relationships
Two weeks after arriving, Narcissa finally got a job. The coffee shop that Emmeline told her about is nice and easy enough. She had spent multiple days just going there with a book and buying coffee to enjoy before she ever inquired about a job, but once she did it was quite simple. The staff was happy to have her to help out, even if she had never worked in a cafe before. It wasn’t too difficult to pick up how to do everything, even if she still struggles with a few things every once in a while.
After a few weeks of it, things were nice. Life feels easy. Which annoyingly then makes her feel even more on edge. Like the other shoe will drop at any moment. Not that anything in particular is stressing her out or that there is anything she is scared will happen, but things for her have never been easy. One night, she told this to Emmeline, who laughed at her. If nothing is going wrong, she should enjoy it. And she has been trying to as best she can.
It’s spring now and the weather has warmed up significantly. Narcissa happily spends more time outside now walking around the streets of her new neighborhood, but also spends afternoons finding new favourite spots. At first she hadn’t strayed far from the flat because it was cold, until one day. It’s been weeks since it happened, but it’s still fresh in her mind. That one evening when she was walking home and passed by her cousin. He didn’t recognize her, or at least he didn’t stop to say anything.
She knew for certain that it was Sirius, but before she could decide what she wanted to do, the moment was gone. Her mind froze and her feet kept walking. It’s not that she wouldn’t want to talk to him, but would he even care to talk to her? She left. Did he? Not to mention the last few years they were still home, Narcissa was much closer to her other cousin.
They clung to each other like their lives depended on it. Well, maybe they actually did. That wasn’t how her and Sirius were, so it’s okay that she didn’t stop to say something. She just has to tell herself that. He’s alright without her, he’s alright on his own.
There isn’t much going on most of the time. Each day she gets up, goes on a walk, goes to work, and comes home. Living with Emmeline has been easy and nice and they’ve become quite good friends. Not that Narcissa has any other friends, but she does like her. Any friendship that comes easy is welcome to her, there’s no strings attached and she can just be herself. It’s nice. Though it could be a good idea for her to make some other friends if she plans on staying, which at least right now, she does. Enjoying being back in London is unexpected, but there’s nothing to complain about now.
She is determined to try and make new friends now. The thing is she isn’t quite sure where to start. The only thing Narcissa does is go to work, and sure her coworkers are nice enough, but she doesn’t exactly see herself spending time with the teenage boy or the older woman who has three kids to deal with in her free time. Emmeline’s friends are great and invite her out with them, but she wants her own. Maybe it’s the fact that she’s the youngest child, but she doesn’t want to share all of her friends with the first person she met.
It’s been on her mind for a while, until she starts to notice one person continuously coming into the coffee shop whenever she’s working. “Good morning, Alice! Same as usual?”
“Please! Oh and could I get a muffin today too?” She smiles brightly at her, and it warms the entire room.
“Of course, I’ll bring it all over to you. If you’re sitting in today.”
“That’s perfect.” Alice pays and then takes a seat in a corner booth, pulling out a notebook, a stack of papers, and a laptop.
She’s been coming in nearly every day for two weeks, always during Narcissa’s shifts and it’s taken until now for her to work up the courage to have more of a conversation with her than just taking her order. Swiftly, she makes the latte and picks out the best looking muffin and pops it in the oven for a minute to warm it up. Once everything is ready she carries it over to Alice with a smile.
“Alice?” She hesitates, but carefully sets down her order.
“This is lovely, thank you!” Narcissa isn’t sure if she’s just this nice of a person, or if she’s purposefully being nice to her, specifically.
It’s worth a shot, right? “Would you like to hang out sometime? Grab dinner, or drinks, or something?”
Alice clicks the tip of her pen shut and puts it down, blocking what she’s working on. It looks quite interesting, and Narcissa would love to learn more about her and what she does, and absolutely anything she can. Maybe she went into this hoping to make a friend, but she’ll be damned since Alice is utterly stunning and nearly takes her breath away. Fuck it, she does want to ask her on a date, but first she has to know if Alice would even talk to her outside of the cafe before clarifying that it’s a date.
“Cis, are you asking me on a date?” She practically reads her mind.
For a second she forgets that everyone here only calls her Cis. Not Cissy or Cissa or Narcissa. She did this on purpose, wanting a fresh start. Emmeline of course knows her name and calls her many variations of it, but there’s no telling who could walk into this shop, and who knows who she is. It would be awfully hard for her to start fresh if anyone who came to her work saw the name Narcissa and instantly connected her with the girl she used to be, the girl that disappeared off the face of the Earth seven years ago.
Memories from before, especially those connected to the loving nicknames her sisters called her, are not what she wants to be thinking about. It’s easier to detach she isn’t constantly being reminded of them. It wouldn’t sound right for strangers to be calling her anything else. So, she goes by Cis, and that’s fine. Though she wouldn’t mind for someone like Alice to get to know her. All of her.
She pulls as much confidence to the surface as she can. “That depends on what your answer is.”
“I’d love to, I’m free this weekend.”
“Alright yeah, me too.” thinking quickly, Narcissa pulls out a scrap piece of paper from her apron and grabs for Alice’s pen and scribbles out her number. “Here, text me and we can work out the details.”
She smiles up at her, taking the slip of paper. See, that wasn’t that hard. Maybe Narcissa failed at making a new friend, but she has a date with just about the most gorgeous woman she has ever met. So she’ll take the win. She lingers at the table, though there’s nothing more to say.
Before going back to working, Narcissa lets her eyes drift over what Alice is working on. It looks to be editing some type of paper or book, and by editing, she means heavy editing involving a bright red pen and many, many, notes on practically every line of the document. It doesn’t mean anything to her, but maybe on their date Alice will tell her about it. After all, it seems quite interesting.
The rest of her shift goes by incredibly slow. She just wants to get home and stay glued to her phone until Alice texts her. When she was younger she never dated anyone, there wasn’t time for it. In fact, she barely had any time for herself or friends.
Growing up, Narcissa’s entire life was her family and what they wanted. From a young age she, along with her youngest cousin, were dancers. They made some friends there, but everyone was intimidated by the Black family name that no one dared to get too close. So instead she stuck close to her cousin, and they were each other’s support system. They were the closest, between the cousins, though each of them also clung to their older siblings as anyone would.
It’s hard to say if not having the space to make friends as a child has something to do with why she finds it so hard now, or if perhaps she just isolated herself too much over the past few years. Either way, Narcissa chooses to blame it on her family and not her inability to make friends. She hopes that her cousin is finding it all easier now, or at least still has Sirius.
Even if she pretends it didn’t, it killed her to leave, but it would have killed her eventually if she had stayed. There was no easy way forward, so she ran.
About an hour after her shift ends, her phone buzzes with a text from an unknown number. Alice , she thinks and smiles to herself. They text back and forth for a bit to set up plans for that weekend, settling on getting dinner. She’s stupidly excited, but to be fair, there hasn’t been much for her to look forward to at all recently.
“Em!”
She swings the door open and finds her flatmate laying on the sofa, flipping through options on the TV. It looks like she’s been there for a while, with absolutely no luck at finding something interesting to watch.
“How was work? Please tell me you have something to tell me, I’m bored out of my mind.” Emmeline groans as Narcissa makes room for herself on the sofa.
“For once, I actually do. I have a date.”
“A date? Cissa, don’t joke about this with me.”
“I’m not! I asked this girl out who has been coming into the cafe for weeks. Oh she’s gorgeous, Em. I can’t believe she said yes, I look awful, especially when I’m working.”
She’s almost certain that Alice is so far out of her league. Alice is stunning, she’s sweet, she seems to be brilliant, based on the work she seems to always be doing, yet she seems just as interested in Narcissa. Not to be self-deprecating, but she doesn’t go to work looking her best everyday, she’s just nice enough, but more often cold and guarded, and never got a degree. She’s working in a coffee shop for fuck’s sake.
“First off, babe you’re gorgeous. Second, why wouldn’t she say yes? She would have to be stupid not to go out with you.”
“You’re looking at me right now. My hair is dreadful, especially today. I threw it up in a bun just so no one could see how bad it really is. I have to dye it again, it’s been too long.”
After running away, she dyed her hair dark. Her bright white blonde hair stood out too much, so going black was easier. Somewhere inside her, the reasoning is also to feel closer to her sisters even when so far apart because they both have dark hair. She was always the odd one out.
“Then let’s dye it! Aren’t you a natural blonde? Let’s bring that back, yeah? I bet you look killer as a blonde.”
“I don’t want to fully get rid of the black though.” It really does just remind her of her sisters. She likes seeing a little bit of them when she looks in the mirror.
They both end up changing, Emmeline out of sweats, and Narcissa out of her work clothes, before running to the store. There’s a beauty store a few streets over that they start walking towards. It’ll be nice to have freshly dyed hair again, maybe if she’s feeling bold enough she’ll cut it too. Most of the time when dying her hair over the past few years, it’s been on her own and just getting it all dark as best she can. This time though, Narcissa is happy to have the company which will make it more fun.
On the way back from the store, all of the bleach, dye, and toner necessary in tow, Emmeline drags her into a bakery that they pass. “Come on, I promise they have the best biscuits I have ever tasted. We’re going to need snacks to eat while your hair processes.”
“Alright, alright. Let’s get them.” They do end up being absolutely delicious, she will be going back for more.
Once settled on the floor of the bathroom, everything laid out on the counter and Emmeline’s laptop resting on the closed toilet, Narcissa realizes she’s yet to decide how she actually wants to dye her hair. She thinks on it while Emmeline pulls open a show to watch in the background. They settle on Gossip Girl, which they have found they both love and have seen a million times over. It’s the perfect entertainment for late night hair dying.
“What if you did half and half?”
“Like the right side black and left side blonde?”
With a smirk, Emmeline replies, “Or the left side black and the right side blonde.”
“Don’t be a smartass.” Narcissa pretends to grab a glob of bleach and throw it at her, causing her to flinch. “I’m thinking about dying the underneath blonde, and my front pieces too maybe.”
“Oh that would look so hot. You have to do it.”
The bleach will take longer to process than the black dye she needs to put over the majority of her hair, so she ties the top section up into a horribly ugly bun and goes in with the bleach. Emmeline slips a glove on and gets to working on the side of her head that Narcissa isn’t doing. It will go much faster, and probably help to keep the processing time more even. Not long after it’s all applied, it’s already starting to look lighter. Putting bleach over the previous black dye might not be the best decision, but as long as the end result looks good, then let her hair suffer.
After twenty minutes have passed, Emmeline takes the computer out of the bathroom so that Narcissa can shower and wash it all out. It really doesn’t look bad at all considering the amount of times she has dyed it straight black. The blonde still needs to be toned, but it could have been much worse.
“Have you ever thought about dying your hair?”
“Mmm not really, but I would. Got any good ideas?”
She takes a second to look at her and contemplate. “What about a deep red? Maybe not even your full head but just some streaks to lighten it in parts.”
“Oh you’re so right. That would look good on me. Next time for sure.”
By the time it’s nearly two in the morning, Narcissa has freshly dyed and toned hair that suits her very well. They are sufficiently drunk on wine and have been sitting on the couch eating their biscuits and talking over the show that’s been on in the background for hours now. Emmeline has exhausted all of the questions she can ask about Alice, of which Narcissa had barely any answers. She’s just a stunning woman she met while serving coffee. But that’s enough for her to already be more than excited and just a little bit nervous for the date in a few days.
When Saturday rolls around, they have decided on a restaurant for dinner that is scarily close to where she grew up, but does her best to push that out of her mind when she’s on her way there. It’s surprisingly easy, because she has an entire date to focus on. Narcissa hasn’t been on a date in, well… technically she’s never been on one. That doesn’t matter. At least it shouldn’t. They’re just talking. That’s all she has to do tonight. Just talk.
“Cis! I love the hair, by the way.” Alice greets her with a warm smile.
“My flatmate helped me do it the other night. Have you been waiting long?”
Alice had been standing outside the restaurant when she arrived. She would like to point out that she was perfectly on time for when they said they would meet, but maybe she should have come early. In her head, she tries to quiet that voice that is already nitpicking everything about the night before it takes over. Narcissa just wants to enjoy herself, so from this moment on that’s what she decides to do.
“Nope! I got here just a minute ago.”
“Oh, good!”
A hostess shows them to a table that is tucked to the side of the restaurant. Alice takes the seat that’s up against the wall, but first pulls out the other chair for Narcissa. It’s adorably sweet. Before coming, Narcissa had already looked at the menu and decided on everything she would be ordering, as she does most of the time. Normally it’s just to prepare for what she wants, but this time it was to have more time to talk to Alice. She wants to know everything about her.
“So, you already know what I do for work. Tell me about you. What do you do that has you in the cafe everyday with your computer?”
“I’m an editor! Currently I am only working with one author, though I have a few others that I work with too.” She answers, seeming very happy to talk about it.
“Why just the one?”
Growing up, Narcissa loved to read. She never quite got into writing, but reading was definitely her favourite way to relax and escape. There were hundreds of books in her room, far more than fit on her shelf. She kept them in stacks on the table beside her bed, and along the window sill, and in practically every spot she could fit them.
Her cousin and her would trade books and each annotate their favourite parts for the other to read. It was their special thing that no one else was part of. She misses doing that, though she still annotates her own books. Whenever she does it, she hopes that somewhere out there her cousin is doing the same, and thinking of her.
It’s a nice thought, though she tries not to think of her family for too long. If she does then the bad memories start to creep in. But with books, there aren’t any bad memories that could taint that.
“He is a real piece of work. I don’t think I could handle another author while also dealing with him.” She laughs, and it sounds like pure happiness, even if she’s talking about something that gets on her nerves. Oh, Narcissa is going to adore this woman. “Once during a round of edits, I suggested he edits a few scenes. Nothing major, just restructuring parts of it and what not. He sent it back to me less than an hour later with those chapters entirely cut from the book. Would you believe that?”
“That’s ridiculous. You’re so brave for dealing with him!” Her laugh is contagious and Narcissa can’t help but smile.
They order drinks, each getting a glass of wine, and fall easily back into conversation when the waiter leaves them. Alice recounts a few more horror stories of working with the author that nearly have Narcissa in tears from laughing so hard. It’s funny how in everything Alice tells her, she can vividly picture the arguments happening. They remind her of the petty fights she would get into with her sisters or cousins when she was a kid. The kind that between family, would turn into playful hair pulling and seemingly empty threats.
It’s a part of her childhood that she doesn’t think of often. She misses it dearly. Narcissa hasn’t had someone that she could bicker like that with and then end up pulling into a hug five seconds later, since then.
She learns that the book she’s currently editing is in a series, and is the last one. It all sounds very interesting and like books that she would devour in one night. Their conversation moves on to her telling Alice about her, now former, dancing days and all of the places she has traveled. Rather than asking now and redirecting the conversation again, she makes a mental note to ask Alice what the books are called another time so that she can read them. If anything, it gives her at least one reason to text her after tonight. Though, she’s sure that she has more than enough reasons. One thing is for sure, Narcissa definitely likes her and will want to see her again. Not to be cocky, but she thinks Alice is on the same page.
“How’s your food?”
“It’s good, this place is great! Have you been before?” Admittedly, Narcissa does like her food, though the portions are quite big and she’s sure there will be leftovers to bring home.
“No, but I think I’ll come back! A friend recommended it to me.”
The silence that comes while they both enjoy the food is anything but awkward. It almost feels like they’ve known each other for much longer the way they don’t need to be in constant conversation. Narcissa enjoys how easy it is. When everything in her life has always been difficult and complicated, the comfortability of a new person isn’t something that comes easy. Maybe she’s just at a better place in her life and things will all get easier from here on out, though something tells her this is just how Alice is.
Despite being mostly full from dinner, they opt to carry on the night and walk to an ice cream shop down the road. Alice suggested it, and who is Narcissa to turn down the opportunity to spend more time with her. The conversation never dulls as they continue finding things to talk about, each wanting to know more about the other person. They discuss their favourite books and music, finding out their tastes are different, but both promising to give the other’s a chance.
When they reach the ice cream shop, Narcissa stops. It’s one she’s been to a million times. She hadn’t recognized the roads they were walking down, but this she does. As a kid, after most hard days or nights, Andromeda would sneak them all out and take them for ice cream.
It was a way to make the bad days just a little bit better, if at all possible. At the very least it got them out of the house and away from their parents. She doesn’t remember when it started, but thinking back, she’s just glad it did. Doing that with her sisters made her feel a little less alone.
“Oh I used to love this place…” The words fall from her lips.
“Really? I’ve never been! I just saw it was close.”
Narcissa goes to the counter and orders for them, bringing a scoop of chocolate in a cup for Alice and one in a cone for herself. It tastes just as sweet as she remembers, but perhaps that’s just the memories mixing with the chocolate.
“You have a little…” Alice points to the corner of her mouth, but before Narcissa can get it herself, she reaches out and uses the pad of her thumb to wipe away the smear of ice cream. “There, gone.”
They smile at each other, and the world feels lighter. How Narcissa found someone so lovely, she doesn’t know. However, she doesn’t plan to let her go. This is someone she wants to keep in her life. That’s something she hasn’t felt for a while. No one she met when she ran away was worth holding onto, but Alice? Yeah, Alice is worth it.
“So when can I see you again?”
“Alice, we haven’t even left each other yet.” Narcissa lets herself laugh, but does her best to hide the blush that is forming across her cheeks.
“Doesn’t matter, Cis. I’m already looking forward to the next time.”
They smile at each other and everything feels right.
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She’s normally great at getting out of hanging out with her coworkers. Though at a certain point, they get relentless and Bellatrix has to give in. This time however, she was telling Rabastan and Rodolphus about the plans she was invited to and they decided they were coming along. Which will make it more bearable, she can just cling to her friends and ignore everyone else as much as she wants to.
“It’s a concert Bel, you love music. Can’t you just suck it up for the night, yeah?” Rodolphus says as they head out the door.
“I’m going aren’t I?” She huffs.
It’s been ages since she has been to a concert, so in reality it will be fun. Live music always is. Bellatrix has no idea who the band is. She thinks someone said it’s a small local band that has a few of their own songs, but for the most part play covers. Which will be good, right? In all honesty, a concert is the ideal night out for her. It doesn’t require a ton of small talk like getting drinks or dinner does, and that’s truly the thing that she hates.
Trying to make conversation with people you aren’t friends with is the most boring thing imaginable. With her coworkers they can’t even go with the default of what do you do? They have to actually talk about their lives and interests, even if she has no desire to get closer with them. In the past she’ll just let them talk her ear off and pretend like she’s listening. She genuinely doesn’t care to hear about whatever recipe someone found and wants to make or what their sister’s friend’s boyfriend thinks about some movie. It’s not like she hangs out with them often enough to need to bring up things they’ve said before to talk about again.
“Try not to be miserable the whole time. It’s not a good look on you.” She shoots a glare at him. “Exactly like that. Don’t do that.”
“Bas, darling… Are you calling me ugly?” her hand shoots up to her chest as she feigns offense.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. Try to fix your face if you can. Though I think your hair is a lost cause at this point.”
She lunges for him and grabs onto his hair and pulls. Without missing a beat, he does the same to her. Their arms get tangled and neither of them are letting go to fix it. Rodolphus steps toward them, though he doesn’t break them apart. He could easily take his younger brother, though Bellatrix is sure that she would beat either of them without so much as lifting a finger.
It’s what comes with having two sisters. She doesn’t have a brother, but she did always have Sirius who would pick fights just like this one just for the fun of it. He was the one that actually stood a chance against Bellatrix, however she thinks that if they had continued like they had before she left, eventually she could have beat him too.
Fighting, playfully that is, reminds her of when she would do this growing up. She misses it, though she tries not to dwell on it. Instead she enjoys the way she can act like a sibling with these brothers when her family is nowhere around.
Rather than stepping in to diffuse, Rodolphus only adds fuel to the fire. “Tearing his hair out won’t make yours any better, you know.”
“At least then his would be worse than mine.” They all break into a comfortable laughter.
Bellatrix and Rabastan don’t let go of each other at first. Both still lightly tug at each other, until he turns his head as much as he can and bites her wrist. It doesn’t hurt, but she does loosen her grip enough for him to escape. They carry on as if they weren’t just pulling each other’s hair out and grab their things to walk out the door. Bellatrix checks her phone to find a missed call from Emma and five unread texts in the groupchat with her, Dorcas, and Rita. Before the car even arrives, she responds simply that she’s on the way.
It’s not very far and it’s at a venue she hasn’t been to before, but once there the atmosphere is nice, especially for live music. The place isn’t packed and there is plenty of room towards the back to enjoy the show. She doesn’t know the band that’s playing so she definitely doesn’t care to be right up at the front. They’re a local band that have a few songs of their own but will supposedly be playing plenty of covers.
“Bella! There you are!” She barely hears Rita squeal. That’s at least what she thinks is said, though it’s far too loud to be sure.
She quickly says hello but stops at that. There isn’t a point to making further conversation over the music and she simply doesn’t care to. Annoyingly, she lost the two brothers the second they walked in. When they appear next to her again, each with a drink in hand she realizes they went to the bar. Neither of them brought her back a drink which she thinks is just plain rude, but she already knows what their response would be if she said anything. You didn’t ask! Or You didn’t say what you wanted. Both of which are poor excuses, but she loves them, so she’ll let it slide.
“You made it, I thought for sure you were going to ditch us again.” Dorcas says when she comes over.
There’s no use denying that the thought about ditching tonight crossed her mind. Honestly, if she was just hanging out with Dorcas, she would be alright with that. They aren’t very close, but she is the most tolerable of anyone from the office. She is easily the most laid back and it wouldn’t take much effort to get along with her well. The others however, drain her energy in two seconds flat. If the brothers weren’t coming tonight, Bellatrix likely would have stayed home.
“Cas, this is Rabastian and Rodolphus. Boys, this is Dorcas.” She introduces them before anything else, so that she can find a way to fade out of the conversation.
The bass fills the room and she is glad to have the excuse to not have to hear what’s being said. Next to her, they are all chatting. She instead focuses on the music and tries to recognize what’s being played. It sounds familiar, but she doesn’t know the words. Instead she just finds herself swaying to the beat and letting the music fill her. It’s been a long time since going to a concert, and she has missed it. Maybe she’ll start going to more again. Even for bands she doesn’t know, like this one. It’s still just as fun.
A hand comes up to tap her on the shoulder. “This is my girlfriend, Marlene. She just got here.”
Bellatrix turns to see another girl standing with them now, happily chatting to Rabastan and Rodolphus. She has tattoos scattered down her arms and slightly choppy blonde hair. Despite the loud music, she can hear the joyous laughs coming from her. Meeting new people is certainly not something she enjoys, but Marlene seems like someone she can get on with at least a bit.
“Want to get a drink?” She asks, remembering that she still doesn’t have one.
Marlene nods and they walk back to the bar. She’s surprised to find that the drinks aren’t insanely expensive like they often are at concerts and opts to get a double. As they wait for their drinks, she notices Marlene rocking along with the music. Bellatrix wonders if she knows the band or just maybe the song, but she doesn’t ask. Anytime she meets someone new it’s hard to find things to talk about and it’s quite frustrating.
“How long have you and Dorcas been dating?”
“Just about a month. You work with her right?” It’s much easier to hear by the bar which is nice.
“Sort of. Same company, but not directly together.” Bellatrix nods along to the beat and grabs her drink to take a sip as soon as it’s ready.
She pays and starts to walk back towards the brothers. Not that Marlene is annoying, she just prefers to stay near them. Before they’re back where they won’t be able to hear each other without literally talking directly into their ears, Marlene pauses. She would rather just enjoy the music, but Bellatrix would like it to be known that she is not rude. She’s just particular about the people she hangs out with and talks to. So she hangs back, letting her eyes drift through the room. She isn’t looking for anything or anyone in particular, it’s just a habit she has always had. Knowing her surroundings and who is present brings her comfort.
“What’s their story? Are you dating one of them?” Marlene motions towards the boys.
“Oh god no. They’re basically my brothers. Don’t tell me you’re interested in them, you’re dating Dorcas. Either of them would be a major downgrade for you anyway.” She teases, with much more ease than expected.
Rabastan and Rodolphus are in fact like brothers to her. Not just because she would never date either of them, but when she left home, it was so easy to take comfort in them. Having always had siblings around, she latched onto them and they happily took her in. She fits right in between them, in age and personality. It worked out a little too well, but she won’t complain or question it. It’s just nice to have them.
“Excuse me… Do I look like someone who likes men? You insult me.”
The way they fall into easy banter lets Bellatrix relax. She doesn’t mind this at all. It’s far better than the useless small talk she usually has with new acquaintances. Marlene is easy to joke with and tease. They go back and forth on the topic; Marlene questioning what about her gives off heterosexual vibes, and Bellatrix making up all of the most ridiculous things she can. Everything she offers as a reason, are in fact the exact opposite, but it’s just easy to rile her up.
With as much conviction as she can muster, Bellatrix explains that obviously her haircut is something only a straight person would have. Not to mention her tattoo of the female gender symbol that just has to be for her being a feminist and not because she likes women. Marlene plays along, giving her the permission to continue teasing her, only arguing back that she has a literal girlfriend, to which Bellatrix rightfully suggests that she could still like men too.
If she hadn’t kept it going, or if she seemed at all bothered by anything Bellatrix was saying, she would have instantly stopped. She knows what it’s like for people to make assumptions based on stereotypes and there’s a time and place to joke about it. That isn’t the case though, and they laugh through the entire conversation.
“Dorcas is the one for me, now what about you? If you’re not dating either of them, do you have someone else?” Marlene presses after their laughter dies down.
“I’m not really the relationship type. Haven’t ever found anyone worth letting into my life like that.” She admits. It’s not something she talks about very often, but she just isn’t all that interested in finding a significant other.
“It’s not for everyone. Just happier on your own?”
“Something like that…”
In terms of relationships, yeah Bellatrix is better off on her own. Though thinking about it as being alone, pulls on her heart a bit. She doesn’t want to be entirely alone. It’s why she likes that she will always have the brothers by her side. Growing up she thought that the people that would always stick with her would be her sisters, but that’s not possible anymore. They’re still the most important people to her, even if they aren’t in her life anymore.
Once sisters, always sisters.
She thinks that maybe if she is ever able to get them back, she would have more energy she could dedicate towards letting new people in past her walls. For now though, she’s still searching. Narcissa dropped off the face of the Earth. That’s not something that she can just get past.
If her youngest sister, who she loves more than anyone, could just leave like that without a trace, what’s stopping anyone else she lets in from doing the same? Nothing. That's the thing that gets her. People leave, no matter how close you are to them. It makes it hard to be comfortable letting anyone get too close to her heart now.
“Want to get back over to them?” She agrees so they start walking. “A second band is playing after and I’ve heard them before. Really great music, this place will probably be packed in no time. We don’t want to lose everyone when that happens.”
“Where’d you get off to Bella?” Bas comes up next to her.
Admittedly, she is in her own head after that conversation with Marlene. It’s not that she’s never wanted to have a relationship herself, it’s that she’s far too preoccupied. She won’t give up on one day finding her sister, but this all has her thinking. Is she spending too much time on the past rather than the future? Bellatrix can’t fathom giving up on her, but it could be holding her back. It’s why she never left London, even after leaving home. Just in case she comes back, however unlikely it is.
Sometimes the perspective of someone that knows nothing about her can be helpful. However much it hurts to hear. She knows that Marlene didn’t bring up her not having a relationship out of anything but curiosity, and she definitely didn’t say anything hurtful. But it’s once again her own mind tying it all together. It’s something she should probably work through in some type of therapy. Her abandonment issues and clinging onto hope for the past to merge with the present. For now it will fester in her head. At least she’s aware of it.
“Bella?” Rabastan nudges her, bringing her back to reality.
“I'm here Bas.” She disregards his earlier question, unsure how long she spaced out for. “This band is good, I’m glad we came.”
“Are you feeling alright? Did you actually just admit you’re having fun? You never do that.” The older brother leans in to tease.
“Oh shut up. Just enjoy the music dick head.”
Next to them, Dorcas and Marlene dance against each other and look very happy in each other’s arms. She happily dances to the music on her own. The band moved on from playing covers to playing their own songs, so she no longer recognizes them, but enjoys it all the same.
That’s what they do, they enjoy the music. It’s overall a good night. Good music, somewhat good company, and cheap drinks. After a few more songs, she’s able to push her earlier thoughts to the back of her mind. Those can come back and bother her later, but for now she just doesn’t want to think. The beat of the music is intense and she can feel it all the way up through her feet and into her chest. It makes it much easier to ignore everything and everyone else.