"I'm eighteen," Scorpius announced, perched next to the Head Auror Potter nameplate on the desk, "so we can have sex."
There was a rather loud startled silence from the doorway, and then Harry, without looking around, very calmly said, "Perhaps you could excuse me?" to the secretary Scorpius had slipped past earlier in the day. She gaped at them both until Harry gently closed the door in her face.
"It's okay," Scorpius assured him. "You can pretend I'm my dad; I don't mind. I'll be pretending you're Albus, anyway."
"Scorpius," said Harry evenly, "have you gone stark bollicking doolalley?"
"No?" Scorpius frowned. "To be fair, I'm not entirely sure what that means, but," he continued resolutely, "I have a problem, and you always said I could come to you at any time. So here I am!" He patted the desk. "Would you like to do it here?"
"No!"
"I think it might be a little high, but it's not like I really have any experience. Transfiguration can take care of that, though," Scorpius decided, and looked up expectantly. Harry didn't move. Scorpius frowned at him. "Or, no, is it because this is where you work?"
"Scorpius," Harry started, opened and closed his mouth a few times, and settled on glaring in a bewildered manner.
Scorpius blinked back at him, grey eyes wide and innocent under the tousled mop of his silver-blonde hair. "I'm sure cousin Teddy would let us use his flat. I think it would help convince him I have no designs on Percy."
"Scorpius," Harry repeated. He took a deep breath and let it out. "This conversation is inappropriate on so many levels that -- wait, what, Percy, Teddy, what?"
"Oh, dear," said Scorpius, guiltily. "Was that a secret? It's okay, you know; it's all quite mutual, and Teddy assures me that Percy only whips him when he really needs it."
"I need a drink." Harry tugged at a bland landscape on the wall, revealing a hidden cabinet. He picked a bottle of Ogden's out and held it up to the light, sighing when it was revealed as almost empty. "'Cheers, mate! Ron'," he read out. "Got to get better security up here, people just wandering in and--" He sighed again, dropping the bottle on the desk. "Bugger."
"That's it," Scorpius agreed cheerfully and then, when Harry glared, added, "Oh, you were swearing. Right. Look, I can see how this might be a bit awkward--"
"Might?!"
"--but I have a deadline, you see. You could pretend I was cursed, if it would help?" Scorpius offered earnestly. "I know you like to save people. It's one of the things I admire about you, if you don't mind me saying."
"...right. Okay," said Harry.
"Really? That was much easier than expected," Scorpius said, beaming and bouncing to his feet. He started undoing his shirt and Harry yelped and jumped forward to grab his arms and stop him. "Did you want to undress me?"
"No!" Harry snapped. "I meant, 'Okay, I'm going to have you taken home, now, and then we can just never speak of this again.'"
"But Albus will never believe I really like him if I'm still a virgin." Scorpius sniffled. "He'll think I'm just using him to experiment with. He's ever so suspicious about some things, you know." He smiled sheepishly, tears in his eyes. "It's really rather cute."
"Oh god," Harry whined. Scorpius looked at where his wrists were still in Harry's hands. Harry followed the look, made a startled noise, and dropped them, practically jumping backwards. "L-look, Scorpius, I'm -- sort of weirdly flattered, I guess, and I have absolutely no problem with you, uh, courting Al--"
"Of course not," said Scorpius, quickly wiping his face on his sleeve. "Why would you?"
"Right." Harry picked up the firewhiskey, absently tossing it from hand to hand as he talked. "But even were I to accept your, your, your frankly bizarre assumption, which I don't, you are far too young to--"
"Eighteen," Scorpius reminded him. "I've been a legal adult for an entire year. And I don't work for the Ministry, so there's no conflict of interest there either. Plus I think you're hot, mostly because you look like Albus if I kind of let me eyes unfocus, so that works too."
"I'm Al's dad," Harry said. Scorpius nodded expectantly. "No, I mean, I'm Al's dad. I'm married and--"
"Oh, Ginny said it would be okay when I asked her," Scorpius assured him.
The bottle slipped from Harry's hands and he scrambled and fumbled around in the air until he had it steady again.
"You. You talked to Ginny about--?"
"She walked in on us when Percy was letting me practice my oral skills," Scorpius explained. "She was very good about the whole thing, I thought. Would you like me to suck you off? I'm pretty good now, I think, and it would set the mood."
"No. And I can't believe you asked my wife if you could sleep with me," Harry said, stumbling around the desk to drop heavily into his chair. The photo of Ginny on the desk gave him a bright grin and two thumbs up.
"I don't want to sleep with you," Scorpius corrected. "I just want to have sex, and Ginny said it was okay to ask you. Anyway, if I hadn't asked, that'd be cheating! Albus certainly wouldn't like that."
"And you think he'd be okay with you and me--" Harry waved the bottle vaguely and then raised it to his lips and tilted it back.
"Yep," said Scorpius like this was the most obviously true thing in the world, and then, with rather more hesitancy, "Could I have some of that?"
Harry straightened the bottle up. There was barely a mouthful left.
"I'm kind of more nervous than I thought I'd be," Scorpius admitted.
Harry stared at him, then at the bottle, then back at Scorpius, before sighing and sliding it his way. Rather than coming around the desk, Scorpius swung his legs up and scooted over to drop them back on Harry's side, spread so his crotch was right in Harry's line-of-view. He picked the bottle up and tipped it back, tilting his head back too, so Harry could watch the broad expanse of creamy throat as Scorpius swallowed and licked the last few droplets from the mouth of the bottle.
"The thing is," he said as he returned it to the desk, "I really like Albus. Really, really like him, you know? He's so smart and kind and funny and sexy and just -- just plain cool. And I want him to take me seriously but he, well, he kind of has trust issues, what with all the people who only try to have sex with him because they want you, which is completely insane. Um, no offense."
"...none taken."
"And he knows I've never had a boyfriend before, so he would spend all his time worrying that he'd influenced me, or that I was experimenting, or that I was confused about our friendship. Which he hasn't, and I'm not, and I'm not. You believe me, right?"
"Sure?" Harry offered.
Scorpius smiled sweetly at him. "I knew you would. So you can see why it's absolutely paramount that we have sex immediately."
"Not really, no," Harry said.
"You're family," Scorpius said, like this was an explanation. Harry just stared. Scorpius sighed. "We like each other; you swing both ways; you promised to help me if you could; you can't be interested in Albus, and you're probably not interested in me, so there's no possible conflict; and--"
"What do you mean 'probably not'?" Harry said indignantly.
"Well, I do look a little like my dad," Scorpius pointed out. "I mean, I'm not quite so pointy as he was at my age -- you must remember; you'd swear he never ate. Anyway," Scorpius added, waving this away, "my point is, of the small pool of people it would be appropriate and possible for me to have sex with, you are by far the best candidate. Plus, if I have sex with you first, he can't think I'm trying to get to you through him. And I have a date with Albus at five, so we need to do this quickly."
Harry stared at him.
"Are you sure you don't want a blow-job?" Scorpius asked. "I'm sure you'd enjoy it. I swallow and everything."
"Scorpius," said Harry carefully, "I'm not--"
"Oh, please, Harry!" Scorpius threw himself off the desk and onto his knees in front of Harry, looking up at him with pleading eyes, his hands squeezing Harry's thighs. "I've never asked you for anything before, and I won't again, I promise, and, and, if not me, then for Albus, because I really would be a very good boyfriend to him. I'd take care of him, and make him happy, and stop him giving into his dark side and taking over the world -- although," he added, "I think he'd be a pretty good benevolent tyrant, and I like to be supportive of alternative lifestyles, like Professor Firenze and Fred--"
"I'm pretending I didn't hear that," Harry said in a strangled tone.
"And I'd be really good," Scorpius said. "Probably. Anyway, you could teach me how to be good, so that's practically the same thing."
"Scorpius, please." Harry reached down to tug him up. Scorpius took that as encouragement to try and climb into Harry's lap instead of stand and there was a moment where they fumbled at each other, moving at crossed purposes until they ended up entangled, Scorpius's arms around Harry's neck and his tongue, somehow, in Harry's mouth. "Mnf?"
"Huh," says Scorpius, licking his lips thoughtfully. "You taste good."
Harry opened his mouth to protest, except Scorpius was kissing him again, wriggling against him in a way that meant Harry had to keep grabbing at him to stop the chair going other. It was a good kiss, soft and hard and deep and just wet enough. The little needy noises Scorpius was making weren't doing Harry any good either. He finally managed to get his hands on Scorpius hard enough to push him back a little.
Scorpius grinned at him, eyes bright and cheeks flushed. "See?"
"I can't have sex with you," Harry said.
"You can, though," Scorpius said reasonably. "I already explained why. And you haven't said you don't want to, so I figure we're cool, right?"
"I--" Harry started, but somehow Scorpius had got a hand between them and was palming his cock through his trousers. His traitorously hardening cock.
"It's just sex," Scorpius said, squeezing. "Plus my and Albus's entire future happiness."
"Puh-please," Harry gasped out. "I don't--"
Scorpius frowned at him, looking deep into his eyes. After a moment, his hand stopped, slipped away from Harry's now straining erection. "Oh," he said, sadly. "You really don't, do you? Even though you're--"
"Even though," Harry agreed strongly.
"Oh. Well. Shit. I mean, um." Scorpius's face flushed with sudden shame and embarrassment. "Sorry, sorry," he added quickly, sliding backwards, away from Harry. "I'll, um." He swallowed and tried to look brave. "I'll think of something -- someone else. I shouldn't have--"
He tried to get away around the desk and blinked at Harry's hand on his wrist. They both looked at it, and then up at each other.
"Scorpius," Harry sighed. "You can't just-- Running off won't solve anything either."
"I should have given you more time, or-- I'm sorry, Harry. I really am. I just -- I didn't know what else to do! Albus hates not having proof of things, you know that, and--" Scorpius shook his head angrily. "But that's not the point at all. The point is, you were right: this was totally, totally--"
"Do you love him?" Harry asked.
"I." Scorpius swallowed, straightening up. "I do. I love Albus. And I know he loves me," Scorpius added, shoulders slumping again, "in his own messed up way." He sighed. "This was stupid. I don't know what--"
"Scorpius," Harry interrupted. Scorpius stopped, managing a watery smile. "You should just tell him. If you mean it, Albus will understand. Because this really, really isn't the way to go about it."
"It's not like I could have sex with a stranger," Scorpius complained. "You were the closest I could get to Albus without actually getting Albus." Harry just looked at him. "Right, that's not the point at all." Scorpius waved this off. "No, no, I understand; really, I do, Harry."
"And I'm pretty sure Ginny meant you should come and talk to me about this," Harry added, and sighed. "No idea why. Hermione is much better at relationship stuff. I'm useless at it."
"You got Ginny to marry you," Scorpius pointed out, wiping his face on his sleeve. He pulled at his clothes, straightening them.
"Well," said Harry, staring at his feet. "Actually, she asked me."
Scorpius burst out laughing and then clamped a hand across his mouth, looking mortified. "Sorry," he mumbled from behind it. "That wasn't really funny."
"It was a bit," Harry said, and they smiled at each other. "Look, Scorpius, I think this was really brave of you, okay? I mean, incredibly stupid, and I'm going to do my best to forget it ever happened and so should you -- and, also, if you try it on anyone else, I'll have you brought up on sexual assault charges -- but really brave."
"Uh." Scorpius blinked. "Thank you? I think."
"And I think -- I don't know, but I think, that if you're just as brave and forthright and, um--"
"Stubborn?" Scorpius offered.
"Tenacious," Harry said.
"Rose bought me one of those word-a-day calendar's too," Scorpius said.
"I think Al will believe your sincerity, despite your misgivings," Harry finished.
"Oh." Scorpius looked up at him hopefully. "You really think so?"
Harry nodded. "Absolutely."
"That does make me feel better," Scorpius said, smiling. "Thanks, Harry. You're--" He half-stepped forward and then froze. "...I was going to hug you, but that would be pretty awkward, huh?"
"A little," Harry said.
"I really am sorry," Scorpius said.
"I know," Harry agreed. "Come on. I'll take you to the house with me. Did I mention forgetting this ever happened?" Scorpius nodded. "Good. And I don't need to tell you--" Scorpius shook his head. "Okay then."
They walked out past the secretary, who was pretending very hard to work, to the department floo, and Harry called the destination for the both of them, sending Scorpius through first, and then following after, while pretending not to be adjusting his pants. The messes his kids got him in to! They came out into the lounge, which was empty, but lots of voices were coming from the kitchen. Scorpius carefully brushed himself down, and then did it again.
Harry reached out to squeeze his shoulder. "You can do it."
"Okay," said Scorpius, taking a deep breath and letting it out. "Can I just say, you really are one of the coolest dads, ever."
"Thank you."
"Okay," Scorpius repeated. "Forthright and sincere."
The kitchen door opened. Harry caught a brief glimpse of Ginny, Teddy, Charlie and Lily all crowded around the kitchen table before Scorpius crossed the room in three strides, pulled Albus away from the kettle, pushed him back against the wall, and kissed him thoroughly.
"...that wasn't quite what I meant," Harry said.
"I'll just make the tea myself then, shall I?" Charlie asked, clearly holding back a laugh.
"God," said Lily. "Why don't they suffocate?"
Albus's arms wrapped themselves around Scorpius, and the two somehow pressed even closer. The kitchen clock ticked loudly over their little breathless noises.
"Remember when you used to kiss me like that?" Ginny asked Harry.
"It was only this morning," Harry said, and they grinned at each other.
"Scarred. For. Life," Lily moaned as the boys finally broke apart, panting a little.
"Oh," said Scorpius with pleased surprise. "You taste so much better than Harry." Albus arched an eyebrow coolly at this. Scorpius smiled back. "I wish I could do that. My eyebrows don't work by themselves." He waggled them demonstrably. "Anyway, I love you. I'm in love with you. Sincerely and forthrightly and tenaciously and not-experimentally and, also, I have pockets full of lube. In case you were wondering."
"Huh," said Albus.
"Eww," said Lily.
"Wait," said Scorpius, frowning, and turned his head to Harry, although he didn't let go of Albus to do it. "Does this count as assault? I'd really rather not to be arrested."
"It's an assault on my sensibilities if nothing else," Lily complained. Teddy hushed her, grinning, and she did. Charlie smiled at Teddy. Harry eyed them all suspiciously.
Albus made a thoughtful noise.
Scorpius frowned at him. After a moment, he said, "Well, you kissed me back, and you haven't run away yet, so that's good, right?"
"You do have me pinned to the wall," Albus pointed out.
"Oh," Scorpius said. He started to pull back but Albus's arms around his neck stopped him.
"I didn't say I minded," Albus said.
"Oh!" Scorpius beamed at him. Albus smiled his little smile back. "...do you still have your school tie, because--"
"We're going to my room now," Albus announced, without looking away from Scorpius, who was already leaning in for another kiss as they both stumbled backwards towards the door.
"I'm not allowed my boyfriends in my room," Lily groused.
"Boyfriends?" Scorpius asked Albus.
"Boyfriends," Albus agreed.
They bounced off the door-frame, still wrapped in each other, and vanished out into the corridor. Heavy footsteps sounded all up the stairs.
"And how was your day at work, dear?" Ginny asked archly, eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Hey," said Harry desperately, "why don't we all go out to eat, right now! My treat!"
A door thudded somewhere above them.
"Good idea," said Teddy fervently, and, Summoning their coats, they all rushed for the back door, pretending they couldn't hear the heavy thump of the bed or the squeak of springs that swiftly followed.