Chapter 4
After the applause went down, champions were invited into the tent again. now in the middle of it stood a long narrow table with three glass cases.
“Your clue for the second task.” McGonagall looked at cases with disapproval, as if it was their fault that Tournaments was continuing. “You have time till the February 24th.”
The cases looked absolutely identical, each containing a thin stem of the plant with many small purple bluebell flowers.
“Foxgloves,” James concluded, inspecting the case. It didn’t seem to be opening.
“Oh well. I see they carry on with the theme,” Sirius said with ironic expression. James nodded. It seemed logical, if not too creative, that after a poisonous creature they have to do something related to poisonous flowers. Walk through the field of them? Drink the serum and brew an antidote?
James could not concentrate on this, too high on the overcoming first task and conquering a change to get to know Sirius Black. The first goblet for the victory they raised here, in the tent – mother brought the mead, and all the champions with headmasters, and James’ friends and family toasted. James almost asked them all to carry on the celebration in Gryffindor tower together, but collected himself in time. Gryffindors would hardly be too happy to see a Durmstrang champion who had the first place.
It took a few days for the post-hydra buzz to start calming down. Mum and dad returned home, promising to come back for the second task. James felt like it was so far yet, maybe because it was put after new year, in non-yet-existence. And in any case, James had different things on his mind now, so much more consuming than poisonous flowers in glass cases.
Sirius was rapidly becoming a constant part of his day, and James couldn’t get enough. The numb shock of Gryffindors and Slytherins both didn’t reach him, he could barely notice murmurs, vitriolic questions and dumbstruck looks.
Now James, Remus and Peter joined Sirius and his brother at his lakeshore walks. Peter was openly ecstatic about Sirius’ level of skill with Firestorm, not even hiding his idol worship spike. Remus could find himself deep in discussion with Sirius about Protean Charm theory. James smiled to himself, seeing his friends getting caught up in this bright sharp charisma, opting to try and get Regulus talking. Younger Black was far less forthcoming, still not trusting the attention Hogwarts champion’s gang was suddenly showing them. But James knew hook that had them both, and just as he felt, Quidditch theme made Regulus thaw. They played on different positions, but they both missed the sport keenly.
It was harder to get Regulus to open his mouth and he was quite on guard, but with him it was easier to keep the even tone. Remus visibly withdrawn when Sirius commented with dismissing irritation “You’d be better to let go the book instructions once in a while and use your brains.”, while Peter was simply offended when Sirius started scoffing at his genuine but repetitive praise. Yet it did not stung James, Sirius exhaling in annoyance “Oh will you get off this” when James did animated retelling of his face-off with hydra for rapt third year olds. Deep down James understood the core of his discontent. Real thing was better than recollection, new more captivating than familiar.
James had an idea considering this. It turned out Sirius hasn’t seen anything from the castle but Great Hall, and at the Saturday week after the first task James barely waited till the dinner ended so he could offer the grand tour this evening.
Remus and Peter, still feeling a little colder towards Sirius after the number of his remarks reached their limit, said that they’d rather concentrate on the homework. So James was alone when he caught up with brothers Black by the doors of Great Hall and voiced his offer. Regulus shook his head while Sirius smiled wide at the prospect, but before they could decide the time and place, determinate girl’s voice called James from right behind his back.
“How about remembering your Head Boy duties for a change?” Lily Evans raised her eyebrows. Night patrol, James forgot so completely it might have been wiped from his mind. By just one sideglance James could tell that Sirius too was not happy about canceling their plan. So he said out loud the first thought that occurred.
“We can patrol together. So our guest could see the beauty of Hogwarts at night.” James offered, beaming and gesturing between himself and Sirius. Solution was so simple, and he already could see it work. But Lily huffed, shaking her head, taking his words as a joke. Should not have smiled this wide.
“Yeah, very funny. Now let’s go, I’m not letting you out of my --”
“In all fairness, we can patrol together,” Sirius suddenly said, stepping forward before Lily could grab James by the elbow. “And you can have free time, nice peaceful evening.” His eyes narrowed in mischief. “Think about it. So many hours free from James Potter while I take this burden.”
“The treatment I get for being hospitable,” James gasped dramatically, hand covering his grin. Lily looked from him to Sirius. For a moment it looked like James was in for an earful of frustrated rant, but then suddenly the corners of her lips twitched upward.
“You know how to bargain. But if you cross Filch and he comes complaining, I’m telling Dumbledore you threatened me into switching places.”
James didn’t know what to say for a moment, his astonished gaze followed Lily as she joined Mary who was waiting for her near the stairs. Lily was not loaf, especially in her Head Girl responsibility. But when James looked back at Sirius grinning at his win, all the questions waned and faded, leaving only tickling anticipation.
James vividly remembered his first weeks at Hogwarts that night, showing the castle to Sirius felt in a way as wonderful as it was then, when he was eleven year old in the most magical place of England. Sirius was not overt but by the glint in his eyes one could tell he’s enjoying the tour. And James was all over the place, talking so loud portraits were complaining, catching Sirius’ hand so they could climb the staircase with disappearing steps faster. They needed to see every shortcut and secret passage, seven floors and only one night.
It occurred to him only when James covered his eyes and whispered loud and dramatic “Cease indecent activity, Head Boy is here!” while he pulled back tapestry curtain over hidden corridor, how different it felt with Sirius than it would be with Lily. She would be grinding her teeth already at his raving tomfoolery, but Sirius was still huffing. This thought gave him pause enough that two fifth year lovebirds had time to scurry away.
“She must really be sick of me,” James said, turning back to Sirius, and added, seeing his raised eyebrows. “Lily Evans is ready to jeopardize school discipline so we don’t spend time together.”
Sirius looked away, shrugging. “Don’t get too upset,” he said with shade of annoyance, and added more earnest, with a hint of not particularly fun smile. “By the looks of it, she’s just taking the mickey.”
“A grain of truth is still in there.” James smiled weakly, too. “Lily prefers me in very small doses.”
“Big-Head Boy Potty!” yelped high-pitched voice, and he jumped. Small man with orange bowtie hovered over them, his sharp black eyes wicked. “Potty’s moaning again because Evans doesn’t luuurve him!”
“And this is Peeves, our cute and cuddly resident poltergeist.” James declared, turning back to Sirius who inspected Peeves with almost scholar interest. Peeves blew obnoxiously loud raspberry, twirling so he suspended upside down.
“Durmstrang laddie, grab your chance! Push our Potty down the stairs!” he wheezed, poking at Sirius’ chest with a short finger. Sirius stepped back, his smirk both curious and displeased.
“How long is he in Hogwarts?” he asked, and James barely had time to answer “Forever”, when Peeves got irked with humans talking over him. He snatched the heavy-looking bust of Paracelsus, and flew up to drop it on their heads with loud cackle. James raised a wand to stop it, but Sirius was faster. His charm hit Peeves, not the bust, and poltergeist froze in the air, bust flying back into his hands, and then falling on them again just to jump back into Peeves grip. The slightest glimmer in the air surrounded time loop sphere, and James could only whistle.
“How long will it hold up?” he asked, watching with great glee the expression on Peeves’ face rewind.
“Hopefully long enough for us to make an exit.” Sirius grinned, nodding to the corridor they were headed to before.
By the morning James was exhausted more by the excitement of the night than something else, but he still smiled while he was dosing off listening to Remus and Peter getting ready for breakfast. He managed lead his tour to the great finishing point on the top of Astronomy Tower. Under azure-pale morning sky and cold clean wind they stood together, all the Hogwarts grounds under their feet, and smiled to each other.
Even on full moon day James managed to spend time with Sirius for a very short Exploding Snap improving experiment, and felt thoroughly guilty when downcast and sickly pale Remus said with grim irony “It will probably leave scars, you prying yourself off him.”
James committed himself to make up for neglect by spending next day afternoon with Remus and Peter in the Hospital Wing. It was a strange thing to feel, but this even brought nostalgia, they used to do it all the time in earlier years, before they become Animagi and could support Remus fully. James mentioned Sirius in passing when they were comparing notes about Conjuring Spells, and it made Remus frown. But when he spoke, it was not a rebuke James expected.
“You and Sirius are getting on like a house on fire. Don’t you think it’s a bit too fast?”
“I do, that’s the fun part.” James chuckled. Progress from duel to night Hogwarts tour was break-neck, and it felt only natural for them two. Remus still did not return his smile.
“And you never thought… that maybe he wants to get close enough to get you out of competition?”
The thought was so outlandish James laughed out loud. The four year on the next bed with green face from backfired spell looked at him with displeasure.
“You’ve seen his magic, Moony. If he wanted to do a number on me, he’d do it from his ship.”
“Hexing is not the only way.” Remus was thinking about this a lot, it seemed. “Maybe he wants to inspect your weak points so he could use it later.”
“Then it can work both ways. I’m getting to see his weak points too, right?” James huffed and tilted head to shoulder. The easiest pressure spot for Sirius was his temper, yet James never thought about this as a disadvantage. It was beautiful, how much fire was in Sirius when he let it show.
Remus sighed, as if reading his mind and not seeing anything too surprising. “You’re meeting with him tonight too, aren’t you?”
“He does!” Peter exclaimed, crestfallen. “They’re going into Forbidden Forest. And I’m going to do Conjuring Spell practice alone, and of course nothing will be working.”
“Just the outskirts,” James reassured the second he saw Remus’ expression turning excessively disturbed. When Peter was tired and felt sidelined, he always got fussy. But they were friends, and so James offered a solution.
“I will be back by one in the morning the latest. Go to bed early, I’ll wake you up and we’d practice.”
The snow glowed silver under the almost-full moon, and the trees of Forbidden Forest seemed drawn by thick black ink on frosty sky. No light was seen in Hagrid’s hut.
Sirius was waiting for him on the lakeside, not far from Durmstrang ship. Glaze of hoarfrost made tackles glisten too, look the most ethereal than ever.
“I take it, forest called ‘Forbidden’ because it’s dangerous?” Sirius asked, smiling with anticipation.
“Actually it’s because it sounds cool.” James smirked at Sirius huff and admired the trees with fondness. He had missed the forest, strange as it could seem even for him. “And because its huge, ancient and eager to get you lost. ”
So far the most dangerous creatures James met there were acromantula, and as far as he knew they were hibernating in winter. There were other concerns, but James threw it all from his head and just stepped under the branches.
Sirius knew a very handy spell that could make the snow part before them, forming a path. It was much darker under the trees even with branches skeleton-naked, they were growing just too close, and yet it made the picture only more transfixing, stripes of light on the snow shimmered like flashes of white cold flame. Between the treees on their right James noticed the movement and recognized reptilian winged thestrals, two or three. They looked up and watched too, big white eyes stark like snow.
“You can see them?” Sirius asked, very visibly surprised.
“A car crash.” James said quietly. Thestral closer to him turned his head as if to listen. “They were Muggles, young parents. The child was crying… so very loud.”
James had a good memory, and now it was unfortunate, because he felt like he heard the cry again and shivered.
“Accident in Durmstrang” Sirius said, voice so low it was almost whisper. “There’s a lot of vile accidents there, but lethal ones are rare. Just my luck, to be on that lession.” He smirked, short and dry.
“You know what? No one ever crossed the whole Forbidden Forest.” James stepped closer to Sirius, reaching to tug at his hand. “Want to be the first?”
Answering smirk was grateful. Turning away, James still felt thestrals eyes following them.
In hindsight, he should have been more careful. He should have remember not to walk this far. When they stepped on the clearing and James saw the movement before him, his heart fell even before he saw them clearly.
Around ten centaurs were emerging on every side, arrows and longbows slung over their shoulders. James and Sirius stood still on the edge of the dell.
“Have you forgotten, James Potter?” asked a deep male voice, and tall centaur with black horse body and silver treads in his black hair. Chiron, the herd leader.“You are not welcome here.”
It used to be different, when James and Peter trained here to become Animagi. Centaurs were not too warm but they were as welcoming as distant regal creatures could. Chiron even congratulated them after the first successful transformation. Everything ended one horrible full moon when Moony met their herd and centaurs decided he was too dangerous to let go. James helped him fight out, by the cost of six broken ribs and lost permission to step into forest again.
“And why do you think you can order him?” Sirius asked with sudden anger. An indignant murmur passed through the row of centaurs. James felt chill climbing up his spine, half-excitement, half-alarm.
“Who are you, human?” Chiron looked Sirius over with a frown. “You’re not dressed like Hogwarts student.”
“We’re taking part in Triwizard Tournament. He’s from Durmstrang.” James said before Sirius could get too cocky with his answer. He tried not to let his smile waver. “I just wanted to show him how rich Hogwarts ground is, we are already --”
Younger unknown centaur, pitch-black lower half and wild dark hair, roared in indignation. “We are not attractions for your amusement, human!”
“You think you’re far more important than you are, for starters.” Sirius said, lips stretching with a sneer. “And you’re not much to look at.”
“We’re leaving.” Said James firmly, gripping Sirius’ elbow and still keeping smile in place. Centaurs were grumbling louder, some reached for their bows.
“No, you are not. Not until human from Durmstrang apologize.” Chiron said grimly, not ordering his herd stand down.
James felt Sirius reaching for his wand with a free hand, and reacted on instinct, catching his wand hand and holding it down. But James knew it would do little good, knew that centaurs noticed.
“I recognize your features” said the older, all grey-haired centaur heavily, looking at Sirius with loathing. “You are from Black family. Bellatrix Black tried to hunt unicorns here.”
“We should go.” James whispered loudly right into Sirius ear, feeling him going rigid at the mention of Bellatrix. Sirius clenched his jaw, but was letting James to drag him back step by step.
“You think you can just leave? After you brought another monster in our forest?!” Chiron bellowed towards James.
Sirius furiously struggled, trying to throw off James’ hand, but didn’t get far before James pushed his hand anyway, so the scarlet spell missed Chiron. Centaurs were shouting, enraged, and then the arrow hit the snowy ground under Sirius’ feet.
“James – get – off – me!” Sirius half-snarled, still trying to get a clear shot under James’ elbrow.
“Oh no,” James huffed, twisting back and whipping his own wand so he could block arrows sent their way. “I’m bringing you back alive and collecting my Order of Merlin, first class.”
“You, bringing me back?” Sirius was laughing out loud. He turned another shot of arrows into smoke. Centaurs were going livid at wizard laughing at them.
“I’m trying. And I’d be happy to stay alive as well, so look out for me.” James ducked from under stray arrow and hastily put to work an idea Sirius’ trick with smoke gave him. Blue fog filled the clearing in moments, for a while strongly obscuring centaurs’ aim.
And then they were running.
Snow was parting before them under Sirius’ wand, gripping James’ hand, he made complicated flicking movement and the snow in a wide streak behind them become flat ice, making centaurs slide and stop. James himself kept his attention at holding Protego around them strong enough to repel arrows. Everything blurred in one moment of endless movement, cold air, black branches over their heads, centaurs cries and the stars far far above, tiny and crystal bright. It felt like the full moon, stolen breath and endless freedom of running, the difference was that Sirius was with him now, smiling so wild and striking, and James was running as human. He always got tired faster like this, was almost falling, his side split with pain, when centaurs were no longer heard and they crossed the border of Forest.
Laughing despite the fact that he could not even properly breathe, James reached out to Sirius to slow him down and they tumbled right into thick piercingly cold snow. He felt so heated from running that the stark contrast felt pleasant, seeping through his cloak while Sirius was holding himself over him on elbows. James felt like Sirius’ soundless laughter was vibrating through his body, trembling on his lips too as they both tied to catch enough air between them.
“Do you think they will demand our heads on pikes tomorrow?” Sirius asked, even though still breathless. His face was flushed, his eyes were glimmering, hair fell down, tickling James’ face.
“Nah. They will never admit they’ve let humans slip away.” James whispered, no voice left for anything else, and he was grinning. Sirius was so close James could see himself in his brightful, burning eyes, and he never wanted to be far again. Warm goosebumps broke on his skin, he never wanted it to stop either.
James hasn’t felt this way about anyone else. They could be anything – best friends they ever had, brothers not by blood, the sharpest love. It was possible any way they wanted, it all existed in one moment humming in their veins.
Sirius was first to lean away, but he took James by his hands, pulling him up with himself.
“Sorry I held you down.” Sirius was smiling, more quiet expression than before, but the echo of elation still was there. “Get your cloak dry before you catch a cold and accuse me of assassination attempt.”
By the three in the morning Peter mastered the Conjuring Spell enough he could create large birds. His raven croaked so loudly they had to Silencio him, but the charm wear off in a few hours, so they were awoken by very hoarse and very spiteful croaking. And yet James smiled widely when he walked down to have breakfast. Because he knew he’d see the grin returned to him the first thing when he steps into the Great Hall.
James was the only one in their class this elated right until the end of Transfiguration, when professor McGonagall declared in a tone even more strict than usual that December 25th they will be having Yule Ball as a traditional part of Triwizard Tournament. The atmosphere in the auditorium changed into playful with chuckles and sideways glances, but McGonagall had to keep up with this only a few moments before the bell. James had not expected to be asked to stay.
“I’ve heard the announcement the first time, Professor” James said, making her purse her lips.
“Glad to know your hearing is in order, Potter. But you have another announcement coming. The champions and their dance partners open the ball. So, I expect you to uphold the high bar. And please do refrain from humorous approach in the choice of your pair.”
James bowed in a bit too accentuated manner and left her shaking her head, but in fact he didn’t have a fun and easy plan for the ball ready.
If James heard this news in the beginning of the year, he’d already run after Lily, preparing a speech to convince her, picturing them entering the ornamented Great Hall - Lily Evans by his side, her green eyes open wide, smile content and radiant… even though the vision was weak and not at all as fascinating as it used to be in their fifth year.
James remembered how it felt then, to have a crush on her and think that he’s in love. Such a hot shiver, aggravated by challenge because she was always sick of his attitude, tinted by hurt the times when he hexed people too hard and she was shouting at him, deep disgust twisting her face. It was gone even longer than James realized. For ages already he was chasing her respect, her friendship and it was all he wanted from stubborn, caring, ardent Lily Evans.
Sirius was a different matter entirely. For a time James put away the ‘traditional’ part of the ball that probably implied they both had to choose a girl, and it still did not clear anything. They never talked about this, theme of school romance simply never came up, and for all he knew Sirius could have someone who stayed back at Durmstrang. Not a hindrance for the ball itself, but if they were to stay friends, did James wanted to do it just for lark?
James’ unusual thoughtfulness was unnoticed by others, and any other time he’d be a bit offended. Everyone over fourteen talked only about the Yule Ball, girls passionately discussing dress robes and guys goading each other into finally asking the chosen ones out.
James was mildly surprised to be on the receiving end of three invitations even before dinner - all from people he had never spoken to.
“You have it so easy!” Peter sighed, looking after a group of Hufflepuff six year girls, one of them just tried her luck with James but seemed absolutely unbothered by refusal. “You’re a champion, they ask you themselves!”
“I’d consider it longer if it wasn’t the first time I saw her,” James huffed, but it did not seem to console Peter much.
Walking up to Sirius after dinner, James felt relieved and wound up at once, the feeling so strange he wanted to laugh at himself out loud. They set to walk out of the front door to continue their usual route near the lake. Regulus parted with them – recently he started to discover Hogwarts library and was more than impressed by Restricted Section especially.
“What’s going on in here?” Sirius asked, nodding at James and tapping his temple. James knew he was never subtle and yet it felt good, that Sirius paid attention. But he didn’t have a time to answer – they were approached by the cute fifth year girl from Ravenclaw.
“Would you want to go to the ball with me?” she murmured to Sirius, turning soft pink – and then scarlet red when Sirius answered, barely looking at her “No. I’m sorry.” His tone was perfectly even and could be polite if it wasn’t so dismissive that pain flashed in girl’s eyes when she darted away. Sirius didn’t notice, his eyes back on James.
“You already taken?” James asked, feeling weirdly bothered that Sirius didn’t clarify this matter with poor girl. Sirius huffed.
“Asking for yourself or for a friend?”
That sounded light, but damn ambiguous. It felt like James could see him through, but in reality they met ten weeks ago, and how would he know if Sirius preferred his romance fleeting.
“For information” James sighed, looking over the snow ground. They stood at the main steps, he could see far away the lake covered by dark ice. If he wanted to get back to normal tonight, he had just go for it and talk. He had a suspicion they can’t just understand what they want from each other with no words.
“It was easier before.” James chuckled at his chicken-out preamble, but at least he was talking, so he persisted. “In fact, it was awful, the only girl I ever tried to ask out looked at me like at a flobberworm after every attempt –“
“Lily Evans?” Sirius cut in, his voice a bit strained.
“She had reasons aplenty.” James shrugged, wincing a little when he remembered some of his less than stellar hours. “I’m an overconfident berk now, alright, but few years back I was just irredeemable idiot. She still sees all my great hits when she looks at me, no wonder she’d never date me.” James shrugged with a small askance smile. Lily was not the only one, and if he’s honest, was he really that much changed? Sirius did not react; he was looking at the lake, expression colder.
“So, we’ve got to the point of my speech.” James said, tapping Sirius’ hand to revert back his attention. He turned to look at James a bit too sharp, but the cold was gone from his eyes in moments. Good thing, because James didn’t know how to stop himself anyway. “I guess that’s why I was asking – about you being taken. For Yule Ball, and in general -”’
Sirius breathed in rashly. “You are trying to ask me to go to the ball with you?”
Feeling his face heating up, breathe shortening, James couldn’t stop a grin. “Now that you mention it… Think about it, where’s the downside? We’d make a handsome couple… and an outrageous opening dance.”
“Maybe” Sirius was speaking quieter, almost wistful. Then he looked back at James and smiled, just this side of brittle chill. “But I think you should try your first option. You can’t know the answer if you didn’t ask Lily.”
Sirius pulled the collar of his furred cloak higher with mumbled “The cold is getting to me.”, and walked towards the ship without even abrupt goodbye. James stood at his place, looking after his silhouette and wondering if he grasped the situation right, and it really was this level of ridiculous and devastating.
The words kept echoing in his mind all that night. First option… maybe Sirius just saw James through better than he himself could. Getting to know him felt a bit like falling in love, but with Sirius this handsome and bright it could be the only possible way, and wear off later. Or maybe it was his decisive choice – friends and nothing else. James could welcome that, if only they parted on better terms.
Next day Remus joined them in the way to the breakfast, and James wanted to be happy for his fast return, but the damned knot in his chest wasn’t going away. Sirius was not at the Great Hall, and Regulus was not too keen on explaining why, taking a few sandwiches and asking James quite insistently to move please.
It was one of the most blurred study days James had so far. He was distracted enough to get burns at Herbology and spend few hours in Hospital Wing. While Madame Pomfrey bemoaned love-struck students who forgot to put on gloves, James was mulling over the nagging painful thought that he ruined the best thing ever happened to him just by opening his mouth. With the effect it had on him, it was the worst instance yet.
When James dragged himself to the common room, not feeling too up for the dinner, there were only a few students getting ready to leave from their free break. Lily Evans was here too, and her sight shook James out of stupor. If he was to try it, no time was like the present.
James walked up to Lily and heard resounding “No” even before he opened his mouth. Well, that was becoming a nasty pattern, even though Lily started to reject him first, Sirius beat her to the Yule Ball.
“You don’t even know what is it,” James said, aiming for affronted but ruining it with his ironic chuckling. “If I ask for a spare quill, will you abandon me in my moment of need?”
“You are asking for a spare quill?” Lily raised her eyebrows.
“Not actually, no.” James sat across from her, keeping a distance to not annoy her further. “But think about it – wait, Lily, just consider – as friends? Head Boy and Girl setting an example of proper opening Yule Ball dance.”
Lily sighed in a long-weary way. “James. I know you’re trying to stop being jinx-happy toerag, and you’re getting there. But I wouldn’t say we’re friends yet.”
“Stop breaking my heart,” James dropped his forehead on his arms. He could not remember the last time he felt so tired.
“Truth is hard.” He heard Lily huffing, and then suddenly felt the hand on his shoulder. She was looking at James with more open expression than before. “The real reason is… I already have a dance partner.”
“Who’s the luckiest person in this castle?” He did not feel even the weakest stab of jealousy or even sadness. Lily bit her lip, her face almost worried, and all right, he was downcast, but it had little to do with her and nothing at all with her words -
“Wait and you’ll see,” Lily said, a bit pink in the face, pushing his shoulder a little, and James smiled despite himself. It still wasn’t too bad, to have Lily act friendly with him. “Think about it. You have a chance to ask out someone you actually fancy.”
Someone James actually fancied… now wasn’t that the trickiest part.
He didn’t say it out loud, of course, stood up instead to sloth into the chair in the corner closest to the fire. He only waived to Remus and Peter when they walked back from the dinner, looking slightly alarmed.
“Why weren’t you in the Great Hall?” Remus said the first thing they settled down.
“Was Sirius there?” James asked, not even masking his eagerness to know.
“No, as far as I’ve seen. His brother was, he greeted us.” Remus frowned. “What is going on with you two?”
James seen no point in circling around, so –
“Sirius Black had turned me down.” He announced, not even bothering to make his voice sound not hurt. Peter giggled nervously, clearly not sure if it was a joke. Remus dropped the books he was pulling from the bag.
“He did what?”
After James retold his misadventure, Remus was just shaking his head.
"You managed to tell Sirius Black he’s your back-up choice. For Merlin’ sake, James, you’re lucky you didn’t get hexed for life."
“I didn’t mean it like that!” James groaned, covering his face in his hands. “I’m not even sure he heard it like that, and didn’t just reject me for real. So, now I’m sulking here – bloody heartbroken – and I don’t know if we’re even friends anymore.” He finished, smirk on his lips felt unpleasantly bitter.
Remus shook his head, but before he could interject, James decided quite forcibly that he had enough melancholy for a day.
“Alright, enough about my exciting love life,” - he said, messing up his hair to shake off numbness for a while. “How about you two? Got a Yule date already?”
James expected Peter to be embarrassed and bumbling about waiting for the right moment – but he got blindsided by the way furiously blushing Remus dropped his ink bottle, splashing it all over the table.
“It seems you got beans to spill,” James leaned closer, so no one but them would hear, and repairing the ink bottle. Remus worked on getting the ink back there, still hiding his eyes.
“It would probably be better if you heard from me… There’s a chance you’d take it well…” Remus trailed off, unsettlingly uncertain. Before James could start to worry in earnest, Remus took a deep breath and looked up. “I think I may be going with Lily Evans.”
The evening was taking a wild turn. Apparently he was visibly startled, because Remus resumed talking, expression almost guilty.
“She asked me after History of Magic. Yes – I was just as surprised you haven’t asked her yet, and Lily said she’d say no anyway, and she wants to go with me… I … think I said I’d love to. “
“Moony, I’m going to tell you one thing only and I need you to listen well.” James said solemnly, giving his all to not let the expression slip. Remus looked like he was bracing to something explosive he foreseen. “You spoiled her surprise.”
“You don’t mind?” Peter squealed at the same time Remus blurted out “You’re not upset?” and turned painfully scarlet.
It was an unabashedly honest question, but James was not expecting less from him. it was even strange, how unaffected he was by Lily choosing another partner over him, even if it was just pride, even just desire to prove himself – but no, not a slightest disturbance. When James reached deeper, all he found was joy for his friends, both Remus - and Lily, she was right but they were getting there.
“I’m not upset, Remus.” James said, for the first time in hours smiling from a warm feeling. Remus looked at him, long, searching, and James saw the very moment he believed him, he relaxed.
Remus and Peter already left for bed, and the room seemed empty, the fire weak and flickering, but James still was sitting in his chair, looking on the shadows dancing on the wall. He didn’t feel tired, but at the same time he had no strength to stand and go upstairs.
“Hey,” James startled at the quiet voice. It was Mary McDonald, unusually agitated.
“Well, I’ve heard you are looking for dance partner for a Yule Ball…” she said, looking aside. ”Same with me. What do you say? Let’s go together?”
Mary boldly smiled into his no doubt confused expression. James could only smile in return.
“If we’re going as friends, I’m game.” He clarified. Mary laughed, a little wistful, but she nodded with relief all the same.
“As friends.” And then narrowed her eyes, teasing. “It takes to like you too much to snog you, anyway.”
In the morning James felt a little closer to his norm, but it all was nothing compared to what he felt when he saw Sirius back at the Slytherin table, looking like he had no sleep in those days at all. He smiled at James, just a fracture less sure than before, and then James positively beamed, barely holding himself from rushing in to hug him or do something else excessive, and Sirius was smiling wider too.
Friends. James was happy with that.
He would never believe before that you can miss someone so badly if you knew them for so little, and be missed in return just as much. There was undercurrent of new joy in them those days before the Yule Ball, something fragile and alight, that made them rush towards each other faster and be more reluctant to part. “You have a very long day here, why sit in the castle?” Sirius was shaking his head while they were giving a third slow circle all around the lake. Remus, Peter and Regulus gave up already and bid them adieu. “In Durmstrang we barely get two hours of natural light in winter.”
“I dare to guess our castle is more cozy.” James laughed, not pointing out the obvious fact that at the moment they were taking long walk in a deeply dark evening. They spend days together, too, it was so easy to fill it with attempts to wake the giant squid up through the ice, helping Hargid with winged Beauxbatons horses with great interest from Sirius or hexing Mulciber, Avery and Snape lip-sealed for a day after they got too loud about blood traitors. The only theme absent was the Yule Ball and dancing partners.
The ball turned from opportunity to simple formality, and James would be probably planning to skip it altogether if not for the promise of dryad musicians (alright he was a curious wizard), and McGonagall’s stern gaze reminding him that he’s to uphold both the school’s honor and Gryffindor’s.
It was the thought James repeated at himself the evening of the big day, standing before the mirror. It was perhaps taking the theme of House pride too literal, but his red-gold dress robe fit him very nice. It was a good day, too, started with a very pleasant surprise because Sirius did sent him a present too, the most various and elite broomstick servicing kit containing items from all across the world. James decided it could be counted as double present since he ever only discussed broomstick care routine with Regulus, and was glad that he sent them both presents – for Regulus autograph of his favorite international Seeker and a for Sirius white gold heirloom with powerful protection and healing charm. He wasn’t opening much about his home or school life, but James got that he saw too many Dark Arts artifacts. It was good to think now Sirius will have something made with good intentions.
He was brought out of the reverie by Remus coming up to thank him again.
«This is a dress robe, not lifelong rent,» James shook his head, but he understood that Remus probably meant more than that – occasion, the fact that James was finally mature enough to not have hard feelings considering Lily not choosing him in the end.
Mary was waiting for James in the common room. Her dress robes were red too, but a darker shade of it, and it looked beautiful on her.
“I can’t believe I got so lucky,” James gasped, nodding at the way their color complimented each other. Mary laughed, and Lily retorted, smiling too. “We can’t believe it either.” She was wearing robes made of an airy, soft-olive material, and her smile was radiant when she greeted very red-faced Remus.
Peter was getting impatient with going downstairs and meeting his Hufflepuff girl, so they didn’t stall much. James was smiling to cheerful Mary, thinking insistently about Gryffindor pride, maturity and other things he needed to uphold tonight while he was facing perspective of meeting Sirius and his dance partner.
The entrance hall was full of pairs and students looking for their partners, everyone more colorful and exited than usual. Peter disappeared almost immediately, and James offered others to walk to McGonagall, who was standing near Great Hall doors. He didn’t want to look at the main entrance, but that was probably why James stood firmly facing that direction. Maturity, Gryffindor values, decency to be happy for a friend.
The oak front doors opened heavily, letting in students from Durmstrang and Beauxbatons. The joined delegation was led by headmaster Delacour hand in hand with headmistress Gregorowitch. He looked like a royalty from medieval book drawings in his soft golden robes, and she was snow northern goddess in blindingly white. They made such a strong impression that for a second James barely noticed that headmasters were not the only interschool pair.
Right after them entered Sirius and Pauline. They were simply stunning, her soft lilac silk to the vivid bloodred of his Durmstrang dress uniform, both elegant, both a little regal. Never before James thought about it, but there was something subtle similar between them, like one tune on different instruments, like shades of the same color –shiny black hair, natural grace…
Champions were supposed to wait until everyone else will walk into the Hall, and so Sirius and Pauline walked to McGonagall, followed by awed gazes, whispers and gasps. When their eyes met, James felt that he starts smiling with no real thought behind it. Just – this was for Sirius being drop dead gorgeous, for him being a friend, for him making an entrance of the night. And for James being damn mature.
“Sorry, but we were here first,” James grinned. “So, we’re at the front.”
McGonagall sighed, Pauline raised her brows with light amusement, and Sirius nodded, his smile incomplete and a little distracted while he watched Lily and Remus walk past them into the Great Hall. He looked at Mary with eyes narrowed, like he was trying to remember when he met her before.
Barely few seconds more and they were following McGonagall into the Hall. James looked over silver sparks off magic frost on the walls right up to the stars on enchanted ceiling, so close and so far to that night at Forbidden Forest. Mary smiled, her hot hand slightly trembling in his, and James smiled too, broad and confident. He was a champion, and those applauds were for him and Mary too. He saw Remus and Lily, Peter and his partner were waving to them by one of the round tables that replaced long House ones, and saluted to them.
The place before the main table for champions and headmasters was cleared for the opening dance. James heard whispers and looked up to the right wall where the podium was raised, just in time to see the musicians appearing there. He never seen a dryad in person before, they were taller than textbooks led him to believe, skin darker shades of green and branches in their braided hair, their robes twined with leaves. Dumbledore greeted them with a small bow and started clapping, the whole hall followed suit. Dryads bowed too, and then all the lights in the room were dimmed but the ones around the champions.
“Where are their instruments?” Mary whispered, and James shrugged, turning to her. He looked sideways ay Sirius and Pauline, standing in perfect waltz position, and winked at them. All right, they had years of ball dancing training ahead of him probably, but James and Mary could lean on feeling, and he knew a thing or two about where to step.
Dryads started singing with not much of a warning, and James hastened to hold Mary’s waist so they won’t miss the first tact. But soon he forgot to think about right steps. It felt as if the singing was leading him, suggested the right time to turn, the moment to slow down or go faster. Not sad and not cheerful, the singing was flowing through him, inside him, and it seemed just the most natural thing in the world to dance in slow classical circles. Mary’s eyes were wide and astonished, magical decorations reflected in them like stars. James grinned, nodding in agreement, and on the next turn his gaze shifted to Sirius. He looked at James over Pauline’s temple, just this moment or as long as they were dancing it was impossible to guess, and his eyes were darkened. James wanted to look closer, to understand if it was a light trick or something for him to read, but the next second the singing stopped and two pairs of champions stopped too. James suddenly was aware that he was a bit breathless. While dryad singed he felt nothing but dance.
Applause was loud and long, James joined in with cheer to dryads. When the applause ended, he looked back and Sirius was nowhere to be seen, while Pauline was walking towards the main table alone. For a moment James was split between rushing into the hall to find him and asking Pauline, and the latter won. She raised brows slightly and answered that she does not know where Sirius went, ‘He just said Excuse me and – puff’, she huffed with amused little hand wave.
Dryads started to sing another song, faster and more upbeat, and James led Mary farther from the podium before the lure of dance will catch them again.
“Thank you. This was something but I need to get back to my senses.” Mary whispered into his ear while they were maneuvering between tables right into the crowd that was pushing in exact opposite direction. Wherever James looked, he couldn’t see Sirius yet.
“Hey! James, Mary, hey!” Lily was waving to them from one of the tables near the entrance, much farther than James saw her and Remus before.
“We decided to wait until we wanted to dance, not the magic,” she said, and Mary started to nod enthusiastically. While she was describing to rather curious Lily and skeptic Remus how it felt to be caught by dryad singing, James took a time to look around properly. As properly as he could, at any rate, and even the fact that Durmstrangs all were dressed in those uniforms was not an obstacle, because Sirius was just too distinctive. Which was not helpful so far, as James could not spot him not among the people who weren’t in the mood for very magical dance yet, not with dancing crowd -
“Looking for my brother?” asked Regulus, jolting James out of his concentration. He was sitting on the table close to them, listening to Mary’s animated tale. “He’s outside in the garden, brooding over opening dance.”
“I thought dryad music was making waltzing easier,” James admitted. It was a little will-bending, sure, and James could see why Sirius would take an issue with that.
“Yes, you would think so,” Regulus said with cryptic chuckle, not dark or ironic, rather…. amused?
This evening just started, and James was already losing the thread of reason. So he apologized before Mary, Remus, Lily and Regulus and left the Great Hall.
Through open main doors James could see now the rose garden on the grounds before the main steps. He barely noticed anything before, with Sirius and Pauline appearing. James already felt the soft wind and smell of roses, could make out fairy lights ---
“Sulking alone, Potter?” intoned Avery right behind him. “Seems like Black doesn’t want you after all. Couldn’t bear to stain himself on the likes of little blood traitor.”
The mature thing was to flip him off and go on walking. James almost worked up the self-control to do just it.
“You stink of mudbloods, Potter. You think he will touch you after McDonald did – “ Avery hissed in triumph.
On all accounts, maturity could go to hell.
James was not sure no one will find Petrified Avery in the broom closet till midnight whe n the ball officially end, but he put three curses for a good measure, so if the odds would be in James’ favor, Avery had a whole night to spent paralyzed just as he deserved this Christmas.
The garden was build with impressive magic - thick rosebushes in bloom, twinkling fairy lights, curving paths and carved benches. The garden was empty so far, and James felt a little lost, but for a time being he didn’t want to call Sirius’ by name or use magic to locate him. He walked the garden, messing his hair, trying to shake the little ugly thought away.
Sirius never had shown aversion to Muggle-borns, not one word he could remember, seemed to like Lily… But he was a little tense at the mention of her, wasn’t he? And he looked a Mary with an expression that was not too friendly.
James didn’t want to think about this. Sirius, this prejudiced? After disdain in his voice when he mentions his family, his anger at any comparison with Bellatrix?
Maybe it was deeper than that. James could not imagine how one can be a good person and blood purist, but would he, if he was raised like this? If those views were ingrained in him from childhood, could he just erase them clean even if he wanted to?
“I see you like your night stroll,” said slightly amused voice on his left.
James was so deep in his thought he almost walked past Sirius, reclining on a bench. The path ended nearby with the fountain.
“What can I say?” James shrugged, looking over. “It’s a new magical construction, I’m a curious person.”
He sat on the bench near Sirius, getting as comfortable as he could which meant with his elbow under his temple and face turned to Sirius.
“Why did you left this early?” James asked before Sirius could joke about his dress robe getting wrinkled like this or something. Talking was not his forte, but at least he was direct. “Not a fan of dryad music?”
Sirius’ face became harder.“I’d say not a fan of doing things that I’m expected to do rather than what I want to do. Had a little bit too much practice with that.” He smirked, inviting to read those words as a complaint about formal events he had to dance at, but his tone was darker than that.
“I think their music is a suggestion, not order, maybe we can try to dance against it if we wanted,” James smiled, tilting his head towards the direction he just came from. Sirius looked away.
“I think you already have a dance partner.” He said abruptly. “You were rather good in the opening dance.”
“We were?” James huffed. “Flattering to hear, but it all was the music. Mary and I were just looking at each other like deer in the lumos maxima - ”
Sirius looked up, inhaling in a flash of irritation.
“Yes, you were good. You could probably go back there and be good with Mary again at some other dance, if you think this trifle Yule nonsense is worth your time - ”
“Why are you so against the ball?” James was genuinely taken aback. “I think people there just want to have fun…”
“I think you and I know a few ways to have fun in Hogwarts without putting on something ridiculous and waltzing to pompous tune.” Sirius winced, as if from sudden sting. “No, this is for smitten couples and their sugary fantasies.”
“Where’s the smitten couple that offended you this much?” James was not sure he will ever parse this mystery. He could have allowed that Sirius was upset by seeing someone who rejected him but James would like to see that unbelievable person himself.
Sirius looked at him like he never saw him before. Then, after a long silence, he turned away and said, addressing the fountain, his smirk wry.
“You shouldn’t abandon your girl alone up there, James. Mary deserves better.”
For a few seconds all James did was trying not to laugh, because it would be, honestly, mean. It should have felt like revelation, like burden lifted, but instead James wanted to kick them both. Maybe himself first and harder, but Sirius then, too.
“You’re right, Mary deserves better.” James said, controlling his voice so it sounded even. Sirius continued glaring at the fountain and couldn’t see his shaking shoulders, thank Merlin. “And she will get it, I have no doubt about that. But it’s not really my business, at least not all of it. Mary is my friend, asked me to come to the Ball as a friend and probably from pity, too, while I was wallowing all over the common room because my competing champion refused me the privilege and honor.”
Sirius was watching him for about the half of the speech, indignant at first, then bewildered, and then snorting. Maybe his attention was to blame that James got this far into foolery, but the reward was that they were laughing together, so it was a winning strategy.
“Either you are pranking me, and in this case kindly fuck off,” Sirius said, completely different, light tone. “Or ask me on a dance properly.”
“Oh no.” James stood up, hand stretched out to Sirius “It was as properly as it was gonna get the first time, and you rejected me, so now we improvise.”
Just a moment of pause, and then Sirius grinned wide, taking his hand.
It felt better than dryad music. It was their own shared current locking them into one field. Like in Muggle movies of old on a roll call, the flashes on screen they seen the familiar faces – Regulus, Remus and Lily laughing at something and looking up at them with surprise, Peter’s open-mouthed astonishment, Mary waving at him from the Beauxbatons student shoulder, Pauline raising hear goblet with mead in salute.
And then dryad singing was coursing through them, something slowered down, lyrical, but by the edge in Sirius’ grin James could read that he accepted it as challenge. And they started moving against the singing flow, so it clashed with their inner current, they twirled and turned, clutching each other, faster, closer, so there was nothing but the movement, blissful, headless and heated. They felt the moment when the singing gave in under their push, the melody was getting faster, too, pliable, sparkling, just as breathless as them. Sirius pulled him by the waist so they were pressed tight, and James threw an arm over his shoulder, pressed dry lips to his ear when he was whispering “This is a really good one”.