He can’t tell him, he never will. It’s just how things are.
He can’t be in a relationship right now. He doubts he’ll ever be enough to be in one. Because he’s a mess, and until he fixes himself he can’t be with someone else.
Deep down he knows he can’t do it alone, but he can’t bring himself to ask for help.
So he never tells Regulus that he’s in love with him.
Regulus who tells him that it’s okay to have bad days. Regulus who helps him when he can’t understand a single word the book says. Regulus who since he started living in his house has been getting closer and closer with him, and now James considers him one of his best friends. Regulus who got kicked out. Regulus who just got Sirius back.
Regulus who’s suffered enough to James be a burden to him.
That’s all James is nowadays.
James who can barely get out of bed each morning. James who sometimes feels so bad that he struggles to even eat. James who can’t finish a single essay the teachers assigned him to.
James the burden.
So he’s not going to put anybody through that. Through him and his mess.
Regulus' friendship is too special to him to lose it. Not like he lost Frank, Emmeline or Lara. Or Tobías. Or Camilo. Or Julieta.
Regulus feels like one of them. Every new friendship feels like one he’s going to lose.
And Regulus can’t be one of them.
Regulus, who decided to stay in Hogwarts for Christmas break. Regulus who said he would love to visit Argentina but that he didn’t want to let Barty spend Christmas alone. Regulus who’s an ocean away. Regulus who always hears James rant about how beautiful the place he was born is. Regulus who feels like home.
Argentina doesn’t feel like home anymore because Regulus isn’t in it. James hates it. He wants to feel at home again.
He can’t risk losing his home when he already lost one.
So he won’t. He will keep Regulus as a friend and nothing more. Because he has never done more before. More is scary, more feels like losing.
His home is an ocean away, and he’ll never be more.
But that’s fine, it really is. He’ll have Regulus however he can, even if it’s not how he wants it.
And it’s fine.
Because in the end, he knows it’s for the better.