If anyone truly believed that Remus Lupin was innocent, shy even, Sirius would probably break down laughing.
Because said wizard was currently dancing on a table in the Gryffindor common room while his white button-up lied crumbled up on the floor next to him and his red Gryffindor tie was hanging loosely around his neck. His sandy-brown hair was tousled up and some of his curls covered his hazel eyes. Well, they were more of a gold, Sirius thought. He also thought he was going to faint in the next minutes because wow- his best friend dancing half naked on a table to David Bowie was truly a sight to behold. Needless to mention, it also was a sight that occurred very rarely because Remus usually did not feel overly confident. Sure, confident enough to shoot flirty gazes at Sirius, but most definitely not confident enough to dance half dressed in front of a big crowd.
He must be insanely drunk.
Not that the black-haired boy complained though.
But holy fuck.
Remus definitely was immensely pissed, just as Sirius was, yet he was swaying his hips to the music lazily like he didn’t give a shit about what it looked like.
It looked good though, very good in fact.
His body was turned to Sirius so that his broad shoulders and slightly defined chest were on replay. He wasn’t as muscular as Sirius, rather a bit lanky but Sirius liked that. He liked his height. He liked that he could easily place his chin on Sirius’s head without ducking. The 16-year-old boy was so deep into his thoughts about what he would like to do to his best friend that he almost didn’t notice Remus throwing his head back and exposing his freckled throat.
Though, when he did, he choked on his spit. He wondered what his throat would look like...
No. He most definitely wasn’t going to think about that in the middle of the common room. Not happening. Still, watching him couldn’t be prohibited, could it now?
“You’re drooling, mate.”
Sirius abruptly turned around, nearly falling over, only to see a tipsy James standing in front of him.
“No, I’m not.”, he denied.
James scoffed. “Uh, yes you are.”
“What is wrong with you? I am not drooling.” Sirius emphasized the word with such disgust that his best friend choked on a laugh.
“Not to be offensive, babe, but you’ve been staring at him for like 10 minutes now.”, Marlene added.
“Where the hell did you come from? Also, shut up. It’s not like you can blame me.”
She seemed to consider it for a moment. “Touché, even I think Remus is fucking fit and I’m a lesbian.”
James just nodded in silent agreement to Marlene
“See? So just let me continue my - as you put it - drooling.”
“You could also just talk to him you know? Since you’re his friend and he’s your friend and that’s what friends do… Talk to each other.”
Sirius furrowed his brows, confused. “Why are you putting such a weird emphasis on the word friend, Prongs?”
“And that’ll be my cue to leave. I have a girlfriend to entertain.” With that, Marlene turned around.
James seemed to be searching for words. “You know… it’s just that friends don’t look at friends the way you two do. So, you could easily just become more than friends if you’d make the first step and go talk to him.”
Sirius just blinked at that, deadpanning. “Literally stop, oh my god.
If you want to give someone dating advice, go talk to Regulus.”
What he didn’t expect was James’ eyes lighting up at that.
“Will do,” James said before leaving swiftly.
Sirius just stood there, his jaw practically on the floor. He couldn’t be fucking serious. He rolled his eyes at that. God, even he, himself was slowly growing tired of the joke.
Sirius simply decided not to think further about what James said and turned around to lay his eyes on Remus once again. Said boy was still dancing, now to a song by T-Rex. His sight mesmerized Sirius instantly. So, he just continued to let his gaze linger on Remus to watch his Addams apple bob when he was singing enthusiastically to the song and to watch him turning around and locking eyes with Sirius.
That was when Sirius' heart stopped beating. Remus looked dauntlessly into his grey eyes, one eyebrow raised and a wide smirk on his face. Heat shot up to Sirius' cheeks and Remus' smirk became even wider.
Sirius Orion Black was fucking blushing.
Who would have ever thought that was possible. The werewolf decided to fully enjoy making his best friend flustered and nervous and just kept staring at him with dark pupils. It was Sirius who broke his gaze and let his eyes fall to the ground.
“You can stop eye fucking him now,” snickered Mary into his ear.
“Literally just fuck off, MacDonald.” He shot her a death glare.
“God, are they still flirting? It’s painful to watch, honestly,” groaned Marlene. “I mean good for you Sirius, but please don’t make it that obvious you want to shag him in the common room. Just wait until you’re alone, for Merlin's sake.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Yeah right, I'll tell you that next time when you’re making out with Dorcas in front of me again.”
Marlene patted his cheek. “Right, love.”
Mary rammed her elbow into Sirius' side.
“Oi, that hurt!”
“Don’t be such a drama queen, look!”
“What?”
“Remus is coming over. Come, Marlene. Let’s leave them alone, shall we?”
“Oh yes, please. I really don’t want to see them making out.”
“Don’t you dare leave me alone right now, I swear I will hex you both- “, Sirius exclaimed, but it was too late. His sandy-haired friend was already standing in front of him, wearing a challenging grin on his face.
He had put on his shirt while Sirius was talking to Marlene and Mary, but a few buttons were undone, baring the sight of his skin and exposing some white and red scars. His hair was messy, and his eyes were practically sparkling. Sirius thought he looked downright gorgeous.
“Hey,” the taller boy said, slightly amused by Sirius’ awkwardness.
“Hi,” Sirius muttered. “Alright?”
“Yeah.” Remus chuckled. “I'm more than fine. You?”
Sirius rubbed his neck, not knowing where to put his hands. “Yeah, uhm me too.” Why was he suddenly so fiddly? They were best friends and have never had any sort of problems with making conversation. He certainly wasn´t used to this. He was used to being the one doing the flustering, not the one being flustered.
It was beginning to frustrate him.
What frustrated him even more was the fact that he liked it.
“Wanna go for a smoke?” Remus ripped him out of his thoughts, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
Sirius shrugged. “Sure, why not.”
They pushed through the crowd of drunk and sweaty teenagers, reaching their dorm and sitting by the window. Sirius watched Remus carefully, eyeing how his long fingers worked over the paper. His brows were furrowed with concentration. Sirius knew he could also just roll his cigarettes with magic, but Remus seemed to like the Muggle way more. The black-haired boy certainly wasn't complaining. It was downright erotic to watch his best friend run his tongue along the edge of the paper. He met his eyes halfway, the corner of his mouth curling upwards.
“Alright there, Padfoot?”
Sirius sputtered, colour rushing to his face, once again. “Sure, yep, I am totally fine.”
“If you say so. Should I roll one for you too or are you gonna do it yourself, Pads?”
“Oh, you do it. I don't even know how to walk properly, there's no well in hell I'm rolling a cigarette now.”
Remus let out a laugh. “'Okay.” Sirius felt his stomach stir. He'd always loved Remus' laugh, it had something comforting and calming.
He was passed the cigarette and Remus’ fingers touched his, sending an electric shock through his body. Sirius decided to ignore it, as he always did when he got into a situation like this. Remus’ slim fingers took hold of his cigarette and his pink lips closed around the end to take a drag. The other boy watched his cheeks hollow to suck the smoke into his lungs, only to let it escape into the cool night air. He almost forgot about his own cigarette but was reminded of it by the stinging pain of fire burning his hand.
“Shit,” Sirius exclaimed.
“What?”
“Just burned me.”
Remus laughed. “Well, I would want to say I’m sorry for you, but I’m really not.”
Sirius pouted. “Thanks for that.” He fumbled with the cigarette in his hand, almost playing with it until he finally took a drag himself. His eyes turned sideways, meeting Remus’ directly.
“What?”
Remus grinned, turning his head to the ground. “You’re cute.”
Sirius choked on his spit, his eyes widening. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I said you’re cute, don´t know what’s hard to understand about that.” Remus smiled softly.
Sirius didn’t know what to say about that. He just laughed nervously, taking another drag from his cigarette.
Remus sighed “Lord, help me,” he muttered before grabbing Sirius’ face and crashing his lips desperately against his own ones. Sirius froze, eyes wide.
There was no way this was happening right now.
He had literally been waiting years for this moment and now that it was there, he couldn't bring himself to act on it. What was wrong with him?
Remus felt his body stiffen and when he realized Sirius wasn’t kissing him back, he immediately let go of him.
“Oh shit, I am so sorry Sirius, I guess I read that wrong.” He rubbed his neck nervously.
“Remus- “
“Sirius, just leave it. I guess I'm drunker than I thought.” He smiled sadly before leaving the dorm quickly.
Sirius just stood there letting him walk away without saying anything to stop him. Right after he was out of the door, he sat on his bed and sank his hands into his hair.
Why the fuck was he so stupid? He could have just kissed him back and everything would've been fine. He groaned loudly. He just couldn't do anything right, could he? Maybe Remus didn't really like him, he had said he was drunk and if Sirius was honest with himself, he couldn’t think there was the possibility of Remus liking him back. He rolled himself up in his blanket and felt a tear roll down his cheek. Quickly swiping it away, he ironically laughed to himself.
He guessed his parents were right after all. He just wasn't made for love.
.
Sirius woke up with hair inside of his mouth and a throbbing pain in his head.
“Merlin, help me,” he groaned while getting up and entering the bathroom. He made sure to avoid looking in the direction of Remus' bed. Sure, he had been drunk last night, but not that drunk he couldn't remember anything. In fact, he could still remember everything.
He yawned and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was messy and had some knots inside of it and his eyes were puffy and smeared with the mascara he had been wearing the previous night.
He huffed a laugh. “Well, I look like complete shit.”
James knocked at the bathroom door before entering. “Morning, Pads.”
“Morning. Do you feel like your skull has just been smashed too?”
“Nah, I'm alright. Where's Moony?” he asked while grabbing his toothbrush.
Sirius tensed up. “Fuck if I know. Haven't you seen him?” He asked, tilting his head curiously.
James turned the water on. “No, he also wasn't here when I came in last night. Did something happen between you two? You seem weird.”
Sirius buried his face in his hands. “Yes, it was awful. After the whole incident, we went for a smoke and he rolled some cigarettes like he always does and Merlin, that was hot. “
James rolled his eyes.
“Anyways, after that, we talked a bit, and he told me I was cute and just kissed me.”
His best friend scrunched up his eyebrows. “And what's bad about that? I mean it was bound to happen eventually. After all of the pining I had to witness for years.”
Sirius fiddled with his hands. “Well, I kind of didn't kiss him back.”
“Wait what?", James exclaimed. "Why not? You have literally been waiting for this moment since fourth year, Sirius.”
Sirius sighed. “I know, Prongs! I have no fucking clue why I didn’t. After that, he left saying something about being too drunk.” He left the bathroom, opening the door of his closet to pull out some clothes.
“Fucking hell, Padfoot. I know I probably shouldn’t intrude, but just talk to him. I mean you don’t just suddenly kiss someone you don't like. And I know for sure he fancies you; I mean you two flirt constantly, it is disgusting, honestly.
Sirius closed the door to look at James. He chewed on his lip. “Are you sure? I don’t know, maybe he was just horny or something. I really, really like him. I don’t want to fuck this up.”
James smiled softly. “I know, Pads. But I´m sure. Just try to talk to him,” he threw the Marauders Map at Sirius. “Here, take this.”
Sirius caught it. “Okay, I’ll try. Thanks, Prongs.”
“No problem,” James winked seductively. “You know I’d do anything for you, my love.” He clutched his heart dramatically. “Will you marry me?”, he asked while getting down on one knee.
His friend shot him a repelled look. “No, that’s gay.”
James got up and shrugged. “True, I forgot you’re completely straight, mate.”
Peter opened the door to their dorm, raising his eyebrows. “You know what? I’m not going to ask.”
Sirius barked out a laugh and left, looking for Remus on the Map. His finger stroked over the paper, searching for his best friend for a few seconds until finding his name located at the library.
Why didn’t he think earlier of this? Obviously, Remus would go to the library.
.
The library was almost empty. There were no students due it was the weekend and most of them would rather enjoy going to Hogsmeade with their friends. Sirius spotted Remus immediately. He sat at a table in a corner, next to him a stack of books, one book in hand. Sirius thought he looked tired. He carefully sat in front of him, monitoring how his eyes flew rapidly over the words in his book. When Remus didn't notice him, Sirius softly cleared his throat.
Finally. He looked up and grey met hazel.
“Hi,” Sirius said shyly.
“Hi,” his voice was emotionless and cold, almost as if he was opposed by the conversation. “What do you want?”
“Uhm, I wanted to talk about yesterday, you know because of the stuff that happened between us…” Sirius tripped over his words. Suddenly speaking was hard because of the lump that was growing in his throat.
“Just forget it,” Remus snapped. “I was pissed, and you know it.”
Sirius flinched, not used to his harsh tone. “Yes, I know, but I liked it, uh I mean the kiss, not that you were pissed.” He laughed nervously, looking down at his hands,
“Stop fucking with me, it’s not funny.” Remus began collecting his books.
“I’m not!”
Remus took a deep breath, stopped his movement, and looked directly at Sirius. “Sirius, I really like you. Please don't do this to me just because you feel sorry. It fucking sucks, if you couldn’t tell.” His voice broke. “Let us just stay friends and ignore it, alright?”
Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times before answering. “Remus, I don’t know why you don’t believe me, but I like you. Not just as a friend. And I have been for a long time now. Since fourth year, actually,” he laughed. “Last night was probably the best night of my life. Well, before you left me…”
“Then why didn’t you kiss me back? You surely didn’t make the impression you enjoyed the kiss.” Remus furrowed his brows.
“Yeah, about that… I don’t really know. It’s just different with you. Normally I’m confident, honestly just an obnoxious arsehole, as you know, but when you kissed me, I kind of forgot everything. I don’t know, it probably is because I’m so in love with you,” he chuckled anxiously, heat rising to his cheeks, covering them in a pretty red.
Remus was in shock. “You’re in love with me?” he whisper-shouted.
Sirius just nodded, a soft smile on his lips. “Yeah, I just didn’t act on it. Uh, if you don´t feel the same way, that's okay, I don't want to pressure you in saying something you don't mean- “
Before he could finish his sentence, Remus had grabbed his face and kissed him.
And this time, Sirius kissed him back.
And god, how he kissed him back. Their kiss was impatient and everything Sirius had ever wanted, filled with all of the emotions they had been suppressing for years. Remus' hands pulled Sirius tight against his body, almost into his lap, one hand sinking into his hair, pulling on it, making Sirius gasp. The taller boy bit his lip lightly, just enough to get the other boy to sigh against his lips.
Sirius pulled away first, his chest rising and falling violently, letting out stuttered breaths.
“I’m in love with you too, idiot,” whispered Remus.