Hatred
When he opened his eyes again, everything was blurry. Memories from the previous day came flooding in and he remembered Regulus, the kiss.
What had he been thinking?! Regulus deserved so much better. It wouldn’t do him any good to stick around with Remus, he would get hurt eventually.
The pain now forcing its way to the front of Remus’ mind only made this clearer in mind. He was a monster, so cruel he hurt himself because he was unable to hurt others. How would anyone want to love him?
A movement next to him snapped him out of his thoughts and he slowly turned his head to see what it was.
No
What was he doing here?
Next to Remus’ bed sat Regulus, half asleep in his chair, looking like a mess but at the same time beautiful. He was apparently slowly waking up and was suddenly looking back at Remus.
“Hey…You good? I was worried because you didn't wake up for so long. You had some really bad wounds.”
Remus sat up a little, whimpering, clutching his chest. But he didn’t answer Regulus
“Remus?”
"Just know that in the meanest, most offensive, most hateful way, I despise you. Every single breath you take, every time you look at me, it all makes me hate you more.
If I had the choice between being your friend or tearing my own throat out, I would choose that. Because at least my body doesn't try to convince anyone that I am a good person when I am not. I am a monster. I want you gone from my life"
Remus was breathless, clawing at the bed sheets beneath him, at the brink of tears. It wasn't true, none of it was but he needed to convince Regulus and more so, himself, that it was.
Howevwe, Regulus did not make it any better with his reaction. Remus had braced himself for everything. For Regulus to lash out at him and yell, or for him to leave the room.
What Remus was not prepared for, was Regulus suddenly wrapped his arms around Remus, completely without hesitation
"I know" he whispered, completely unphased.
"Didn't you hear me? I. Hate. You." Remus almost growled, yet he did not dare to pry Regulus' body away from his.
"And I said I know. I know that you don't. You hate yourself and you don't understand how anyone couldn't. You can't see how anyone could possibly like you. And that's why you push them away.
You fear yourself, too. Because you have never been taught not to. You are different and scares you, so you want everyone else to feel the same. You use other people to harm yourself."
Regulus raised his head "You don't hate me. You are scared by me. By the way I care about you. Because you would never care about yourself, even if it came down to saving your life. And it makes you feel weak."
Remus was left speechless. How could Regulus say all this so casually, take all the words out of his head so effortlessly and throw them back at him?
“You deserve nice things, Remus” Regulus said and before Remus could react, he felt Regulus’ lips on his. He really had no energy to fight back in any capacity. He didn’t want Regulus to get hurt but right now he also wanted to be selfish and so he kissed back.
“See, I’m still alive” Regulus whispered, sitting back slowly.
Behind the curtains, they heard something fall and quickly positioned themselves differently again, making it look less like what they had been doing.
“Oh good, you are awake! I was worried for you, Remus!”