin want to know about this? She had gotten over it, so act like someone who had gotten over it. "Nothing will change!" Washing them dirty laundry in public they were doing, discussing things that couldn't be changed. Yunjin then picked up Chaewon's cell phone that was on the floor and handed it to her as she stood up. Chaewon put it on the sink, but felt her body tremble when she touched Yunjin's hand. “Because I want you to say something that is sincere and that doesn’t lie!” That would never happen, Chae wanted to say.
“I never lied” I just didn’t tell the whole truth, but Chae doesn’t say much. “We’re drunk, it’s better to leave” Chaewon says wanting to move away but Yunjin doesn’t get in the way.
“I’m not drunk” Yunjin answers angrily. “But I don’t doubt that you’re not, almost having sex with that blonde in that filthy alley”
“And how am I sure you’re not drunk?” Chaewon questions her, it seemed like every conversation they had was one trying to prove the other wrong at any cost. It was always like that. Chaewon would say something and Yunjin would try to prove her wrong and vice versa.
Then it happened quickly, Yunjin pushing her against the sink again and kissing her. How Chaewon missed that, Yunjin’s tongue, her taste, and her body, even her smell was familiar to her. It started quickly and ended quickly.
“Your breath is just alcohol” Yunjin says “I might get drunk like that” Then Yunjin approaches her again, lips against lips, but touching lightly, without even kissing and Chaewon closes her eyes waiting
“How sweet of you to think that I’m going to eat you out, make you cum… tsk… tsk… tsk… I’m not your personal vibrator”
Yunjin still thinks it has something to do with sex. She can’t see it, can she? Chaewon wasn’t the person for her.
“No, he gives me more pleasure than you do” It’s Chaewon’s turn to laugh. If Yunjin knew how to play, she knew how to play too and better yet, she knew how to play with Yunjin’s ego.
Chaewon sighs and tries to leave, but Yunjin doesn’t let her, what kind of game was that? She was already tired. If they were going to have sex, they would have done it right away, but under Chaewon’s conditions: she wouldn’t tell the truth about the reason why they broke up.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have another girl to meet.” True. How long had they spent there?
Chaewon had almost reached the door when Yunjin pulled her by the arm again, turning their bodies, as if they were dancing, and now, somehow confused, Chaewon was looking at herself in the mirror with Yunjin behind her.
“We were a beautiful couple.” And fuck, Yunjin was right: they were a beautiful couple.
“We were.” One of Yunjin’s hands, which was holding Chaewon’s arm, as if he were immobilizing her, holding her arm back, now holds her waist, tightly, pulling her towards her, while the other hand goes straight to her legs. And without beating around the bush and warnings, one of her hands slides between Chaewon’s legs, lifting her dress quickly and with her fingers, playing with the elastic of Chaewon’s panties. Everything before, with Rosé in the alley, and now with Yunjin had left her excited, but seeing Yunjin like this was the most fun.
So while Yunjin touches her, Chaewon stares at their reflection in the mirror, while Yunjin penetrates her without warning, sliding two fingers inside Chaewon. It was something Yunjin knew Chaewon liked, Chaewon almost moaned but bit her lip hard to stop herself.
Yunjin was being skillful, but Chaewon knew herself, she wouldn't come like that, she needed calm, but she was so turned on... and well, Yunjin's movements became more insistent, her thrusts deeper, more demanding. Her ex-girlfriend had big fingers, she was all big to tell the truth, but Chaewon had no trouble taking them. She never had any trouble when it came to Yunjin when it came to this. But all the rest? Yes.
Chaewon felt herself being pushed closer and closer to the edge, her breath coming in ragged gasps. She had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable, and yet it was exhilarating. But she had also never felt so guilty... It was so easy to mess with Yunjin. And so good... familiar... and well... wrong. That was what made her stop. To Yunjin it could mean something, maybe something about them getting back together. But to Chaewon it was just ego. She wanted to have power over Yunjin. Even liking her. She was so drunk to really know what she wanted. What she wanted?
"Yunjin..." Chaewon moans "Please..." it's hard to stay sane. “Stop, please, I want you to stop.” Yunjin looks at her confused, but Chaewon needs to act fast and get out of there as fast as possible and that’s what she does. Pushing Yunjin back hard, and turning her body even faster and trying to fix her dress as she leaves through the bathroom. She was running away like the devil runs from the cross.
Quick steps make her cross the line that was in the bathroom - she didn’t even know there were people waiting - and walk through the club looking for a familiar face - Kazuha or even Rosé - but she couldn’t find any. So she walks out of the club. The rain that was falling was heavy and made her regret the decisions she made. What the hell had just happened? Okay, she spent the whole night wanting to have sex with Yunjin or better yet, get back with her, but she knew it wasn’t right. They couldn’t get back together. They couldn’t… And when they finally kissed, all that happened. It was late and it was time to go home. Checking her pocket, she couldn’t find her cell phone, she should have left it in the bathroom with Yunjin. Hell of a night!
“Looking for something?” Yunjin says. “I’m sorry for what happened, I thought you wanted… sorry, you know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you or anything like that and well…” Yunjin was really worried. “Did I hurt you? I thought… well you liked it before”
“Yunjin, it was nothing” Chaewon says “Thank you” as she types a message to Kazuha. She wants to know where her friend is.
“I know but just thinking that I touched you in some way that you didn’t want and well…” Chaewon doesn’t want to hear Yunjin’s apology or they will start kissing again. “You already told me about that situation that happened to you… and…”
“It was nothing!” Chaewon says again. Making it clear that it was nothing. And the fact that she was abused a long time ago didn't affect this case so much.
“Princess!” Rosé appears waving to her “I’ve been looking for you, shall we go?”
“Let’s go.” Chaewon didn’t think much and just accepted the helmet and followed Rosé to her motorcycle that was parked across the street, leaving Yunjin alone and perhaps confused.
“Don’t be afraid.” Rosé said, “It's raining but I will drive slow.”
“I’m not afraid.” It was true, Chaewon wasn’t afraid of getting on the back of a motorcycle driven by a stranger, but she was afraid of many things, like: not being good enough for Yunjin, nor worthy of her love.