Severus Snape was sitting on his armchair in his quarters, looking into the flames in the fireplace and sipping on a cup of his favourite herbal tea. The man had taken his robes off and was only wearing his black pants and a white button-down shirt. He sighed. It was a Friday night, after the weekend Christmas break would start, he had no papers to grade - all in all, it was a really relaxing time. The potions master contenedly closed his eyes. The soft knock on his door startled him more than he liked to admit. "Why can these imbeciles not leave me alone?", he grumbled and stood up to answer the door, leaving his cup of tea on the little coffe table. He knew that it had to be a student of one of the other houses, since his snakes knew the emergency password to his chambers.
With more force than anticipated, Severus opened the door, ready to reprimand whoever was waiting, but upon opening he was too surprised to start a rant. "Mr. Potter? With what do I owe the pleasure of your presence?", he asked, raising on of his perfect eyebrows. Although Potter and he didn't hate each other, they were certainly not friendly either. There was almost always some kind of a disagreement between them. The Gryffindor tapped a small rhythm with his fingers on his legs. "I... just wanted to know if... well... if I could talk to you, sir?", he stuttered, alternating between staring at the floor and Severus' nose. "It's quite a surprise, to be honest, Mr. Potter", Severus said, "but please come in." He stepped out of the way to let the boy pass and offered him the second armchair. Potter sat down, slipping off his shoes and tucking his legs under himself. "Do you want a cup of tea?", Severus asked, but the sixteen-year-old shook his head. Severus sat down aswell and for a while both of them were staring at the fire, watching the flames lick at the wood and the sparks dancing. "Why did you come to me of all the people you could've gone to, Mr. Potter?", Severus finally asked.
"I trust you. And I know you'll try to help me in a way that will be neutral. You won't try to convince me of anything. And besides, there is no one else I could have talked to", Potter mumbled. "Could you please call me Harry, sir?", he added. Severus nodded. "Very well, Harry then. You could've gone to your head of house. Professor McGonagall surely would've listened to you, as would the headmaster", he reasoned, but Harry shook his head. "No. She has this way of wanting to change everything to what she sees as normal. And Dumbledore would have forced me to look at him. His eyes hurt me. I know that you and I aren't very cordial to each other, but please, sir, you were the first person I thought of", Harry pleaded. Severus nodded. "Alright, Harry, I'll listen to you and I'll try to help you", he promised.
Harry took a deep breath. Severus could tell the boy was nervous by the way he was frantically drawing patterns on his thighs. "I'm not sure how to start. It's kind of... strange to talk to an adult about it. Okay... so, all of the boys in my dorm have started to talk about girls and boys and stuff, way back in fourth grade. And about masturbation. I didn't know what it was, so I asked the boys and they looked at me like I've said something illegal, but Neville saw me struggeling to understand their reactions so he explained it to me. I was really grossed out. Since then they tease me about it, so a few days ago I tried touching myself. Nothing happened. I tried talking to Ron about it, but he is too busy kissing with Lavender. It's really gross. But you know, professor, everyone around me is starting to get girlfriends and boyfriends and partners and some of them already have sex. According to a book Hermione gave me I should be interested in this stuff. I'm scared that there is something wrong with me", Harry ended. "I feel like I'm broken and I'm trying to fix it, but I don't know how", he added
Severus took another sip of his tea. He had patiently listened to Harry. "Well, you are definitely not broken, I can tell you that. Have you ever heard about Asexuality?", Severus asked. Harry shook his head. "Alright, very easy said it's the sexual orientation where you are not or very limited interested in sexual relationships. You can still fall in love and there are subcategories, Asexuality is an Umbrellla term, but basically your sexual urges are in kind of a coma. Although it's not as common as Heterosexuality or Homosexuality, it's not unheard of and you are not broken. I consider myself as asexual", Severus explained and reassured Harry.
The boy breathed a sigh of relief. They fell silent once again, until Harry opened his mouth again. "Sir, there is something else. Something that makes me feel much more broken than not wanting the sexual stuff", he began. Severus watched the boy. The Gryffindor had gone from drawing patterns to rocking himself. "I'm listening, Harry", he softly said. To his surprise, the boy started to cry. "I feel so different from everyone else. I get teased when I don't understand why someone is saying something. I get laughed at when I cover my ears in the hallways because everyone is too loud. I get weird looks when I eat my food seperate. It's frustrating to figure out emotions, wether it's my own or others. I've been called a faggot and a girl when the unicorns actually let me pet them. Ron is always annoyed at me when I need more time dressing myself, but sometimes my clothes don't fit the right way. Hermione forces me to be in the common room to socialize, people are talking, it's too warm and everything is just too much and I feel this massive feeling inside me, but I don't know what it is and it hurts and I can't-"
"Harry, stop. it's okay, calm down", Severus spoke gently. While the boy was talking his movements had grown rapid and he had started to scratch at his skin, slightly bouncing up and down. The potions master summoned his robes and put them around Harry. The fabric was heavy enough to mimic a weighted blanket. The smell of potions, sandalwood and apparently Severus himself seemed to have an almost magical effect on Harry, since the boy's breathing got more even. "The feelings you have right now are anger, frustration and despair. It is okay to feel those feelings", Severus calmly explained to Harry, what he was experiencing.
"It seems as though you might be on the Autism Spektrum, Harry. Do you know what this is?", Severus wanted to know. "In primary school I had a girl with autism in my class. But she was so very different from me. I can't have autism. She didn't talk and she sometimes was aggressive. But every time someone was in a bad mood she always knew and she was extremely good at making them feel better without even talking. I don't even know why someone is laughing sometimes", Harry reasoned. But Severus shook his head. "Not two people with autism are the same. Just like every human is different. I learned from our private lessons last year that your childhood wasn't the best. The reason you are starting to feel so much different now is because you are finally feeling safe enough to unmask. Since the Triwizard Tournament and therefore your emancipation you were no longer required to live with your relatives and were allowed to live with Lupin. You felt safe."
Harry had listened to Severus. He was grateful that his professor was explaining what was happening. Talking him through things. "Let's talk to Madam Pomfrey tomorrow. Even though autism isn't as known in the wizarding world as in the muggle world. We'll get you an official diagnosis, otherwise you won't be able to get accomodations, sadly. Those are things that will help you get through the day. But I don't want to overwhelm you with too much information", Severus informed him. "And please, Harry, never think of you as broken. You are okay. Your brain is just wired differently. You are facing some challenges others do not, but everyone has challenges in their life. Try to imagine yourself in a universe full of stars. Every star has a different colour. Yours has more than one colour while every other star around you is monochrome. The shape of you all stays the same. It's a star. What I'm trying to say is: no matter how different your Inside is, on the outside you are a human, just like any of us. Being asexual doesn't make you broken, being autistic doesn't make you broken. Being both doesn't make you broken."
The Gryffindor was crying again. "I didn't know I needed to hear this", he sobbed. He stood up and threw himself in his teachers arms. Instinctively Severus hugged his student. "It's okay, Harry. I'll be here for you everytime you need to talk. I'll give you an emergency password for my chambers if you ever feel the need to regulate yourself freely or need a quiet place. But for now you should go back to your dorms and sleep, I'll escort you."
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"Thank you, sir, for everything. I'll meet you tomorrow after breakfast in the hospital wing. Good night, sir", Harry whispered. Severus squeezed the boy's shoulder and gave him a small smile. "Have a good rest. If at any point during the night you feel the need to talk, I'll answer the door." With that the potions master turned around and Harry went inside the Gryffindor Tower. Before he fell asleep, one last thought crossed his mind.
"I'm asexual and autistic. But I'm not broken."