Who are you?
Remus woke up with the crushing realization that he was alone. Or at least alone in his bed. Around him, the other three boys were still sleeping.
Regulus must have gone back to his bed after Remus had fallen asleep. How had he not noticed? Usually the slightest noise made him steer awake.
He shrugged it off, adding it to the list of things that his messed up mental state had caused and got out of bed, making his best effort to stay quiet. He needed to get out, needed to get somewhere where no one could find him.
As he left the Slytherin common room, he checked the map that he had taken with him when he had left the Marauders, checking what room he could hide in, at least temporarily.
The events of last night still roared through his head and he was starting to doubt himself more and more.
How was he doing this? He had just been betrayed by his best friends and next thing he does is to party with the Slytherins? Had he ever cared? Did he care? There was a high chance that he was just using them to get over it, if he was being honest.
Regulus had shown up at just the right moment and Remus hadn’t even allowed himself to think about it. It wasn’t fair on Regulus or any of the Slytherins if he actually just used them to get over Sirius. Right now, Remus wasn’t too sure what he was doing. He couldn’t even trust himself. Hell, what had the whole thing with Regulus been?
He dragged himself to one of the small hidden rooms behind a painting. It could comfortably fit two people, or one person laying down. No one would find him here, especially without the map. It felt safe. There was barely any light falling inside and it reminded him of the little crawlspace in his old room. Here he could stay, here he wouldn’t bother anyone.
For the first time in three days, he had enough time to think, his mind not Oiclouded by blind rage or any ability to distract himself. Once the quiet and the darkness settled into his mind, the thoughts came pouring in at an alarmingly quick pace.
Once he finally managed to sort the thoughts though, he could finally work through it.
At first, his thoughts went to the Prank. To Sirius. The answer to those thoughts were found easily, not much of a surprise to Remus.
He would never forgive Sirius. James and Peter were fine, he saw no reason to suspect that they had been involved in it, but Sirius had betrayed him.
And so he thought about the fullmoon. Would he still allow James and Peter to come along? It took him a while and a bit of considering, in the end it came down to how the Prank had affected him.
For now, he would have to handle the full moon alone. In his mind, the risk of getting hurt was too big. But he left the possibility open for further full moons.
With that, he had to face what he pushed as far back as possible. The thought of how he felt about the Slytherins.
It was hard to think about. The past days had been fun and he felt accepted, but they were still Slytherins. The very same people that had taunted him before.
The Sirius in his dream could have been right. He was a werewolf, a monster and everyone knew that now. Why would someone like Regulus Black even choose to associate with him now if not for some nefarious purpose?
He should perhaps just stay away from everyone. Whenever he tried to associate with anyone, it just made everything worse. He was a walking curse, having him around would do no good to anyone in the end. He was very much capable of handling himself, it was what he had done most of his life anyways.
He stayed behind the portrait for a while, until he heard the first students hurry to class. He checked the map until everything was clear and climbed out from behind the portrait, walking to potions class.
It couldn't have been worse. He had to inevitably see both the Slytherins and the Marauders in this class.
Luckily, Remus was amongst the first students to arrive, so he sat down in a chair at the very back, holding a book to his face in an effort to hide himself.
Not soon after did he hear Pandora and Dorcas chatting. The only positive here was that neither Evan nor Barty or Regulus were in his class. It was much easier to avoid them this way. However, Dorcas immediately spotted him somehow, settling down at the desk next to him.
"Remus! I didn't see you at breakfast!" She said "I thought you might not feel well enough but Regulus said you weren't even there this morning."
Remus just shrugged. He didn't want to talk, but Dorcas made it incredibly hard.
She was being so nice and genuine. She had cared for him since Regulus had dragged Remus with him. She didn't deserve the cold shoulder, but Remus was still not sure if he could even trust anyone at the moment.
"Alright, I'll just leave you to it then" Dorcas sighed, having noticed that she would not get a word out of Remus. Instead, she set up her stuff on her table. Remus tried to read something to actually look convincingly busy, but that plan flew out the window as he heard Sirius' voice from the doorway.
"Moony!" James yelled, walking up to him "didn't see you all weekend! You had fun?"
Before Remus could even say anything, Dorcas spoke up.
"Back off, Potter. Can't you see that he's busy?"
James looked between the two of them, but Remus did not even look back.
The rest of the school went a similar way. Towards the end, though, he finally had some quiet. No one else had divination with him, so he could relax a bit. He did not pay any attention though, not that it was needed. Sybill was the only one properly participating in this class anyway, something everyone else was thankful for.
Once that class was over, Remus went back to his hiding place. He did not feel hungry at all and he couldn't tell if it was just one of those days, or if his thoughts had messed with his hunger that bad.
Once the portrait closed behind him, a wave of guilt hit him.
He had acted like a total prick all day. Ignored everyone that had been so nice to him, even Peter, who had almost cried when Remus had refused to answer.
However, that small voice in the back of his head kept him from trusting anyone. Whenever he had felt the urge to respond, the doubt had crept up on him. What if they WERE just using him? He had trusted someone once and look where it had brought him. It would impact his entire life like this.
And how high was the chance that Regulus Black of all people actually cared for him? Remus barely even knew him. Sure, he had let him stay with him and comforted him after that stupid nightmare, but what if he had just done it to win Remus' trust and so he could stab him in the back in the end?
It was seemingly useless to think about, because there was no guarantee to ever get an answer to any of those questions.
Suddenly, Remus was blinded by the bright light from the hallway. The portrait had swung to the side, revealing Dorcas, hands at her sides.
"Scoot over, loser" she said and Remus did exactly that.
She climbed to him, sitting with her back against the wall. The portrait closed again and they were wrapped in darkness.
"What's your plan?" She asked after a moment of silence. Remus made a confused noise.
"You leave early in the morning without saying anything, you avoid everyone, you eat nothing all day, even now at dinner." Dorcas said. Bloody hell, she had looked right through him, hadn't she?
Remus just shrugged, not wanting to reveal his shock.
"Don't act like that. If you don't trust us, that's fine. I wouldn't either. All I can tell you is that none of us want to hurt you, I have actually grown pretty fond of you. I can't speak for the boys, but Evan doesn't shut up about you most of the time and Regulus…he's Regulus. No one can get behind what's going on in his head."
Remus didn't say anything, just stared at her through the darkness.
"Just…think about it, yes?"
With that, she vanished again and Remus was left to sit with her words alone…